A Did-Saster of a Road Trip

Welp.... that... that wasn't very good.  Pretty much anything that could go wrong went wrong with the team, especially in that miserable series in Houston.  It had it all, bullpen meltdowns, poor starting pitching, the bats going quiet at impromptu times.  A disastrous 1-6 road trip has left the boys in blue at 5 games under .500 and dead last in the AL East.  Yeah it sucked, but look at the standings the Jays despite being in last are a measly 5 games out of 1st in the East and only 4.5 games out of the Wild Card spot but according to the petulant pissy pant man babies who have nothing better to do but whine and bitch on Twitter the season is over.  This brings us to an early....

If you're saying the Jays season is already over you're a squid.  If you tweet at Mike Wilner or Andrew Stoeten with doom and gloom scenarios you're a squid.  If you are commenting on the Blue Jays Facebook posts saying Fyre Gabbobbsss then you're definitely a squid.  All you people need to be shot into the sun.  Not only are you squids but you're the squid of the week.

Yeah the Jays had a terrible road trip and yes they have been inconsistent as fuck but these petulant man babies stomping their feet and having temper tantrums on Twitter about it are the absolute fucking worst.  I guess social media has given everyone with an asshole opinion a forum, and you have to take the good with the bad but fuck bud, some of these people shouldn't be allowed to breed.

The man who most of the vitriol and venom is spewed at is good ol' Gibby. # FYREGABBOBS!!!!11 they all say.  It's ludicrous.  I am not going to sit here and say Gibby is the second coming of Connie Mack but to throw this slow start on him is absolutely absurd.  I got into an argument with some loser on Facebook because when they showed the line-up he's all like "Gibby needs to go, he hasn't done anything to get the bats going"  What the fuck is Gibby supposed to do?? Swing the bats for them?? Sprinkle Magical "Don't Suck Dust" on them?  He sends out a Aaron "French Wolf" Loup, a left handed pitcher to face two left handed batters, something he has had success doing, and something every manager ever would do and Loup fucks up and that's Gibbys fault?? The Jays go 0 for 9 with runners in scoring position and because Gibby didn't give an impassioned speech that it is his fault.  Give your fucking head a shake, you know fuck all about baseball.

The other thing the squids complain about is AA "make a big trade Alex!!" they say.  They have grand suggestions like trading Ryan Goins, R.A. Dickey and a pick for Clayton Kershaw".  They're still bitching that a trade wasn't made at the deadline last year.  Don't these assholes know anything?  You can't just snap your fingers and make a trade, especially before the draft and especially months before the trade deadline.  Plus you fucking clowns draft picks can't be traded in baseball. I do agree that AA should've done something about the bullpen in the off season but there is no way he could have foresaw the Marcus Stroman injury (single tear) the regression of Drew Hutchinson, and Buerhle and Dickey having terrible starts to their season.  The garbage clowns are bitching about JA Happ of all fucking people being traded for Michael Saunders, Saunders suffered a freak accident injury on the first day of Spring Training, how is that anybodies fault??

Bottom line is the first month and a half of the season hasn't been the best but for Christs sakes there is four and a half months left.  If the pitching sorts itself out and the bats keep playing like they can the Jays can easily fire off a winning streak and be right back in the thick of things in a mediocre AL East.  I hate watching bullpen meltdowns as much as the next guy, but that's baseball shit happens.

The Week Ahead:  vs. Los Angeles of Anaheim (5/18 - 5/21) vs. Seattle (5/22 - 5/24)  At least we're done seeing the shitty AL East for a while.  Today the Jays have given up a 4-0 lead and the Angels are leading 5-4 now for fucks sake... game isn't over yet but it must be disheartening for the position players to see the pitching give up leads time after time. UPDATE: Jays win 10-6!!  Anaheim and Seattle find themselves in the same position as the Jays, teams with a lot of hype who have been treading water around the .500 mark.  Hopefully some home cooking is exactly what the Blue Jays need to right this ship.

The conference finals in the NBA and NHL are upon us... and yeah I really haven't been too hyped about either of them.  I'll start paying a little more attention to them now, especially now since the good NBA games aren't starting at fucking 10:30.  Despite what all you assholes say my predictions have been pretty good so far.  So call your bookies now because I am going to give you my predictions for the Finals.

NBA:

Golden State over Houston in 6

Cleveland over Atlanta in 5

Your NBA Title Winners:

NHL:

Anaheim over Chicago in 6

Tampa Bay over New York in 7

Your Stanley Cup Champion:

Obviously this is the season of

I guess I should say something about the IHF Hockey Championships that Canada aboslutely dominated but truth be told I barely watched any of it.  Most games were on when I was at work when they were crushing the likes of Belarus and France,  I woke up early to watch the semi-final game against the Czechs on Saturday but I fell back asleep during the game.  Yesterday during the gold medal game I was stuck on the fucking 401.  It's great to see the boys dominate this tournament, and kicking the shit out of Russia in the Gold Medal game is always nice, this bodes well for the 2016 World Cup of Hockey which I expect the Canadians to dominate again.  Sidney Crosby must've loved playing with competent line mates, something that has alluded him in Pittsburgh the last few seasons. Good for Sid the Squid for joining the elusive Triple Gold Club.  The IHF Hockey Championships brings us to this weeks

So TSN has the rights to air the NBA playoffs, and the other night I was looking for the Wizards-Hawks game to watch, and what was on the main TSN network... fucking Slovenia vs. Denmark in the IHF Hockey Championships.  What the fuck is wrong with this country?  Two fringe hockey countries with 0 NHL players gets precedent over an NBA Playoff game.  C'Mon Bud that was just fucked up.

Nonis Fired!!! NHL Predictions & More!

The Leafs mercifully concluded yet another disastrous season last night, and today they ended Dave Nonis' disastrous run as General Manager of the team.  Good riddance bud, get the fuck out and never come back.  Nonis made some awful, awful moves as GM from getting rid of Grabovski for nothing, signing ludicrous cap-crippling contract extensions, and then there was the whole David Clarkson fiasco.

So today the Leafs have no GM, which is a lot more of a competent GM than they had yesterday.  Pretty much every move Nonis made was met with a "why the fuck would you do that?" reaction.  It was pretty much scorched earth today, Peter Horachek and the rest of the coaching staff was let go, and most of the scouting department is gone too.   Thank fuck for that, this team is awful, I couldn't even bring myself to watch any of the games the last month or so.

The best thing about this is the insufferable squids in the Toronto media are bloo-blooing about this because apparently Dave Nonis was a "good guy".   That mook Steve Simmons sent out a tweet saying all the "good guys" the Leafs have let go in the last few years who were let down by their players.  Give me a fucking break, these assholes assembled this terrible team and were terrible at their jobs and deserved to be fired.  The King Squid Darren Dreger (who just happens to be Nonis' cousin) has been saying all along that Nonis is going to be back...so once again Dreger is dead wrong.  I am picturing Nonis and Dreger sitting in their jammies crushing some pints of Hagan Daaz having a pity party.

This is truly Shanahan's team now, the stench from the Burke/Nonis era is all gone, and this team is going to look dramatically different when training camp kicks off in September, it will be very interesting to see how it all plays out.  Kyle Dubas and Mark Hunter running the draft this year is going to be incredible, not only the chance at McDavid or another top 4 pick but they will be great in the late rounds.  The late round picks is where good teams find their players... look at the fucking Oilers how many number 1 overall picks have they had and where has that landed them?  The Leafs next year may end up struggling and missing the playoffs (again) but at least there will be a good core of young players who are actually trying and are improving their game over time.

Despite my interest in hockey being at an all time low thanks to the miserable Leafs, playoff hockey especially in the first round is pretty awesome.  Plus I like to make predictions, there is a bunch of smart alec's who make saucy comments on my Facebook saying just to pick the opposite who I pick and whoever I pick gets the kiss of death.  Fuck you, my picks are always right, yeah I picked the Leafs to win the Cup this year, so I might've been a little off there but more often than not I am right.

 Anaheim Ducks vs. Winnipeg Jets

Winner:

in 6

Winnipeg hasn't seen playoff hockey since 1996 when the former Jets were eliminated and they moved to Phoenix.  Good for Jets fans, they live in Winnipeg after all for fucks sakes they don't have much going for them.  I liked Paul Maurice when he coached the Leafs and I am happy to see he is having success in the Peg.  The Ducks are too good though, I'll give the Jets a couple of wins based on their rabid fans alone.

St. Louis Blues vs. Minnesota Wild

Winner:

in 6

I don't fucking know... two of the most boring bland teams in the NHL, I can't say that I have watched either team much, so I am going with St. Louis because they have my boy Alexander Steen (imagine if he was still on the Leafs...ugh)

Chicago Blackhawks vs. Nashville Predators
Winner:

in 7

Chicago has a team full of players who know what it's like to win the Stanley Cup, and they shouldn't be discounted.  In fact, I hope the Leafs end up emulating the Chicago Blackhawks, remember back in the 2000's the Blackhawks were a joke, missing the playoffs year after year, kind of like the present day Leafs, but they got their shit together, drafted well, made good moves and bang they are a perennial Stanley Cup contender.

Vancouver Canucks vs. Calgary Flames

Winner:

in 7

Last week I named the idiots who cheer for Canadian Teams in the playoffs just because they're Canadian as the Squid of the Week, so at least with the Canucks playing the Flames one of the teams will be gone.  That being said I have no problem with the Flames, two of my really good friends are Calgarians and die-hard Flames fans so I will be happy to see the Flames win for that.  I hate the Canucks too, the creepy Sedin Twins, that fucking opera dork that sings the anthem they're just a shitty team with shitty fans.

New York Rangers vs. Pittsburgh Penguins

 Winner:

 in 5

What happened to the Penguins?  Sid the Squid is still one of the best players in the world, and so is Malkin but beyond that they're garbage, they barely made the playoffs and haven't really done much in the playoffs in years.  The Rangers made the Cup Final last year and have been strong all year so I expect them to make short work of Shittsburgh.

Washington Capitals vs. New York Islanders

Winner:

in 7

This is going to be one of the better series of the first round, I was very close to picking the Islanders and I would actually prefer the Islanders advance but I think it'll be the Capitals that advance in a very tight series, mainly because Ovi is the man.

Tampa Bay Lightning vs. Detroit Red Wings

Winner:

in 4

Fuck the Red Wings, they are a bunch of ankle burners.  Stamkos and the Lightning are going to skate circles around Tommy Ta-Tar and the rest of those assholes.  Mike Babcock just wants to get the fuck out of Detroit and come coach the Leafs and lead them to Stanley Cup glory.

Montreal Canadiens vs. Ottawa Senators

 Winner:

The only good thing about this series is one of these miserable franchises will be eliminated.  I hate both teams equally, and I hope they end up destroying each other.  I can't even bring myself to make a pick, it's a real Sophie's Choice of dreadful teams with asshole fan bases.  Fuck them both.

Blue Jays season is in full swing and so far so good.  Yeah there was a little hiccup last night, but honestly I prefer those losses over the loss they had on Wednesday where it was a lot of shitty luck and the team pretty much beat themselves.  The offense has been pretty good so far, but what has really impressed me is the bottom third of the line up, Devon Travis in particular has been great.  The only blip so far with the starting pitching was Aaron Sanchez last night who got rocked, I am still confident that he will turn it around, but there really should be a contingency plan in place if he doesn't.  Hutch didn't have his best stuff this afternoon, but it just wasn't his day, I am not worried about him at all.  Jose Bautista's jack off that dork Darren O'Day was a thing of beauty and holy fuck he was fired up and went full Lawrie on the bench, I bet some of the boys' hands are sore after those high fives.

The Week Ahead: vs. Tampa Bay (4/13-4/16) vs. Atlanta (4/17-4/19)  The Home Opener is tomorrow, my Dad and I saw every single home opener from 1991-1999, but now that would be the last place I want to be.  It sells out every year but it's all fair weather fans and bros looking to get drunk (not that looking to get drunk is a bad thing, but have some fucking decorum). There is always fights in the crowd and people pouring beer from the Upper Deck and throwing shit on the field, it's a gong show.  I am going to the game on Wednesday when the real fans will be there, got some beauty seats too behind home plate for $50! Papa Buerhle is on the bump and it's against the shitty Rays so I am hoping for a win!

I think it's safe to say that James Johnson is red-y for the playoffs.  Nice doo bud! Channel that inner Dennis Rodman, I just hope he doesn't show up in a fucking dress next.  The Raptors crushed Charlotte on Wednesday exorcising the demons that have followed them to North Carolina the last few seasons, then they swept the Florida teams, by doing that they have tied their franchise record in wins, and have ensured home court advantage in the first round of the playoffs.  Looks like the Raptors will play either the Wizards or the Bucks in the first round, and they could easily advance against either team.  The last couple of weeks of the regular season has been a bit of a drag, the playoffs need to start like yesterday, enough of these other-ran teams.

The Week Ahead: @ Boston (4/14) vs. Charlotte (4/15) That's it, just two games left in the regular season against two teams below them in the standings.  If they win out they will win 50 games for the first time in franchise history, hopefully they do that so they can go into the playoff strong! Game 1 of the Playoffs will be on Saturday, I am sure it'll be sometime in the afternoon, I can't wait!

The Squid of the Week is that insufferable cretin Gregg Zaun's for his terrible Sunday Roast.  The Sunday Roast thing is the stupidest, STUPIDEST thing in the entire world.  Sometimes I do agree with what he says but then he'll go off on a tangent, the ridiculous segment is about 3 minutes longer than what it should be.  He did it all last year, basically shitting out your typical neanderthal old school baseball crap, but I think the worst part of it all is that catch phrase he says at the end.. "It's Sunday {dramatic pause} do you smell that morning roast"  THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE.  First of all, unless you're watching in B.C. it is always the afternoon when he says that, even when they are on the west coast and the game is at 4 pm he still calls it the fucking morning roast.  Why does he call it a roast anyways?  Is it supposed to be like the Comedy Central Roasts, which in that case he needs to be making crude, yet hilarious jokes.  But the only crude thing about that is Zaun's suits.  What is this fucking morning roast he's smelling, is it a coffee roast? Roast Beef?  Jaime Campbell is a giant dork about the whole procedure too.  I have a feeling ol' Zaun Cherry will be the recipient of many Squid of the Week awards of the course of this season.