The Leafs mercifully concluded yet another disastrous season last night, and today they ended Dave Nonis' disastrous run as General Manager of the team. Good riddance bud, get the fuck out and never come back. Nonis made some awful, awful moves as GM from getting rid of Grabovski for nothing, signing ludicrous cap-crippling contract extensions, and then there was the whole David Clarkson fiasco.
So today the Leafs have no GM, which is a lot more of a competent GM than they had yesterday. Pretty much every move Nonis made was met with a "why the fuck would you do that?" reaction. It was pretty much scorched earth today, Peter Horachek and the rest of the coaching staff was let go, and most of the scouting department is gone too. Thank fuck for that, this team is awful, I couldn't even bring myself to watch any of the games the last month or so.
The best thing about this is the insufferable squids in the Toronto media are bloo-blooing about this because apparently Dave Nonis was a "good guy". That mook Steve Simmons sent out a tweet saying all the "good guys" the Leafs have let go in the last few years who were let down by their players. Give me a fucking break, these assholes assembled this terrible team and were terrible at their jobs and deserved to be fired. The King Squid Darren Dreger (who just happens to be Nonis' cousin) has been saying all along that Nonis is going to be back...so once again Dreger is dead wrong. I am picturing Nonis and Dreger sitting in their jammies crushing some pints of Hagan Daaz having a pity party.
This is truly Shanahan's team now, the stench from the Burke/Nonis era is all gone, and this team is going to look dramatically different when training camp kicks off in September, it will be very interesting to see how it all plays out. Kyle Dubas and Mark Hunter running the draft this year is going to be incredible, not only the chance at McDavid or another top 4 pick but they will be great in the late rounds. The late round picks is where good teams find their players... look at the fucking Oilers how many number 1 overall picks have they had and where has that landed them? The Leafs next year may end up struggling and missing the playoffs (again) but at least there will be a good core of young players who are actually trying and are improving their game over time.
Despite my interest in hockey being at an all time low thanks to the miserable Leafs, playoff hockey especially in the first round is pretty awesome. Plus I like to make predictions, there is a bunch of smart alec's who make saucy comments on my Facebook saying just to pick the opposite who I pick and whoever I pick gets the kiss of death. Fuck you, my picks are always right, yeah I picked the Leafs to win the Cup this year, so I might've been a little off there but more often than not I am right.
Anaheim Ducks vs. Winnipeg Jets
Winner:
in 6
Winnipeg hasn't seen playoff hockey since 1996 when the former Jets were eliminated and they moved to Phoenix. Good for Jets fans, they live in Winnipeg after all for fucks sakes they don't have much going for them. I liked Paul Maurice when he coached the Leafs and I am happy to see he is having success in the Peg. The Ducks are too good though, I'll give the Jets a couple of wins based on their rabid fans alone.
St. Louis Blues vs. Minnesota Wild
Winner:
Chicago Blackhawks vs. Nashville Predators
Winner:
in 6
I don't fucking know... two of the most boring bland teams in the NHL, I can't say that I have watched either team much, so I am going with St. Louis because they have my boy Alexander Steen (imagine if he was still on the Leafs...ugh)
Winner:
in 7
in 7
in 7
Chicago has a team full of players who know what it's like to win the Stanley Cup, and they shouldn't be discounted. In fact, I hope the Leafs end up emulating the Chicago Blackhawks, remember back in the 2000's the Blackhawks were a joke, missing the playoffs year after year, kind of like the present day Leafs, but they got their shit together, drafted well, made good moves and bang they are a perennial Stanley Cup contender.
Vancouver Canucks vs. Calgary Flames
Winner:
Last week I named the idiots who cheer for Canadian Teams in the playoffs just because they're Canadian as the Squid of the Week, so at least with the Canucks playing the Flames one of the teams will be gone. That being said I have no problem with the Flames, two of my really good friends are Calgarians and die-hard Flames fans so I will be happy to see the Flames win for that. I hate the Canucks too, the creepy Sedin Twins, that fucking opera dork that sings the anthem they're just a shitty team with shitty fans.
New York Rangers vs. Pittsburgh Penguins
Winner:
in 5
What happened to the Penguins? Sid the Squid is still one of the best players in the world, and so is Malkin but beyond that they're garbage, they barely made the playoffs and haven't really done much in the playoffs in years. The Rangers made the Cup Final last year and have been strong all year so I expect them to make short work of Shittsburgh.
Washington Capitals vs. New York Islanders
Winner:
This is going to be one of the better series of the first round, I was very close to picking the Islanders and I would actually prefer the Islanders advance but I think it'll be the Capitals that advance in a very tight series, mainly because Ovi is the man.
Tampa Bay Lightning vs. Detroit Red Wings
Winner:
Fuck the Red Wings, they are a bunch of ankle burners. Stamkos and the Lightning are going to skate circles around Tommy Ta-Tar and the rest of those assholes. Mike Babcock just wants to get the fuck out of Detroit and come coach the Leafs and lead them to Stanley Cup glory.
Montreal Canadiens vs. Ottawa Senators
Winner:
The only good thing about this series is one of these miserable franchises will be eliminated. I hate both teams equally, and I hope they end up destroying each other. I can't even bring myself to make a pick, it's a real Sophie's Choice of dreadful teams with asshole fan bases. Fuck them both.
Blue Jays season is in full swing and so far so good. Yeah there was a little hiccup last night, but honestly I prefer those losses over the loss they had on Wednesday where it was a lot of shitty luck and the team pretty much beat themselves. The offense has been pretty good so far, but what has really impressed me is the bottom third of the line up, Devon Travis in particular has been great. The only blip so far with the starting pitching was Aaron Sanchez last night who got rocked, I am still confident that he will turn it around, but there really should be a contingency plan in place if he doesn't. Hutch didn't have his best stuff this afternoon, but it just wasn't his day, I am not worried about him at all. Jose Bautista's jack off that dork Darren O'Day was a thing of beauty and holy fuck he was fired up and went full Lawrie on the bench, I bet some of the boys' hands are sore after those high fives.
The Week Ahead: vs. Tampa Bay (4/13-4/16) vs. Atlanta (4/17-4/19) The Home Opener is tomorrow, my Dad and I saw every single home opener from 1991-1999, but now that would be the last place I want to be. It sells out every year but it's all fair weather fans and bros looking to get drunk (not that looking to get drunk is a bad thing, but have some fucking decorum). There is always fights in the crowd and people pouring beer from the Upper Deck and throwing shit on the field, it's a gong show. I am going to the game on Wednesday when the real fans will be there, got some beauty seats too behind home plate for $50! Papa Buerhle is on the bump and it's against the shitty Rays so I am hoping for a win!
I think it's safe to say that James Johnson is red-y for the playoffs. Nice doo bud! Channel that inner Dennis Rodman, I just hope he doesn't show up in a fucking dress next. The Raptors crushed Charlotte on Wednesday exorcising the demons that have followed them to North Carolina the last few seasons, then they swept the Florida teams, by doing that they have tied their franchise record in wins, and have ensured home court advantage in the first round of the playoffs. Looks like the Raptors will play either the Wizards or the Bucks in the first round, and they could easily advance against either team. The last couple of weeks of the regular season has been a bit of a drag, the playoffs need to start like yesterday, enough of these other-ran teams.
The Week Ahead: @ Boston (4/14) vs. Charlotte (4/15) That's it, just two games left in the regular season against two teams below them in the standings. If they win out they will win 50 games for the first time in franchise history, hopefully they do that so they can go into the playoff strong! Game 1 of the Playoffs will be on Saturday, I am sure it'll be sometime in the afternoon, I can't wait!
The Squid of the Week is that insufferable cretin Gregg Zaun's for his terrible Sunday Roast. The Sunday Roast thing is the stupidest, STUPIDEST thing in the entire world. Sometimes I do agree with what he says but then he'll go off on a tangent, the ridiculous segment is about 3 minutes longer than what it should be. He did it all last year, basically shitting out your typical neanderthal old school baseball crap, but I think the worst part of it all is that catch phrase he says at the end.. "It's Sunday {dramatic pause} do you smell that morning roast" THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE. First of all, unless you're watching in B.C. it is always the afternoon when he says that, even when they are on the west coast and the game is at 4 pm he still calls it the fucking morning roast. Why does he call it a roast anyways? Is it supposed to be like the Comedy Central Roasts, which in that case he needs to be making crude, yet hilarious jokes. But the only crude thing about that is Zaun's suits. What is this fucking morning roast he's smelling, is it a coffee roast? Roast Beef? Jaime Campbell is a giant dork about the whole procedure too. I have a feeling ol' Zaun Cherry will be the recipient of many Squid of the Week awards of the course of this season.
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