Big Brother 17 Week 5 Thoughts

Holy fuck for the first time since the first week your boy is on time with one of these posts! Anyways it was a frustrating week in the Big Brother house.  Jason was evicted 7-2 and I honestly thought it was going to be so much closer.  If "the other side" of the house had half a fucking brain than that dullard Becky would've been shown the door, and they would have turned on the Sixth Sense, but nope another case of "going with the house".

I'll miss Jason, he was pretty funny, and I thought he was going to last a lot longer than he did, but like he said in his exit interview as soon as he felt comfortable he was blindsided.  Hopefully his former allies can smarten the fuck up and get the people who have been dominating the game out of the house pronto because it's getting absurd.

Fucking Vanessa.  She had the chance to actually make a proper game move but she fell apart like a Chinese Motorcycle.  Many people have predicted her to win the game, but I think she blew it this week.  I am so fucking sick of her and Shelli saying they "don't want blood on their hands" not wanting blood on your hands is a decent Big Brother strategy when you don't win HOH week after week.  Be like that fucking nerd Steve and make everyone forget you're there, that way you don't get fucking blood on your hands

This week highlighted how terrible the Battle of the Block twist is, the two HOH's end up working together yet again, formulating a plan based on throwing the BOB competition and that ended up blowing up in their faces.  PS Praise be to Jacosta that the BOB twist is done for the season and hopefully forever.  It was a terrible twist right from the jump, it never worked out the way the producers thought it was going to, it was terrible to have it in the first place, and it was even worst to bring it back.  I still can't believe they made my beloved Julie Chen call it "a fan favourite"

I am kind of glad that happened Vanessa's plan blew up in her face, because I am sick of everyone throwing comps, but ultimately it led to another week of this asshole stalker...

Seriously though this guy is a major league creep, I guarantee Liz is missing a pair of underwear or two... maybe that's going to be Judas' new ring attire??  Speaking of which someone posted a YouTube clip of Austin's actual wrestling entrance, and it was the most ghetto cringe worthy thing I have seen in my life.  I used to watch WWE back in high school, this was NOTHING like it... he was wrestling this Amazon Woman (could've been a man...) in what looked like a Legion in front of 12 people.  I had to turn it off.

It's so uncomfortable to watch, Liz has said she doesn't like him, he has said he is falling in love with her, how fucking awkward is that.  Liz shouldn't lead him on, but also Austin should keep his greasy caveman paws to himself... and that kiss??? Gag me with a fucking spoon.

Other Random Thoughts

As of right now 7 housesguests remain in the endurance comp... I'll update this post in the morning with HOH spoilers for those who want to know! Updated - Spoilers Below! 

I really don't like Clay and Shelli....BUT... I have to admit they've played a good game, they've held all the power so far, but they have severe HOHitis.  Apparently Clay, Shelli and Vanessa are in the HOH room 23 of 24 hours of the day. Thankfully, I think their reign is going to come to and end soon.

More Johnny Mac please.

Jackie is actually starting to play the game, and I don't mind her too much, plus I have her in my pool so she better do something.  She is my pick to win HOH again this week... Titty Shakes for all!!!

Has there been a more useless BB player ever than Steve?? His only scene was him giving perv eyes to a god damned camera.

The twin reveal happened....

Except the only one who truly seemed shocked by Julia coming in was James.  I don't think the dumb southern boy thing is a schtick, he is really that dumb.  That being said I like him in the game and I hope he makes it far.

James is HOH!! Woo-Hoo, a power shift!! Apparently during the feeds last night Shelli, Clay and Vanessa are rightfully having a shit hemorrhage, well fuck them.  Apparently Shelli keeps trying to throw Becky under the bus... c'mon bud she has done fuck all.  She's already been hit by a train does she really need to be thrown under the bus??  Here's hoping one of the 6th Sense is gone!

Big Brother 17 Week 4 Thoughts

Finally the fucking Unabomber is out of the house.  Audrey was annoying as fuck and has severe mental issues, and I am sure it is a massive relief to the rest of the house that she is gone.  Yeah it's a nice story that she was the first transgendered person on Big Brother and how the rest of the house accepted her right away, but holy fuck she was nuttier than squirrel shit.

The last week she was in the house was fucking pathetic.  Speculation ran rampant that she was going to self-evict, and she may as well have.  Thousands of people want to be on the show, and she makes it and just quits because things don't go her way... fuck off.

She was the first person to not show up to a Veto Meeting, she spent hours in the Diary Room presumably being talked off the ledge by the producers, she bizarrely wrapped herself in that blanket.  What they didn't say on the show was she was a have-not yet she blatantly ignored the rules and ate real food, because of that she had a "penalty vote" against her in the eviction ceremony. I think she should have been kicked out out of the house for her flagrant disregard for the rules, but I think the producers kept her in because the optics of kicking her out would have looked terrible.

I don't think she is mentally unstable because she is transgendered, she is just spun period.  She played a terrible Big Brother game and she really should've been voted out sooner, but I think everyone was afraid to evict her because they didn't want to be seen as transphobic or whatever.  Anyways good riddance Audrey try to stay on your meds because holy fuck you need them.

I don't think the show edit has done anything to show how much of a creeper Austin is.  You thought fucking Caleb was bad with Amber last season, Austin is a million times worse with Liz. What a smothering neanderthal he has become.  Austin has this whole suffocating, domineering caveman mentality when it comes to Liz, and it's really fucking creepy.

The whole Judas thing needs to stop immediately, what a fucking loser he is with that, get a fucking grip on reality you squid.  When he said Judas votes to evict John, c'mon bud you suck.  I really hope he gets evicted soon because I can't take him anymore.

Other Random Thoughts:

Johnny Mac is still the best, holy fuck he makes me laugh every time he opens his mouth.

Jackie and Vanessa are HOH's, one has been playing the game, one I have forgotten that she is even on the show.  I'm not sure what's going to happen, hopefully they don't plan their nominations together.  The 2 HOH's and the whole Battle of the Block thing is fucking terrible anyways, they need to end it immediately, it defeats the purpose of what they are going for when the 2 HOH's are always in cahoots, it happened last season and it is happening again.

I don't think anything earth-shattering will happen with Vanessa and Jackie has HOH's, if anything Jackie is just going to do what the stupid Sixth Sense assholes want her to do.

Speaking of Jackie what's with that weird titty-shake she always does when she is excited?  Relax, Jar-Jar

The Saved By The Smell thing was pretty funny, but aren't they aware that Screech released a sex tape called Saved By The Smell where he gives a chick the Dirty Sanchez??

My prediction for the week is someone useless like Becky will go home, when it should be someone from that stupid alliance like Clay or hopefully Austin.

Crucial Jays Road Swing Upcoming

Hey buds, you didn't think I was going to pull one of these out of my ass this week did you?  Well unfortunately for you I did!!  Like I explained in my last Big Brother post between slangin' coasters and my drinking habits there isn't enough hours in the day!  I will still try to maintain a Sunday or a Monday posting for these in the future.

The All-Star break was last week but as we all know All-Star Breaks are....

Thankfully the dreadful All-Star Break came and went, and the Blue Jays managed to take 2 of 3 from Tampa, with by some miracle Marco "Polo Erik" Estrada out-dueling noted Blue Jay Killer Chris Archer.  The game on Saturday was bullshit, all it proved once again that this dumpster fire of a bullpen can't be trusted in tight games.

The Jays still need an arm, do I need to go through this bullshit again??  Apparently David Price is on the market, and that would likely require a King's Ransom.  Personally I'd trade anyone but Marcus Stroman for him.  Aaron Sanchez is heading to the bullpen, surely this means a trade for a starter is in the works?  That immediately makes the bullpen better, but I think long term both Sanchez AND Oswoona are starters.

The Week Ahead:  @ Oakland (7/21 - 7/23) @ Seattle (7/24 - 7/26)

Now comes the hard part, a tough 6 game road swing through Oakland and Seattle, places where they have had trouble playing and where seasons have gone to die the last few years.  Not gonna lie buds, I am kind of fucking nervous.  I am not going to go into full garbage clown mode and say if they end up going 2-4 or god forbid 1-5 or 0-6 that the season is over, but I think a strong west coast swing will be the kick in the ass this team needs to have a dominant second half of the season.

We get to see this squid over the next few games...

That will forever go down as the greatest trade ever.  Check this out:

Donaldson: .288/.351/.530, 22 2B, 22HR, 62RBI, 33BB, 67 Runs Lawrie: .280/.315/.410, 16 2B, 8HR, 37RBI, 14BB, 31 Runs

Obviously now Lawrie is going to have a great series against us. That said this is one of the most lopsided trades in Blue Jays history, and the garbage clowns are insisting that AA get fired... Newfie Please.

The Ti-Cats played last week, and like the previous 17 times they've played in fucking Montreal they lost. They haven't won a game in fucking Montreal since god damned 2002. Mind you the Cats were complete horseshit for most of those 13 years, but this team is different and is much better than those Tabernac Pea-Soup Swilling Alousquids.

Turn-overs were once again costly for the Cats with Zach Collaros throwing 3 INT's (plus one that was called back on a penalty) and Terrence Toliver fumbled the ball on what was looking like the game winning drive. The fucking clown show CFL officiating once again cost Speedy Banks a Punt Return touchdown that was called back on a rinky-dink penalty that had absolutely nothing to do with the play. CFL officiating gets this weeks....

C'mon bud does a fucking flag need to be thrown every god damned play??  I am finding myself constantly defending the CFL, but I look at last Thursdays game as an outsider and see all those ticky-tack calls the referees are making and I can see why so many people see the league as a joke.  CFL referees have full time jobs outside the league, but for fucks sakes get your head in the game, not everything is a fucking penalty.  It ruins the game when everything is decided by some shitty middle school gym teacher in a striped shirt.

The Week Ahead:  @ Saskatchewan (7/26)

This is the last game on the road before the Cats FINALLY play their first home game, a 2-2 record during that stretch is nothing to sneeze at and is very attainable versus the Riders.  If the defense keeps playing like they've been playing and they shore up the turnovers this could be a very winnable game.

I've meaning to have this dreadful Squid as the Squid of the week for months now, but this morning he finally gave me a good reason too.  Check out this headline that came up on my Facebook feed:

What a fucking hammerhead.  I know he's a fucking neanderthal and isn't the brightest crayon in the box but come the fuck on.  You've only read 80% of your autobiography??  Something tells me he has only read 8% of it.  Last time I checked an autobiography is something you write yourself.  I guess Gronk had someone interpret his cave-drawings and crayon scribbles to be his book.

"Me Gronk, me catch fooseball, me help Brady cheat, me party"  Who wants to read 200 pages of that garbage?

I hate this guy, he ruined this past week of Big Brother with his "Gronk Party".  I am so sick of this fucking schtick he has where he is this big party animal... I am sure he is but fuck bud so are a lot of people but they don't broadcast it like an asshole.  Some squids just like to be the centre of attention and that caveman Gronk is one of them.

Big Brother 17 Week 3 Thoughts

Once again I apologize for the lateness of this, between slangin' coasters and my drinking habit there isn't just enough hours in the day!  I think I am more upset because I am neurotic about sticking to a schedule, oh well, I'll try to keep to a routine more.

ANYHOO.... Jeff the Jacker is gone and good riddance.  What a fucking terrible decision it was to have this pylon on the show in the first place, I don't watch the Amazing Race so I don't know if he was as big of a dullard on that as he was in Big Brother.  After the show he said that him and Jackie were brought in for ratings... what a delusional bastard.  How did these people even make it on 1 TV show let alone two.  And those phony baloney tears? Newfie please get the fuck off my TV and go back to the bung hole from whence you came.

I really don't like the "Sixth Sense" alliance.  Especially Austin and Clay.  Austin is a fucking sociopath.  Not only does he have that whole weird controlling/jealousy thing over Liz, who isn't even his girlfriend... the squid actually has a girlfriend outside the house!  Jesus Murphs bud I can't imagine a) another person can see anything in that neanderthal and b) what she must feel seeing him try to knock another woman over the head with his club and drag her back to his cave.  He has a real off-putting look to him too, I dunno I get major douche chills watching him, especially when he puts that whack top-hat on trying to be a bootleg Slash.

Shelli and Clay are really bugging me too, that was really fresh when Shelli said that Austin would just control Liz's HOH, what exactly has Clay been doing while she has been in charge?  I am so fucking sick of her saying "I don't want blood on my hands" then don't be HOH for Christs Sakes, throw the competition like the rest of these retards are doing.

I feel bad for my boy Johnny Mac, I don't know why he keeps agreeing to be put up on the block, I suppose he doesn't have that much of a choice, but it's absolutely absurd that it keeps happening.  Clay and Shelli can fuck off, they can't stay in power forever, and here's hoping there is a power shift soon in the house.

Other Random Thoughts:

I honestly haven't read too many spoilers this year, I am not on Twitter as much as last season (being gainfully employed and all...), and I never go to Jokers or anything anymore.  It's amazing what 40 hours a week at a job can do to your free time!  That said I did hear there was a huge fight and something big may be happening this week, but I'll keep that on the DL for those who don't read spoilers.

Jackie is completely useless and looks like Jar Jar Binks.

So many floaters this season, it's unbelievable.  Has Becky said or done anything since describing being hit by a train?  Did the train mangle her personality too?

It's about time the other side of the house band together instead of sitting around with thumbs up their asses.  I know it's easier said than done but wake the fuck up already.

The Gronk party was the stupidest thing the show has ever done, and they have done a lot of dumb shit.

I should have one of these done on Thursday night, because the next couple of nights should be interesting, but I won't make any promises.  If not I'll post one next weekend.  Until then you can always give your boy a follow on the Twitter @HDH2112 

Jays Limp Into the All-Star Break

These days the Jays got me like...

What in the flying fuck is going on in Blue Jay Land these days?  What an absolutely frustrating and annoying road trip that was.  A mediocre 3-7 marred by terrible pitching, comatose bats when they were pitching well, defensive and baserunning miscues that your average T-Ball player would make has left them below .500 heading into a crucial second half of the season.

This All-Star Break couldn't come at a better time.  Jose Bautista has time to get a cortisone shot in his wonky shoulder without having to miss any time,  the rest of the boys can rest some minor nagging injuries, maybe Jose Reyes can go do some fucking ground ball drills.  I hate to be hard on Reyes, because he does a lot more good than bad for this team, and I hate justifying the garbage clowns but Jesus Murphs Bud, it doesn't make it easy to defend the guy when his bumble-fuck errors single-handedly lose the team games.

Despite all the moans and feet stomping of the pissy pant man babies, this is still a good team, the AL East is still up for grabs, the team is only 4.5 games out, and if they fire off another 11 game win streak (something which this team is perfectly capable of doing) then I think it'll be PLAYOFFS!!!!11 for the first time in 22 years.  Because like Ricky says...

For the Jays to actually not take my eternal optimism... or optometrism for granted...

THEY NEED SOME FUCKING PITCHING

Hollering Fuck has anything been more glaring in your entire life?  Papa Buherle and Dickey are not going anywhere in the rotation, but one of Drew Hutchison, Polo Erik or fucking Felix Doubront could easily take a seat for Cole Hamels?? Johnny Cueto??  Craig Kimbrel??  Please AA for the sake of my soul and my sanity get us another arm, another bullpen arm would be swell too, that Pig Fucker Papelbon told my boy Barry Davis that he would welcome a trade to Toronto.  Just get it done, anyone but Marcus Stroman should be available.  Hutchison? Hoffman? Norris? Sanchez?  It's been a slice boys, enjoy your new teams because Flags Fly Forever.

I know it's easier said than done to make a trade, and with the second wild card and the amount of parity in baseball not a lot of teams are ready to pull the plug on the season, plus every other team within contention are going to make the same calls for players like Johnny Cueto that the Jays do, and they could come up with a better package.  But if AA stands pat and doesn't make a big move, it could come with disastrous consequences.

It was criminal on Sunday when the Jays offense brought them back from being down 7-0, score 8 runs in the inning, only to have the pitching and defense piss it all away twice.  This is one of the best offenses I have ever seen, and while they will lose to great pitching, they'll beat up on the dregs of the league.

Throughout all the bullshit and frustrations it's a dream watching Josh Donaldson play.  I just saw this picture on Twitter courtesy the hilarious @matttomic that perfectly sums up the fleecing AA and the Jays made on the Oakland A's... and people are begging AA to get fired.

This weeks Squid of the Week could easily go to Umpire Jerry "Eats Too Many" Meals for the absolutely embarrassing Ump Show he put on display tossing Jose Bautista mid-at bat on Sunday,  But the Squid(s) of the Week is the entire MLB Umpiring Fraternity.

What is up with these assholes?? They are fucking BRUTAL, the strike zones some of these boys have is absolutely unbelievable.  They need just to use pitch-tracks for balls and strikes, make it fair and across the board for everyone.  How does 99.9% of people see something as a ball, but 0.01% of people (the one who matters the Ump) sees something as a strike happen all the god damned time

Yeah I know they are only human, but what Meals did to Bautista is something I have seen across the league, in that these Umpires are challenging players, they are taking their masks off and initiating arguments, they are practically BEGGING the players to yell something at them so they can throw them out.  People don't pay money for a ticket to watch the fucking Umpires and I think some of these squids don't realize this.

I understand these guys don't want to be chirped at but, they have to be the bigger man in this situation.  What Meals did was unforgivable on Sunday, he should be fined, he should be reprimanded but it won't happen.  These Umpires stay in the league until they retire, or until they drop dead.  Managers get fired, players get sent to the minors but umpires will always have their jobs no matter how fucking terrible they are.

The Week Ahead: vs. Tampa Bay (7/17 - 7/19) No baseball until Friday :( Well the Home-Run Derby is on now, I watch it every year but turn it off every year because it is unbelievably boring.  I'll at least watch until Josh Donaldson is out.  PS It can't be stated enough that Josh Donaldson is the greatest.  The All-Star Game is kind of stupid too, I like the player introductions and that's it. 

They get Tampa when they come back from the break ugh.  At least it's not at the Trop, I want to go to one of the games this weekend but if Chris Archer is pitching one of them for Tampa there is no way I am going to watch them get shut out.

I was racking my brain for a C'Mon Bud all day today (trust me working this noodle requires A LOT of work) and was just going to skip it this week, that was until I tuned into the Home Run Derby and saw Chris Berman's "Hair"

C'Mon Bud, what's up with that comb over mullet??  Did he put some Sun-In in his hair??  Hulk Hogan wants his look back bud.  Jesus Murphs just embrace the #PlayBald movement and live your life as a bald man, trust me once you do that things will be a lot better for you.

I actually don't have that much of a problem with Chris Berman, he gets a hard time from a lot of people but I like him.  In fact, this segment "C'Mon Bud" is a complete rip-off of his "C'Mon Man" segment on the Monday Night Football Pre-Game Show.  Plus he came to Hamilton last year for the Labour Day Classic and I saw him pounding back beers, so for that alone he will always be fine in my books... but fuck get a new hair doo.

I was too busy ranting and raving about Phil Kessel and the Squid of the Year Steve Simmons to talk about the moves the Raptors made last week.  But... the Raptors made moves!!  Positive Moves!

Cory Joseph is going to prove to be an incredible signing for this team, he is a proven winner and comes from one of the best organizations in all of Pro Sports in the Spurs.  Plus unlike the crop of players last year he can play defense.  Yeah he is from Toronto and that is going to get the Maple Dicks erect, but I think his passport is secondary compared to the player they got.  It's a nice storyline that he is the first Canadian to play on the Raptors in his prime, the first Raptor who grew up idolizing the team to come home and play for them.... actually Maple Dicks Ahoy that is pretty fucking awesome.

The Raptors also picked up Demarre Carrol from the Hawks, he is going be a fan favourite in Toronto, he's already promised to be JYD 2.0.  Raptors fans appreciate the player Carrol will be and I am looking forward to seeing him play.  Defense was obviously the major issue down the stretch with the Raptors down the stretch and in the playoffs, and I think getting the likes of Joseph and Carrol and losing Lou Williams and Amir Johnson will pay dividends

That being said, it is with a heavy heart to say goodbye to Amir Johnson, yeah he was slowing down and the best move basketball wise was to let him walk, but the guy was a pro.  He actually embraced the city of Toronto and embraced being a Raptor, he was the best player on some really shitty Raptor teams, and I will miss him and I wish him the best of luck in Boston.

Big Brother 17 Week 2 Thoughts

I guess my thoughts are going to be a Sunday night thing from now on... I haven't been at home the last couple of Thursday nights, and I won't be again this Thursday, so I apologize to the 5 or 6 of my devoted readers who kept refreshing the home page of this shitty blog waiting for my thoughts.

Anyhoo Da'Vonne is Da'Gonne.  That's unfortunate, because I liked Day I thought she was funny and had a good knowledge of the game.  That said she played too hard too fast and that ridiculous blow up she had with Clay a few weeks ago (I honestly don't remember what it was about) sealed her fate.  She was far too emotional for the game and that screwed her.  Anyways she has a newborn baby for Christs Sakes, I know she said she wanted to win the money for her family, but it's a little bit fucky to leave a newborn at home to play God Damned Big Brother.

Another thing is Day why in the blue fuck did she not remove Clay from voting for her??  I guess she must have known for sure she was gone because there is absolutely no logical reason for her to pick those three rando's and not Clay.  I don't think any of these first few evictees are going to come back in the house in a Twistos Twist Big Brother Take Over, as that clown Jace is already home and is back on Twitter (I will not be adding him).

Well that didn't take long for the twins to be found out.  I thought because people figured it out that they were automatically kicked out, but I guess they have to get voted out normally.  Anyways I think it's terrible that they refer to one of them as the fat one.  They didn't show this on the show but Da'Vonne and Jason called one of them "Thickems."

NEITHER OF THEM ARE FAT

Jesus Christ I'm fat, Ruben Studdard is fat, these girls are both super model skinny.  No wonder so many women have issues with their bodies when someone who's a fucking string bean gets called "Thickems" and they are telling her to eat less.

Liz and Julia seem to be in a good position now because they are working with Austin, Vanessa, Clay and Shelli.  The Sixth Sense is a pretty lame name for an alliance, but I think they are in the best position in the house so far, and have the strongest alliance.

If you have sensitive ears you may want to skip ahead.  But if you actually do have sensitive ears a) Get a life dork, and b) why are you reading this blog?  Well we might as well cut to the chase, Jeff jerked off in the bed (Seen above) and wiped his splooge on an unsuspecting Liz (or Julia?) in the bed.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.  

I'm surprised that wasn't addressed, because that is pretty much assault if you ask me.  He seems like a douchey creep anyway.

Bud, if you're feeling frisky and want to rub one out there is options, there is the shower and remember in Big Brother 7/All Star's they had the Jack Shack.  You don't spank your monkey next to someone who is asleep...ugh that gives me all sorts of douche chills.  If I were Liz (or Julia) I'd feel pretty fucking violated if that happened and it's shocking to me that the producers never addressed it.

Other Random Thoughts:

Johnny Mac is my pick to win it all.  There I said it.  He is actually alright at competitions, and he is playing a good social game.  Plus he is absolutely hilarious, yeah he is a diary room screamer, but that's actually how he talks.  He really needs to stop being a pawn star every week though, so hopefully he wins an HOH soon enough and he can be the one running the show.  My buddy (and future Big Brother Canada 4 winner) Bobbo has made a solid case to me that Vanessa will win, but I got to go with John, plus I have him in my Big Brother Work Pool.

I really don't like Shelli and Clay, they had terrible HOHitis this past week... I couldn't believe it when they asked Johnny Mac not to use the veto on himself so Shelli wouldn't get any blood on her hands.  Give me a fucking break, this is Big Brother you have to get blood on your hands.  That's been the trend the last few seasons in Big Brother contestants being afraid to make moves lest they get blood on their precious little hands.

Not only is Jeff a pervert but he sucks at the game, how did he not know who the HOH's were?  How did this squid get recruited from another show to be on Big Brother, the other Amazing Race person Jackie is completely fucking useless too, is she even on the show??

I am sick of these Big Brother Take-Overs.  First the insufferable Kathy Griffin, and now the caveman squid Rob Gronkowski.  I hate Gronk, the guy is a fucking neanderthal, and I am so sick of him always popping up places being a "party animal".  He plays for the worst cheating football team of all time, and I want that clown away from Big Brother immediately.

Da'Vonne addressed the elephant in the room when she was evicted, that people are worried about putting up Audrey out of fears that they will be labelled a transphobic. I don't think that is necessarily true, but I see why they don't want to be labelled as intolerant or anything like Aaryn the Aryan and VaGinaMarie were in BB15.

As for who is going to go out this week, I think Vanessa (who is sometimes shown with this bizarre blue shit all over her face) is targeting Jeff, maybe because they all know he wiped his man juice over a sleeping houseguest??  Like I said last week these people have to stop assuming they're going to be able to back door their targets, anything can happen in Veto, and why wasted your week?

Phil Kessel We Hardly Knew Ye

It's been a few days, and the Phil Kessel trade news has still yet to sink in, I knew it was coming but it doesn't make it any easier.  The writing was unfortunately on the wall, one of the most talented players to ever grace the blue and white was run out of town and that is fucking contemptible

It's no secret that the 2014-15 Leafs season was amongst the worst in franchise history, and yes Phil Kessel did not play very well down the stretch, but all that being said he is still the 5th best scorer in the NHL since he has joined the Leafs.  This fact is lost amongst the squids in the media and the garbage clowns that call in sports talk radio with their asshole opinions...mainly just regurgitated the diarrhea that comes out of the mouth of Cathal Kelly, Squid Seixero, Dave Fuckface Feschuk and Steve Simmons.

Some weeks I have a difficult time coming up with a Squid of The Week, this week not only is Steve Simmons a slam dunk Squid of the Week, he could very well be the Squid of the Year.

Look at this smug, smarmy piece of shit.  Don't you just want to give him the Stone Cold Stunner right about meow?  Simmons is known for shitting out terrible articles for the tabloid rag known as the Toronto Sun and he could well be the most reviled amongst the truly horrific squid landscape that makes up the Toronto sports media.  But the article he shat out when Kessel got traded has to be the worst one he has ever written.  He led off his story with this bullshit:

The hot dog vendor who parks daily at Front and John Sts. just lost his most reliable customer.

Almost every afternoon at 2:30 p.m., often wearing a toque, Phil Kessel would wander from his neighbourhood condominium to consume his daily snack.
And now he’s gone. Just like that. The Maple Leafs could no longer stomach having Kessel around.

Oh lovely a fat joke.  First of all Phil Kessel is not fat.  I'm fat, Santa Claus is fat, Phil Kessel is not fucking fat.  Even if he ate street meat everyday what's the big fucking deal?  Toronto street meat is incredible, I would crush it on the regular if I lived in Toronto.  Second of all why would you need to add that he was wearing a toque?  It's winter for fucks sakes, why would he want to catch a cold??  Third of all it's not fucking possible that he was there every afternoon because the last time I checked they play 41 road games a year, so he can't be there every afternoon you fucking clown.

Not only all this, but my pals over at Pension Plan Puppets proved that it would have been impossible for Kessel to eat at the street meat vendor at Front and John because he lived nowhere near Front and John he would've had to walk 3 km there and back to eat it.  Could he have jogged to get his "Daily snack" yes he could but that would've defeated Simmons' tired narrative that Kessel is an lazy, overweight slob.  The best part of that PPP article is the revelation that Phik Kessel's number was listed in the phone book.  I didn't even know phone books still existed?

Simmons went on to say that Kessel was an "illness" you can tell he wanted to call him a cancer but given Kessel's medical history, that smug, insipid, loathsome asshole managed to hold himself back slightly by downgrading him to an illness.  PS can we end calling anything a cancer?  Cancer is pretty fucking awful, to compare something as inconsequential locker room cohesion to the deadliest disease in the world is really terrible when you think about it.

Simmons has been universally condemned for his horrific article, it even got attention stateside when ESPN's Keith Olbermann named him the worst person in the sports world.  Not only is he the worst in the sports world, he is the Squid of the Week.

I'll miss Phil Kessel, he is the best Leaf since Mats Sundin (another player who never got any respect from the squid media and garbage clown fans).  He is going to light it up in Pittsburgh playing alongside either Crosby or Malkin, they are going to feed him goals, and I predict he is going to score between 40 and 50 goals next year.  I knew this trade was going to come, but that doesn't change the fact that a generational talent in Phil Kessel had his prime wasted in Toronto playing alongside terrible teammates with even worse management running the team in the ground.  The fact that Phil Kessel is the scapegoat to the mess created by the likes of Dave Nonis and Randy Carlyle makes me sick to my stomach.

Welp, last week I said the Jays could well go 7-0... that... that didn't quite go as planned.  Actually between the Canada Day matinee and a weekend away at a cottage I only saw 2 of the games in their entirety, and maybe that it is a good thing.  The bats fell asleep, only showing signs of life on Canada Day and again yesterday afternoon, and they have to play Chris Sale tonight?? Yikes.

Anyways I am still confident in this team, there is still a ton of time left in this season, there is going to be weeks they go 2-5 and weeks they got 5-2, they just have to have more good weeks.  For the love of fuck though AA GET US SOME PITCHING.  I know that is easier said than done, and I know AA is working the phones non-stop, but still an arm will help sooner rather than later.

I really don't give a flying fuck about the All-Star game, but Josh Donaldson being voted in as a starter over that asshole on the Royals prevented a major injustice.  Jose Bautista and Russell Martin join Donaldson on the team as reserves.  The weird thing is Bautista is on the same All-Star team as Adam Jones and Darren O'Day, his arch-rivals from the Trash Bird Orioles... so if Bautista is in the Home Run Derby wouldn't it be apt if it's O'Day pitching to him?

The Week Ahead: @ Chicago White Sox (7/6 - 7/9) @ Kansas City (7/10 - 7/12) As I mentioned earlier the Jays are facing Chris Sale and the White Sox as we speak, with Papa Buehrle on the mound it could well be a 1-0 game.  The White Sox are trash though, the Jays need to beat these bottom dwelling teams, especially on the road.  Kansas City will be a bit more of a test, KC are the defending AL Champions, and they currently sit atop the AL Central.  Here's hoping the Jays have a good week and go into the All-Star Break on a high note.

While we're on the topic of the Blue Jays, this weeks C'Mon Bud goes to Sportsnet for inexplicably bumping Blue Jays Central to either SN360 or SN1 in favour of the repugnant Tim & Sid.  Tim isn't so bad but Sid is big a squid as they come, hence the name Squid Seixero.  C'Mon Bud, it's bad enough I have to sit through 45 of those horrible commercials during each Blue Jays broadcast, and having to hear Barry Davis awkwardly shill for them, but they are bumping Blue Jays Central???

How is Gregg Zaun supposed to give me Squid of the Week material?  Zaun aside Blue Jays Central is always a good watch before the game, solid analysis by Shi Davidi, pre-game interviews and insight from the players and coaches.  Every team has a pre-game show and it's now getting bumped for what?  Sid screaming at the camera with feigned outrage?  20 minute segments on 80's Pro-Wrestlers?  Sid dancing like Phillip the Hypo-Hyper Kid??  Fuck off, I can't wait for these assholes to get cancelled and be off my TV forever.

I guess I should say something about the Ti-Cats absolutely demolishing the woeful Winnipeg Blue Bombers, but truth be told I didn't see that much of the game.  I was heading up to my friends cottage, where that majestic Ti-Cats flag above flaps in the breeze.  By the time I got up there it was halftime and the game was out of hands with the Ti-Cats putting up an incredible 38 points.  Zach Collaros is unreal, with QB's dropping like flies in the CFL I'm happy knowing the he is one of the best and that he has an experienced line in front of him protecting him.

The Week Ahead:  A bye week!?!?! Already?? What the fuck?  I guess that's one of the quirks of having a 9 team league where each team gets 2 bye weeks.

Big Brother 17 Week 1 Thoughts

Hey Gang, I know there is about 5 or 10 of you who searched their Facebook and Twitter Thursday night or Friday morning just DYING to know what your Boy HDH thought of the first week of BB17 only to come out empty handed.  Well to the 5 to 10 of you I apologize because I went up to a buddys cottage and have spent the last few days in beer and sun fueled ecstasy.  Well I came back to reality today and got all caught up on BB17, better late than never I suppose!

The first victim of BB17 was Jace, and thank fuck for that.  He was annoying and obnoxious right from the jump, he had to be the centre of attention and his whole act just fell flat.  That was completely evidenced when he decided to be all "whacky" and went streaking through the backyard, and that was met with a collective yawn.  He turned people off immediately with his "zany" personality, and everyone just ignored him and were more than happy to see him leave.

Most of the eviction episode was wasted on him campaigning to stay in, according to people who watch the feeds he was even more annoying than they showed on TV.  Unfortunately with them being so hellbent on twists this year this loser could be back sooner rather than later.  Until then, Jace is going to run off into the sunset....

I have to say that Audrey is fucked.  She is a terrible Big Brother player and I don't think she is all there mentally.  This is not because she is transgendered it's because she is fucking spun.

What in god's name is she doing?  While it makes for entertaining episodes, and I've been told the live feeds have been amazing... she is trying to win $500K and you're not going to do that getting everyone to turn on you immediately.  Her "recruiting" person after person into an alliance is completely moronic.  Didn't she see Devin try to do that last season and how long he lasted??  Alliances are supposed to be kept a secret between 2-4 people, not have half the god damned house involved.

She is a pathological liar too, I don't know how many times she's been caught in a web of her own lies, which will lead her to be evicted sooner rather than later. All that said I think she is going to be safe for a while because I guarantee Big Brother producers are going to do what they can for her to stay, and that may end up coming in the form of the latest shitty Big Brother take-over with that nutjob Cathy Griffin.

Shelli and Clay are holding all the power this week... ugh yet another fucking showmance/power couple that is going to pollute this season.  Their target appears to be Da'Vonne probably because she flew off the handle and went all "Inglewood" on Clay... because... because honestly I don't remember why because it was an absolutely absurd fight, and I left a few brain cells behind at the cottage this past weekend.

One thing they're all doing which is completely asinine is relying on the Backdoor every week, don't these squids know that anything can happen between nominations and eviction?  If someone is the target put them up initially for christs sake.  I suppose the Battle of the Block throws in a wrench into everything. 

I can see Da'Vonne leaving this week, I hope it doesn't happen because I think she is a good player and she is very entertaining, but she has pissed off the people in power now, and they can get the votes to flip the rest of the house. 

Other Random Thoughts:

John is my favourite so far, even though he sounds like Bobcat Goldthwait.  His Diary Rooms are classic, but how in the fuck is he a dentist?  I'm not sure if I want that spazz working on my teeth but I'd love to have a few beers with him.

He's got to stop agreeing to go up as a pawn though, I know Da'Vonne is the target and I just said that I think she'll get voted out, but she'll be better at campaigning if it does end up being the two of them going into the eviction, and he could be in trouble.

I still haven't picked who I think is going to win yet... I am flip-flopping between a couple of people and I will reveal the pick on my next blog.

The twin twist is a bit of a yawn, but Liz/Julia are hot as fuck and seeing two of them is fine by me.

How did a train hit Becky?  Couldn't the train see that chin from 1000 miles away?

For fucks sake James, Meg DOES NOT look like Taylor Swift.  Not even fucking close bud.  T. Swift is a saint, and Meg is no T. Swift.