Phil Kessel We Hardly Knew Ye

It's been a few days, and the Phil Kessel trade news has still yet to sink in, I knew it was coming but it doesn't make it any easier.  The writing was unfortunately on the wall, one of the most talented players to ever grace the blue and white was run out of town and that is fucking contemptible

It's no secret that the 2014-15 Leafs season was amongst the worst in franchise history, and yes Phil Kessel did not play very well down the stretch, but all that being said he is still the 5th best scorer in the NHL since he has joined the Leafs.  This fact is lost amongst the squids in the media and the garbage clowns that call in sports talk radio with their asshole opinions...mainly just regurgitated the diarrhea that comes out of the mouth of Cathal Kelly, Squid Seixero, Dave Fuckface Feschuk and Steve Simmons.

Some weeks I have a difficult time coming up with a Squid of The Week, this week not only is Steve Simmons a slam dunk Squid of the Week, he could very well be the Squid of the Year.

Look at this smug, smarmy piece of shit.  Don't you just want to give him the Stone Cold Stunner right about meow?  Simmons is known for shitting out terrible articles for the tabloid rag known as the Toronto Sun and he could well be the most reviled amongst the truly horrific squid landscape that makes up the Toronto sports media.  But the article he shat out when Kessel got traded has to be the worst one he has ever written.  He led off his story with this bullshit:

The hot dog vendor who parks daily at Front and John Sts. just lost his most reliable customer.

Almost every afternoon at 2:30 p.m., often wearing a toque, Phil Kessel would wander from his neighbourhood condominium to consume his daily snack.
And now he’s gone. Just like that. The Maple Leafs could no longer stomach having Kessel around.

Oh lovely a fat joke.  First of all Phil Kessel is not fat.  I'm fat, Santa Claus is fat, Phil Kessel is not fucking fat.  Even if he ate street meat everyday what's the big fucking deal?  Toronto street meat is incredible, I would crush it on the regular if I lived in Toronto.  Second of all why would you need to add that he was wearing a toque?  It's winter for fucks sakes, why would he want to catch a cold??  Third of all it's not fucking possible that he was there every afternoon because the last time I checked they play 41 road games a year, so he can't be there every afternoon you fucking clown.

Not only all this, but my pals over at Pension Plan Puppets proved that it would have been impossible for Kessel to eat at the street meat vendor at Front and John because he lived nowhere near Front and John he would've had to walk 3 km there and back to eat it.  Could he have jogged to get his "Daily snack" yes he could but that would've defeated Simmons' tired narrative that Kessel is an lazy, overweight slob.  The best part of that PPP article is the revelation that Phik Kessel's number was listed in the phone book.  I didn't even know phone books still existed?

Simmons went on to say that Kessel was an "illness" you can tell he wanted to call him a cancer but given Kessel's medical history, that smug, insipid, loathsome asshole managed to hold himself back slightly by downgrading him to an illness.  PS can we end calling anything a cancer?  Cancer is pretty fucking awful, to compare something as inconsequential locker room cohesion to the deadliest disease in the world is really terrible when you think about it.

Simmons has been universally condemned for his horrific article, it even got attention stateside when ESPN's Keith Olbermann named him the worst person in the sports world.  Not only is he the worst in the sports world, he is the Squid of the Week.

I'll miss Phil Kessel, he is the best Leaf since Mats Sundin (another player who never got any respect from the squid media and garbage clown fans).  He is going to light it up in Pittsburgh playing alongside either Crosby or Malkin, they are going to feed him goals, and I predict he is going to score between 40 and 50 goals next year.  I knew this trade was going to come, but that doesn't change the fact that a generational talent in Phil Kessel had his prime wasted in Toronto playing alongside terrible teammates with even worse management running the team in the ground.  The fact that Phil Kessel is the scapegoat to the mess created by the likes of Dave Nonis and Randy Carlyle makes me sick to my stomach.

Welp, last week I said the Jays could well go 7-0... that... that didn't quite go as planned.  Actually between the Canada Day matinee and a weekend away at a cottage I only saw 2 of the games in their entirety, and maybe that it is a good thing.  The bats fell asleep, only showing signs of life on Canada Day and again yesterday afternoon, and they have to play Chris Sale tonight?? Yikes.

Anyways I am still confident in this team, there is still a ton of time left in this season, there is going to be weeks they go 2-5 and weeks they got 5-2, they just have to have more good weeks.  For the love of fuck though AA GET US SOME PITCHING.  I know that is easier said than done, and I know AA is working the phones non-stop, but still an arm will help sooner rather than later.

I really don't give a flying fuck about the All-Star game, but Josh Donaldson being voted in as a starter over that asshole on the Royals prevented a major injustice.  Jose Bautista and Russell Martin join Donaldson on the team as reserves.  The weird thing is Bautista is on the same All-Star team as Adam Jones and Darren O'Day, his arch-rivals from the Trash Bird Orioles... so if Bautista is in the Home Run Derby wouldn't it be apt if it's O'Day pitching to him?

The Week Ahead: @ Chicago White Sox (7/6 - 7/9) @ Kansas City (7/10 - 7/12) As I mentioned earlier the Jays are facing Chris Sale and the White Sox as we speak, with Papa Buehrle on the mound it could well be a 1-0 game.  The White Sox are trash though, the Jays need to beat these bottom dwelling teams, especially on the road.  Kansas City will be a bit more of a test, KC are the defending AL Champions, and they currently sit atop the AL Central.  Here's hoping the Jays have a good week and go into the All-Star Break on a high note.

While we're on the topic of the Blue Jays, this weeks C'Mon Bud goes to Sportsnet for inexplicably bumping Blue Jays Central to either SN360 or SN1 in favour of the repugnant Tim & Sid.  Tim isn't so bad but Sid is big a squid as they come, hence the name Squid Seixero.  C'Mon Bud, it's bad enough I have to sit through 45 of those horrible commercials during each Blue Jays broadcast, and having to hear Barry Davis awkwardly shill for them, but they are bumping Blue Jays Central???

How is Gregg Zaun supposed to give me Squid of the Week material?  Zaun aside Blue Jays Central is always a good watch before the game, solid analysis by Shi Davidi, pre-game interviews and insight from the players and coaches.  Every team has a pre-game show and it's now getting bumped for what?  Sid screaming at the camera with feigned outrage?  20 minute segments on 80's Pro-Wrestlers?  Sid dancing like Phillip the Hypo-Hyper Kid??  Fuck off, I can't wait for these assholes to get cancelled and be off my TV forever.

I guess I should say something about the Ti-Cats absolutely demolishing the woeful Winnipeg Blue Bombers, but truth be told I didn't see that much of the game.  I was heading up to my friends cottage, where that majestic Ti-Cats flag above flaps in the breeze.  By the time I got up there it was halftime and the game was out of hands with the Ti-Cats putting up an incredible 38 points.  Zach Collaros is unreal, with QB's dropping like flies in the CFL I'm happy knowing the he is one of the best and that he has an experienced line in front of him protecting him.

The Week Ahead:  A bye week!?!?! Already?? What the fuck?  I guess that's one of the quirks of having a 9 team league where each team gets 2 bye weeks.

Holy Fuckballs the Leafs won a game!

Alright you fucking amateur comedians, I suppose we need to start planning the parade because the Leafs actually won a game (albeit against the woeful Oilers), man those plan the parade jokes are SO funny and original... is your shitty bar gonna offer free beer during Leafs playoff games too? That one won't get old either.  You might as well be fucking Buzz Killington telling those jokes right before getting to a story about a bridge.  Leafs bashing is as old as the hills, for the love of god come up with some new fucking jokes, screaming about parades and 1967 isn't funny.  I like a good joke as much as the next guy, even if it comes at mine or my teams expense.  My uncle (a Leafs basher) came up with "There is no Reimer reason that guy should be in the NHL" that is actually funny, get creative with photoshops, just any joke about planning a parade is beyond stupid, because let me tell you the parade IS planned, and it will be the grandest parade the world has ever seen and I will be front and center with my shirt off chugging beers.  It's going to be worth all these years of agony once the Leafs finally do win the Stanley Cup.  The next few seasons will be tough in Leafland, I know everyone and their uncle is calling for the Leafs to tank for McDavid, but one pick isn't going to turn things around... look at Edmonton, how many number one picks have they had?  The key is to draft smart in the 2nd, 3rd, 4th rounds and beyond, it's like my fantasy football teams, I always get a good high draft pick, then surround them with assholes and I miss the playoffs every fucking year.  I think Brendan Shanahan has put together the right brain trust to draft smart... and thank fuck that won't include Dave Nonis.  It's high time that squid get shown the door, too bad he can't take David Clarkson's contract with him.  Remember when Nonis signed Clarkson and he said "I am not worried about Year 5" ugh... he must've known he would've been fired after year 2 of that horrific contract.  The Clarkson signing is going to plague this team for years to come. It's gonna be a slow rebuild, but it's something that should've been done years ago.  Ever since they introduced the hard cap the Leafs have been a fucking tire fire because nobody has had a single clue how to run the team properly, it'll take a while to clean up a decade of futility.

The Week Ahead: vs. New York Rangers (2/10), @ New York Islanders (2/12), @ Montreal (2/14).  Believe it or not the Leafs didn't play that horrifically last week, they had horrible luck against Nashville... well I didn't watch the New Jersey game because the Raptors are on (who in their right mind would watch the Leafs over the Raptors these days) and they made short work of the terrible Oilers.  All that good will undoubtedly fly out the window this week as they play 3 playoff teams.  As long as they beat those god forsaken toilet seat logo Habs I will be happy.  The Habs are a fucking joke of a franchise, I wonder if we're going to have to endure a 45 minute pre-game ceremony honouring some plug that played for the team in 1968.  One of these days I hope someone drops that stupid torch and melts a big patch in the ice and the Habs are forced to forfeit.

If you told me last week the Raptors would go 2-2 I would think that sounded about right, considering they played two teams worse than them in the East and then the always tough Clippers and the defending champs.  The exact opposite happened, they played like complete dog shit against the Bucks and the Nets, and in the first quarter against the Clippers... but then James Johnson happened.  James Johnson had a hurt hamstring and missed a few games, and in the games before he was hurt Dwane Casey had him inexplicably nailed to the bench.  James Johnson is the People's Champ.  When he came off the bench to play the Clippers he got a roaring round of applause from the ACC faithful.  He started the game against the Spurs yesterday and delivered the dagger against the Champs denying Pop his 1,000th win.  He does what the rest of the Raptors don't seem to do... drive the ball to the hoop.  Take the game against the Bucks where they looked awful they were 7 for 27 from 3-point range and 32% overall, they keep insisting on throwing up 3's despite if they are hitting them or not (Lou Williams I'm looking in your direction), and taking horribly contested jump shots.  I don't want to dwell on the negative considering those Clippers and Spurs wins were huge but why was my boy Big V nailed to the bench against the Bucks?  He was the only starter who showed up in the first half and got a double double... for that he was awarded 5 minutes of playing time in the entire second half.   Anyways the last 3 quarters of the Clippers game and the Spurs game last night was two of the better games I have seen all year from the Raptors, I was so happy watching that Spurs game, it's always nice to beat the champs!  It's good to have some momentum going into the All-Star break.

The Week Ahead: vs. Washington (2/11).  One fucking game because of the All-Star break and of course it's on Wednesday the night I have trivia.  The NBA is experimenting with a prolonged All-Star break this year, and you know what I don't have a problem with it, I know they're millionaire athletes but an 82 game schedule is a grind, we're in the February doldrums now so it'll be good for players to get away for a bit, heal up some nagging injuries and come back refreshed.  The game itself against the Wizards should be good, they are two similar teams and have played tight games against each other all year, it's potentially a playoff preview too.

MISCELLANEOUS NEWS 

The Blue Jays held their State of the Franchise thing last Thursday.  It's only for season tickets holders and they get free beer and food and a chance to hear answers to screened questions.  Nothing really new came from it, but there is fancy new turf and Paul Beeston is still convinced the SkyDome will have natural grass by 2018... colour me skeptical on that.  We got to hear Buck Martinez' lovely voice again, count me in the minority but I have no problem with Buck or Tabby.  Alex Anthopolous has the tendency of saying a lot of things, without saying anything at all, so if you missed this don't worry, it's just a sign that baseball is just around the corner! That warms the cockles of my cold winters heart.  I am going to write a Spring Training preview separate from my usual Monday ramblings in the next few weeks, so be on the look out for that!

Brandon Banks re-signed with the Ti-Cats! Him and Luke Tasker both made commitments to the Ti-Cats this off-season when they could've gone to an NFL practice squad somewhere, but no they love the Hammer and want to win here.  I can't wait to get back to Tim Hortons Field this summer... look for the "Ti-Cats Game Heckle of the Week" on this blog (and hopefully podcast) once the season gets rolling.

Richie Incognito signed with the Bills... not too sure how I feel about that one, he seems like a gigantic arsehole, but the Bills need an offensive lineman and hopefully he's learned his lesson after being away from the game for a year and a half.

Now it's time for everyone's new favourite segment - C'Mon Bud!! Originally my target was going to be Peter Horachek for putting Jonathan Bernier back in the game against Nashville when Optimus Reim was playing well, and the Leafs had the victory.... only to see it fall apart yet again.  But then I saw this on my Twitter feed this morning...

C'Mon Bud!! This is absolutely fucking ridiculous, no I didn't read the article, it's probably absolute garbage, and up until this morning I didn't even know The Hockey News still existed.  The Hockey Media get all butt-hurt when Phil Kessel doesn't want to talk to them and think that they are idiots, well no fucking wonder, if you see shit like this would you want to talk to the squids?  Oh and how cute making a 1967 reference, go fuck yourselves Hockey News.  I know that Phil hasn't played well lately, but who has on the Leafs?  He is playing with Tyler fucking Bozak, and I am sorry the guy absolutely sucks.  He is not anywhere near a first line centre and he is dragging Kessel down with him.  Phil is not a fucking coach killer any coach in the league would be lucky to have Phil.  It's been a bad go for the Leafs lately and this is piling on.  My buddy and I were thinking the other day, imagine Sundin centering Kessel while both were in their primes?? Jesus Christ that would be a lot of goals... buuuuut the Toronto media would probably still say "duhhhhhh Sundin not leader, he no grinder from Mimico, where grit? Phil score 50 goal but he hurt my feelings bloo bloo bloo".  I am beginning to think Phil will be better off on another team, not because he sucks but the Leafs are in a complete overhaul now, and why would he waste more of his prime years on the hot garbage Leafs.  I would love to see him flourish in anonymity on an American team if only to rub it into Dave Feschuk and the rest of the squids faces.

Kessel the Best, Raps Back on Track, Deflate-Gate

Due to the god-forsaken All-Star Game the Leafs only played two games last week, and they lost both thus continuing Death Spiral v. 4.0  The All-Star Break couldn't have come at a better time for the boys, hopefully they got some rest and got their heads screwed on straight being away from Toronto and the vultures in the media for a few days.  I barely watched any of the All-Star coverage... I rarely do in any of the sports because it's garbage, the players don't want to be there, the game itself is horse shit, plus all the leagues have taken to creating atrocious uniforms for the occasion.  This years NHL All-Star jerseys looked like some bootleg moto-cross bullshit you'd find on the shelves of your local Bi-Way.  All that being said, a great thing happened at the Fantasy Draft last Friday.  "Team Foligno" picked first (on an aside, I know he plays for Columbus and that's where the game is but I guarantee 95% of sports fans said what the fuck is a Team Foligno, way to go NHL) and he picked Blue Jacket teammate Ryan Johansen... fair enough I guess, get a cheap pop from the home crowd.  Then Team Toews picked next, and he went and picked the one and only Phil Kessel, and then proclaimed that he picked him because he is "very coachable".  I stood up and applauded when I heard that... It got a chuckle out of ol' Philly Blunt, plus he didn't have to endure the humiliation of getting picked last.  Also in my opinion Toews did that as a big 'Fuck You!' to Wrong Wilson, Dave Feschuk and the rest of the fucking squids in the Toronto media.  These guys are all tight and they probably see the shit that Kessel is getting put through in Toronto and feel bad for him.  Speaking of Feschuk, being called an idiot by Kessel is probably the best thing to happen in his shitty little career.  I'm not sure if he has been on TSN SportsCentre for a while, because I boycotted TSN SportsCentre for a couple of years, and I only started watching it again because I loathe the Sportsnet Hockey Panel (except Elliote Friedman) but this squid has popped up on SportsCentre shitting out his horrible opinions, on you guessed it Phil Kessel.  It's the usual bullshit he's been spewing since Kessel has showed up in Toronto... "They need to trade Kessel, he is fat, he can't play defense, who cares if he scores goals I want to be a contrarian arsehole in order to get more exposure and line my own wallet bloo bloo bloo let me call James Reimers sweet old mother at home and harass her derp derp derp."  Remember that piece of shit Feschuk wrote this book:

Only $19.67, how fucking cute.  So he hates the Leafs, he hates Kessel, I am not saying that everyone in the media should be Leafs Homers.  James Mirtle of the Globe and Mail is hard on the Leafs but his arguments make actual sense and he didn't go to the Damien Cox school of Trolling.  The Leafs have missed the playoffs in 9 of the last 10 seasons and the way things are going it looks like they won't make it again, but Phil Kessel is not the fucking problem, it's the players that have been brought in to surround Kessel.  They bring in players not based on their talent but supposed "character" and that they're "winners."  You can't fucking buy character, you can't buy winners but you can buy talent.  The Leafs have fucked up monumentally in that regard, and getting rid of an elite talent like Phil Kessel will only set them back even further.

The Week Ahead: @ New Jersey (1/28), vs. Arizona (1/29), @ Philadelphia (1/31).  On paper this could be an easy week for the Leafs, but as we all know nothing comes easy for the Leafs these days. All three of these teams are below the Leafs in the standings, so hopefully some R&R over the All-Star break did them some good and they can get back to winning, and maybe actually scoring some goals.  Let's face it the Leafs have been pretty downright unwatchable these days, defensive hockey is boring as shit, and that's what Horachek is trying to instill in these boys... just score some fucking goals already.

The Raptors went 3-1 last week and appear to be slowly but surely emerging from their mid-season funk that has dated back to New Years.  Granted they didn't look like world-beaters in beating the Bucks, 76ers and Pistons (all missing good players, or in the 76ers case are a glorified D-League team), they looked a lot better on the defensive end against the Grizzlies, but fuck they shot blanks.  They looked a lot better last night against the Pistons, DeMar is starting to shake off the rust from his injury.  I think all the hoopla surrounding getting Kyle Lowry starting on the All-Star team was a bit of a distraction... in other news thank fuck I never have to hear Matty D say "HASH TAG NBA BALLOT" ever again.  PS Congrats to Kyle on getting the start, but as we all know All-Star Games are bullshit, and I would rather him get the rest.  One thing is curious though, in the last week James Johnson has seen his playtime decrease to Bruno and Bebe levels, and I really don't understand this at all.  James Johnson was with the Raptors once before, and Dwane Casey nailed him to the bench then, citing some attitude problem, and he left the team on poor terms.  He returned to the team this year, and I thought played very well for them in the first part of the season, and his attitude has never come into question, in fact there were plenty of reports on how much it has improved.  Coach Casey insists that he's not getting benched for any disciplinary reason, or based on his play just that they are "trying new things".  Still I don't like it, James Johnson is the poor man's Lebron and I think he should be starting instead of Greivis Vasquez.  Perhaps this is just a temporary thing, Johnson is great on the boards, gets big blocks and unlike a lot of the boys recently isn't afraid to drive the lane for thunderous dunks.  Plus his nickname is Bloodsport... how cool is that?

The Week Ahead: @ Indiana (1/27), vs. Sacramento (1/28), @ Brooklyn (1/30), @ Washington (1/31).  4 game in 5 nights, with 3 on the road... Yikes.  Perhaps it is good after all that James Johnson has been resting up?  The good news is 3 of the 4 teams are sub-500 and are on the outside looking in of the playoffs.  The game of the week will be the Wizards game Saturday night, but the Brooklyn game on Friday should be good too, because I guess they are the Raptors biggest rival these days.  Fuck Brooklyn! 

I'd be remiss if I didn't bring up one of the biggest stories in the sports world, that of the New England Patriots being caught red-handed AGAIN being no good rotten cheaters.  While at the end of the day I must admit that the Patriots could've used under-inflated beach balls and still would've beaten the Colts in the AFC Title game just the optics of the whole thing stinks.  The dual press conferences held by Bill Belicheat and Tom "Uggs" Brady were dreadful.  They were both clearly lying, flames around them should've been digitally added by Channel Six.  I think they'd be better off just coming out and admitting that they purposely deflated the ball.  Belisuck had another press conference the other day where he went all physicist and he was more emphatic that they didn't do anything untoward... all of which was shot down by the smartest man on Earth Bill Nye The Science Guy.  The Patriots have a culture of cheating, there was the tuck rule, Spy-Gate, tricky plays against the Ravens and now this.  Don't tell me that this was the first week they used deflated balls, I guarantee they've done this all season, perhaps longer.  Also Patriots owner Robert Kraft (who wears the same damned suit everyday) is good friends with Roger Goodell, many have gone as far to say that Kraft is the defacto assistant commissioner, so I smell a major conflict of interest there.  Goodell is a fucking joke, he can go and bully Marshawn Lynch and not let him wear gold cleats, but he'll let the Patriots cheat under his watch.  Go ahead and deny it Brady, we have seen all the denials before - Ryan Braun, Lance Armstrong, Bill Clinton, Richard Nixon etc. and how did those turn out?  Honesty is the best policy! Tom Brady went on the radio and said his "feelings were hurt" what a fucking baby, no wonder he is afraid of waterslides.  I still maintain the Seahawks are going to win the Super Bowl, this whole thing must be a distraction for the Patriots, and now they'll be watched closely and all their cheating ways will be exposed.

That's all for this week... I thought about writing something about the whole Paul Beeston situation for the Jays but it's so fucking stupid.  "Lil'" Eddie Rogers aka Bumblefuck Eddie has made a mess of this, and has looked terrible in MLB's old boys network.  What a fucking did-saster.  Follow my man Andrew Stoeten for all the news about that.  Until next week give me a follow on twitter @HDH2112.

Raptors Keep Winning, Wild Card Weekend Predictions and More!

Kyle Lowry is a fucking beast, as far as athletes on Toronto teams go I would have to say he is the best, Jose Bautista and Phil Kessel might have something to say about it, but Kyle Lowry is a bonafide MVP candidate and he keeps getting better and better.  I really don't give a flying fuck about All-Star games, but if he isn't a starter this year that would be a crime.  Currently he sits fourth in voting behind John Wall, Dwayne Wade and Kyrie Irving, all those are great players, especially John Wall but Lowry is better.  What a performance last night in Denver playing in altitude on the second half of a back to back, he only came out with 31 points and 11 assists for the double-double.  He is capable of carrying this team on his back alone, but he is also great at getting his teammates involved.  If a 32 year old didn't look like a clown in a basketball jersey I would definitely get one of his. I was worried about the Clippers game last week... why?  That was a really fun game to watch, it was close most of the game until "We The Forth" took over.  The Raptors/Clippers game was the only game happening at the time, and the rest of the NBA world must have stood up and noticed the Raptors if they haven't already.  I know it's the typical Canadian little brother syndrome, but I love it when ESPN or TNT or any other American sports outlets praise the Raptors, after years of ignoring them.  The Raptors are finally getting the respect they deserve.

The Week Ahead: @ Portland (12/30), @ Golden State (1/2), @ Phoenix (1/4).  The Raptors West Coast Swing continues against two of the elite teams in all of basketball.... and the Suns (who are still a pretty decent team!)  Last week I said I would be thrilled if the Raptors went 3-3 on this trip, and they are already 2-1 thus far.  I am really looking forward to both the Portland and Golden State games, they are such fun teams to watch, plus it's late starts!  I love late games, back when I was a working man dick I hated them, but now I have nothing better to do but stay up until 1 am watching sports!

While I just fawned over how great Kyle Lowry was, I have to say Phil Kessel is the best too.  Last night he only played his 400th straight game for the Leafs, he hasn't missed a game since his debut.  But according to fucking Dave Feschuk and the rest of the squids in the Toronto media, who get all poopy pants when he doesn't want to talk to them, he is lazy, fat and out of shape.  I'm lazy, fat and out of shape, I know my own kind and Phil Kessel isn't one of us.  I really hate the Toronto sports media, the same dick heads that never gave Hall of Famer Mats Sundin any credit criticize Phil Kessel at every turn, when he has only been consistently in the Top 10 in NHL scoring every year he's been in Toronto.  Sure he goes through dry spells, but who doesn't?  I'd take him on my team before anyone else in the NHL... mumpy face Crosby included.  Anyways, the Leafs only had two games this past week, they dominated Dallas, but since that game was before Christmas it seems like it was a month ago instead of a week ago.  They really looked like shit against Florida last night, save for a little stretch in the second where they scored all their goals.  Richard Panik who has been awesome this season left the game with a concussion... ugh hopefully he isn't gone as long as Leo Komarov has been.

The Week Ahead: @ Tampa Bay (12/29), @ Boston (12/31), @ Minnesota (1/2), @ Winnipeg (1/3).  This road trip continues against some tough opponents.  Tampa Bay is amongst the elite in the NHL, so I am not counting on anything from that tonight, we always suck against Boston, especially in front of their Masshole fans... Minnesota is boring and shitty, and the Jets are surprisingly having a good year.  Like I have said all season the Leafs are so fucking bipolar it's tough to say what team will show up... the team that gets horrifically out shot with very little offensive puck possession, relies on amazing goaltending and manages to win, or if all that still happens and they look like the Mighty Ducks before Emilio Estevez was forced to coach those little fuck heads.

The World Juniors are in full swing and as usual Canada is destroying weaker competition.  We kicked the ever loving shit out of Slovakia on Boxing Day, I miss playing France on Boxing Day, there is nothing better than beating the French... well maybe beating Germany like we did the next night.  Canada has a long and storied history of beating the Krauts at things - hockey, World Wars etc.  The top line of Max Domi, Anthony Duclair and Sam Reinhart have been amazing, obviously the apple doesn't fall far from the tree with Max Domi, as his old man Tie was the best.  Things get a little tougher for Canada as we play reigning gold medalists Finland tonight, the same Finnish team that knocked us out in the semi-finals last year, and the stinkin' Americans on New Years Eve.  At least those games there will be some competition, it gets a little boring to beat the shit out of these weaker hockey nations.  The elimination rounds happen this weekend and the gold medal game is next Monday night, hopefully we'll be in it!

As I correctly predicted last week, the Bills showed up and beat the god forsaken Patriots in Foxborough for the first time since 2000 when the game did not matter for either side.  Still a win is a win and fuck Tom Brady, fuck Bill Belichuk and fuck that cave man Gronk.  The win left them at 9-7 on the season.... their first winning season in a decade, ugh.  Kyle Orton retired, so the Bills are either have to make a move at QB or decide to go with EJ Manuel, it'll be interesting to see how that pans out.  Doug "Moron" Marrone looks like he is going keep his job (stupid decision), hopefully he deep-sixes Nathanial "Can't" Hackett and get a decent offensive co-ordinator.  If they can get a decent QB and some good offensive linemen then this is a playoff team next year.  Hopefully Jim Schwartz sticks around, because their defense is unbelievable and Kiko Alonso coming back next season will just make them better.

NFL playoffs are upon us and wild card weekend is always the best football you'll see all season.  Call your bookies and get your Pro-Line tickets ready because these are my can't miss predictions for the games this weekend:

ARIZONA @ CAROLINA

WINNER:

It's a fucking joke that Carolina is in the playoffs, let alone hosting a game just because they won the god-awful NFC South.  Arizona was having a break-out season before Carson Palmer got hurt, and they still managed to play pretty well without him.  Cam Newton is good, but they aren't good enough to pull this one off.

BALTIMORE @ PITTSBURGH

WINNER:

I have a soft spot for the Steelers, I've always kind of liked them, plus Pittsburgh is an awesome city... it reminds me of Hamilton.  Pittsburgh is back in the playoffs after missing it last year, and Big Ben is a 2 time Super Bowl winner, come January he could easily string some wins together.  Steelers-Ravens games are always good ol' time football games, the way it was meant to be played, so I am expecting a hard-hitting tough affair with the Steelers pulling it off.

CINCINNATI @ INDIANAPOLIS 

WINNER:

This is the HDH upset of the week, yeah Indy has Andrew Luck and they are playing at home but I don't trust the Colts.  The Bengals played in a way tougher division than Indy who coasted into the playoffs, plus I always liked their Tiger-Striped helmets.  I can see this game going down to the wire, with the Bengals pulling it off late.

DETROIT @ DALLAS

WINNER:

This was a tough one for me too choose, I have a soft spot for the Detroit Lions, as I can identify with any long-suffering fan base.  I am a big fan of Calvin Johnson and Matthew Stafford, but I don't see them beating Dallas, especially in Big D.  DonkeyKong Suh went out and got himself suspended again for stomping on Aaron Rodger's ankle yesterday... does this guy have difficulties? Seriously how dumb can he be.  I kind of have a soft spot for the Cowboys too, I got over my hatred of them from the early 90's when they beat the Bills in back to back Super Bowls.  Tony Romo is good despite his many critics and Dez Bryant and DeMarco Murray are unreal, I want this to be a high scoring game with Dallas coming through in the end.

Well that's my last post of 2014... it's been a year of a lot of ups and downs for me, but the last few months have definitely been on the "up" side of things.  I actually want to expand this sports blog a little more in the New Year.  I want to start a podcast with my buddy, who is also very sports inclined and is hilarious.  Maybe get a new website for my sports blogs and the podcast, make it slightly more professional looking and keep this one for my Big Brother and Food Reviews... we'll see it's just a thought but I think it would be fun.  Until then I hope you have a very Happy New Year and as usual hit me up on twitter @HDH2112 

Buds All Day, AA the Best and more!

We saw two different versions of the Leafs last week, the same team that made short work of the Dallas Stars and the god forsaken Vancouver Canucks and the creepy Sedin twins, lost in extremely boring fashion to the New Jersey Devils.  That Devils game sucked, but such is life in an 82 game season, sometimes you're the dog, sometimes you're the fire hydrant.  What really pissed me off about that Devils game is that some cretin threw his jersey on the ice... really bud?  This jersey tossing thing is so fucking stupid and it needs to end immediately. Yeah the Leafs came out flat and played like shit, but they were playing the Devils who without Jagr and Elias (combined age 114) played typical boring neutral zone trap New Jersey Devil hockey.  The Leafs have been winning a ton lately, and just because you paid half a months salary to go see them does not give you the right to throw your jersey on the ice.  Squid move bud.  By the way, unless you got Craig Jones to order you a jersey from China for $30 they're pretty fucking expensive, so not only did you drop all that money for a ticket and beer you just threw a $200 jersey on the ice to prove some point? Give it up for lent bud, go fuck yourself.

Something is amiss with my beloved Phil Kessel, yes he did score against Dallas and New Jersey, but I think he is hurt, he took a vicious hit against Dallas, and they keep showing him in practice wincing and stretching out his back.  Everytime they show him on the bench he is crunched over in pain (or he is winded: insert lazy fat joke here Toronto media dickheads).  If he is indeed hurt like many are suggesting then he should take a few games off, we'll need him in March and April, not in December.

The Week Ahead: vs. Calgary (12/9), @ Detroit (12/10), vs. Detroit (12/13), vs. Los Angeles (12/14).  This is a tough week for the Buds.  For the first time in years the Calgary Flames are actually a good team, they are solidly in a playoff position and don't seem to be letting it go.  Hopefully the Leafs beat the Flames to make up for the Stampeders beating the Ti-Cats in the Grey Cup. There is a home and home against the pesky fucking Red Wings, and then the defending Stanley Cup champs come in for a bizarre 5 pm game on Sunday.  Jonathan "Nelson Mandela is my Favourite Athlete" Bernier, has been playing really well lately, as the Leafs have started up their old habit of giving up a buttload of shots every game, and we are going to need Bernier to keep it up during this tough stretch next week.  Speaking of Bernier that Nelson Mandela thing is inexcusable, I know that athletes are not the smartest breed, and English isn't Bernier's first language, but come on, how can he possibly say Nelson Mandela was one of his favourite athletes growing up?  When Bernier was growing up Mandela was in his 70's and the President of South Africa.  Jesus Christ Bernier get a fucking clue.

Photo Credit @mattomic 

AA strikes again.  At the end of the regular season I was getting kind of sick of hearing AA's bullshit, talking about "payroll parameters" and the Blue Jays refusal to give out contracts longer than 5 seasons, plus the 2014 season ended on (another) sour note.  Now I am singing his praises again and the 2015 season can not start soon enough.   Last week that Jays dealt JA Happ to Seattle for Left Fielder Michael Saunders.  Considering Melky Cabrera is as good as gone, Saunders is a great pick-up for the team, a good sign that it is a great move is that Seattle Mariner bloggers are very upset about giving up Saunders.  Saunders has been hurt, and the unforgiving SkyDome Rogers Centre turf may not help issues, but I think he'll be as equal as Melky if not better in the coming seasons.  Plus for all you who get Maple Boners... he's Canadian! Despite losing Brett "Spazz" Lawrie they will be fielding 3 Canadians in their starting line-up next season along with Russel Martin, and Dalton "Live At" Pompey.  Ohhhh fuck yah bud.  AA and the Jays still have work to do, their starting line-up is pretty much set, but they still need some bullpen arms, and perhaps another starting pitcher.  There is 3 long months until Spring Training starts, and I don't think they're done tinkering yet! 

Holy Shit Kyle Lowry is a beast, in fact he was just named NBA Eastern Conference Player of the Week for the past week.  When it's all said and done he will end up being the best player in Toronto Raptors history.  He dropped 27 against the Kings and then put up a career high 39 against the Jazz the next night.  We're a quarter of the way through the season now and in my completely biased opinion I would say Lowry is the MVP thus far.  Granted we're only a quarter through the season and Anthony Davis, LeBron James and the other usual suspects might have a thing or two to say about that, but he definitely needs some consideration, and he will be a starter in the All-Star Game in February.  Just for the love of God don't get hurt.  The Raptors really felt that DeRozan injury during the Cleveland game, T-Ross and "Captain" Lou Williams shot like shit, Jonas "Big V" Valaciunas got in foul trouble off the hop, but despite all that it was close most of the game and Cleveland only pulled ahead in the 4th quarter when it was all but over.  They said DeRozan won't need surgery on his groin which is good news, but there is still no time line for his return.

The Week Ahead: vs. Denver (12/8), @ Cleveland (12/9), vs. Indiana (12/12), @ New York (12/14).  The Raptors are playing 3 teams that are under .500 and out of the playoff hunt, once again they need to take advantage of these games, the Raptors have shown a killer instinct against these mediocre teams and must continue to do so.  They play the Cleveland LeBrons once again in what should be a big game, this could well be a 2nd or 3rd round playoff preview, it'll be tough again without DeRozan, but I am confident that it will be close, Kyle Lowry will need to step up and beat those assholes himself.

The Bills are fucking done again, Jesus Christ this team can't do anything right.  That game was ripe for picking too, Peyton had a terrible un-Peyton like game, in fact it's the first time in 4 fucking seasons that he hasn't thrown a touchdown pass.  On the surface a 24-17 loss to Denver with Kyle Orton throwing 355 yards doesn't look too bad, but fuck he sucked.  Untimely interceptions, weak red zone play and some questionable play calling has led us to YET ANOTHER playoff-less season.  They might as well go back to EJ Manuel for the last few weeks of the season, let's see what the kid can do as Kyle Orton is not the QB of the future.  Doug "Moron" Marrone should be axed at the end of this season, and so should that clown offensive coordinator Nathaniel "Can't" Hackett.  Why not have defensive co-coordinator Jim Schwartz take over?  The Bills D has once again been amazing, plus he has NFL head coaching experience.  There are pieces in place for the Bills to be a playoff team but that fucking offense, especially the play calling needs to improve.

The Bills in Toronto Series is as dead as their season!  This was a joke right from the get-go, greedy-assed Rogers expecting people to fork over a ton of their money to watch the shitty Bills play in the SkyDome.  They were giving away tickets for free next to people who dropped $300 bucks for their seats, no wonder people were pissed off.  There is a lot of Bills fans in Southern Ontario, but there is also fans of a shit load of other teams.  Amongst my friends I know Dolphins, Lions, Steelers, Titans, Patriots, Vikings, Giants and 49ers fans.  This should come as no surprise, the Bills have done fuck all to lure new fans since the days of Flutie Flakes, idiots like me only hold out because they were amazing when I was a kid, and I am loyal to a fault.  My point is as a Bills fan in Southern Ontario I would way rather make the 2 hour drive to Orchard Park to watch the Bills play at the Ralph, have the tailgate experience at a true home game then to watch them at the mausoleum known as the SkyDome where everything is over-priced and there is maybe less than half Bills fans there.  When they played the Dolphins shit-heads like my buddys Jeff and Mike showed up because it is a lot easier for them to see their favourite team in Toronto than to fly all the way to Miami, same thing happened when they played Seattle or Atlanta.  Maybe one day Toronto will have their own NFL team (not bloody likely) but until then keep the Bills in Buffalo where they belong.

The Week Ahead.  vs. Green Bay (12/14).  Jeezum Crow this is an ass-kicking waiting to happen.  It is the last home game of the year, so maybe they'll go out in style?? Who am I fucking kidding there is nothing stylish about Buffalo.

As usual you can catch me on the Twitter @HDH2112 you can also leave a comment in the comment section, I do love all feedback good or bad.  See you next week! 

Thoughts on the Leafs season so far

New Year, new post.  Can you believe this shitty blog is a year old? That is a lot of Big Brother and fast food talk.  I am going to stop saying I am going to post more, because until Big Brother Canada starts in March I really don't see many posts on the horizon.  Anyways tonight is a different story, I am going to give some thoughts on the Leafs season so far.  First things first that Winter Classic shot is pretty cool eh... I don't usually buy into the whole hype about the Winter Classic, and I think the NHL is over-doing this whole outdoor game stuff with another 5 outdoor games on the horizon this season, but it was pretty neat seeing over 105,000 fans, over half of them decked out in the blue and white take in the game.  It helps that the Leafs destroyed those piece of shit Red Wings too.  That will teach that ogre Todd Bertuzzi to mess with our water bottles.  It would have been kind of cool to go see it live, but I think I prefer the warm confines of my couch over freezing my nuts off to see a crappy view of the game a mile away. 

 

Well this has really been a tale of two seasons.  As per their usual style the Leafs jumped out of the gate very hot going 10-4-0 in the month of October, despite being frustratingly out-shot every single god damned game, but then they came back down to Earth with a 4-6-3 November, and now only have 2 regulation victories in the last 20 games.... yikes thank god for the extra point for going to OT and the fact for the first time ever they've been half decent in the shoot-out.  If the season ended today they would be in the playoffs holding one of the Wild Card positions, but the teams behind them in the standings are awfully close and if they don't get their shit together the Leafs could be on the outside looking in come playoff time in April.  A lot has pissed me off about the season so far, but I have been happy with some things.  I am going to point out a couple of good things and and couple of bad things that have stuck out with me thus far this season.

THE GOOD

The Goaltending

There is no doubt that time and time again the goaltending has bailed out the Leafs this season.  As I said in my Leafs season preview post I said I liked how the Leafs have a 1a and a 1b goalie and how they can just ride the hot hand.  As mentioned earlier the Leafs are painfully outshot almost 2 to 1 in many of the games they have played this season, and it has been either Jonathan Bernier or James "Optimus Reim" Reimer that have bailed them out, and they are pretty much the main reason they hold onto a playoff spot right now.  If this was fucking Vesa Toskala and Jonas Gustuvsson....whooo boy they would be looking at a high draft pick this year. So far Randy Carlyle has preferred Bernier over Optimus Reim, but Randy Carlyle is a fucking douchebag... more on that later. I don't see Reimer lasting very much longer in Toronto, because for some god forsaken reason Carlyle does not trust him as much as he trusts Bernier.  Reimer getting the quick yank in that game against Detroit before Christmas is the proof, he has yet to pull his golden boy Bernier this year.  (on an aside, pull his golden boy sounds very dirty).  I am not knocking Bernier, I hope he is proves to be a solid #1 tender for years to come, but I really like Reimer, and I think he is getting shit on by Leafs management.

Kessel and van Dreamsdyk

Holy fuck I love watching these two play together, it's such a shame that they are American.  For all of Brian Burke's blustery nonsense, these two additions are two of the best the Leafs have ever made.  People shit on the infamous Kessel deal to this day, but the guy has consistently produced his entire time in the blue and white, and Burke got JVR from the Flyers for Luke Schenn.... remember that guy?  That has to be one of the biggest steals in the history of the NHL.  Like I said it's a bloody shame these two are Americans, they will do some damage for Team USA in the upcoming Olympics.  They are 1-2 in scoring on the team this year, yeah they are notoriously streaky players, but when they're going they are very fun to watch.  Honourable mention goes to Joffrey Lupul who when healthy is always one of the best players on the ice, as well Mason Raymond has been great this season.

THE BAD

David Clarkson

I really hate shitting on a guy on the Leafs but David Clarkson is absolutely useless.  Why they gave this guy so much money is beyond me.  As you can see above our friends at Pension Plan Puppets have produced this handy chart to show how much of a cap hit it is going to cost the Leafs to buy out this plug in the next few years, with the cap going up I suppose it's not so bad, but any monkey could have told you throwing superstar money at David fucking Clarkson as a free agent isn't the wisest of moves.  I know he wasn't brought in to bring Kessel or Crosby like productivity but 2 goals and 5 assists over 30 games is unacceptable for someone making his money.  But as we saw on 24/7 he did a marvelous job of protecting the sanctity of the Leafs water bottles.... Jesus Christ wasn't that the stupidest thing you have ever heard in your entire life... "Don't touch our fucking water bottles" he sounded like he was a kid in Grade 3 on recess.  I hope he turns it around and soon, at $5.25 million per year he bloody well better.

Randy Carlyle

I hate Randy Carlyle.  I hated him before and I hate him even more after watching his crap on 24/7.  Why does he hate my boy Nazem Kadri so much??  Seriously the guy rides him like a fly on shit, and because of his monumental stupidity Kadri is on the trading block and will likely flourish on another team.  The guy ran Mikhail Grabovksi and Clarke MacArthur out of town, and they have succeeded with other teams, and I can see the same happening with Kadri.  The guy insists on playing two goons (Orr and McClaren) a night, and gives guys like Jay McClement (who I do like don't get me wrong) heavy minutes while leaving guys like Kadri and Peter Holland stapled to the bench.  I don't like his hard-ass style either, this may work for some high school coaches, but these are grown men making millions of dollars, and they aren't going to be treated like common trash for long.   I think a lot of players have already tuned him out.  Plus as we also saw on 24/7 the goof doesn't know how to use a fucking toaster.  Something has to be said about the fact that the Leafs collapse in the 3rd period seemingly every game.  They’ve given up a tying or go-ahead goal in the 3rd period in 17 games this year, and in 11 of those, they’ve either lost the game, or lost points. This has a lot to do with Carlyle's policy of just sitting back when they have the lead and not keeping their foot on the gas.  The Leafs blogosphere (read: people who write way better blogs than me) turned on Carlyle ages ago, and now the Toronto media has started to as well.  Frankly I think the Leafs are lucky to be in the position they are in, and they would be way better off with a new head coach.

Well so concludes my first post on 2014 with some thoughts on the Leafs.  I still the think the Leafs are going to win the Cup, especially if they fire Carlyle.  As I hinted in the opening paragraph don't count on too much more blogs out of me until Big Brother Canada starts.... I still should go review McDonald's poutine though!

Some NHL thoughts

Believe it or not the NHL has almost reached it's midway point in this shortened season, and if the season ended right now the Leafs would be in the playoffs!  The Leafs making the playoffs actually presents somewhat of a crisis for me, I tend to work evenings, and if I have work during a Game 7 of a Leafs playoff series I will lose my shit. This hasn't been a problem for me in the last 9 years (ugh), I guess I am going to have to get that diarrhea disease I said I had to get out of work when I worked at the GoodLife call centre.  Speaking of hell, I always liked getting my stats for the day and finding out I took over 25 minutes worth of shit breaks hahahahaha.  Anyways back to hockey, I have to say I am enjoying the way the Leafs are playing this year, mind you they've had some disaster games but who hasn't?  The goaltending has been spotty at times but both James "Optimus Reim" Reimer and "Big" Ben Scrivens have both had great games, and like I said it my first hockey post, if the Leafs can get consistent goaltending they'll be playoff bound.

One of the main reason for the Leafs being in a playoff position is London Ontario's own and former London Knight Nazem Kadri.  (kudos to TheScore for that Naz as Nas pic, lord knows I'm not that clever).  The guy has been lights out this year, his hat trick last night against the Islanders was a thing of beauty.  I've been on the Kadri bandwagon since his London Knights days, the way that Ron "Wrong" Wilson and Brian Burke treated him should be amongst the main reasons neither is employed with the organization anymore.  Even Dallas "Do you want a bus ride to Petrolia or a cab ride to the Air Canada Centre" Eakins calling him fat at the start of Toronto Marlies training camp is laughable and an example of the clubs shitty handling of him.  Some might argue all this tough love is the reason he's doing so well, I argue that you need your head examined and he should have been on the team all last year.  The only good thing Pierre McGuire has said in his entire life was when he said Naz had "nifty mittens" after a particularly impressive shoot out goal a couple of seasons back.  All this playing on a line with this guy...

The goon Colton Orr!  Seriously Randy Carlyle has been playing this guy a regular shift on his line.  The guy is an ankle burner, who should be buried on the 4th line at best not leading the team in ice time. Don't get me wrong I love hockey fights, I know it's the cool thing to hate on hockey fights, many bloggers and columnists I respect rally against it....but fuck em.  I know all the arguments against it, concussions, and the fact that when it comes down to it they truly serve no purpose whatsoever, but I don't care, a good scrap is awesome.  That all being said, hockey skill wise Colton Orr sucks.  I think Kadri should centre the first line between my boy Phil Kessel and James van Riemsdyk aka van Dreamsdyk.  Speaking of whom, has been incredible this year, kudos to Brian Burke for trading Puke Schenn to Philly for him. 

My boy Phil Kessel has been a lightning rod of controversy in his tenure in Toronto, mainly because of the controversial deal that brought him here.  It seems like I am constantly defending the best player they've had since Sundin. Granted he hasn't scored at the pace we're used to this season, but he has still put up a ton of assists, and some of his passes to van Dreamsdyk for goals this year have been things of beauty. One of my managers at work Ryan, is a die hard Red Wings fan, and he shits on Kessel and the Leafs non-stop.  During the last World Juniors he was going on about how great this nobody Tomas Tatar is for Slovakia and he was a Wings prospect.  I correctly dismissed this plug as a sure fire bust bound for the Circus Leagues.  Anyways Tommy Tatar (pronounced T'Tar in a weird accent) made his NHL debut during Phil Kessel's minor goal scoring slump at the start of the season, and Ryan made a bet with me that this loser Tatar would score before Phil Kessel, and if he did I was not allowed to eat donuts for a year.  Obviously I won that bet, and now Ryan owes me beers, which he conveniently seems to forget.

Amongst many reasons why the Ottawa Senators are the worst team in the history of sports the above video is perhaps the number one reason why.  What a complete and total disaster, I have a hard time picking my favourite part, his crappy helmet falling off, the mic cutting in and out, the lines glued to the back of his shield, the fact that this Roman Warrior is in about as good as shape as I am, or when he says "welcome our heroes" while the Penguins skate out on the ice and the audience boos.  I actually tweeted this video to Mike Commodore, who can be seen standing at the start thinking "what kind of shitty half-assed organization am I a part of?" and he told me that was the most embarrassing moment of his career.

The Sens are so fucking brutal, and I hate all the flukey luck they've had thus far this season.  Jason Spezza, or "Jayshun Scheptcha" as Bryan Murray calls him and Erik "Overrated" Karlsson's injuries should have plunged the shit-stained Sens to the basement where they belong, yet riding flukey goaltending and winning shoot-out games they have some how managed to stay in the conversation in the Eastern Conference playoff race.  I predict this will end very quickly.  Craig Anderson and Ben "Billy" Bishop will regress back to the shitbags that they are, and Daniel Alfreddsson will thankfully retire after this season and we will finally be rid of this ugly Krusty the Clown looking dirtbag forever.   That toolbox owner of theirs Eugene Melnyk went crying to the media about Karlssons injury, saying Matt Cooke did it on purpose, that was an accident.  What that dork and the rest of dorky Sens fans seem to forget is that Marion Hossa blinded and effectively ended Bryan Berard's career with an errant high stick back in 2000.  To me that was a lot more intentional especially considering Berards (justified) decision not to report to the Senators after they drafted him first overall 1995, seems like a bit of a coincidence to me.

As for the rest of the league, you really can't ignore how good the Blackhawks have been, besides the Leafs they're a surefire Stanley Cup contender.  I think in this shortened season anything could still happen, the standings now could look totally different by the end of April or whenever the fuck the playoffs start. 

Anyways that's all for me tonight, we're going to King of the Pigs this coming Wednesday so expect one of my famous food reviews on that.  Big Brother Canada has started, and I am already hooked.  Big Brother is my favourite show and I'm thinking of writing a weekly blog about that.  By the way Suzette on Big Brother Canada is actually the worst.  The woman can barely string a sentence together and she hosts a radio show.  My Heavens.   As always give me a follow on twitter @didhenley