Monday Sports Ramblings on a Sunday... deal with it

I know there is going to be like 4 or 5 people saying "what in the fuck is going on?!? My boy HDH is posting his weekly sports ramblings on a Sunday?? Has the world gone topsy turvy?"  Well it is with a bit of a heavy heart to announce that my 9 months of unemployment bliss has come to an end.  Apparently "The Man" doesn't let you live off EI forever, so I had to become a working slug again. I won't be able to write my sports ramblings tomorrow because I work until 6 and the Raptors play at 8, since I am off Tuesday and the game is being broadcast on TSN you can bet your sweet fanny arbuckle that The Jack Armstrong Drinking Game will be played.  I imagine my ramblings will return to their regularly scheduled slot on Mondays next week.  Now that I am employed and not spending all my money on beer every night, I will be purchasing a podcast mic, the podcast will be in full swing when sports gets good in the spring with the NBA/NHL playoffs plus the start of the Blue Jays season.  I promise.

Even though the last two Raptors games were on Sportsnet channels (Hey TSN, what's the deal with fucking curling anyways? Worst sport ever) elements of the Jack Armstrong Drinking Game were still employed, specifically the finish your drink if Steimsma or Bebe plays rule.  Beers were chugged when that happened.  Pretty much those guys only play in garbage time, and we witnessed both sides of garbage time over the weekend.  The Raptors played one of their best games of the season against the Hawks on Friday and one of their worst games Saturday against Houston.  That Rockets game had let down written all over it, second night of a back to back, playing a really good team (who played like shit in the first half too!) Meh it happens it's an 82 game season, just like how they can't get too high after the Hawks win they can't get that low over the loss to Houston.  In other news the NBA trade deadline came and went with GM Masai Ujiri standing pat.  I like that move, obviously they could've dealt expiring contracts in Landry Fields and Chuck Hayes and gotten something, but Ujiri is putting a lot of stock in not messing with the team chemistry and I like that, there is no sense in making a move just for the sake of making one.  Speaking of the NBA Trade Deadline how markedly different is it from the NHL Trade Deadline, holy fuck.  First of all there was actually trades of consequence in the NBA Deadline with notable players on the move (all of which happened right before the 3 pm deadline) did ESPN or Fox Sports 1 have 14 hours of breathless coverage with multiple panels of squids saying a lot of things while saying absolutely nothing at all??  The pre-cap NHL trade deadline was fun, the Leafs picked up the likes of Ron Francis, Brian Leetch and *sigh* Dougie Gilmour.  But now it's just 3rd line slugs being shuffled like deck chairs, yet TSN and Sportsnet have all day coverage, and have been advertising it for months.  I don't think there is anything more overblown in all of sports than the Canadian coverage of the NHL Trade Deadline, it's absolutely absurd.... yet people still watch, I guess that's why they keep pumping it out!

The Week Ahead: @ New Orleans (2/22), @ Dallas (2/23), vs. Golden State (2/27), vs. New York (2/28).  New Orleans has beaten us already this year, and that was without The Count, Bert from Bert and Ernie Anthony Davis.  Dallas and Golden State have beaten us too, I am really looking forward to seeing Golden State play, holy fuck they are a good team, and if they do beat us at least we can still beat the living piss out of shitty Andrea Bargnani and the laughably awful Knicks the next night.   The NBA is really obsessed with back to back games this year, I guess that's a consequence of having a week long All-Star Break. If the Raptors can emerge 2-2 from next week, that would make me happy.

Do I still have to write about the Leafs?  I will never jump ship and support another team, but that doesn't mean I have already given up on this season and have very little desire to even watch the games anymore.  There is pretty much no reason to watch the Leafs, they are so fucking bad... I suppose a good captain still goes down with his ship but for fucks sakes there is only so much abuse I can take.  When the Raptors and Leafs are on at the same time it's Raptors all day, the Leafs probably still crush the Raptors in the ratings, and I will never understand that.  I know basketball isn't as popular as hockey in this country, and will probably never be but Jesus Christ who in their right mind was watching the 26th place Leafs lose to the 27th place Hurricanes on Friday when the 2nd place Raptors were crushing the 1st place Hawks.  Sportsnet was airing that shit sandwich of a Leafs game on regular Sportsnet while the Raptors were banished to the fringes of television on Sportsnet One.  I actually did switch over to watch the end of the Leafs game against Winnipeg last night as the Raptors game was all but over, and it was good to see them actually win.  Must be a big relief for the boys, all that losing must take a toll on them mentally... plus doing all that losing in the fishbowl that is Toronto makes it 20 times worse.

The Week Ahead: vs. Philadelphia (2/26), @ Montreal (2/28).  Light week for the boys, fuck the Flyers and the Habs though.  Please can we beat the fucking Habs, I hate them so much... I hate getting all maple boner about it, but the Leafs-Habs on a Saturday night is always fun no matter how bad the teams are... oh the Raptors play on Saturday? Fuck that sentimental shit I am watching that.  Speaking of forced Canadiana is there anything worse than that Scotiabank 5th season commercial where that precocious little girl with the bug eyes gives this impassioned speech about wishing the summer away to play and going to Winnipeg in January for a tournament then all these dorks gather around her and applaude... I really, really, really hate that commercial, like I want to throw my remote through the TV screen when it comes on.  PS as far hockey tournaments go I used to work in a hotel and everyone on staff LOATHED when hockey parents and their shitty little kids invaded the hotel.  I am sure my boy SPEPLING really hates that commercial, and he hates commercials more than anyone on earth.

Despite it being colder than a witches tit outside, the boys of summer are back! I feel like R.A. Dickey does in this picture when I think that we are just weeks away from baseball season, I'll take some Grapefruit League action from sunny methy Florida at this point.  I think the Jays are going to have a good season this year (something I say every year) but this year I actually mean it.  The 2012-14 seasons were all filled with over promises and under delivery but this year is different.  Marcus Stroman and Drew Hutchinson are going to have break out seasons on the mound, plus there is ol' reliable Mark Buerhle and R.A. Dickey, the 5th rotation is up for grabs but I would love to see either Aaron Sanchez or Daniel Norris take that spot.  The line-up is amongst the best in baseball, I think everyone is going to fall in love with Josh Donaldson this season.  Plus there is still Russel Martin, Jose Bautista, Edwin Encarnacion, Jose Reyes... my fuck they will score a lot of runs.  Hopefully to fuck they stay healthy, that's where things got sideways last year when Edwin Encarnacion got hurt, and the year before when Jose Reyes got hurt right off the jump.  I will be doing a full season preview a little closer to the start of the season, so be on the look out for that but squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee baseball is back!!!

This week's Squid of the Week is goaltender Andrew Hammond of the Ottawa Senators.  Not only does this squid play for the god forsaken Senators he wore this monstrosity of a mask in a recent game:

The fucking Hamburglar.  Why in the name of fuck would you want to have history's greatest monster painted on the side of your mask.  Fuck that little asshole Hamburglar, if I had five minutes alone with him..... People have said it's Alfred E. Newman, but that's totally the Hamburglar.  It makes absolutely no sense, almost as much as Peter Budaj have a psychotic looking Ned Flanders mask:

That wasn't his only mask with Ned Flanders, really who likes Ned Flanders that much?! "The handle is Flanders but my friends call me Ned! Hello Flanders."

A Squid of the Week and C'Mon Bud!! This weeks C'Mon Bud!! goes to Jim Hughson of Rogers(TM) Hockey Night in Canada.  He's done this before and he did it again on Saturday calling Leo Komarov of the Leafs "The Russian Heat Seeking Missile".  First things first, it's a terrible nickname, and secondly Leo Komarov isn't even Russian for fucks sakes, he was born in Estonia and he plays for Team Finland internationally.  Jim Hughson is terrible enough as it is, but when he pulls shit like that you just need to give your head a shake and say "C'Mon Bud!!"

Tank Nation, New Raptors Unis? The Squid of the Week

As far as tanking goes, the Leafs might as well be a fucking Kraut Panzer Corps Division who blitzkrieged their way through Poland and Western Europe at the start of World War 2.  My fuck the Leafs suck more than France did in 1940, it's just so unbelievably bad, only 25 more games in this god forsaken season.  The dismantling of this team officially begun yesterday when Cody Franson and Mike Santorelli were sent to Nashville for Olli Jokinen (lol) a 1st round pick and a prospect.  Poor Olli, he's been in the league 13 seasons and has only been in the playoffs once, and he got traded from a Stanley Cup contender to the fucking Leafs.  On the bright side, Olli and I have the same diet, as seen in this clip below:

Apparently Jokinen might get flipped, and his time in the blue and white will be short-lived.  If you want to know how bad the Leafs are tanking check out their blue line combos from practice today: Rielly-Polak, Gardiner-Holzer, Robidas-Granberg.  P.U.  It's a fucking shame we have to trade Franson, that should be one of the (many) reasons Dave Nonis gets shown the door.  The Leafs played hardball with him while dishing out ridiculous cap-crippling contracts to the likes of David Clarkson.  Clarkson is a fucking 1000 lb. anchor that is going to be holding this team back until his contract runs out in.... yikes 2020.  That doesn't even sound like a real year! 

In other news, PK Subban is the man, although he is on the dreaded toilet-seat logo, fucking tabernac, shit-stained Habs.  He eloquently defended Phil Kessel while at the same time shitting all over the insufferable squids in the Toronto media.  Subban is spot on here, Kessel is respected around the league, and the rest of his NHL brethren can't understand why everyone is so fucking hard on him.  Phil doesn't trust the media and I don't blame him, especially after the smear campaign that's followed him from the second he joined the team.  It's just unbelievable that the Leafs couldn't surround Kessel with talent, instead insisting on signing plugs like Colby Armstrong, Mike Komisarek and David Clarkson, it's just like how Mats Sundin had to center nobodies from most of his tenure as a Leaf and yet always got shit on by the same assholes running Phil out of town.

The Week Ahead: vs. Florida (2/17), @ Carolina (2/20), vs. Winnipeg (2/21).  Does it really fucking matter anymore?

Not much news for the Raptors last week, they only played once and I skipped trivia to watch it (Sorry Team Quiz in my Pants).  I'm glad I skipped it because they kept up their hot streak defeating those pesky Washington Wizards.  That game seems so long ago I barely remember what happened, that and I was playing the Jack Armstrong Drinking Game, which by the way has a couple of new rules! The main thing about the Raptors this past week that might've gone unnoticed is Chris Creamer on his excellent website SportsLogos.Net did a mock up of what the new Raptors uniforms are going to look like, by no means is this official, but according to someone who knows it is pretty accurate. I like the new uniforms, they aren't much different than what they are now, I am sure there is going to be grumbling as usual as people like to bitch and moan, but it's a clean look there is no reason to get all flashy about it.

The Week Ahead: @ Atlanta (2/20), @ Houston (2/21).  The Raptors have a really tough schedule coming out of the All-Star Break, not only do they have to play in Atlanta and Houston this week, they also play in Dallas, in New Orleans and then play Golden State back in Toronto next week.  Hopefully all this time off will help the team, I don't expect them to win all these games, but I just want them to be competitive.  It's going to be really hard for them, and hopefully they come out of this stretch stronger than ever.

With the roaring success of C'Mon Bud! I've decided to introduce a new segment called "The Squid of the Week."  I couldn't think of a better person to give the inaugural Squid of the Week award then to Glenn Healy.

Glenn Healy is the worst of the worst, what a pompous, insufferable wind bag he is.  It's bad enough I have to watch the Leafs play like shit these days, but having this squid chime in his asshole opinion every 3 seconds makes it even worse.  Does ANYBODY like Glenn Healy?  He is just as bad as a in-studio analyst too.  Rogers is wondering why the ratings have gone in the toilet since they've got NHL rights, they should look no further than the squids they've hired to be on-air personalities.  It's a real murderer's row of assholes with Doug MacLean, fucking Kyper and Damien Cox, but Glenn Healy is the worst of them all.  He's a miserable old piece of shit who hates the Leafs.  The worst was on Saturday night during a TV timeout, Jonathan Bernier and Carey Price were over at their bench having a drink of water, taking a load off.  Glenn Healy decided to show this and was saying "Jonathan Bernier must be so intimidated standing 5 feet away from the next Hart Trophy winner in Carey Price."  Are you fist-fucking me?   The Leafs are the only team in the NHL that doesn't have their own TV crew calling the games, Joe Bowen made watching miserable Leafs games worthwhile, because he is a fan and can relate to us, but the pissing contest between TSN and Rogers have left us with no Joe Bowen and extra Glenn Healy.  The TSN guys are alright, but they have to stay neutral, and Ray Ferraro constantly shitting on the team is getting tiresome too.  That toupee wearing asshole Stephen Harper recruited Glenn Healy to run for parliament, so that's pretty much all you need to know about that.  Rogers reasoning for keeping Healy is to have a contrarian asshole who people love to hate on there, I see the logic, but not with Glenn Healy, people just hate to hate him because he is a massive fucking squid... a squid of the week if you will.

Holy Fuckballs the Leafs won a game!

Alright you fucking amateur comedians, I suppose we need to start planning the parade because the Leafs actually won a game (albeit against the woeful Oilers), man those plan the parade jokes are SO funny and original... is your shitty bar gonna offer free beer during Leafs playoff games too? That one won't get old either.  You might as well be fucking Buzz Killington telling those jokes right before getting to a story about a bridge.  Leafs bashing is as old as the hills, for the love of god come up with some new fucking jokes, screaming about parades and 1967 isn't funny.  I like a good joke as much as the next guy, even if it comes at mine or my teams expense.  My uncle (a Leafs basher) came up with "There is no Reimer reason that guy should be in the NHL" that is actually funny, get creative with photoshops, just any joke about planning a parade is beyond stupid, because let me tell you the parade IS planned, and it will be the grandest parade the world has ever seen and I will be front and center with my shirt off chugging beers.  It's going to be worth all these years of agony once the Leafs finally do win the Stanley Cup.  The next few seasons will be tough in Leafland, I know everyone and their uncle is calling for the Leafs to tank for McDavid, but one pick isn't going to turn things around... look at Edmonton, how many number one picks have they had?  The key is to draft smart in the 2nd, 3rd, 4th rounds and beyond, it's like my fantasy football teams, I always get a good high draft pick, then surround them with assholes and I miss the playoffs every fucking year.  I think Brendan Shanahan has put together the right brain trust to draft smart... and thank fuck that won't include Dave Nonis.  It's high time that squid get shown the door, too bad he can't take David Clarkson's contract with him.  Remember when Nonis signed Clarkson and he said "I am not worried about Year 5" ugh... he must've known he would've been fired after year 2 of that horrific contract.  The Clarkson signing is going to plague this team for years to come. It's gonna be a slow rebuild, but it's something that should've been done years ago.  Ever since they introduced the hard cap the Leafs have been a fucking tire fire because nobody has had a single clue how to run the team properly, it'll take a while to clean up a decade of futility.

The Week Ahead: vs. New York Rangers (2/10), @ New York Islanders (2/12), @ Montreal (2/14).  Believe it or not the Leafs didn't play that horrifically last week, they had horrible luck against Nashville... well I didn't watch the New Jersey game because the Raptors are on (who in their right mind would watch the Leafs over the Raptors these days) and they made short work of the terrible Oilers.  All that good will undoubtedly fly out the window this week as they play 3 playoff teams.  As long as they beat those god forsaken toilet seat logo Habs I will be happy.  The Habs are a fucking joke of a franchise, I wonder if we're going to have to endure a 45 minute pre-game ceremony honouring some plug that played for the team in 1968.  One of these days I hope someone drops that stupid torch and melts a big patch in the ice and the Habs are forced to forfeit.

If you told me last week the Raptors would go 2-2 I would think that sounded about right, considering they played two teams worse than them in the East and then the always tough Clippers and the defending champs.  The exact opposite happened, they played like complete dog shit against the Bucks and the Nets, and in the first quarter against the Clippers... but then James Johnson happened.  James Johnson had a hurt hamstring and missed a few games, and in the games before he was hurt Dwane Casey had him inexplicably nailed to the bench.  James Johnson is the People's Champ.  When he came off the bench to play the Clippers he got a roaring round of applause from the ACC faithful.  He started the game against the Spurs yesterday and delivered the dagger against the Champs denying Pop his 1,000th win.  He does what the rest of the Raptors don't seem to do... drive the ball to the hoop.  Take the game against the Bucks where they looked awful they were 7 for 27 from 3-point range and 32% overall, they keep insisting on throwing up 3's despite if they are hitting them or not (Lou Williams I'm looking in your direction), and taking horribly contested jump shots.  I don't want to dwell on the negative considering those Clippers and Spurs wins were huge but why was my boy Big V nailed to the bench against the Bucks?  He was the only starter who showed up in the first half and got a double double... for that he was awarded 5 minutes of playing time in the entire second half.   Anyways the last 3 quarters of the Clippers game and the Spurs game last night was two of the better games I have seen all year from the Raptors, I was so happy watching that Spurs game, it's always nice to beat the champs!  It's good to have some momentum going into the All-Star break.

The Week Ahead: vs. Washington (2/11).  One fucking game because of the All-Star break and of course it's on Wednesday the night I have trivia.  The NBA is experimenting with a prolonged All-Star break this year, and you know what I don't have a problem with it, I know they're millionaire athletes but an 82 game schedule is a grind, we're in the February doldrums now so it'll be good for players to get away for a bit, heal up some nagging injuries and come back refreshed.  The game itself against the Wizards should be good, they are two similar teams and have played tight games against each other all year, it's potentially a playoff preview too.

MISCELLANEOUS NEWS 

The Blue Jays held their State of the Franchise thing last Thursday.  It's only for season tickets holders and they get free beer and food and a chance to hear answers to screened questions.  Nothing really new came from it, but there is fancy new turf and Paul Beeston is still convinced the SkyDome will have natural grass by 2018... colour me skeptical on that.  We got to hear Buck Martinez' lovely voice again, count me in the minority but I have no problem with Buck or Tabby.  Alex Anthopolous has the tendency of saying a lot of things, without saying anything at all, so if you missed this don't worry, it's just a sign that baseball is just around the corner! That warms the cockles of my cold winters heart.  I am going to write a Spring Training preview separate from my usual Monday ramblings in the next few weeks, so be on the look out for that!

Brandon Banks re-signed with the Ti-Cats! Him and Luke Tasker both made commitments to the Ti-Cats this off-season when they could've gone to an NFL practice squad somewhere, but no they love the Hammer and want to win here.  I can't wait to get back to Tim Hortons Field this summer... look for the "Ti-Cats Game Heckle of the Week" on this blog (and hopefully podcast) once the season gets rolling.

Richie Incognito signed with the Bills... not too sure how I feel about that one, he seems like a gigantic arsehole, but the Bills need an offensive lineman and hopefully he's learned his lesson after being away from the game for a year and a half.

Now it's time for everyone's new favourite segment - C'Mon Bud!! Originally my target was going to be Peter Horachek for putting Jonathan Bernier back in the game against Nashville when Optimus Reim was playing well, and the Leafs had the victory.... only to see it fall apart yet again.  But then I saw this on my Twitter feed this morning...

C'Mon Bud!! This is absolutely fucking ridiculous, no I didn't read the article, it's probably absolute garbage, and up until this morning I didn't even know The Hockey News still existed.  The Hockey Media get all butt-hurt when Phil Kessel doesn't want to talk to them and think that they are idiots, well no fucking wonder, if you see shit like this would you want to talk to the squids?  Oh and how cute making a 1967 reference, go fuck yourselves Hockey News.  I know that Phil hasn't played well lately, but who has on the Leafs?  He is playing with Tyler fucking Bozak, and I am sorry the guy absolutely sucks.  He is not anywhere near a first line centre and he is dragging Kessel down with him.  Phil is not a fucking coach killer any coach in the league would be lucky to have Phil.  It's been a bad go for the Leafs lately and this is piling on.  My buddy and I were thinking the other day, imagine Sundin centering Kessel while both were in their primes?? Jesus Christ that would be a lot of goals... buuuuut the Toronto media would probably still say "duhhhhhh Sundin not leader, he no grinder from Mimico, where grit? Phil score 50 goal but he hurt my feelings bloo bloo bloo".  I am beginning to think Phil will be better off on another team, not because he sucks but the Leafs are in a complete overhaul now, and why would he waste more of his prime years on the hot garbage Leafs.  I would love to see him flourish in anonymity on an American team if only to rub it into Dave Feschuk and the rest of the squids faces.

REVIEW: McDonald's CBO Sandwich

Finally McDonald's has given us a new sandwich option... something that isn't a god forsaken salad or a wrap.  The CBO (Chicken Bacon Onion) Sandwich was first brought to my attention when the McDonald's Canada Twitter Account (yes I follow them on Twitter, nerd alert) re-tweeted a review from Toronto Food Blogger Hubert Leung.  Hubert has a great food blog, he reviews everything from fast food to hot dogs at Blue Jays games to fine dining options in Toronto.  But reading his blog on the CBO I found out that there was an exclusive McDonald's "Super Fans" party launch for the CBO. Not only did they all get to try the CBO before everyone else, there was cake, an open bar the whole fucking 9!  What the hell?!? Why in the fuck was I not invited to this? I love McDonald's!  I defend it vigorously to the nerds that say it is made from pink gloop and cows that have cerebral palsy.  I've written 6 blogs on McDonald's including a definitive power ranking of all their sandwiches.  My life long dream would be to go to a McDonald's tasting party that had an open bar, me and Grimace would've been the life of the party, but I might have knocked out the Hamburglar if I saw that sneaky little asshole.  Anyways, I know you were all waiting with baited breath for my review of the CBO, so I made a trip to the good ol' Dundurn and Main location today to give the CBO a whirl.

I must say the Dundurn and Main McDonald's location here in the Hammer is one of the finest I have been in, it has two floors, a play pen and the menus are all on fancy flat screen TV's.  Plus it is the location I frequented growing up where I fell in love with the Golden Arches.  It is certainly a hell of a lot better than the Jackson Square location, which is right down there with the Dundas and Richmond location in London as far as the scummiest McDonald's on planet Earth.  Anyways the sandwich was pretty fucking awesome, it is one of the best things that McDonald's has brought out in ages.  First things first the actual piece of chicken was bigger than what you would get in a McChicken, plus it was crispier.  You had the option of getting a grilled chicken on it instead of crispy but who in their right mind would do that??  There was also crispy onions and bacon bits, the bacon bits were actual pieces of bacon not some crumble bullshit.  I've always maintained that McDonald's produces some of the finest bacon in the fast food game, it's always perfectly cooked and crispy.  The kicker was the black pepper and onion sauce, that was very good, in fact they should add that as an option for their nuggets, perhaps even as a dip for the fries.  The commercials all plug this "artisan bun" but really it was a regular bun shaped like a square with a couple of onions slivers baked into the top.  I am happy that it was a regular bun as I have found that McDonald's has tried to use a ciabatta bun for their fancier sandwiches and it always tastes dry and stale.  The meal itself was a little on the pricey side, after taxes it came to $9.55 which is a bit ridiculous for fast food, but I guess that's pretty much the going rate for combos at any fast food joint these days, even my beloved Popeye's.  Would I order it again? Of course I would it was very good, it's hard to beat the mighty Big Mac and that is still what I will order most of the time but I am glad McDonald's has finally gone back to their bread and butter with an unhealthy sandwich option.  McDonald's is losing money shoving salads and wraps down our throats don't they realize......

Worst Play Call in NFL History, Worst Month in NHL History

Well that was the ultimate bumblefuck not only in NFL history but perhaps in the history of all of sports.  I know there is a ton of second guessing in sports, especially from arseholes like me, but Jesus H. Christ that was an all time fuck up.  Worst of all that bumblefuck caused the dreaded New England Patriots to win the Super Bowl.  Before that inexplicable play call was what could've been one of the best catches in Super Bowl history by Jermaine Kearse, but no one will remember it because it all got fucked up.  I texted my friend/nemesis Killer that Kearse's catch was the football gods punishing the Patriots for being rotten cheaters, because Seattle had that game won.  Of course karma comes and bites me in the ass because they went ahead and called a pass play on 2nd and Goal from the 1 yard line... when they have one of the best running quarterbacks in the game and they have fucking Beast Mode.

What makes matters worse is Killer and I had a bet, so now I have to have a picture of fucking Tom Brady sitting on a throne as my Facebook picture for a week, if the Seahawks weren't such dipshits he would have had Tom Brady squealing on a waterslide for a week.  The Tom Brady nut lickers don't realize that all their Super Bowl victories have either come by cheating or by complete flukes, a field goal here, a shitty play call there.  Fuck the Patriots.  All that being said the Super Bowl was very entertaining, it wasn't a shitty blow out like last year, and I liked the half time show.  The acid-trip beach sequence was pretty cool and Missy Elliott (remember her?) stole the show, any music that takes me back to my glory days of the early 2000's is good by me.  Katy Perry is gorgeous, she could sing the phone book and I would watch... even if she did look like Bam Bam Bigelow.

The best part of the Super Bowl was the food... sweet hollering fuck the food I had last night was good.  My friend Jeff can put together a feast and just like at the Grey Cup I will be doing a power rankings of the food eaten.

9.  Vegetables and Dip... vegetables are my mortal enemy so they will always be at the bottom, but they are always good to have on hand to nibble on before the main courses.  The dip was pretty good, but fuck it's still shitty vegetables.

8. Sushi Rolls... I fucking love Sushi rolls, there was a crab one with this orange sauce on it, ooooohh boy.  Best part is long after the game, I polished those bad boys off in a drunken haze, at least when you have sushi at home you don't have to pretend to know how to use chopsticks.  I've tried using chopsticks before, and believe me it's a fucking production.

7. Dave Thomas (not founder of Wendy's or Doug McKenzie) brought a roma style pizza before the game and that went quick.  I like the Roma style of pizza because it's good hot or cold.

6. Prosciutto wrapped cantaloupe with a piece of cheese on top, made by the lovely Chloe who puts up with all these meatheads invading her home constantly.  You probably had the same reaction I did when I heard this combination, but by gum it worked.  

5. Homemade Peanut Butter and M&M cookies made by Chris.  Peanut Butter cookies are my favourite and they were kicked up a significant notch with M&M's.

4. Chicken Soulvaki. Depsite the blizzard last night the BBQ was fired up and there were these delicious chicken skewers, I didn't ask what kind of spices were on the chicken, but whatever it was it was fucking good.

3. Ralphy's Tortellini... cheese tortellini with tomato sauce, very nice balance to all the meat.

2. Da'Rell's 10 Alarm Chili... You can't have a Super Bowl Party without chili and this was very good chili because there was a lot of shit in it.  There was the usual 3 pounds of beef, and there was bacon, jalapenos, green peppers.  The game changer was the corn, what a nice touch to have the sweetness of the corn in a spicy chili.

1.  Jeff's Ribs... bud.  These fucking ribs were a masterpiece.  First they were prepped and soaked in Apple Cider overnight.  Then a liberal amount of dry rub was put on it, the dry rub was your classic rub with garlic and onion powder, salt and pepper and a few notches of cayenne for heat.  Jeff had a mini-smoker so he soaked some Applewood chips in beer (the beer was sacrificed for the cause) and smoked the ribs on indirect heat on the BBQ.  After that they were painted with a delicious BBQ sauce, it was a Tony Roma's Honey Carolina mixed with PC Rib and Chicken sauce, throw in some Frank's, and a dash of "FML" Hot maple sauce and you got a sweet, tangy and spicy sauce.  These ribs sent your taste buds on one hell of a roller coaster ride, as they had a nice spicy kick to them but also had the taste of a classic BBQ sauce.   Here is a photo essay of the production:

The Raptors are on fire! Unlike that other Toronto team which we will get to in a minute.  The Raptors were a perfect 4-0 last week extending their winning streak to 6 games.  They blew significant leads against both Brooklyn and Washington, but still managed to hold them off in OT.  At least those close games were entertaining to watch, but something needs to be done about them falling apart, and I am sure that is always a point of emphasis with Dwane Casey and his coaching staff.  There is such a huge difference in my emotions watching the Raptors compared to the Leafs, the Leafs are like listening to especially moribund Morrissey, while the Raptors are like listening to Uptown Funk.  With the Raptors success Dwane Casey has finally gotten a bit of a taste what it's like to play in Toronto as he is being questioned constantly, he got a little pissy in the media saying that they are winning, yet all he is hearing is nitpicking.  Sorry Dwane welcome to fucking Toronto, Cito Gaston only won back to back World Series and his decisions were constantly thrown into question, and don't get me started on the fucking Leafs.  I think Dwane Casey is a great coach, and has done a hell of a job so far, but the one thing I do disagree with him is... why isn't the pharmacy open during crunch time??

The Pharmacy of course refers to Jonas "Big V" Valanciunas.  It seems at the end of the game he prefers having Amir Johnson and Patrick Patterson out there, of course Big V fouled out Saturday so that didn't help, but still Big V should be playing Big Minutes.  I know Big V is only 22 (Jesus Fuck I am an entire decade older than him) and they don't want to rush his development, but the time is now to give him minutes late in the game, let him learn now instead of more important games come playoff time.  The Raptors give up a lot of size putting Amir Johnson and Patrick Patterson up against other big men.  This is going to be Big V's role for years to come, and I think the time is now to start putting him in these situations.

The Week Ahead: vs. Milwaukee (2/2) vs. Brooklyn (2/4), vs. Los Angeles Clippers (2/6), vs. San Antonio (2/8).  The Raptors look to continue their winning ways against two shitty teams and two good teams.  That being said, the Bucks are a much improved team over last year so they shouldn't take them lightly, and as we saw last Friday Brooklyn can still give the Raptors a run for their money.  The game against the Clippers back in December was one of the most entertaining games I have seen all year, and perhaps the Clippers have revenge on their mind, to me that will be the game of the week.  The defending champs come in on Sunday for the first match-up of the season, this will be a good measuring stick for the Raptors as the Spurs are a team that the Raptors (and every other team in the league for that matter) should emulate.

What can you say about the Leafs that hasn't already been said about Afghanistan?  What a fucking disaster the month of January was for them.  The Leafs are just downright unwatchable now, the season has been a complete waste.  Everyone has got the notion that we're going to be bad enough to get Connor McDavid... that's not happening buds.  This horrible play is about as sustainable as their amazing play was back in November...which is not at all, they'll start scoring again eventually.  You know that they'll get hot again in late February/early March and finish just outside of the playoff picture as usual.  Hopefully Martin Gerber doesn't come in and stand on his head again.  I'm sorry but you can not tell professional athletes to "tank" these guys have been competitive all their lives whether it be hockey or a game of fucking ping pong in the locker room, they are not about to go and lose on purpose.  That being said I think it is time to tear disaster of a team down, even my beloved Phil Kessel shouldn't be untouchable.  Dave Nonis is a lame duck GM, so I don't want him making any franchise altering changes,  I doubt he is making any moves on his own and is really just a glorified scout.  Shanahan had this big to do about watching the core after Carlyle was fired and how he was going to hold them accountable... and the whole thing has gone to shit.  I can barely watch these fuckers anymore it just depresses the hell out of me.

The Week Ahead: @ Nashville (2/3), @ New Jersey (2/6), vs. Edmonton (2/7) To quote Alex Rios "Who Gives a Fuck!?"  But really if they don't curb stomp Edmonton, I don't even know anymore.

This is a new segment for the blog, it's an idea my buddy Ando came up for our podcast (which will happen eventually, I swear!!!  He'll also have to work on that Twitter).  Basically it is the blunder of the week, while it would be easy enough to say that the Pete Carroll decision to throw on 2nd and Goal on the 1 should warrant the first C'Mon Bud, this week it will have to go to Leafs goaltender Jonathan Bernier for this did-saster.

Jesus Christ Bernier what in the fuck was that... the thing is he was playing a decent game up until that point and then proceeded to fall apart like a Chinese Motorcycle.  If James Reimer let in that goal he would've been crucified and poor April Reimer would not be able to check her phone or twitter for a month.  I still have faith in Bernier but he is slowly turning into Vesa Toskala 2.0.  Ugh.