Big Brother Canada 3 Final Thoughts

Stinky Sarah the Pothead is your Big Brother 3 champion!  I bet she is celebrating with a Snoop Dogg stylez blunt right about now.  Congratulations to her, despite me wanting Godfrey Mangwiza the Lady Pleaza to win, I am happy for Sarah and it was a deserving victory.   She was a very good social player, and despite being pretty awful in comps that got her through the game.  She flew under the radar at the right times, and orchestrated great moves at others and her game was never really in jeopardy.

So she gets the $100,000 which is about a tenth of the amount of tears she shed in the house, Jesus Christ was there a bigger crier in the history of Big Brother?  I also couldn't stand it when she lash out at herself in the third person "Sarah you're an idiot" "You suck Sarah!" But besides that I think she would be a pretty fun girl to hang out with outside of the house...despite her claim to only shower once a week.

The writing for me in this episode was on the wall when pretty much everyone in jury was asking her and not the Godfather any questions, I knew then and there that she had the game won.  At the end of the day I don't think Godfrey would've beat Ashleigh in Final 2 either.  Ashleigh had a lot of allies on jury and she did coming roaring back at the end winning a ton of competitions.

Other Random Thoughts

The episode dragged like fuck especially in the last hour, the whole thing could've wrapped up in an hour, maybe 90 minutes but there was WAY too much filler.  The showmance segment was insufferable.  I hate that term so much too, like Godfrey said "this ain't no lovers paradise, this is Big Brother, let's play!"

Speaking of insufferable... Jordan get off my TV forever.  What a fucking attention whore he is, I don't know what his deal is but I will be happy never to see that dork again in my life.

Every year after a Big Brother season ends I follow a ton of them on Twitter....aaaaaand quickly unfollow them because they're horrible at it.  I really want to keep up with Godfrey on the Twitter, he is fucking hilarious and I am sure will be a good follow.  I also hope that they don't become attention whores holding on to their Big Brother fame for dear life *cough* Peter, Gary *cough*.   I certainly won't be following Peeeleeee on Twitter, last time I checked you can't tweet in crayon. 

As insufferable as a lot of the former houseguests are ESPECIALLY from BBCAN1, it's kind of a neat fraternity they all have, they go and party all around North America together and seem to be genuine friends.  Last year they all went to Niagara Falls to party after wrap, and I am sure they are partying somewhere in Toronto tonight.

All in all it wasn't the best season of Big Brother I have ever seen, but it wasn't the worst. It was pretty boring at first and all the "Big game moves" came about via fucking Twistos Twists.  Players play too safely now, it's not a bad strategy because you're in it to win, not entertain people like myself.  Still I would love for Big Brother Canada to ease up on the twists, it's totally unnecessary, let the players play the fucking game without the producers meddling too much.  I am itching for an All-Stars season, perhaps a Canada vs. USA game.  That would be awesome.  At least with an All-Stars season you are bringing in players, not floaters and not people looking to make whoopee.

Thankfully we won't be without Big Brother for long, Big Brother 17 will be debuting in less than a month!  My beloved Julie Chen will be back and sassier than ever.  You better believe I will be blogging BB17 this year.  Until then give your boy a follow on the Twitter @HDH2112 and you can still read this blog for my weekly sports ramblings and food reviews until BB17.

Seriously though thank you for reading, I got some pretty high page views (for me!) on a few of these and I am always shocked.  I even got a re-tweet or two from Evel Dick himself.  Thanks for the nice comments on Facebook or whatever as well.  I hope you enjoy reading these as much as I do writing them! 

Big Brother Canada 3 Week 9 Thoughts

Uhhhhh... did anyone else know tonights episode was starting at 7?? Was this once ever mentioned in ANY broadcast?? Maybe I just didn't hear, but luckily my TV was on Global when I turned it on around 7 and the show was just starting.  Julie Chen would've reminded us for weeks about a scheduling change but I don't think Arisa Cox mentioned it once.

So Zach the Twitter troll is gone.  While I am pretty hard on (huh h- huh huh hard-on) the houseguests on this shitty blog that's about the extent of it.  I am not about to call them a "bitch" or a "pussy" like some Grade 8 dullard on Twitter, that's just pathetic.   That being said Peter was a terrible Big Brother player and is even more annoying now trying to squeeze the 15th minute out of his so-called fame, and Zach did play a way better game than Peter.

I never liked Zach, he is boring as fuck and doesn't seem like the kind of guy I would want to hang out with in real life.  And what was with those ridiculous soliloquies he's been dropping lately, he had that bizarre one about diapers and shit tonight, and then this stupid "I love you maaaan" speech at eviction.  Get the fuck back to boring assed Saskatchewan where you can watch your dog run away from home for days at a time

Peeleee (or Peanut Brain Potatohead as EvelDick has taken to calling her) was next to go, did anyone notice the the house wasn't phased at all when Arisa said it was a Double Eviction?  They've gotten so used to having a stupid twist thrown at them every god damned week.

I am happy that Peelee is gone, she offered absolutely nothing to the show.  She was absolutely brutal at everything, yes she did win an HOH but that was luck, and she dropped out of more challenges than she won.

That being said from a strategic standpoint it was pretty stupid for Brittnee to evict Peeeeleeeeeee over Godfrey.  Don't get me wrong I am happy that Godfrey is staying, but at this point you got to have your eye on the prize and sitting next to Peeeleeee in the final 2 all but assures your victory.  Imagine Peeleeee stumbling her way through Finale?? It would be 100 times worse than VaGinaMarie.

It's actually tough for me to pick a winner out of the Final 4.  I want Godfrey to win, but I think it'll be either Sarah or Brittnee.  If it comes down to Sarah and Brittnee in the Final 2, it may come down to the wire with Jury Votes.  I think Brittnee should win out of her and Sarah, she has won more competitions, she won the superpower which changed the game and she escaped the block 5 times.  That's not to say Sarah has been shit, she has played an amazing social game and was never really in danger once.  That being said if Sarah or Brittnee go up against either Godfrey or Ashleigh in Final 2, either of them would win in a landslide. 

Other Random Thoughts:

Ashleigh hasn't been completely useless lately, good for her! But I am afraid it is too little too late, a couple of late wins against little competition doesn't make up for a season of utter uselessness.

That Big Brother rap..... let's just pretend that never happened.

That HOH was competition was absolutely disgusting, I couldn't imagine having hundreds of fucking worms being blown at you.  That is giving me the heebeejeebees thinking about it.

Willow is fucked... what is her deal??  Did Sarah ever tell her that she had a boyfriend that she has been with for years?  These people get psychiatric care paid for them after the show right?

HOH hasn't been decided yet, if you want to be spoiled I usually get my spoilers from HamsterWatch.com 

I DID notice this time about the scheduling change, the Finale is on at 8 next Wednesday when the winner gets a Hundo Grand and a lifetime supply of Twistos.

Big Brother Canada 3 Week 8 Thoughts

As a bald man, I have taken a firm stand against baldism and baldists everywhere.  But Bruno is a bootleg bald man who tries to hide his true bald identity with pathetic greasy strings of hair.  He looks like he has some kind of greaseball guido combover, you might as well spray that hair in a can on top.

While the result of Bruno being evicted is something I welcome, as a Big Brother purist it was nothing more than bullshit.  Thank FUCK Arisa Cox said that this is the last Twistos Twist of the year.  Bruno deserved to go, I was all about Bruno a couple of weeks ago but he fell into my bad graces immediately.  Taking Zach off the block was completely idiotic move, and his reasoning was extra stupid. By the way, what is the deal with his thumb?? That thing has been in a fucking splint since week 1.  Anyways he really rubbed me the wrong way this past week, I thought he got pretty aggressive with Sarah during their fight, he was getting right in her face and flying off the handle.  Plus he started playing the whole family angle, I hate that shit, it was almost #DEVINHASADAUGHTER 2.0.

So much for the shitty Generals... what an absolutely dreadful name for an alliance, they were more like the Washington Generals.  He had an incredibly sloppy week and I am glad he got blind-sided with the asinine twist

I really hated this Twistos Twist.  I am happy that Brittnee won it, and I am glad she used it wisely, but fuck off with this.  Why is this necessary??  It's not the game, I know you have to "expect the unexpected" but just once I would like to see them go through one season without a fucking twist.  Double/Triple Eviction is OK because you get some game play.  These types of twists are so completely unnecessary and stupid.  If this twist seemed familiar it is, remember when Golden Boy Jeff was given the Coup D'Etat (or as he said Coop De Twat) in BB11?  At least Ashleigh didn't have a melt down and throw her microphone in the pool like Chima.  PS I hate Jeff... he's awful, there was rumour that he might be replacing my beloved Julie Chen as host, if that ever happened I would never watch the show again.

I thought it was awful leaving them hanging thinking all of Canada voted for them to be on slop, that must've been psychologically damaging.  I can't fault Brittnee for using the power given to her, and I think she made the smart choice putting up Bruno and Zach.  She also bought loyalty from Godfrey which will bode well for her in the home stretch of the show.  Bruno is such a fucking idiot for making himself the target this week, he could have hung low, allowed Zach to be evicted last week.  Instead he used the Veto on him because that retard Bobby planted the seed in his head that there was an all girls alliance. He completely fucked himself in the game, he can't blame Twistos for this one.

Other Random Thoughts:

I hate updates from the Jury House, I don't want to see these squids unless something major happens.  It's all such forced terrible acting too, especially Jordan, he is such a little dweeb I am so glad that he got evicted when he did.

As much as I have deservedly given Ashleigh shit this year for being useless, she did win a tough HOH and deserves kudos for that.  But.... it turns out her HOH was completely useless hahahaha.  Anyways, she kept saying that it was her HOH and that she was going to "do what's right for her" but it's completely obvious that it was Zach making all the moves.  I also didn't know that she was as dumb as Peeeleee... she didn't know Toronto was in Ontario, and said that Edmonton is the capital of Calgary?? I hope she was just joking because if not that is just sad. 

I'm sorry but Peeleeeeee should never be allowed to host a competition again, at least nothing that involves reading.  I know English isn't her first language, but she sounded like someone doing a horrible Swedish accent.

It goes without saying but Godfrey is the man.  He is fucking hilarious, especially when he makes fun of Peeeleee.  At this point I really want him to win, I think he deserves it.  That being said I HATE the competition throwing, I have talked about how much I hate it in previous posts, and I think Godfrey is better than that, plus it is getting to the point where he NEEDS to win.

I was going to complain about the corporate sponsorship but I realize it's a necessary evil.  It's a Canadian production so it doesn't have a lot of funding.  So instead of having it look half-assed and second-rate, the extra money is used to boost production values.  If you ask me the production of the show is just as good if not better than Big Brother USA.

The HOH competition is going to be tough on Peeeleee, I don't think she can even count to 100 let alone make out what 100 minutes would be.  Speaking of HOH....

Sarah wins!! I am pretty happy with this.  She's a smart cookie so I am thinking she nominates Zach and Ashleigh and if one of them wins veto Peeeeleeeeee goes up.  Hopefully it's Zach who is shown the door.  I am thinking Sarah, Brittnee and Godfrey will be the final 3.  But you never know what will happen in the second eviction next week. 

Big Brother Canada 3 Week 7 Thoughts

Am I watching Big Brother or the Special Olympics??  Honest to god I can't think of a cast with more mouth breathing fucking idiots in my entire life.  Not just in Big Brother Canada, but Big Brother USA, UK, Australia, Jupiter etc. etc. 

Holy fuck where do I even begin??  Obviously I will get to Bruno being a stupid fucking Sens fan Squid in a second, but Bobby could quite possibly the dumbest one of the them all....even dumber than Peeleeee.  Even though there was a shit load of dumb moves made this season, and especially tonight, Bobby's whole game has been a clusterfuck of mental retardation.  

First things first this cementhead has been going around all season telling everyone he has a secret power of veto.  While that may have worked initially you have to know that you are going to get called on it eventually.  If you have any secret, let alone in Big Brother you keep it to yourself, but this cretin goes and tells everyone in the house, even Marsha the Moose.  In a completely inexplicable and just plain stupid move,this arsehole decides it's a great idea to put himself up on the block.  His reasoning is that he is going to OBVIOUSLY win the Veto because that's what idiots like him do, they assume they can win anything.  Quit being a cocky piece of shit, there is always some jock type in every season who think just because they can carry a case of beer 4 blocks without getting winded (like yours truly) that they can go and win every competition. Of course he lost, then pump-faked that secret veto, and that part was so fucking stupid and embarrassing.  

The other thing that just proves that Bobby just fell off the fucking turnip truck is that HE THOUGHT THE CHOP SHOP STILL EXISTED.  The girls were clearly making fun of him and that ridiculous alliance, yet he didn't understand that the Chop Shop has been dead for weeks.  This fucking squid likely needs to get reminded what day of the week he is because he is that fucking dense.

Bobby's actual eviction pissed me off too, what the fuck is Bruno doing voting Bobby out?  I thought he was your boy! Why does this house feel the need to always have an unamimous decision??  When was it determined that every week has to be a god damned fucking unanimous eviction??  What does it matter?  He should have thrown his boy at least one vote.  Anyways Bobby is gone, and I am happy for that, but this just in..... I was just able to get this exclusive of Bobby entering the jury house....

Next on the docket is the much hyped Triple Eviction, a Twistos Twist so big that they forgot to mention anything about it on the Monday episode.  At first Brittnee made the smart decision, putting up Peeeeleeee (who got lost on her way to the nomination chair), Zach and Kevin, setting the firm target on the Lover's Paradise.  Then Bruno won veto and decided to turn heel.

Apologies to those who don't get 20 year old Pro Wrestling references

What in god's name is Bruno thinking??? Jesus Sawed Off Christ, I thought Bruno was a smart game player.  Granted it looked like he only had seconds to make a decision but that is no fucking excuse.  What happened to Black and Bru???  I thought those guys were tight in the game, but he goes and saves Godfrey's number one target.  

I had only assumed that Bruno was in on the plan to get rid of Zach... maybe the 3 of them worked something out?? It's more likely that Bruno and Zach made a deal... I don't fucking know and neither do people who watch the feeds.  I really can't wait to hear his explanation on the Sunday.  There is no logical reason for him to save Zach, but that's only the first of four inexplicable game moves tonight.

Brittnee, why in the flying fuck did you put up useless Willow as the replacement nominee??  I knew Brittnee didn't get along with Willow... why I don't know.  Could she have been jealous that Sarah has ditched her as a partner and is with Willow?  If so that was really catty and stupid, but lesbehonest I think Sarah and Willow have more of a connection (not that there is anything wrong with that!)  Anyways, Willow is put on the block, but you'd think for the majority of the house the best bet is to get out two members of the diaper alliance (I hate, hate, hate that name by the way).  Nope!!

 Both Sarah and Godfrey made absolutely stupid voting moves.  What in the flying fuck is going through their heads???  They are two of the smarter houseguests left, I think this was just a case of over thinking things... I guess that would tend to happen when you have a fucking Twistos Twist thrown at you every three seconds.  Sarah, switch to hash because the high test trees are fucking with your head.  I don't remember what exactly she mumbled when she was making the vote but it was assuming Bruno or Godfrey would vote to evict Willow so she was going to save Peeleee?  I want to hear her explanation too, I am sure it will be annoyingly sullied by tears, but I need to hear what she was thinking.

Godfrey also has some 'splaining to do.  He voted to save Peeeeeleeeee, what happened to breaking up Lover's Paradise??  I can only think that Godfrey has turned heel too and has made a final 3 deal with Zach and Bruno.  Perhaps they saw Kevin as a threat after the shenanigans he pulled this week with lying about Bobby being his main target.  They know that they have Peeeeleeeee's and Ashleigh's vote so they can easily pluck off Sarah and Brittnee.   Ugh, Bruno should have just left the nominations the same and Zach and Kevin would have been evicted and Peeeeleeeeeeeeeee and Ashleigh would have blamed Brittnee and Sarah, letting them fight it out, letting Black and Bru cruise to final 2.

So, quelle surprise there is another ridiculous Twistos Twist next week.  Basically whoever gets this fucking Lawon-Stylez special power has the chance to change one or both of the nominations.... fuck. right. off.  Fuck this nonsense, it's a voting thing so I hope Godfrey wins, he bloody well better.  Imagine if fucking Peeleeeeeeee wins?  Her little pea brain will explode like that dude at the start of this blog.  I am so sick of twists and the producers meddling in the game, for once let the players fucking play.  That being said these fucking cretins don't know how to play so maybe the producers have a point doing this shit.  I still dont like it... they really need to an All-Star Season (perhaps a North American season, get some BBUSA players back).  Get people to play the fucking game, not just go to get a girlfriend and "not get blood on their hands."  Fucking Plebes.

No spoilers this week (they haven't done anything yet!) but for spoilers always follow @HamsterWatch on Twitter or visit hamsterwatch.com I can't be bothered to watch the live feeds, I am glad Hamster Watch is there to give us all the cole's notes version!  

It's taken me 90 minutes to write this (and half ass proof-read hahaha), I am tired and I am going to bed.

Big Brother Canada 3 Week 6 Thoughts

For the second time this season Sindy was shown the door.  I must admit I was not a fan of her off the hop, the whole "with an S" thing really grinded my gears, plus she is as vain as fuck.   But when she re-entered the house I quickly became a fan because unlike half these bozos she actually PLAYS BIG BROTHER!!

Kudos to Sindy for that, but unfortunately playing the game these days just puts a target on your back.  Too many floaters, too many people "going with the house" Sindy was a breath of fresh air for people who enjoy actual game play.  Whenever an houseguest re-enters they are the automatic target, and as well they should be, once you are evicted that should be it, Big Brother really needs to end this twist, personally I blame Twistos for this.  Sindy played a fuck of a game, her week last week was by far the best in the season so far.  Having her as the tie-breaker for the HOH is stupid though, why should she have any influence once she is gone?

Speaking of stupidity, why does BBCAN insist on these cliffhanger HOH competitions.  It's completely absurd and unnecessary.  Even if you don't actively seek spoilers like I do chances are you will see them, are people supposed to stay of Twitter between 10pm Wednesday and 7 pm Sunday?  You could have got away with that back in the Stone Age before social media but not anymore.  I normally reserve this for my Sports Blogs but that deserves a.....

Really producers, you're not being funny or cute you are just pissing off your core viewers.... again.  C'Mon Bud, you waste 20 minutes of the show on that stupid assed road trip, leaving only 4 fucking minutes for the HOH and expect people to go 4 days without reading spoilers?  By the way what was the point of the road trip thing?? As far as I know they spend a whole day on a treadmill for Willow to get a bottle of champagne to give to Sarah while she is a have not.  Didn't Rachelle get the business for eating a fucking Fuzzy Peach when she was a have not last year?  C'Mon Bud! Get your shit straight!

image courtesy @earthdogBB

Thank God for God.  He is saving this season from being completely unwatchable.  I've agreed with everything he has said this week, especially calling out the stupid showmances, they are there to play Big Brother, not hook-up, make whoopee or whatever you kids are calling it these days.  Seriously it's getting to a point where there should be an age 25 limit, anyone under that age can stay home with their Larry Styles posters and their Tinders and "rock and roll" and let the fucking adults play the game.  Godfrey is hilarious too... he had me cracking up quite a bit this week, saying he was 3.5% white, calling Peelee the complete dunderhead that she is, eating the chicken bones etc.  I said last week I think Bruno is going to win, but I hope the final 2 is....

image courtesy @earthdogBB 

Black and Bru!! I hope these two start running shit.  I think they will, get rid of that pylon Zach first and foremost.  Every time that narrator calls him "Captain Canada" I die a little on the inside. Secondly, ditch Bobby as soon as humanly possible.  That guy is dumb, like it takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes dumb.  Obviously Peelee is a moron, but she knows she is stupid, Bobby on the other hand thinks he is smart and King Shit.  Bobby is probably the one I hate the most now, mainly because he so fucking stupid, what's with the fake Veto? Lying about being a Virgin?  Saying he doesn't want to be HOH?  I make notes throughout the week for this blog on my phone and half my messages are "Bobby Sucks" "What is Bobby doing?" and "Does Peeeleee have her Grade 10?"

Black and Bru should work with Sarah, Brittnee and Willow to get rid of the Diaper Alliance (I fucking hate that name) and go from there!  At the end of the day I still think Bruno will win as Godfrey is pretty mouthy, and if it came down to the two of them, the jury would pick Bruno all day.

Other Random Thoughts:

Obviously your boy knows who HOH is... spoilers at the end like usual.

I know I shouldn't make fun of Peeleee because it's not nice to make fun of people with mental difficulties but come on, I don't think there has been a worse player in Big Brother History.  Yeah she has an HOH win under her belt, but that was a fluke and obviously she had absolutely nothing to do with any of the decisions.  I am sorry she just isn't cut out for this game, I am sure she is a really nice girl, but that's the exact opposite of what a Big Brother contestant should be.

Ashleigh is just as useless as Peelee... what a waste.

Willow is a spazz and as annoying as fuck, but I think with more air time she could grow on me. Now that she is working with Sarah, who is a good player she'll start doing something besides screaming and jumping around like Phillip the Hypo-Hyper Kid.

Triple eviction next week??  I wonder how they're going to pull that off, maybe if they stop wasting our time with stupid things like that road trip we'd be OK.  I hate Twistos Twists, but this one sounds interesting.  One things for sure it will sure be a culled house.  Here's hoping a combination of Zach, Ashleigh, Bobby, Peeeeeleeee are gone.

Kevin is HOH.  Not sure how I feel about this, he is in an terrible showmance with that dolt Peeeleee, and is a part of the insufferable diaper alliance, but he has shown flashes of playing the game with his head and not his heart, and I don't think he is afraid of making a big move.  That being said the whole triple eviction this can throw a wrench into it all.

Big Brother Canada 3 Week 5 Thoughts

Well it took 5 god damned weeks but for the first time all season Big Brother Canada 3 was actually interesting and didn't bore me to tears.  There was actual tension with the vote, not some namby-pamby unanimous thing. Jordan, you suck.  Zach, you suck.  I know I picked Jordan to win it all in week 2, but fuck I am always wrong, and I am more than happy to be wrong in this case.

Jordan is a bootleg Peter from BBCAN1, and believe me that's not a good thing.  They are both loud mouth nerds who think they are the masters of Big Brother when really they were both awful.  Peter especially is terrible, I refuse to watch the Big Brother Side Show because of his presence, when fucking Gary Glitter is a more tolerable person than you are you've got fucking issues.  Where does Peter come off telling people how to play Big Brother when he didn't even come close to winning?  I wonder if that tool box still sniffs Liza's hair elastic.

The most egregious thing is the comp throwing.  I hate comp throwing, Peter and Alec (who is actually a bigger squid than Peter) made an art of it in BBCAN1 and look where it got them.  Obviously there is competitions you may not necessarily want to win, especially early in the game, but what Jordan did in the POV competition was not only incredibly idiotic, it's an afront to the game of Big Brother. Why disrespect the game by doing that?  I am glad that squid is gone, which gives me time to pick my next winner....

No not Jon Pardy, the Goofy Newfie (on an aside....cast Newfies next year PLEASE, these Alberta fucks are boring).  The winner of BBCAN3 will be Bruno.  He's an incredibly smart player who has his finger on the pulse of this game, he's good at comps and if he was smart he'd team up with Brittnee, Stinky Sarah and Sindy.  Bruno, you may have just gotten the HDH Kiss of Death, but I think you can overcome my curse and win.

You gotta dump Bobby though.  If you look at an IQ chart Bobby's is quite close to that of a goldfish, a few levels below goldfish you'll find Peeeeeleeeee.  Seriously though that boy is fucking dumb... what was he thinking evicting Sindy in that HOH comp?

While this episode was very entertaining, it is inexcusable not to name an HOH AGAIN during this episode.   Why did they waste everyone's time with the stupid 4/20 sketch, Sindy dancing like a stripper (with an S), or the fucking Showmance recap.  They never do that on BBUSA, because Julie Chen wouldn't stand for it, so it shouldn't happen here, that being said I do know who HOH is and as usual the spoiler is at the end.

Other Random Thoughts

Thank you Godfrey for making this game interesting.  We need more players like him in the house and less people like Ashleigh and fucking Peeeleeee.  I think Brittnee, Stinky Sarah and Sindy are going to stick together, but if he joins them with Bruno and Bobby (maybe Willow? She is playing this game right) they can take down that doofus Zach.

Zach you're useless, you're boring as fuck and put on a god damned shirt.  He did make fun of that garbage clown Peter and his bizarre food aversion on Twitter and that was kind of funny except it ended up being a case of the pot calling the kettle black...

Ashleigh is an awful player, 45 minutes in that POV comp?  She wasn't purposely throwing it too, right? Yeah she's pretty cute, but she's absolutely useless.  Do something for christs sake, even if she somehow wins HOH it'll be controlled by that troglodyte Zach.
 

Jesus Christ, Peelee is dumb.  Holy shit balls she is stupid.  She doesn't know her lefts and rights, and she thought 2600 minutes make up 3 hours.  How did she make it past the audition process?  Does she legitimately have learning disabilities because if so I shouldn't make fun, but shit man.... what a fucking dunce.

So of course that fucking dunce goes and wins HOH, how in god's name did that happen?  I guess in Big Brother even the most useless of houseguests fall ass backwards into an HOH.  Obviously Kevin is going to control her HOH, but who does he put up?? He was on the side of the house to evict Godfrey, will they go after him?  I can see the nominations be Sindy and Godfrey, that seems easy enough that even Peeeleeeee can understand that.

Big Brother Canada 3 Week 4 Thoughts

Sorry for the lateness with this post, I was at the Jays game last night and have been pretty much been fucking the dog all day.  Anyways, Johnny is the latest evictee from the Big Brother house in yet another boring unanimous vote... like everything else this season it met with a "meh" from me.

I am not sure what made Johnny the big target in the house this week, if they were all butt-hurt from that cretin Graig getting voted out, it was Brittnee and Sarah that were the masterminds behind it, Johnny just went along with it.

The thing with Johnny is he got all emotional about Kevin especially betraying him.  Here's a tip bud, don't fall in love with straight men.  To be fair Kevin totally led him on trying to make it be a whole Zach/Frankie thing happen  (ugh) and that really wasn't fair to Johnny.  But really, he should have known better when Kevin started sucking face with that dunce Peeeeeleeeeee.

So the these five dorks are playing to get back into the house, it was interesting to see that they went to the Jury House..... errrr, Sequester House and they were allowed to talk about the game with each other.  It was my understanding that in the past when houseguests went back in they were put into straight sequester.  I think the producers must've watched the same documentary on Solitary Confinement on Netflix that I watched because that would've been psychological torture to isolate someone completely, Risha especially who has been out of the house the longest.  But still now they all know about the Chop Shop, any different alliances etc and have had a chance to formulate a plan based on the information they all have, rather than going in without a clue.

As for who I think is coming back in? Without knowing what the competition it's tough to tell, it really should be something hard, when Nicole was let back into the house on BB16 it was pretty much a game of luck which was stupid.  That being said my money is on Naeha, I think she wants it the most, if not her than Sindy, she has already proved herself to be a competition threat.

Other Random Thoughts:

The way they do a cliff-hanger for HOH on a before and after competition is completely absurd.  Julie Chen and BBUSA wouldn't put up with that shit. Make it a cliffhanger for endurance challenges only! That being said, I know the spoiler and it's at the end of this as usual! 

Arisa Cox is doing a way better job as host this year, she was a bit awkward in BBCAN1 and a little less so than BBCAN2, but she has been great this year.  She'll never been on the same level as my beloved Julie Chen, but even the Chenbot had some growing pains when she first started hosting Big Brother... there is a reason she is called the Chenbot for christs sakes. 

Is it just me or does anyone else find it weird how often they say that they love each other.  I expect to say "I love you guys" when they are pleading for votes to stay in, but for fucks sakes they tell each other "I love you" instead of "good bye".  It's fucking bizarre.

I'm sorry to offend turnips, but Peeeleee has the IQ of a fucking turnip.  She could quite possibly be the worst Big Brother player ever.

Did anyone else notice that they gave away Bruno winning the Veto on the Tuesday episode?  In the opening montage they showed him wearing the stupid necklace... who fucked up?

Jon Pardy coming back in and the whole BBTV thing just goes to show how boring this lot is.  People that watch feeds are all saying that they are a bunch of dullards.  That being said some of the stuff on BBTV was pretty funny... except Willow's dance, what is her deal??

Speaking of Willow is she a lesbian? (Not that there is anything wrong with that) I kind of got a lezzy vibe but then there was that whole kiss with Sarah, which I must admit was pretty awesome, but what was that all about?

Zach is HOH, yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnn.  I find this guy incredibly boring, he is about as exciting as his home province of Saskatchewan where you can watch your dog run away from home for days.  I am sure he will have a safe nomination, probably Sarah and Brittnee and whoever gets voted out will have another boring unanimous eviction.  But who knows who will come back in the house and how that affects the nominations and the game.

Big Brother Canada 3 Week 3 Thoughts

It certainly was a big week in the Big Brother house with two evictions.  First up we have the annual Easter tradition with the Instant Eviction, Grumpy Cat being this years victim.  Out of all the terrible Twistos Twist BBCAN has thrown at us, I would have to say the Instant Eviction is the worst.  First they don't have a chance to campaign, then there is no veto which is extremely unfair and it's even bullshit for the HOH as they don't get to have the nice room, the snacks and the god damned letter from home they all get so fucking bloo blooey about.  Even worse this season all the houseguests had to read out their vote to the rest of the house exposing themselves... that's never a part of this game, cut out this bullshit immediately.

Anyways Naeha got fucked over, and I think Kevin realized that... once again the instant eviction didn't let him think things through.  I know I said just last week that Sindy has the best shot of coming back in, but I wouldn't count out ol' Grumpy Cat.

Second to be given the Australia style big boot this week was that cretin Graig.  What a fucking mook this guy is.  It seems like every season of Big Brother there is at least one so called Alpha Male who thinks he is in charge who thinks they can control the entire house and they inevitably are one of the first to go.

I don't know what this guys deal is, I'm not one to be throwing stones when it comes to maturity but Jesus Christ bud you're almost 40 not almost 20.  The stupid haircut, speaking in hashtags, using teen vernacular.  He said he doesn't want to even go back into the game, good fucking riddance then, let someone like Sindy or Naeha who give a fuck about the game a chance to get back in and go back to your Red Bull and Ed Hardy shirts and co-ordinated high fives with your squid bros.

I have to say that Brittnee's HOH was FLAWLESS.  She did a fantastic job, it was definitely one of the best weeks I have seen, especially considering she was nominated two weeks in a row.  I think she is gorgeous too, I think I should be a plus-sized model as well, I haven't gotten any modeling work since my Luvs Diaper campaign when I was a baby but that's another story.

Other Random Thoughts

I know who HOH is, spoiler at the end.

The new nomination ceremony is so fucking convoluted and stupid.  It looks like what a science project looks like in a cartoon with all the pulleys and gears.  I like how they let them talk it out and show who they are considering putting on the block, but other than that it's all unnecessary.

Bobby is a squid.  Everyone can see through him just like Homer Simpson rubbing a Krusty Burger against the wall.  "I am not going to play for HOH anymore" get the fuck out of here.  His whole act is beyond pathetic and anyone in the house who is falling for it should be ashamed of themselves.

Even though Bobby is dumb, and Graig was dumber I would have to say the stupidest person in the house by a country mile is Peeeeeeleeeeeeee.  Does she offer anything whatsoever in the game?  If you look in one ear can you see light coming in from the other side?  Even when all the girls were in the room it took all of them to explain to her that they were outnumbered.  How did she even get cast on the show?  Dumb as a box of hammers she is.

Willow has done nothing but be a spazz, take your pills for christs sake.

I am on the fence about Johnny, sometimes he can be extremely annoying, the whole "Kevvy-Wevvy" thing needs to end immediately, and him saying "whoooo wants some piiiiii-iiiiiiiee" gave me nightmares.  I think he is a good ally to Brittnee though, who is quickly becoming my favourite, Jordan is still my pick to win.

Bruno the meathead is the new HOH.  Since he is chop shop and Graig's closest ally he might avenge his eviction by putting up either Johnny, Brittnee or Sarah.  One things for sure you can expect some fucking water works when he gets his letter and pictures uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhh.  I actually don't mind Bruno's game so far, but if he goes after Brittnee we're going to have some words.

Big Brother Canada 3 Week 2 Thoughts

While Cindy with an S was annoying and conceited, at least she actually played the fucking game.  She did well in competitions and did a great job scheming, but unfortuneatly she was schemeing when Kevin was taking a dump and that sunk her game, and has potentially sunk the games of Naeha and Sarah as well.  I can totally see Cindy coming back into the game with this stupid Twistos Twist, she has already proven herself to be a competition threat and even without knowing who the other 2 houseguests competing to come back in I'd say she is the favourite.

Kevin in the HOH... here is a picture of him dressed up like Zach Rance from BB16 for Halloween, seems pretty appropriate! Like Zach from BB16 I've gone hot and cold with him so far this year.  At the very least he's interesting and unlike fucking Bobby he will have an interesting HOH.  As for his targets it's easy for me to say that Naeha and Sarah as he over heard them talking shit about him while he was taking a shit.  But I don't think he is that petty that he will automatically put them up, or have one of them be his for sure target, he could just use that as a decoy/excuse and go after someone else.  Of course there is the instant eviction, so it will be tough to call how the next week will transpire.

The one thing about Kevin though, put on a fucking shirt bud your nipples are so weird.  Every god damned diary room he is in he has his shirt peeled and I can't help but notice how weird his nipples are, they are in a weird spot on his man boob and they face directly down.  If Ashleigh's or Willow's nipple was exposed it would be considered obscene and would be censored, which is a fucked up double standard.  Please Global put a black bar over those two weird looking things before I fucking puke.

It's time for your boy to go out on a limb and make his pick.  My pick for the winner of Big Brother Canada 3 is Jordan.  Yeah he is another dork in a bowtie, but I have faith in his Newport alliance with boring Zach.  The only thing that concerns me is as we saw in that pool party luxury competition everyone else in the house thinks he has the best chance to win.  If these squids were smart they would target him.... but as we have seen time and time again Houseguests are as dumb as a box of smashed arseholes.  While he isn't in the ridiculous Chop Shop, he is pretty much a member by default because Zach told him about the alliance, and will know about all their moves.

Other Random Thoughts:

Naeha looks like Grumpy Cat.

I like the girls alliance of Grumpy Cat/Stinky Sarah and Brittnee.  Grumpy Cat and Stinky Sarah have both played solid games so far, but I think the Kevin shitting fiasco exposed them and they won't be long for the house.

Speaking of Stinky Sarah, what's the deal with not showering, that is gross as all get out.  She just looks like the type to have stink lines trailing her around the house like Pig Pen from the Peanuts cartoons.

What is Graig's major malfunction? First thing's first his name isn't Greg or Craig it's fucking Graig.  He's a complete cement head, you're 36 bud quit acting like you're 18, give up the dream and get a hair cut.  Prepare to be grossed out... he snapped one off while sharing a bed with Sindy, he said it "got weird" when she started to wake up.  Barf.

The "April Fool's" joke they played on the house was stupid.  I like a good prank as much as the next guy, but that was the producers meddling in the game for no reason.  I don't watch the feeds but I pick up a few things on Twitter, apparently that fight between Godfrey and Sindy was a lot bigger than they showed and really sealed Sindy's fate in the house.  There was a ton of paranoia and bullshit about that broken camera.  Big Brother can come up with a much better prank than that and not have it affect the game.

I am not sure why Global is hell-bent on cock-blocking Americans from watching Big Brother Canada.  We're allowed to watch BBUSA no problem up here, but Americans have to jump through hoops to watch BBCAN.  They can't just go on the BBCAN website and watch the show as it's blocked, they need a VPN and some other nerd shit to watch.  Big Brother Legend and Friend of the Blog Evel Dick has been offering live streams for free on his website, but Global sent him a strongly worded letter to stop.  Give me a fucking break, they should be encouraging more people to watch not trying to shut them out.  Give your head a shake Global.

Big Brother Canada 3 Opening Week Thoughts

Well Risha and her great big dirty milkers are out of the house, thanks for the mammaries! Well for now at least, as it's been the revealed that the first five houseguests eliminated will get a chance to compete to come back in the house.  As we all know I hate Twistos Twists, but if they insist on pulling this bullshit I'm glad they are doing it pre-jury when it doesn't matter as much.  It was a crime on BBCAN1 when Gary was let back in the house with a few weeks left.

As for Canada's vote, I am once again disappointed with my fellow countrymen.  Ya Blew It.  I guess the same assholes who voted to evict Risha are the same squids who have elected that toupee wearing piece of shit Stephen Harper to successive majority governments.  How can anyone possibly vote for Pilar to stay?  She is completely useless, she was on the block and had absolutely nothing to say, the only time she talked she sounded like Marlee Matlin for christs sake.  At least Risha was going to play the game.  Pilash fucking sucks, she is like Victoria on BB16 she's boring as all get out and there was a chance for someone who offers absolutely nothing to be shown the door, but like I said YA BLEW IT!  

By the way as someone with a unique name I know how annoying it is to have people mispronounce your name and having to explain it (hence why I usually just go by Did or Diddy).  But she hasn't corrected anyone, if you want to be called Peelee fucking say so, or is she that fucking dense that she doesn't realize it?  Even the Big Brother voice guy in the Instagram-filtered opening recap kept calling her Pilar.

Other Random Thoughts:

I don't think I can deal with Zankie 2.0. it was so incredibly annoying the first time around.  At least Johnny isn't as dreadful as fucking Frankie.  Frankie is the fucking worst... did you see when he went to some shitty award show dressed in body paint?  What an attention whore.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay, but if the BBCAN producers are going to create a fake male on male showmance just for attention that is stupid as all fuck.

Alliances are starting to form, I like the idea of the Zach and Jordan alliance, I think they will go far, Zach is a physical threat but he is as boring as his home province of Saskatchewan.  Jordan is a super fan and a good strategist, the combination of brains and brawn could take them far.  It kind of reminds me of The Renegades with Dan and Memphis on BB10.

Sarah fucking nailed it for calling on Kevin purposely sabotaging that balloon thing... colour me shocked about that.  I am coming around to her, I hope she drops the whole airhead stoner act because she is smart and has good things to say.  I am starting to like Brittnee too.

The whole Sindy with an S thing needs to end immediately, I suppose she is the anti-Pilar when it comes her name.  I guess you need someone you love to hate! She seems to be scheming right now, she has won a competition and I do like actual game players not dullards like fucking Pilar, Bruno or Bobby.

Speaking of Bobby I saw this and thought it was pretty funny

I really need to get photoshops and do them, I think I can come up with some good ones for my Big Brother and Sports blogs.

As of right now the feeds haven't been turned on so I don't know who won HOH, it's too fucking early to make a call on who I think I will get it and who might be going on the block.  For new readers I do post spoilers, but they're always at the end of the blog and there is a warning!

Well that's it until next Wednesday!  In the meantime give your boy a follow on the Twitter @HDH2112

Big Brother Canada 3 Opening Episode Thoughts

My favourite show is back! This is the fifth edition of Big Brother that I will be providing weekly thoughts on in this shitty blog.  This article will be a little one to provide some first impressions of the show and each houseguest.  First things first if you're a veteran reader of this blog you know that I hate twists, and I especially hate fucking Twistos Twists.  I don't know if it is the typical Canadian little brother syndrome that we feel the need to try and one-up the American version, but Jesus Christ, the third word out of Arisa Cox's mouth tonight was twist, and she must've said twist about 45 times in the first five minutes. 

Anyhoo, I suppose the big thing is that they have no furniture, no food no nothing, just a bunch of random looking shit on the wall.  I think that is fucking stupid too, Big Brother Canada always tries to be different but it is usually in the stupidest ways possible. The house itself is a lot cooler looking than the last Big Brother USA house, remember the HOH room was a birds nest for christs sake.

As for the episode I like the idea they had of having everyone make two nominations and the two with the most votes are put up. It's kind of silly to have a real HOH right off the jump when you don't know anyone.  It should come as no surprise that two women were nominated, I am not going to try and go all sociological on you because I have no clue what the fuck I am talking about but it seems the guys in Big Brother stick together at first while the women all gun after each other.  Remember when Joey tried to make an all girls alliance in the last Big Brother USA?  She was given the boot immediately. What happened to Girl Power? Didn't the Spice Girls teach you anything??

To nobody's surprise Sindy with an S (ugh) and Busty LaRue were nominated, to everyone's surprise Sindy won veto and put up that weirdo Pilar (Peelee? Pilash?)  Now Canada get to vote who gets evicted... I am voting to boot Pilar, I am not done oogling Risha's sweater puppies.  Sindy is also fucking stupid for putting up Pilar because she didn't hug her? Get the fuck out of here, she blew an opportunity to put up an actual physical threat because she was being catty.

Here are my initial thoughts on each house guest even though I have to look at the website to remember their names/faces:

Ashleigh: Hey bad girl, your number up for grabs? 

Bruno: Already in fucking tears over his kids, Jesus Murphy I hope this isn't #DevinHasADaughter2.0.  He got a lot of votes tonight for an unknown reason.  Probably because he is from Ottawa and told everyone he likes the god forsaken Senators.

Brittnee: What an unfortunate spelling of the name Brittany.  She lives in NYC, I don't care if she was born in Calgary that should disqualify you from being on the show!

Bobby: I barely remember him being on the show.

Godfrey:  His bio was the only one that stood out to me when I was reading them last week, hopefully he delivers on his promises to be a shit disturber in the house.

Graig: I think there was a typo on his birth certificate.  Nice fucking hair doo bud, looks like you lost a fight with a weed whacker.

Johnny: I think he's the token gay.... yeah he's the token gay (not that there is anything wrong with that!) Being a super fan will help his game, but he didn't really do anything to stand out yet.

Jordan: There is always at least 1 dork in a bowtie.

Kevin:  The Poker Player, he's had some pretty shitty lines so far... and what's the deal with Calgary? Why is half the house from fucking Harper-land, and where are the Newfies?? The only east coaster is fucking Peelee and she was born in Mexico!
  
Naeha: Chiropractors freak me out, the sound of neck bones cracking give me the boo boo jeebies.

Pilar: How in the name of fuck do you get Pilee from that spelling??  It's like when Karel Pilar played for the Leafs he pronounced his last name Pilash.  Anyways I hope she is gone this week, as I don't think I can deal with her Rachel Reilly cackle.

Risha: Chesty LaRue indeed.  Everyone seems intimated, but I hope she stays, not just for the boobs but she seems like a interesting character, and it's nice not having someone fresh out of fucking high school on the show.

Sarah: Weed bars are legal?  How do I not know about this? So she is playing the hippie dippie angle, who knows if she lasts as long as Talla or is given the boot quickly like Anick.  Anyways where do I sign up to be an hemployee??

Sindy: Get the fuck off my TV and that's fuck with an f.  I really was hoping she was the one evicted this week, but kudos I guess for winning the veto.

Willow: What a firecracker, I like how she has studied the game and as practiced having cold showers, I think she'll last a while.

Zach:  Seems competitive, I can see him lasting a while.

Well that's it for tonight, I will have another (albeit probably small) blog after Wednesdays eviction and each week after the Wednesday show.  Give me a follow on the Twitter in the meantime @HDH2112 I will have my official pick on a winner by next week.