Jays Limp Into the All-Star Break

These days the Jays got me like...

What in the flying fuck is going on in Blue Jay Land these days?  What an absolutely frustrating and annoying road trip that was.  A mediocre 3-7 marred by terrible pitching, comatose bats when they were pitching well, defensive and baserunning miscues that your average T-Ball player would make has left them below .500 heading into a crucial second half of the season.

This All-Star Break couldn't come at a better time.  Jose Bautista has time to get a cortisone shot in his wonky shoulder without having to miss any time,  the rest of the boys can rest some minor nagging injuries, maybe Jose Reyes can go do some fucking ground ball drills.  I hate to be hard on Reyes, because he does a lot more good than bad for this team, and I hate justifying the garbage clowns but Jesus Murphs Bud, it doesn't make it easy to defend the guy when his bumble-fuck errors single-handedly lose the team games.

Despite all the moans and feet stomping of the pissy pant man babies, this is still a good team, the AL East is still up for grabs, the team is only 4.5 games out, and if they fire off another 11 game win streak (something which this team is perfectly capable of doing) then I think it'll be PLAYOFFS!!!!11 for the first time in 22 years.  Because like Ricky says...

For the Jays to actually not take my eternal optimism... or optometrism for granted...

THEY NEED SOME FUCKING PITCHING

Hollering Fuck has anything been more glaring in your entire life?  Papa Buherle and Dickey are not going anywhere in the rotation, but one of Drew Hutchison, Polo Erik or fucking Felix Doubront could easily take a seat for Cole Hamels?? Johnny Cueto??  Craig Kimbrel??  Please AA for the sake of my soul and my sanity get us another arm, another bullpen arm would be swell too, that Pig Fucker Papelbon told my boy Barry Davis that he would welcome a trade to Toronto.  Just get it done, anyone but Marcus Stroman should be available.  Hutchison? Hoffman? Norris? Sanchez?  It's been a slice boys, enjoy your new teams because Flags Fly Forever.

I know it's easier said than done to make a trade, and with the second wild card and the amount of parity in baseball not a lot of teams are ready to pull the plug on the season, plus every other team within contention are going to make the same calls for players like Johnny Cueto that the Jays do, and they could come up with a better package.  But if AA stands pat and doesn't make a big move, it could come with disastrous consequences.

It was criminal on Sunday when the Jays offense brought them back from being down 7-0, score 8 runs in the inning, only to have the pitching and defense piss it all away twice.  This is one of the best offenses I have ever seen, and while they will lose to great pitching, they'll beat up on the dregs of the league.

Throughout all the bullshit and frustrations it's a dream watching Josh Donaldson play.  I just saw this picture on Twitter courtesy the hilarious @matttomic that perfectly sums up the fleecing AA and the Jays made on the Oakland A's... and people are begging AA to get fired.

This weeks Squid of the Week could easily go to Umpire Jerry "Eats Too Many" Meals for the absolutely embarrassing Ump Show he put on display tossing Jose Bautista mid-at bat on Sunday,  But the Squid(s) of the Week is the entire MLB Umpiring Fraternity.

What is up with these assholes?? They are fucking BRUTAL, the strike zones some of these boys have is absolutely unbelievable.  They need just to use pitch-tracks for balls and strikes, make it fair and across the board for everyone.  How does 99.9% of people see something as a ball, but 0.01% of people (the one who matters the Ump) sees something as a strike happen all the god damned time

Yeah I know they are only human, but what Meals did to Bautista is something I have seen across the league, in that these Umpires are challenging players, they are taking their masks off and initiating arguments, they are practically BEGGING the players to yell something at them so they can throw them out.  People don't pay money for a ticket to watch the fucking Umpires and I think some of these squids don't realize this.

I understand these guys don't want to be chirped at but, they have to be the bigger man in this situation.  What Meals did was unforgivable on Sunday, he should be fined, he should be reprimanded but it won't happen.  These Umpires stay in the league until they retire, or until they drop dead.  Managers get fired, players get sent to the minors but umpires will always have their jobs no matter how fucking terrible they are.

The Week Ahead: vs. Tampa Bay (7/17 - 7/19) No baseball until Friday :( Well the Home-Run Derby is on now, I watch it every year but turn it off every year because it is unbelievably boring.  I'll at least watch until Josh Donaldson is out.  PS It can't be stated enough that Josh Donaldson is the greatest.  The All-Star Game is kind of stupid too, I like the player introductions and that's it. 

They get Tampa when they come back from the break ugh.  At least it's not at the Trop, I want to go to one of the games this weekend but if Chris Archer is pitching one of them for Tampa there is no way I am going to watch them get shut out.

I was racking my brain for a C'Mon Bud all day today (trust me working this noodle requires A LOT of work) and was just going to skip it this week, that was until I tuned into the Home Run Derby and saw Chris Berman's "Hair"

C'Mon Bud, what's up with that comb over mullet??  Did he put some Sun-In in his hair??  Hulk Hogan wants his look back bud.  Jesus Murphs just embrace the #PlayBald movement and live your life as a bald man, trust me once you do that things will be a lot better for you.

I actually don't have that much of a problem with Chris Berman, he gets a hard time from a lot of people but I like him.  In fact, this segment "C'Mon Bud" is a complete rip-off of his "C'Mon Man" segment on the Monday Night Football Pre-Game Show.  Plus he came to Hamilton last year for the Labour Day Classic and I saw him pounding back beers, so for that alone he will always be fine in my books... but fuck get a new hair doo.

I was too busy ranting and raving about Phil Kessel and the Squid of the Year Steve Simmons to talk about the moves the Raptors made last week.  But... the Raptors made moves!!  Positive Moves!

Cory Joseph is going to prove to be an incredible signing for this team, he is a proven winner and comes from one of the best organizations in all of Pro Sports in the Spurs.  Plus unlike the crop of players last year he can play defense.  Yeah he is from Toronto and that is going to get the Maple Dicks erect, but I think his passport is secondary compared to the player they got.  It's a nice storyline that he is the first Canadian to play on the Raptors in his prime, the first Raptor who grew up idolizing the team to come home and play for them.... actually Maple Dicks Ahoy that is pretty fucking awesome.

The Raptors also picked up Demarre Carrol from the Hawks, he is going be a fan favourite in Toronto, he's already promised to be JYD 2.0.  Raptors fans appreciate the player Carrol will be and I am looking forward to seeing him play.  Defense was obviously the major issue down the stretch with the Raptors down the stretch and in the playoffs, and I think getting the likes of Joseph and Carrol and losing Lou Williams and Amir Johnson will pay dividends

That being said, it is with a heavy heart to say goodbye to Amir Johnson, yeah he was slowing down and the best move basketball wise was to let him walk, but the guy was a pro.  He actually embraced the city of Toronto and embraced being a Raptor, he was the best player on some really shitty Raptor teams, and I will miss him and I wish him the best of luck in Boston.