As far as tanking goes, the Leafs might as well be a fucking Kraut Panzer Corps Division who blitzkrieged their way through Poland and Western Europe at the start of World War 2. My fuck the Leafs suck more than France did in 1940, it's just so unbelievably bad, only 25 more games in this god forsaken season. The dismantling of this team officially begun yesterday when Cody Franson and Mike Santorelli were sent to Nashville for Olli Jokinen (lol) a 1st round pick and a prospect. Poor Olli, he's been in the league 13 seasons and has only been in the playoffs once, and he got traded from a Stanley Cup contender to the fucking Leafs. On the bright side, Olli and I have the same diet, as seen in this clip below:
Apparently Jokinen might get flipped, and his time in the blue and white will be short-lived. If you want to know how bad the Leafs are tanking check out their blue line combos from practice today: Rielly-Polak, Gardiner-Holzer, Robidas-Granberg. P.U. It's a fucking shame we have to trade Franson, that should be one of the (many) reasons Dave Nonis gets shown the door. The Leafs played hardball with him while dishing out ridiculous cap-crippling contracts to the likes of David Clarkson. Clarkson is a fucking 1000 lb. anchor that is going to be holding this team back until his contract runs out in.... yikes 2020. That doesn't even sound like a real year!
In other news, PK Subban is the man, although he is on the dreaded toilet-seat logo, fucking tabernac, shit-stained Habs. He eloquently defended Phil Kessel while at the same time shitting all over the insufferable squids in the Toronto media. Subban is spot on here, Kessel is respected around the league, and the rest of his NHL brethren can't understand why everyone is so fucking hard on him. Phil doesn't trust the media and I don't blame him, especially after the smear campaign that's followed him from the second he joined the team. It's just unbelievable that the Leafs couldn't surround Kessel with talent, instead insisting on signing plugs like Colby Armstrong, Mike Komisarek and David Clarkson, it's just like how Mats Sundin had to center nobodies from most of his tenure as a Leaf and yet always got shit on by the same assholes running Phil out of town.
The Week Ahead: vs. Florida (2/17), @ Carolina (2/20), vs. Winnipeg (2/21). Does it really fucking matter anymore?
Not much news for the Raptors last week, they only played once and I skipped trivia to watch it (Sorry Team Quiz in my Pants). I'm glad I skipped it because they kept up their hot streak defeating those pesky Washington Wizards. That game seems so long ago I barely remember what happened, that and I was playing the Jack Armstrong Drinking Game, which by the way has a couple of new rules! The main thing about the Raptors this past week that might've gone unnoticed is Chris Creamer on his excellent website SportsLogos.Net did a mock up of what the new Raptors uniforms are going to look like, by no means is this official, but according to someone who knows it is pretty accurate. I like the new uniforms, they aren't much different than what they are now, I am sure there is going to be grumbling as usual as people like to bitch and moan, but it's a clean look there is no reason to get all flashy about it.
The Week Ahead: @ Atlanta (2/20), @ Houston (2/21). The Raptors have a really tough schedule coming out of the All-Star Break, not only do they have to play in Atlanta and Houston this week, they also play in Dallas, in New Orleans and then play Golden State back in Toronto next week. Hopefully all this time off will help the team, I don't expect them to win all these games, but I just want them to be competitive. It's going to be really hard for them, and hopefully they come out of this stretch stronger than ever.
With the roaring success of C'Mon Bud! I've decided to introduce a new segment called "The Squid of the Week." I couldn't think of a better person to give the inaugural Squid of the Week award then to Glenn Healy.
Glenn Healy is the worst of the worst, what a pompous, insufferable wind bag he is. It's bad enough I have to watch the Leafs play like shit these days, but having this squid chime in his asshole opinion every 3 seconds makes it even worse. Does ANYBODY like Glenn Healy? He is just as bad as a in-studio analyst too. Rogers is wondering why the ratings have gone in the toilet since they've got NHL rights, they should look no further than the squids they've hired to be on-air personalities. It's a real murderer's row of assholes with Doug MacLean, fucking Kyper and Damien Cox, but Glenn Healy is the worst of them all. He's a miserable old piece of shit who hates the Leafs. The worst was on Saturday night during a TV timeout, Jonathan Bernier and Carey Price were over at their bench having a drink of water, taking a load off. Glenn Healy decided to show this and was saying "Jonathan Bernier must be so intimidated standing 5 feet away from the next Hart Trophy winner in Carey Price." Are you fist-fucking me? The Leafs are the only team in the NHL that doesn't have their own TV crew calling the games, Joe Bowen made watching miserable Leafs games worthwhile, because he is a fan and can relate to us, but the pissing contest between TSN and Rogers have left us with no Joe Bowen and extra Glenn Healy. The TSN guys are alright, but they have to stay neutral, and Ray Ferraro constantly shitting on the team is getting tiresome too. That toupee wearing asshole Stephen Harper recruited Glenn Healy to run for parliament, so that's pretty much all you need to know about that. Rogers reasoning for keeping Healy is to have a contrarian asshole who people love to hate on there, I see the logic, but not with Glenn Healy, people just hate to hate him because he is a massive fucking squid... a squid of the week if you will.
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