Another McDonald's Post

Hello friends, I've been meaning to write another post for awhile now but have had trouble thinking of ideas, so I decided to write about what I know, and love, best - McDick's. I've decided to rate the burgers - just the burgers, none of the wraps, and especially none of the salads. Fuck getting McDonald's salads, they may well be tasty, but who goes to McDonald's for salad? It's like going to a bar for non-alcoholic beer.  I left Chicken McNuggets off the list as well, I do love a good McNugget (with honey) but it's not a burger.  Also Double Big Macs etc. count in the same category as a Big Mac. The rankings are from worst to first.

 

7. Filet-O-Fish

Fuck the Filet-O-Fish, what a waste of my time.  I've only ordered this once in my entire life just to say that I've tried it, it was whack.  It was just way too plain, don't get me wrong I like fish, just not the Filet-O-Fish.  I'm sure the actual "fish" was just a bunch of fish heads and tails taken from Hamilton Harbour.  You can get a Double Filet-O-Fish if you so please, but you might be the only person in the history of mankind to order it. 

  6. McChicken

I'm not sure what happened to the humble McChicken sandwich, I used to really like it, but I had it the other day again and regretted the decision.  The actual chicken patty was brown...brown, Jerry!! I'm all for dark meat chicken, but biting into a McChicken that was brown was a little unsettling. It didn't stop me from eating the whole thing, but I did it with a little bit of trepidation. "McChicken Sauce" aka Mayonaise is still fan-donkey-tastic and I would bathe in that stuff if it ever came to it.  The Junior Chicken which makes an appearance later is way better.

 

5. McBistro Chicken Sandwiches

OVER-RA-TED (clap, clap - clap, clap, clap).  What a monumental waste of time ordering these sandwiches, every time I get it I regret it.  Like the Angus Third Pounders I decided just to lump them all together. I think it's the bun I don't like the most.  While I commend McDonald's for trying something different with a ciabatta style bun, it's always cold, it breaks apart easily and it's just too much bun.  Hot sandwiches require hot buns, toast the fuckers or at least steam them.  There is a new Spicy Thai one out that I tried the other day, it was OK, the "spicy" part of it was these weird crispy things, I have no idea what they were.  The severe downside is that it gave me the scoots.  Another thing is these fuckers are over-priced, almost $9 for a meal?  The reason it gets the edge over the McChicken is that at least the meat was white.  PS is there anyone that actually gets the grilled chicken?  It's crispy chicken or GTFO.

 

4. Quarter Pounder with Cheese 

Time for the beefy goodness, thus far my rankings have been predominately negative, even for a self-described fast foodie like myself who eats at McDonald's at least once a week.  A Quarter Pounder is as safe as choice as any when you go to McDonald's, it rarely disappoints.  Save the Double Quarter Pounder for when you're really drunk, it's 100 times better that way, and it's a little treat for yourself at the time that makes your hangover 20 times worse.  At a party a few years back (actually over 10 years back, gulp) a guy who who worked at McDonald's brought a box of Quarter Pounders, and we threw them on the BBQ, that was a taste sensation the likes of which have not been equaled in the decade since. Once I got a Double Quarter Pounder dressed like a Big Mac.  Needless to say it was a life changing experience.

 

3. Angus Third Pounders

Specifically the Bacon one.  These burgers have been around in Amurrrica for quite some time before they made their way north, and the wait was far too long.  These burgers are incredible, I appreciate the red onions over those regular little fuckers, also the pickles are a lot better than what you expect on a Big Mac or a Quarter Pounder.  They don't get too fancy with the bun, none of this hard as brick ciabatta bullshit.  The Mushroom and Swiss is the ugly step sister of the group, it's OK but I left it wanting more.  Once at the shitty Wharncliffe and Oxford location, I ordered it and they forgot the mushrooms!!  There is 3 bloody toppings on this and they forget the main one...bunch of cretins.  In the summer they had this BBQ style that had some manner of chipotle sauce on it, with those crispy little onions, that was really good.  On an aside because of that retarded Molson 67 "guy-et" commercial, I almost hate those crispy little onions on principle, but it's so hard because I actually love them, I could eat a big bowl of them right now. 

2. The McGangBang

This is like there is a party in your mouth and everyone is invited.  I'm not sure who first introduced me to the glory that it is the McGangBang, I'm pretty sure it's my buddy T-Bone from when I worked at the (puke) GoodLife call centre (end puke) but this has been my go to when I want my McDick's fix and I am a little low on cash.  What you do is you order a McDouble and a Junior Chicken, both picks off the value menu, so this is not gonna set you back a lot of money.  Then you separate the McDouble and put the Junior Chicken inside.  Rumour has it some McDonald's will make one for you if you ask, but I've always been too embarrassed and have done it myself.

1. Big Mac

Long Live the King.  The Big Mac is the best, it's been my go-to at McDicks since grade 5, and it will be for years to come.  At least 85% of the time I get McDonald's I get a Big Mac combo, there a reason why it is the #1.  I could easily eat one every day for the rest of my life and die a happy man.  (that death may come sooner than expected however).  Big Mac Sauce is the best, pickles are good, I don't know how many more ways I can describe my love for the Big Mac. 

(Very) Honourable Mention:  The Hockey Hero Sandwich

The Hockey Hero Sandwich may well be the best burger I have had at any restaurant, let alone McDonald's.  The problem is, that save a select few, nobody knows what the hell I am talking about.  The year was 2003, I was in my 2nd year at UWO, me and the boys lived close to the Wharncliffe and Oxford McDonald's and would frequent it quite a bit.  One night we ventured to McDonald's for munchies (it was either that or Flying Tomato Pizza...oh man Flying Tomato Pizza was soooooo good, may that pizza parlour Rest in Peace).  We all decided to order the new Hockey Hero Sandwich, we sat down to eat it and the heavens opened up.  We all sat there in silence while we mowed down this culinary work of art.  That's when you know something is good is when you're in a eating with a group of people and not a word is spoken while the food is eaten.  After we were done crushing it we practically gave the thing a standing ovation.  We then finished it off with a Cadbury Creme Egg McFlurry, which was also amazing.  It's hard to describe the Hockey Hero, it was three regular patties laid across a longer bun with two different kinds of cheese and McChicken Sauce.  Fuck it was good, and I have been waiting 10 long years for it to come back, so far not a sniff. 

I'm not smart enough with this blogging business to imbed a YouTube video to my blog but click the link below to see what the Hockey Hero Sandwich looked like, this is a commercial from 1995 where it was called the Super Hero Sandwich, and was linked with one of the Batman movies.

Delicious Hockey Hero Sandwich.

Well that's all for tonight folks, I'm actually off work the next 4 days, and it's supposed to snow a lot so it could give me more time to think of and post more dumb shit on this blog.  Thanks for reading!!