An Ode to Josh Donaldson

Josh Donaldson is a Toronto Blue Jay.  Just saying puts a smile on my face, and he is going to be a Blue Jay for the foreseeable future.  This guy is unbelievable and had an unbelievable week last week, seemingly hitting a home run at every at bat.  I watched last Tuesday's game at my buddy's....what a fucking roller coaster of emotion that was.  It was the most entertaining ball game I have seen in ages.  The Jays bullpen was awful as we've come to expect, but when Josh Donaldson hit that walk-off homerun, we were jumping up and down like assholes, war-hooting, uncoordinated white guy high fives, the whole 9.  I know mouth breathing cretins like Gregg Zaun over-use the term 'clutch' but Donaldson is fucking clutch.  I am getting a Josh Donaldson jersey, he is the new G.B.O.A.T.

It makes you forget all about this fucking squid.  RISE AND GRIND DORKS!!  Brett Lawrie is terrible and is pretty much the anti-Josh Donaldson.  Yeah he is putting up decent numbers in Oakland but he is nowhere near Donaldson's level.  I admit I got caught up in the Lawrie hype, I even have a Lawrie jersey ($30 from China thank fuck I didn't pay full price).   Everyone who purchased a Lawrie jersey (Chinese ones too) should be allowed to replace it for a Donaldson one.  Lawrie's problem is he had smoke blown up his ass the entire time he was in the Blue Jays organization simply because he was Canadian, he was in the terrible WestJet and Rogers commercials, and for what?  By the way Brett, ease up on the Red Bull and blow bud your fucking heart is going to explode.

Live shot of the Toronto Blue Jays Bullpen/Outfield

While the starting pitching has improved leaps and bounds in the last couple of weeks the bullpen is still a fucking disaster.  These pitchers are  BRUTAL, and no lead is safe when the bullpen comes in.  But help is on the way in Phil Coke...ugh I used to call him Phil Choke when he played for the shitty Tigers, so I am not expecting big things.

The outfield is one of the worst defensively I have seen in my entire life.  Routine plays have turned into a fucking circus with the likes of Carrera and Collabello playing the field.  It sucks when they make these defensive gaffes it's always in close games and they have come back to bite the team in the ass.  The best defensive outfielder in Kevin Pillar has been fucking garbage at the plate, he's a plug.  At least Collabello can hit the ball because that bottom third of the line-up is more like a bottom Turd. 

Despite the terrible bullpen and the below replacement level outfield, the Jays are still in the thick of things, I am fully expecting the Jays to be a fuck of a lot better June through September than they have been in April and May.  The AL East is ripe for the taking, and a solid winning streak will catapult them to the top of the division.

The Week Ahead: @ Minnesota (right meow), @ Washington (6/1 - 6/3), vs. Houston (6/5 - 6/7).  Ugh, the Nationals.  I hate National League baseball, having the pitchers hit is barbaric, get out of the 19th century and bring in the DH for christs sake.  Bryce Harper is on the same douche level as Brett Lawrie, I can't stand that guy.  The Nationals are playing great baseball, so it'll be a challenge especially because the Jays have been traditionally garbage in National League parks.  Then the Astros come in next weekend, the Jays better have revenge on their mind after they got their ass handed to them in Houston a couple of weeks ago.

The NBA Finals, and the Stanley Cup Final (why is one the Finals and one the Final???)are upon us.  I still say the Warriors are going to win the NBA Title, but I am going to have to change my Stanley Cup pick to the Chicago Blackhawks.  I just can't discount what they have done in the past, plus they looked down and out against Anaheim but they came storming back.  I would like to see the Lightning win too, because it will be nice for Stamkos to win a Cup in Tampa before he joins the Leafs in free agency in a couple of years. 

As for the NBA Finals I hope they are a lot better than the Conference Championships were, because those games were boring, and they were over in a blink of an eye which bring us too...

A full fucking week between the Conference finals and the Finals?  C'Mon bud that's just absurd, what the fuck else is going on at the Q in Cleveland and at Oracle Arena in Oakland that can't be bumped for the Finals?  It's probably more to do with TV, ABC pays a shit ton of money to air the Finals so they probably had a big say in the matter which is completely ridiculous.  I suppose this allows the players to rest some nagging injuries from a long season and a deep playoff run, but for fucks sakes let's just get this show on the road.

I think it's awesome that Blue Jays, and Raptors fans travel so well.  Jays fans from Vancouver take over Seattle when they play there, when I saw the Raptors in Detroit back in March there was easily just as many if not more Raptors fans at the Palace compared to Pistons fans.  So when the Jays were in Minnesota this weekend, lots of fans came down from Manitoba and Saskatchewan to watch their favourite team live.  Those people aren't the Squids of the Week, it was these fucking assholes from Saskatchewan who showed up to the game in their Rough Riders gear.  Give me a fucking break losers.  You guys are at a BASEBALL game, and you show up in Rough Riders gear?  These were old fuckers too, who should really know better.  They should be ashamed of themselves.  I love the CFL and I do have Ti-Cats gear, did I consider for one fucking second to wear it when I saw the Jays in Cleveland?  Absolutely not, despite rumours to the contrary I do have a functioning brain.

Look at these squids, while these aren't the Squids of the Week that I saw in Minnesota, but for wearing a fucking Watermelon on your head and painting your face you are permanent squids.  Saskatchewan sucks, why anyone would want to live their is beyond me, 8 months of winter leads in to CFL season, that's all those assholes have going for them - Snow, Wheat and the shitty Rough Riders.

Big Brother Canada 3 Final Thoughts

Stinky Sarah the Pothead is your Big Brother 3 champion!  I bet she is celebrating with a Snoop Dogg stylez blunt right about now.  Congratulations to her, despite me wanting Godfrey Mangwiza the Lady Pleaza to win, I am happy for Sarah and it was a deserving victory.   She was a very good social player, and despite being pretty awful in comps that got her through the game.  She flew under the radar at the right times, and orchestrated great moves at others and her game was never really in jeopardy.

So she gets the $100,000 which is about a tenth of the amount of tears she shed in the house, Jesus Christ was there a bigger crier in the history of Big Brother?  I also couldn't stand it when she lash out at herself in the third person "Sarah you're an idiot" "You suck Sarah!" But besides that I think she would be a pretty fun girl to hang out with outside of the house...despite her claim to only shower once a week.

The writing for me in this episode was on the wall when pretty much everyone in jury was asking her and not the Godfather any questions, I knew then and there that she had the game won.  At the end of the day I don't think Godfrey would've beat Ashleigh in Final 2 either.  Ashleigh had a lot of allies on jury and she did coming roaring back at the end winning a ton of competitions.

Other Random Thoughts

The episode dragged like fuck especially in the last hour, the whole thing could've wrapped up in an hour, maybe 90 minutes but there was WAY too much filler.  The showmance segment was insufferable.  I hate that term so much too, like Godfrey said "this ain't no lovers paradise, this is Big Brother, let's play!"

Speaking of insufferable... Jordan get off my TV forever.  What a fucking attention whore he is, I don't know what his deal is but I will be happy never to see that dork again in my life.

Every year after a Big Brother season ends I follow a ton of them on Twitter....aaaaaand quickly unfollow them because they're horrible at it.  I really want to keep up with Godfrey on the Twitter, he is fucking hilarious and I am sure will be a good follow.  I also hope that they don't become attention whores holding on to their Big Brother fame for dear life *cough* Peter, Gary *cough*.   I certainly won't be following Peeeleeee on Twitter, last time I checked you can't tweet in crayon. 

As insufferable as a lot of the former houseguests are ESPECIALLY from BBCAN1, it's kind of a neat fraternity they all have, they go and party all around North America together and seem to be genuine friends.  Last year they all went to Niagara Falls to party after wrap, and I am sure they are partying somewhere in Toronto tonight.

All in all it wasn't the best season of Big Brother I have ever seen, but it wasn't the worst. It was pretty boring at first and all the "Big game moves" came about via fucking Twistos Twists.  Players play too safely now, it's not a bad strategy because you're in it to win, not entertain people like myself.  Still I would love for Big Brother Canada to ease up on the twists, it's totally unnecessary, let the players play the fucking game without the producers meddling too much.  I am itching for an All-Stars season, perhaps a Canada vs. USA game.  That would be awesome.  At least with an All-Stars season you are bringing in players, not floaters and not people looking to make whoopee.

Thankfully we won't be without Big Brother for long, Big Brother 17 will be debuting in less than a month!  My beloved Julie Chen will be back and sassier than ever.  You better believe I will be blogging BB17 this year.  Until then give your boy a follow on the Twitter @HDH2112 and you can still read this blog for my weekly sports ramblings and food reviews until BB17.

Seriously though thank you for reading, I got some pretty high page views (for me!) on a few of these and I am always shocked.  I even got a re-tweet or two from Evel Dick himself.  Thanks for the nice comments on Facebook or whatever as well.  I hope you enjoy reading these as much as I do writing them! 

Mike Babcock: Our Lord and Saviour

After years of misery being a Leafs fan I can see a glimmer of light, and that light Mike Babcock eventually leading my beloved Toronto Maple Leafs to Stanley Cup glory.  It's gonna happen buds, maybe not next year, maybe not the year after that, but it's gonna happen at least 3 times during the length of Babcock's 8 year deal.

Babcock is committed to the process, and so is Shanahan, they are not going to half-ass and rush this rebuild like so many former Maple Leaf regimes have done.  Mark Hunter and Kyle Dubas are going to build a warchest of young prospects, and Mike Babcock is going to mold them into winners.  It may not be pretty in the next couple of seasons but I'd way rather watch young guys with massive amounts of potential hone their craft over the steaming pile of horseshit they iced last season.

Already Leafs fans have had to deal with the waterheads who are all "duhhhhhhh the Leafs promiss Babclock Aprel and May off for gulf" or other dunderhead jokes about "Planning the Parade".  I'll tell you what the parade IS planned and when it happens it will be the best fucking parade the world has ever seen, and I'll be there front row centre with my shirt off chugging beers.

While the Leafs were making franchise altering announcements, the shitty pathetic Ottawa Senators made an announcement of their own which brings us too this week's.......

I knew the Ottawa Senators are a joke (we all know that) but they just cemented their ineptitude when they signed the shitty Hamburglar to a three year contract.  C'Mon Bud, that guy was a flukey piece of shit who somehow had a horse shoe crammed up his ass for 25 games and they lock him up for 3 years?  The squid got benched in the playoffs too! Are the Sens aware it's a cap league??  I guess Eugene Melnyk is too busy weaseling his way to the front of the Organ donors list (sorry bed-ridden 12 year old that needs a liver transplant and has been waiting for months, this man is rich so he gets a new liver before you) to give a shit about the tire fire of an organization he owns.

The Jays... Jesus Murphs, the Jays.  I know the losing and inconsistencies suck, but for fucks sakes look at the line up they're fielding.  There is no way you should expect to win with fucking Kevin Pillar playing everyday.  I had no idea who Ezequiel Carrera or Chris Collabello were before the last two weeks.  Collabello can hit the ball but holy fuck he is fucking terrible in the field, him lumbering around right field like an asshole has cost the Blue Jays the last two games.  To be fair he isn't an outfielder, he's still listed as an infielder on the Jays' depth chart for christs sake.

It's just so fucking Blue Jays that they are finally getting good starting pitching and the bats fall asleep.  Like I said, it doesn't help that they only have 4 regulars in the line up.  This season has been frustrating as fuck, but it is still so far from over.  Reyes is coming back this week, Dinner Navarro should be back soon, fuck even Maicer Izturus could help at this point.  If you ever wonder where these mouth breathing idiots who call Jays Talk, who tweet out doom and gloom about the Jays (last weeks Squids of the Week) get their material from it is from squids in the Toronto media, which brings us to this week's

The Squid of the Week is Cathal Kelly of the Globe and Mail.  Kelly has quickly joined the ranks of the Feschuks, Simmons' and Cox's of the squid media landscape.  Remember Kelly is amongst the "TRAYDE KESSELLL" morons who call him fat, or in Kelly's case a "Coca-Cola Swilling Holy Fool".  I still don't know what that means.  Anyways Kelly shat out an article the other day saying that legacy Blue Jay Munenori Kawasaki being called up means the season is over.  Give me a fucking break.  First of all Mune is the best.  Second of all Mune is only with the team because of the absurd amount of injuries, that kind of happens when you're missing your whole middle infield and you are having infielders play in the outfield.  Squids like Cathal Kelly, Steven Simmons and Squid Sexiero just dumb down the narrative in the Toronto sports scene and are fully responsible for a generation of morons that pollute the Toronto sports landscape.

The Week Ahead: vs. Seattle (this afternoon) vs. Chicago White Sox (5/25 - 5/27), @ Minnesota (5/29 - 5/31).  Just string some fucking wins together already.  The good thing is for as mediocre as the Jays have been so far they are only 5.5 games out of first in the AL East.  The bad news is Jose Bautista is out for a couple of games after getting a cortisone shot, the good news is Jose Reyes is back tomorrow.  The Jays always seem to do well against AL Central teams, so I hope for my own sanity they can get hot and stay hot.

Big Brother Canada 3 Week 9 Thoughts

Uhhhhh... did anyone else know tonights episode was starting at 7?? Was this once ever mentioned in ANY broadcast?? Maybe I just didn't hear, but luckily my TV was on Global when I turned it on around 7 and the show was just starting.  Julie Chen would've reminded us for weeks about a scheduling change but I don't think Arisa Cox mentioned it once.

So Zach the Twitter troll is gone.  While I am pretty hard on (huh h- huh huh hard-on) the houseguests on this shitty blog that's about the extent of it.  I am not about to call them a "bitch" or a "pussy" like some Grade 8 dullard on Twitter, that's just pathetic.   That being said Peter was a terrible Big Brother player and is even more annoying now trying to squeeze the 15th minute out of his so-called fame, and Zach did play a way better game than Peter.

I never liked Zach, he is boring as fuck and doesn't seem like the kind of guy I would want to hang out with in real life.  And what was with those ridiculous soliloquies he's been dropping lately, he had that bizarre one about diapers and shit tonight, and then this stupid "I love you maaaan" speech at eviction.  Get the fuck back to boring assed Saskatchewan where you can watch your dog run away from home for days at a time

Peeleee (or Peanut Brain Potatohead as EvelDick has taken to calling her) was next to go, did anyone notice the the house wasn't phased at all when Arisa said it was a Double Eviction?  They've gotten so used to having a stupid twist thrown at them every god damned week.

I am happy that Peelee is gone, she offered absolutely nothing to the show.  She was absolutely brutal at everything, yes she did win an HOH but that was luck, and she dropped out of more challenges than she won.

That being said from a strategic standpoint it was pretty stupid for Brittnee to evict Peeeeleeeeeee over Godfrey.  Don't get me wrong I am happy that Godfrey is staying, but at this point you got to have your eye on the prize and sitting next to Peeeleeee in the final 2 all but assures your victory.  Imagine Peeleeee stumbling her way through Finale?? It would be 100 times worse than VaGinaMarie.

It's actually tough for me to pick a winner out of the Final 4.  I want Godfrey to win, but I think it'll be either Sarah or Brittnee.  If it comes down to Sarah and Brittnee in the Final 2, it may come down to the wire with Jury Votes.  I think Brittnee should win out of her and Sarah, she has won more competitions, she won the superpower which changed the game and she escaped the block 5 times.  That's not to say Sarah has been shit, she has played an amazing social game and was never really in danger once.  That being said if Sarah or Brittnee go up against either Godfrey or Ashleigh in Final 2, either of them would win in a landslide. 

Other Random Thoughts:

Ashleigh hasn't been completely useless lately, good for her! But I am afraid it is too little too late, a couple of late wins against little competition doesn't make up for a season of utter uselessness.

That Big Brother rap..... let's just pretend that never happened.

That HOH was competition was absolutely disgusting, I couldn't imagine having hundreds of fucking worms being blown at you.  That is giving me the heebeejeebees thinking about it.

Willow is fucked... what is her deal??  Did Sarah ever tell her that she had a boyfriend that she has been with for years?  These people get psychiatric care paid for them after the show right?

HOH hasn't been decided yet, if you want to be spoiled I usually get my spoilers from HamsterWatch.com 

I DID notice this time about the scheduling change, the Finale is on at 8 next Wednesday when the winner gets a Hundo Grand and a lifetime supply of Twistos.

A Did-Saster of a Road Trip

Welp.... that... that wasn't very good.  Pretty much anything that could go wrong went wrong with the team, especially in that miserable series in Houston.  It had it all, bullpen meltdowns, poor starting pitching, the bats going quiet at impromptu times.  A disastrous 1-6 road trip has left the boys in blue at 5 games under .500 and dead last in the AL East.  Yeah it sucked, but look at the standings the Jays despite being in last are a measly 5 games out of 1st in the East and only 4.5 games out of the Wild Card spot but according to the petulant pissy pant man babies who have nothing better to do but whine and bitch on Twitter the season is over.  This brings us to an early....

If you're saying the Jays season is already over you're a squid.  If you tweet at Mike Wilner or Andrew Stoeten with doom and gloom scenarios you're a squid.  If you are commenting on the Blue Jays Facebook posts saying Fyre Gabbobbsss then you're definitely a squid.  All you people need to be shot into the sun.  Not only are you squids but you're the squid of the week.

Yeah the Jays had a terrible road trip and yes they have been inconsistent as fuck but these petulant man babies stomping their feet and having temper tantrums on Twitter about it are the absolute fucking worst.  I guess social media has given everyone with an asshole opinion a forum, and you have to take the good with the bad but fuck bud, some of these people shouldn't be allowed to breed.

The man who most of the vitriol and venom is spewed at is good ol' Gibby. # FYREGABBOBS!!!!11 they all say.  It's ludicrous.  I am not going to sit here and say Gibby is the second coming of Connie Mack but to throw this slow start on him is absolutely absurd.  I got into an argument with some loser on Facebook because when they showed the line-up he's all like "Gibby needs to go, he hasn't done anything to get the bats going"  What the fuck is Gibby supposed to do?? Swing the bats for them?? Sprinkle Magical "Don't Suck Dust" on them?  He sends out a Aaron "French Wolf" Loup, a left handed pitcher to face two left handed batters, something he has had success doing, and something every manager ever would do and Loup fucks up and that's Gibbys fault?? The Jays go 0 for 9 with runners in scoring position and because Gibby didn't give an impassioned speech that it is his fault.  Give your fucking head a shake, you know fuck all about baseball.

The other thing the squids complain about is AA "make a big trade Alex!!" they say.  They have grand suggestions like trading Ryan Goins, R.A. Dickey and a pick for Clayton Kershaw".  They're still bitching that a trade wasn't made at the deadline last year.  Don't these assholes know anything?  You can't just snap your fingers and make a trade, especially before the draft and especially months before the trade deadline.  Plus you fucking clowns draft picks can't be traded in baseball. I do agree that AA should've done something about the bullpen in the off season but there is no way he could have foresaw the Marcus Stroman injury (single tear) the regression of Drew Hutchinson, and Buerhle and Dickey having terrible starts to their season.  The garbage clowns are bitching about JA Happ of all fucking people being traded for Michael Saunders, Saunders suffered a freak accident injury on the first day of Spring Training, how is that anybodies fault??

Bottom line is the first month and a half of the season hasn't been the best but for Christs sakes there is four and a half months left.  If the pitching sorts itself out and the bats keep playing like they can the Jays can easily fire off a winning streak and be right back in the thick of things in a mediocre AL East.  I hate watching bullpen meltdowns as much as the next guy, but that's baseball shit happens.

The Week Ahead:  vs. Los Angeles of Anaheim (5/18 - 5/21) vs. Seattle (5/22 - 5/24)  At least we're done seeing the shitty AL East for a while.  Today the Jays have given up a 4-0 lead and the Angels are leading 5-4 now for fucks sake... game isn't over yet but it must be disheartening for the position players to see the pitching give up leads time after time. UPDATE: Jays win 10-6!!  Anaheim and Seattle find themselves in the same position as the Jays, teams with a lot of hype who have been treading water around the .500 mark.  Hopefully some home cooking is exactly what the Blue Jays need to right this ship.

The conference finals in the NBA and NHL are upon us... and yeah I really haven't been too hyped about either of them.  I'll start paying a little more attention to them now, especially now since the good NBA games aren't starting at fucking 10:30.  Despite what all you assholes say my predictions have been pretty good so far.  So call your bookies now because I am going to give you my predictions for the Finals.

NBA:

Golden State over Houston in 6

Cleveland over Atlanta in 5

Your NBA Title Winners:

NHL:

Anaheim over Chicago in 6

Tampa Bay over New York in 7

Your Stanley Cup Champion:

Obviously this is the season of

I guess I should say something about the IHF Hockey Championships that Canada aboslutely dominated but truth be told I barely watched any of it.  Most games were on when I was at work when they were crushing the likes of Belarus and France,  I woke up early to watch the semi-final game against the Czechs on Saturday but I fell back asleep during the game.  Yesterday during the gold medal game I was stuck on the fucking 401.  It's great to see the boys dominate this tournament, and kicking the shit out of Russia in the Gold Medal game is always nice, this bodes well for the 2016 World Cup of Hockey which I expect the Canadians to dominate again.  Sidney Crosby must've loved playing with competent line mates, something that has alluded him in Pittsburgh the last few seasons. Good for Sid the Squid for joining the elusive Triple Gold Club.  The IHF Hockey Championships brings us to this weeks

So TSN has the rights to air the NBA playoffs, and the other night I was looking for the Wizards-Hawks game to watch, and what was on the main TSN network... fucking Slovenia vs. Denmark in the IHF Hockey Championships.  What the fuck is wrong with this country?  Two fringe hockey countries with 0 NHL players gets precedent over an NBA Playoff game.  C'Mon Bud that was just fucked up.

Big Brother Canada 3 Week 8 Thoughts

As a bald man, I have taken a firm stand against baldism and baldists everywhere.  But Bruno is a bootleg bald man who tries to hide his true bald identity with pathetic greasy strings of hair.  He looks like he has some kind of greaseball guido combover, you might as well spray that hair in a can on top.

While the result of Bruno being evicted is something I welcome, as a Big Brother purist it was nothing more than bullshit.  Thank FUCK Arisa Cox said that this is the last Twistos Twist of the year.  Bruno deserved to go, I was all about Bruno a couple of weeks ago but he fell into my bad graces immediately.  Taking Zach off the block was completely idiotic move, and his reasoning was extra stupid. By the way, what is the deal with his thumb?? That thing has been in a fucking splint since week 1.  Anyways he really rubbed me the wrong way this past week, I thought he got pretty aggressive with Sarah during their fight, he was getting right in her face and flying off the handle.  Plus he started playing the whole family angle, I hate that shit, it was almost #DEVINHASADAUGHTER 2.0.

So much for the shitty Generals... what an absolutely dreadful name for an alliance, they were more like the Washington Generals.  He had an incredibly sloppy week and I am glad he got blind-sided with the asinine twist

I really hated this Twistos Twist.  I am happy that Brittnee won it, and I am glad she used it wisely, but fuck off with this.  Why is this necessary??  It's not the game, I know you have to "expect the unexpected" but just once I would like to see them go through one season without a fucking twist.  Double/Triple Eviction is OK because you get some game play.  These types of twists are so completely unnecessary and stupid.  If this twist seemed familiar it is, remember when Golden Boy Jeff was given the Coup D'Etat (or as he said Coop De Twat) in BB11?  At least Ashleigh didn't have a melt down and throw her microphone in the pool like Chima.  PS I hate Jeff... he's awful, there was rumour that he might be replacing my beloved Julie Chen as host, if that ever happened I would never watch the show again.

I thought it was awful leaving them hanging thinking all of Canada voted for them to be on slop, that must've been psychologically damaging.  I can't fault Brittnee for using the power given to her, and I think she made the smart choice putting up Bruno and Zach.  She also bought loyalty from Godfrey which will bode well for her in the home stretch of the show.  Bruno is such a fucking idiot for making himself the target this week, he could have hung low, allowed Zach to be evicted last week.  Instead he used the Veto on him because that retard Bobby planted the seed in his head that there was an all girls alliance. He completely fucked himself in the game, he can't blame Twistos for this one.

Other Random Thoughts:

I hate updates from the Jury House, I don't want to see these squids unless something major happens.  It's all such forced terrible acting too, especially Jordan, he is such a little dweeb I am so glad that he got evicted when he did.

As much as I have deservedly given Ashleigh shit this year for being useless, she did win a tough HOH and deserves kudos for that.  But.... it turns out her HOH was completely useless hahahaha.  Anyways, she kept saying that it was her HOH and that she was going to "do what's right for her" but it's completely obvious that it was Zach making all the moves.  I also didn't know that she was as dumb as Peeeleee... she didn't know Toronto was in Ontario, and said that Edmonton is the capital of Calgary?? I hope she was just joking because if not that is just sad. 

I'm sorry but Peeleeeeee should never be allowed to host a competition again, at least nothing that involves reading.  I know English isn't her first language, but she sounded like someone doing a horrible Swedish accent.

It goes without saying but Godfrey is the man.  He is fucking hilarious, especially when he makes fun of Peeeleee.  At this point I really want him to win, I think he deserves it.  That being said I HATE the competition throwing, I have talked about how much I hate it in previous posts, and I think Godfrey is better than that, plus it is getting to the point where he NEEDS to win.

I was going to complain about the corporate sponsorship but I realize it's a necessary evil.  It's a Canadian production so it doesn't have a lot of funding.  So instead of having it look half-assed and second-rate, the extra money is used to boost production values.  If you ask me the production of the show is just as good if not better than Big Brother USA.

The HOH competition is going to be tough on Peeeleee, I don't think she can even count to 100 let alone make out what 100 minutes would be.  Speaking of HOH....

Sarah wins!! I am pretty happy with this.  She's a smart cookie so I am thinking she nominates Zach and Ashleigh and if one of them wins veto Peeeeleeeeee goes up.  Hopefully it's Zach who is shown the door.  I am thinking Sarah, Brittnee and Godfrey will be the final 3.  But you never know what will happen in the second eviction next week. 

Better week from Jays, Patriots Legacy of cheating and more!

Last week was all doom and gloom for the Jays, they suffered through some terrible pitching performances and slipped to a few games below .500 - what a difference a week makes, which just goes to show you how incredibly long the baseball season is, and how reactionary garbage clown Jays fans are the absolute worst.

Since we last spoke the Jays have gone 4-1 turning in some impressive pitching performances along the way.  Is one week enough to wipe away the memories of a mediocre April?  Not quite yet, but it feels a fuck of a lot better than it did last week.  Only Marco "Polo Erik" Estrada lost last week and he was a victim of shitty run support and some bad bounces.  Dickey and Buerhle were vintage, Sanchez turned in a fantastic performance, and while Hutch got into some trouble yesterday he managed to weasel out of it.  Best of all the bullpen got some much needed rest throughout this stretch as they were relied on a lot less than they were in April.

The offense is starting to kick it into high gear, sweet hollering fuck this offense is incredible.  Yeah they will have days where they can't hit worth shit - that's baseball - but those games are going to be few and far between.  That gauntlet of Josh Donaldson, Jose Bautista, Edwin Encarnacion and Russell Martin should send shivers through the spine of the American League, especially since EE is starting to heat up.  This is all without Jose Reyes or Michael Saunders, once 100% healthy and firing on all cylanders this offense will be a force to be reckoned with.

To think the garbage clowns were calling him "Russell Clarkson" a week into the season when he was slumping - these people are fucking squids and as far as I am concerned anyone who said that should turn in their fan card immediately - we don't need these assholes on board.

The Week Ahead: vs Boston (this afternoon) @ Baltimore (5/11 - 5/13), @ Houston (5/14  - 5/17).  Welp the Jays are off to a shitty start thus far, but I am not worried about a 4-0 lead with 8 innings to go in the game with this offense.  The Trash Birds again?? Well this should be interesting.  I wonder how many anger-dingers Jose Bautista will hit?  One thing is for sure if some shithead like Darren O'Day throws at Bautista they should get a fuck of a lot more of a 14 game suspension than what Brook Jacoby got - I will forever think that suspension is bullshit, MLB is fucked.

The Jays are then off to Houston who somehow have the best record in the American League.  I don't buy it, remember the 2009 Blue Jays that were in first place and fell apart like a Chinese Motorcycle in May?  That will be your future, Astros.  It'll be nice to see Colby Rasmus again, I thought he got a bit of a raw deal in Toronto and I hope everything works out for him.  They better have good Chicken Hot Dogs down in Houston.

Is it me or has the 2nd round of the NBA playoffs been a lot better than the 2nd round of the NHL playoffs?  Yeah the NHL has had some last minute goals and some OT games, but for the most part the games are a dull defensive struggle.  People joke that you only need to watch the last few minutes of a basketball game, but it's been like that with hockey lately.

The Bulls-Cavs series has been my favourite so far, the shitty thing is watching this series I realize how far away the Raptors are to being on this level, and that makes me sad.  Personally I wouldn't mind if either team advances.  I would like to see Cleveland break their championship drought, but I really like the Bulls too.  Right now all the lower seeded teams are up 2-1 in their series and I love it, upsets like that are what make being a sports fan worth it.

The fucking Habs are sticking around like a bad case of diarrhea.  This is the most dis-invested I have been in the NHL playoffs in years (thanks Leafs), but I still want to see the Habs lose and watch their squid fans riot.  Tampa was up 3-0 and I was thrilled, I put that picture above on Facebook with the caption "Bloo, Bloo, Bloo, Blanche et Rouge" but since then they've rolled over Tampa, I can't imagine anything more insufferable in the world than if the Habs come back and win this series from 3-0 down.

Once again I apologize to Flames fans for publicly supporting/cursing them. They are down 3-1 in the series heading to Anaheim, and I cant see them coming back.  But if the NDP can get elected in Alberta anything can fucking happen!

I've said it before and I'll say it again - Tom Brady, Bill Belli-suck and the New England Patriots are nothing more than dirty rotten cheaters.  Every single one of their Super Bowl "victories" has been tainted by cheating - whether it be Spygate or Deflategate (note: I hate the -gate thing, but am resigned to calling it those awful names).  It's an entire legacy of cheating and they should all be ashamed of themselves.  I think the proper thing for them to do is to return all their Super Bowls.

Tom Brady (pictured squealing on a water slide) is the most guilty of all, he is the one that ordered these balls be deflated, he is the one who lied through his phony baloney press conference, and he is the one who refused to co-operate with the Wells report, trying to throw up road blocks.  Reports are out that Tom Brady will be suspended for his actions, personally I think a year long suspension is fair, as he is a rotten cheater but the NFL is soft and will likely only slap him on the wrist and give him a 1 game suspension.  Get caught cheating or beat your wife - nothing.  Get caught with a joint SUSPENDED FOREVER.  That really deserves a....

The Squid of the Week could have easily been Tom Brady, it could've easily been Bill Belli-cheat, but no the Squid of the Week in this whole deflategate fiasco is Patriots owner Robert Kraft.

On top of being an asshole, this squid wears the same fucking suit every day.  You're rich bud, you can afford a new suit.  Your shitty team got caught red handed, yet he is coming out saying he is "offended" by the report, well I am offended by the Patriots blatant disregard for the rules.  Back when this whole shit storm started he spoke to the media demanding the NFL apologize to Brady and his shitty team, well it turns out this squid should be the one apologizing.  

I think all this cheating must be ordered from the top, in fact I think the SEC should check into all of his business dealings, if he is willing to go this far in cheating in sports, I can guaran-damn-tee that his business is shady as fuck.

The fact that this asshole is so close to Roger Goodell could well be the reason it has taken 4 months for this report to be released.  Goodell is a squid alright, but it's Robert Shitty Kraft who is the Squid of the Week.

REVIEW: Wendy's Jalapeno Fresco Spicy Chicken

It's not very often that something from Wendy's catches my eye, this is afterall the place that started the artisan-fication of fast food joints that has befouled the industry and set it back a solid 20 years.

I have always liked Wendy's, there was a walk-up window in London near the bars that was open until 4 am, you fucking better believe I drunkenly crushed a Baconator or two in my day.  Their commercials are kind of in a grey area for me.  The Wendy's spokeswoman is a bit of a bad girl and I'd split a Frosty with her anyday.  At the same time those commercials are on all the fucking time and as such they grind away at your soul.  I still know every word to that god damned Bacon Portabella Melt jingle (it's the best cheeseburger that brioche every held) for christs sakes. I REALLY hate the Baconator commercial - feet UP! gaaaaaaaaaaaaammeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee onnnnnnnnnnnnnnn FACE DEEP in a BACONATOR.... I don't know why but that commercial sticks in my craw.

Funnily enough I have only see a commercial for this masterpiece once, the other time I was made aware of it was on my way to work and I saw it advertised on their storefront.  I am only a recent convert to spicy food, there was a point in my life where I questioned the mental sanity of people who put Frank's Red Hot on everything, nowadays it is I who puts that shit on everything commercial stereotype be damned.  At my poorest I put a heaping dash or two on some Eggo Waffles and called it dinner.    When it comes to the fast food game, these assholes think they can just throw a jalapeno or two on something and call it the Flamethrower or Satan's Boner and the thing barely registers heat above a fucking cinnamon heart, but the Jalapeno Fresco Spicy Chicken is different.

As I alluded to earlier this sandwich is a masterpiece, somewhere Dave Thomas is smiling.  The sandwich boasts 5 levels of spiciness, and they're not lying I was sweating like Roger Ebert after one bite.

The star of the show, of course is the chicken itself, it is the regular spicy chicken breast that they have had on the menu for years.  The original spicy chicken sandwich on it's own is not that spicy, but it still has a kick which is good, and it was the perfect compliment to the rest of the ingredients on the sandwich.

On the sandwich is colby pepper jack Cheese, diced jalapeno, red onion and this ghost pepper sauce.  Sweet Jesus, this ghost pepper sauce was actually hot as fuck, I reviewed Popeye's Ghost Pepper Wings back in January and felt a little misled by the title, while the wings were delicious, ghost peppers are one of the spiciest peppers on Earth and the wings weren't THAT spicy.  This sauce was different.  Holy shit it was spicy, but so fucking delicious.  Wendy's could bottle that shit and I'd buy it, I imagine putting that on some nachos would be a home run.  Last but not least the bun itself was a layer of spiciness as it was a red jalapeno bun.  I have long maintained that a bun makes or breaks a good sandwich, and this bun lived up to the high exectations of the rest of the sandwich.  I can't tell if the bun itself was spicy or not because I was mopping up the sweat from my eyebrows due to that ghost pepper sauce.

This sandwich ranks high on my power rankings of best things I have eaten at a fast food restaurant and I would certainly order it again.  It's a nut hair shy of $10 which is pricy but I am resigned to the fact that anywhere you go for a combo with fries and pop you're staring at $10 or so. The drink from Wendy's was gigantic too, Jesus Christ I thought I ordered a medium but it was the size of a small swimming pool.  I would certainly recommend this for anyone willing to take their taste buds on a magical ride through spicy town...the spicy ride out the poop shoot isn't that much fun though.

Big Brother Canada 3 Week 7 Thoughts

Am I watching Big Brother or the Special Olympics??  Honest to god I can't think of a cast with more mouth breathing fucking idiots in my entire life.  Not just in Big Brother Canada, but Big Brother USA, UK, Australia, Jupiter etc. etc. 

Holy fuck where do I even begin??  Obviously I will get to Bruno being a stupid fucking Sens fan Squid in a second, but Bobby could quite possibly the dumbest one of the them all....even dumber than Peeleeee.  Even though there was a shit load of dumb moves made this season, and especially tonight, Bobby's whole game has been a clusterfuck of mental retardation.  

First things first this cementhead has been going around all season telling everyone he has a secret power of veto.  While that may have worked initially you have to know that you are going to get called on it eventually.  If you have any secret, let alone in Big Brother you keep it to yourself, but this cretin goes and tells everyone in the house, even Marsha the Moose.  In a completely inexplicable and just plain stupid move,this arsehole decides it's a great idea to put himself up on the block.  His reasoning is that he is going to OBVIOUSLY win the Veto because that's what idiots like him do, they assume they can win anything.  Quit being a cocky piece of shit, there is always some jock type in every season who think just because they can carry a case of beer 4 blocks without getting winded (like yours truly) that they can go and win every competition. Of course he lost, then pump-faked that secret veto, and that part was so fucking stupid and embarrassing.  

The other thing that just proves that Bobby just fell off the fucking turnip truck is that HE THOUGHT THE CHOP SHOP STILL EXISTED.  The girls were clearly making fun of him and that ridiculous alliance, yet he didn't understand that the Chop Shop has been dead for weeks.  This fucking squid likely needs to get reminded what day of the week he is because he is that fucking dense.

Bobby's actual eviction pissed me off too, what the fuck is Bruno doing voting Bobby out?  I thought he was your boy! Why does this house feel the need to always have an unamimous decision??  When was it determined that every week has to be a god damned fucking unanimous eviction??  What does it matter?  He should have thrown his boy at least one vote.  Anyways Bobby is gone, and I am happy for that, but this just in..... I was just able to get this exclusive of Bobby entering the jury house....

Next on the docket is the much hyped Triple Eviction, a Twistos Twist so big that they forgot to mention anything about it on the Monday episode.  At first Brittnee made the smart decision, putting up Peeeeleeee (who got lost on her way to the nomination chair), Zach and Kevin, setting the firm target on the Lover's Paradise.  Then Bruno won veto and decided to turn heel.

Apologies to those who don't get 20 year old Pro Wrestling references

What in god's name is Bruno thinking??? Jesus Sawed Off Christ, I thought Bruno was a smart game player.  Granted it looked like he only had seconds to make a decision but that is no fucking excuse.  What happened to Black and Bru???  I thought those guys were tight in the game, but he goes and saves Godfrey's number one target.  

I had only assumed that Bruno was in on the plan to get rid of Zach... maybe the 3 of them worked something out?? It's more likely that Bruno and Zach made a deal... I don't fucking know and neither do people who watch the feeds.  I really can't wait to hear his explanation on the Sunday.  There is no logical reason for him to save Zach, but that's only the first of four inexplicable game moves tonight.

Brittnee, why in the flying fuck did you put up useless Willow as the replacement nominee??  I knew Brittnee didn't get along with Willow... why I don't know.  Could she have been jealous that Sarah has ditched her as a partner and is with Willow?  If so that was really catty and stupid, but lesbehonest I think Sarah and Willow have more of a connection (not that there is anything wrong with that!)  Anyways, Willow is put on the block, but you'd think for the majority of the house the best bet is to get out two members of the diaper alliance (I hate, hate, hate that name by the way).  Nope!!

 Both Sarah and Godfrey made absolutely stupid voting moves.  What in the flying fuck is going through their heads???  They are two of the smarter houseguests left, I think this was just a case of over thinking things... I guess that would tend to happen when you have a fucking Twistos Twist thrown at you every three seconds.  Sarah, switch to hash because the high test trees are fucking with your head.  I don't remember what exactly she mumbled when she was making the vote but it was assuming Bruno or Godfrey would vote to evict Willow so she was going to save Peeleee?  I want to hear her explanation too, I am sure it will be annoyingly sullied by tears, but I need to hear what she was thinking.

Godfrey also has some 'splaining to do.  He voted to save Peeeeeleeeee, what happened to breaking up Lover's Paradise??  I can only think that Godfrey has turned heel too and has made a final 3 deal with Zach and Bruno.  Perhaps they saw Kevin as a threat after the shenanigans he pulled this week with lying about Bobby being his main target.  They know that they have Peeeeleeeee's and Ashleigh's vote so they can easily pluck off Sarah and Brittnee.   Ugh, Bruno should have just left the nominations the same and Zach and Kevin would have been evicted and Peeeeleeeeeeeeeee and Ashleigh would have blamed Brittnee and Sarah, letting them fight it out, letting Black and Bru cruise to final 2.

So, quelle surprise there is another ridiculous Twistos Twist next week.  Basically whoever gets this fucking Lawon-Stylez special power has the chance to change one or both of the nominations.... fuck. right. off.  Fuck this nonsense, it's a voting thing so I hope Godfrey wins, he bloody well better.  Imagine if fucking Peeleeeeeeee wins?  Her little pea brain will explode like that dude at the start of this blog.  I am so sick of twists and the producers meddling in the game, for once let the players fucking play.  That being said these fucking cretins don't know how to play so maybe the producers have a point doing this shit.  I still dont like it... they really need to an All-Star Season (perhaps a North American season, get some BBUSA players back).  Get people to play the fucking game, not just go to get a girlfriend and "not get blood on their hands."  Fucking Plebes.

No spoilers this week (they haven't done anything yet!) but for spoilers always follow @HamsterWatch on Twitter or visit hamsterwatch.com I can't be bothered to watch the live feeds, I am glad Hamster Watch is there to give us all the cole's notes version!  

It's taken me 90 minutes to write this (and half ass proof-read hahaha), I am tired and I am going to bed.

Jays Pitching running through the 6 with their woes

It's fitting that the week the Jays finally cut bait with Ricky Romer-woe (the one time RR Cool Jay), that the Blue Jays produced a disastrous 3-7 road trip that was marred by some awful, awful pitching.  I'll never be a garbage clown who calls Jays Talk and tweets at Wilner and proclaim the sky is falling and that they should #FYREGABBBOBS!!!!11 but fuck, that doesn't mean it is still not fun.

1 through 5 the pitching has been mediocre at best, Norris is already back in AAA, Sanchez has been inconsistent,  Dickey and Buerhle I am not so worried about, it's Drew Hutchison.  Jesus Murphy, I thought he was going to have a break out season, but truth be told he's been awful.  He's been gift wrapped huge leads, and massive amounts of run support but he manages to fritter it away.  R.A. Dickey would kill for the run support Hutch has been getting.  Hutch has only made it past the 5th inning once for fucks sakes.  I don't know how to explain this regression, he isn't injured or anything and I can only hope that he returns to form.  Like I said I don't want to be a garbage clown, but fuck we better not have another Ricky Romero on our hands.

On the some of the rare occasions where the starters have handed over a lead to the bullpen they have gone and pissed it away.  They knew full well that the bullpen was going to be an issue going into the season, which makes it all the more irritating.  I don't know what they're going to do, do they just hope they turn it around? It can't get that much more fucking worse).  They've already have had a bit of a revolving door to AAA Buffalo, hopefully they figure it out.  Still I think it's still early to make any rash decisions, but if the whole staff doesn't pick it up soon something will have to be done.

In actual positive news, Devon Travis is a dream.  Thank you shitty Detroit Tigers for giving us him for useless Anthony Gose.  This kid is the real deal, he's been great both offensively and defensively, will he keep up this pace all year? Hopefully... but I think already he is the favourite for AL Rookie of the Year.

I am still not THAT worried about the Jays, the hitting and the defense is above average and while the pitching has been brutal so far, the brutality is not sustainable.  Bautista, Encarnacion and Martin will get better and I do think the pitchers will figure it out, hopefully sooner rather than later.

In other Jays news, your boy HDH took in the Friday and the Saturday game at beautiful Progressive Field in a surprisingly really nice city of Cleveland Ohio, the Mistake by the M'Lake no longer!  Actually Cleveland was great, I love seeing old Rust Belt Cities that were given up for dead in the 80's and 90's coming back and prospering...something my beloved hometown of Hamilton can learn a lesson or two from.  

Progressive Field was a great spot to take in a game, very good concessions and beer selection and statues of actual players who played for the team and made an impact, not some asshole in a suit that owned the team for 6 years and has left a legacy of the most hated company in Canada.

The Saturday game was obviously a lot better than the Friday game, we got the obnoxious U-S-A! U-S-A! chant yelled at us a bunch on Friday night when the Jays blew a 4-1 lead only to lose 9-4.  Cleveland was swarmed with Jays fans too, when we went to the Rock 'N Roll Hall of Fame on Saturday morning it looked like it was a Blue Jays fan fest.  The best part about being in 'Murica is the beer prices which brings us too....

The beer prices in Ontario is fucking insane.  I got a case of 12 Miller High Life's for $7.89, a case of 24 Yuengling for $17.  Instead of being happy to pay those prices I just get angry.  There is aboslutely no fucking reason why we get charged so much for beer here.  But that being said, bringing this back to sports the amount they charged for beer at Progressive Field is still insane.  $10 for a large draught and $7 for a tall boy, at American beer prices those beers should be a fraction of what they charge, I know they will say it is to encourage not over-drinking blah blah blah, but its just to line the man's pocket, and that gets a well-deserved C'Mon Bud.

I really don't have much to say about the NHL besides I am glad the Habs are losing and I apologize to all Flames fans for putting my curse on them, so I might as well just get into....

The Squid of the Week is the fucking C.H.U.D. at MLB headquarters who suspended Jays Hitting Coach Brook Jacoby for 14 games for an altercation they had with the umpires after a game in Fenway Park last week.  Really??? 14!?!?!?!?!?!  Did he try to murder somebody?? Because Yardano Ventura for Kansas City actually did try to murder Brett Lawrie with a 100 mph fastball to the head and only got 7 games, Brett Lawrie threw his helmet at an umpire and got 4 games.  A 14 game suspension is unprecedented.

I don't blame Brook Jacoby for being pissed at the umpires, the Jays and especially Jose Bautista are getting fucking hosed, such consistently terrible calls.  Yeah Bautista has been known to yap at the umpires, and he ruffles the feathers of the old school conservative sect that pollutes baseball with his bat flipping and flashy ways but that is no fucking excuse to call a ball a strike, which they have been doing non stop.  Even in tonight's game Bautista has had many questionable calls go against him.  While I would rather Brook Jacoby get suspended over Bautista, it is still absolutely insane for someone to get 14 games for simply getting into an argument with a bunch of squid umpires.