Fuck Russia, Fuck Doug Moron and Fuck My Shitty Picks

Hello all, I hope you all enjoyed your holidays... I spent my holidays drinking and watching sports, which isn't much different than how I spend my non-holidays.  Anyways I'll lead off with my terrible football predictions, I went 1-4 with my picks last week, and I really should've gone 0-4.  Get used to it folks, I'm always wrong.  I hope nobody got their kneecaps broke by some East End Squid Bookie as a result of my picks.  The people who should've got their kneecaps broken are the horrible referees from the Dallas-Detroit game, never in my life have I seen such a piss-poor calls and I watch the CFL for fucks sakes.  Do I realistically think there was a mass-conspiracy to allow the Dallas Cowboys to win the game... kind of, but it's not realistic.  The NFL nor their refs certainly didn't do themselves any favours from the horse-shit that transpired in Big D yesterday.  Despite having egg on my face I will continue to make picks for the Divisional Round - here they go.

BALTIMORE @ NEW ENGLAND

WINNER:

The New England Patriots can suck it.  Their legions of bandwagon fans can go eat a bag of crushed arseholes.  Tom Brady can suffer a horrific water slide accident and Gisele will divorce him and hook up with yours truly.  Bill Belichick can sever an artery in his arm when he is cutting the sleeves off his hoodie.  I have no rational reason to pick Baltimore besides that I hate New England.  Baltimore 97 New England -9

CAROLINA @ SEATTLE

WINNER:

Does this game even need to be played?  Monkeys are going to come flying out of my ass before Carolina beats Seattle in Seattle.  This will be unwatchable garbage that I will likely end up watching anyways.

DALLAS @ GREEN BAY

WINNER:

Even though the Packers lost to the Bills in Week 15, they should have no problem beating Dallas and their referees.  It should be a good game though, as despite the bullshit the Dallas-Detroit game was the ONLY good game last weekend.  Hopefully it is one of those brutally cold Frozen Tundra games, I like watching those... I can't believe the boys only wear short sleeves during that shit, don't they know they can catch a cold?? What are their mothers thinking!

INDIANAPOLIS @ DENVER

WINNER:

I'm not gonna lie, I am getting kind of sick of Peyton Manning, yes he is a surefire hall of famer, and he was kind of funny on SNL, but Jesus Christ old man river it's time to hang them up, maybe if Denver makes a Super Bowl run he will finally retire.  But Peyton wouldn't be Peyton if he doesn't choke in the playoffs.  Andrew Luck is the next generation of superstar quarterbacks but I don't think he will be triumphant on this day.

I guess while I am on the topic of NFL football I should address this piece of shit Doug "Moron" Marrone.  On New Years Eve I was already into double digits on my beer count when I got a notification on my phone saying that this asshole exercised some out clause and he was gone!  Not only that he informed his players of this through a mass text message and the players are pissed. He got a cool $4 million for walking, but that just goes to show you how inept the Bills and their negotiation skills are.  In the days since, articles like this one have emerged saying how disliked Marrone was amongst the players and staff of the Bills... not just lowly bloggers like myself! Apparently he was a big control freak, even going as far as needing to approve what video clips the Bills put on their website.  The funniest thing in all this is the shitty Jets have swooped in and are likely to hire him.  This is fucking hilarious, if Doug Moron couldn't get along with the Buffalo media, good luck in New York you fucking clown.  I've said all along the best replacement for Marrone is already on staff with Jim Schwartz, but according to the dozen push notifications I get from TheScore App on a daily basis the Bills have requested to interview everyone and their fucking dog to be the new head coach.  It'll be interesting to see how it all plays out.

Something sounds right about Canada vs. Russia, the Cold War is long over (but not if that toupee wearing asshole Stephen Harper has anything to say about it), the USA may be more of a rivalry to people my age, but you know what Fuck Russia, they are a bunch of ugly fucking squids who need to be taught a lesson.  That collapse Canada had against Russia in the gold medal game a couple of years ago still stings... remember how goofy those Russians looked when they were screaming at the cameras??  Those kids must've spent too much time playing around Chernobyl.  Anyways it should be a great game, Canada has been amazing in this tournament and I have no reason to believe that they won't continue to be amazing, hopefully Max Domi gets a hatty.  At least they are out of fucking Montreal for the gold medal game... did anyone even give a flying fuck there? They couldn't even sell out the Canada-USA game on New Years, and a lot of the games had massive chunks of empty seats.  The Toronto crowds have been a million times better, and it just goes to show the ACC can be a great hockey crowd when there is something to cheer for.  

" A warm breeze, a gentle touch! The Boston Bruins, they suck so much!"
"Shitting the bed is Boston's new endeavor, hold their purse for like, forever"

That poem I came up with and put on Facebook, and their shoot-out win over Boston was pretty much the only good thing to happen to the Leafs last week.  They were downright horrible against Tampa Bay and against Winnipeg, they played better in Minnesota but they still lost.  The injury bug has hit them pretty hard, and surprise, surprise Joffrey "Band Aid" Lupul is amongst the ones in the infirmary.  Once again the Leafs have taken a liking to getting horrifically outshot, and this comes down to fucking Randy Carlyle.  He is a terrible coach and the team has obviously tuned him out, since you can't fire the whole team get rid of Randy.  Yeah they are still clinging to a playoff spot, but who knows how long that is going to last, I haven't like Carlyle from the jump and I hope he is gone sooner rather than later.

The Week Ahead: vs. Washington (1/7) vs. Columbus (1/9).  Pretty light week for the Leafs as they finally return home.... but these are the only two games they have at home before they head to California to play those teams.  Like I say every week the Leafs are so fucking bi-polar you don't know what you're gonna get, they could come out and crush Washington who is ahead of them in the standings only to get destroyed by Columbus two nights later, a team who is much worse off in the standings.  God damn it this team is frustrating.

It's been a bit of a tough go for the Raptors, as they are in the midst of a season high 3 game losing streak.  It feels so weird to type that out for the Raptors! At least the toughest portion of their schedule is behind them, they aren't first in the Eastern Conference anymore, but surprise surprise they are still leading the Atlantic Division by a considerable margin.  The Portland game last Tuesday was one of the best games I have watched all season, the Raps did come up short in OT, but that was thanks to some god awful refereeing and some uncharacteristic missed shots by Kyle Lowry down the stretch.  They had some good stretches against Golden State but ultimately they got out-classed by the best team in the NBA.  Thank fuck everyone was watching the Juniors last night because they really stunk out the joint against Phoenix, but that was a sign of an exhausted team at the end of a long brutal road trip.  I have no doubts the Raptors will be back to their winning ways now that they are back at home.

The Week Ahead: vs. Charlotte (1/8) vs. Boston (1/10).  The Raptors are kicking off a long stretch at home, and the best news of all - DeMar DeRozan is back!! They did alright without them, but they certainly missed him when they were playing the better teams in the NBA.  They are playing shit bag Eastern teams for the next couple of weeks, so it will be perfect to ease him back into competition that way, and have him at full strength down the stretch and come playoff time.

Enjoy the Gold Medal Game tonight folks, thanks to the Leafs it could be the last good hockey we see for a while.  The podcast is still in preliminary stages (as in I need to buy one of those fancy microphones), but I am serious this time about getting it going.  Until then give me a follow on the twitter @HDH2112.  I should also note that shockingly this is the 2 year anniversary of this blog!! It started out with me giving a power rankings of the London Ontario McDonald's and there has been a lot of swearing a bullshit since!! Thank you for reading!