REVIEW: Smokey BBQ Bacon Angus Third Pounder & Buffalo Chicken Poutine

It's about god damned time McDonald's brought us a new burger option.  Obviously the Big Mac is and always will be king and I will still order it 90% of the time I get McDonald's, but they are too fucking focused on trying to become a yuppie coffee shop with frou frou salads to remember what they're in business for in the first place - delicious greasy and unhealthy burgers.  The Crispy Shrimp Asian Wrap does sound intriguing but I will not be lifting my boycott of McDonald's salads and wraps anytime soon for that.  I was at Union Station in Toronto the other night after a Jays game and saw the Smokey BBQ Bacon Angus Third Pounder (Jesus what a mouthful that is, say that 5 times fast) and the Buffalo Chicken Poutine being advertised in the McDonald's there.  I had just eaten a big meal and it was late at night so I had no desire to try it then, so I sauntered down to shitty Jackson Square today to give both of them a try.

Before I get into the review, the McDonald's at Jackson Square here in Hamilton has started the irritating practice of having to give your first name in order for them to call it out when your meal is ready.  That may not matter to 99% of you, but when your name is Didymus it is kind of annoying having to always repeat yourself... even when I just say Did.  This inevitably leads to having to spell out your name, then usually some smart alec remark... people with different names know what I am talking about! I am sure there is a fucking Buzzfeed list about it.  Don't get me wrong I like my unique name but sometimes it's a pain in the ass - so I usually just say my name is Gary Porter or Doug Swan or Barry Lewis. 

First up is the burger.  It was alright, not the best I have had.  I remember having this burger in London a couple of years ago and it was way better than the one I had today.  The Smokey BBQ Bacon Angus Third Pounder comes with cheese, bacon, lettuce, tomato, crispy onions and smokey BBQ sauce.  They have phased out the Third Pounders, and I think it is because sometimes the patties come out dryer than a popcorn fart, and today that was the case.  If you look closely at the top bun that's almost a third of the burger without any sauce on it, and that was very disappointing.  Here's a closer look at the complete lack of sauce:

The sauce was very good, and when I had this burger a couple of years ago, they went to town with the sauce, and I needed a shower after eating it to clean myself off.  If they weren't such cheap arseholes about the sauce it would have offset the dryness of the patty and made it 100 times better.  The burger was cold too, and no it wasn't because I spent 20 minutes snapping pictures of it, it was pretty cold right off the jump.  I would be willing to try it again because a fresh patty and more sauce would have improved the overall quality considerably.

Next up we have the Buffalo Chicken Poutine.  I am a huge chicken wing fan, and the buffalo style hot sauce on this was amongst the best that I have had, if you put this sauce on normal chicken wings you'd have yourself a winner there.  It was surprisingly spicy, usually "spicy" stuff from fast food joints lacks any punch.  They ask you if you want crispy or grilled chicken with it, of course I am going to get crispy, get the fuck out of here with that grilled nonsense.  You get a big portion with a decent amount of cheese curds in it.  Things get a little weird though because the first layer is buffalo chicken, but then the second layer is regular poutine with normal "gravy"  So that was kind of bizarre, the flavours didn't really mix too much, and I don't think the gravy was necessary.  When you go to New York Fries for Butter Chicken Poutine or Pulled Pork Poutine they rightly don't put any gravy on it, McDonald's should have avoided putting their "gravy" on this.  I would consider ordering this again, but it is a little pricey, the burger, poutine and pop set me back a whopping $12, which was a little steep for McDonald's, plus you really can't beat regular fries at McDonald's why lump a bunch of extra shit on top of it??

BONUS REVIEW!
Holy fuck the Tim Horton's Oreo Donut is a masterpiece.  I couldn't believe how good this donut was, it was a chocolate donut with Oreo icing and crumbled Oreos on top.  The kicker though was the white cream in the middle....OK get your white cream jokes out of the way you perverts.... but seriously whatever that goop was in the middle that tasted like Oreo frosting was amazing and I want a tub of it to spread it on toast or just eat the fucking thing with a spoon.  The sad thing is I had this donut a week ago, but when I went back today they were all out.  I was too heartbroken and upset to get another flavour and I walked out with my head hung low.  I need to have another one of these ASAP.  It's more expensive than a normal donut at $1.49 but it's worth every penny.

REVIEW - The Burger's Priest

The Burger's Priest is something that I have wanted to try for a long time, I have heard nothing but good things from Toronto people, even that dork John Catuchi went there on "You Gotta Eat Here."  I went to a matinee Blue Jays game a couple of days ago (which they lost in quite disappointing fashion), and there is a location within walking distance of SkyDome Rogers Centre.  So I braved the insanity that is downtown Toronto (seriously with all the construction going on it looks like fucking Dresden circa 1945) to check it out.  At first when I heard the name "The Burger's Priest" I thought these guys were big Judas Priest fans, but no, they are owned by Jesus freaks.  There is what I think are Bible quotes on the wall, and there is a bunch of hour long Jesus videos on their website, the place is even closed on Sunday.  Religion isn't really my cup of tea, but to each their own, as long as you aren't cramming it down peoples throats or are part of the evangelical religious right then you're OK with me!

Speaking of their website, when I was checking it out, they have a "secret menu" that you needed to answer a friggin Bible question to access (the answer is 370 days btw) so I felt kind of important ordering from this secret menu at the store... obviously everyone and their uncle knows about this secret menu and I am not important at all.  I did some crowd sourcing on Twitter, and two people I trust very much with fast food decisions told me to try the "Vatican City" (again with the bloody religious shit) off the secret menu.  Which was a double cheeseburger but had two grilled cheese sandwiches instead of a bun. 

Sorry for the blurriness of the picture, I always feel like a massive d-bag taking a picture of my food so I snapped it pretty quickly.  What a mess of delicious Kraft Single processed cheese goodness this was.  I love me some cheeseburgers and this was as cheesy as most of my jokes.  The beef was fresh, and it was cooked on a flat-top griddle as opposed to BBQ, I like this method better as you get a nice crust on the burger and the juices don't escape into the grille.  As for the toppings it was all traditional stuff - lettuce, tomato, onion, ketchup and mustard.  I am all for fancy burgers with crazy toppings like you get at The Works or Chuck's (local place here in Hamilton), but simple ingredients done right always goes over well, it's hard to fuck up what has worked for decades in the cheeseburger game.  I would compare The Burger's Priest to Five Guys, both are pretty much the same idea with the burgers cooked the same way and similar toppings... Five Guys has no grilled cheese buns though!  As for the price... I think Jesus himself would agree that they should lower their prices.  I was warned about the price before hand and told to skip getting fries - the Vatican City burger and a can of Dr. Pepper was a whopping $15, without fries I was expecting to pay around $10, but $15 is a little steep.  The burger was very filling, so I didn't need the fries, I would have felt sorry for my fellow GO Bus passengers for destroying the bathroom on the way back to Hamilton if I ate anymore  Despite the price, I would most definitely return the next time I am in Toronto, or if they ever decide to expand to The Hammer.

REVIEW: Burrito Boyz

As an avid watcher of the Food Network I love looking at Mexican food being made, when that overwhelming douchebag Guy Fieri goes to places that serve Mexican food on Diners Drive-Ins and Dives it all looks so good.  Besides the occasional jaunt to Taco Bell, and my review of Quesada Mexican Grill last year I rarely to never get Mexican food, and it seems in the last year or so burrito and taco joints have been opening up everywhere.  I've been aware of Burrito Boyz in Toronto for a couple of years, I've heard nothing but good things from Toronto people I follow on Twitter, it even got Jose Bautista's endorsement. I noticed there is one here in lovely downtown Hamilton so I walked down through the usual crowd of crackheads and reprobates (note: to be fair downtown Hamilton is a lot nicer than it was when I was a kid) to check it out.... it was certainly a lot better than Taco Bell (although I still do love me some Taco Bell).  By the way... doesn't that logo look like he's holding a big doobie instead of a burrito??

I went at lunch time so there was a big crowd of people standing around waiting, I wasn't sure of what the ordering procedure was so I kind of stood there like a dumbass for a couple of minutes thinking I was in some sort of line, but no I was just in a crowd of people waiting for their order... turns out you have to go to the cash register.  You had a choice of quesadilla or burrito and there was a whack of meat to choose from.  You can even choose to mix two, because as former Blue Jay Travis Snider taught us a few years back....

I took Snider's advice and ordered Chicken and Steak.  My boy Tyler World Peace recommends the Chicken and Shrimp.... that's something to try for next time.  Unlike Quesada where it is kind of an assembly line procedure, they call you up right away and ask if you "want everything" overwhelmed by the choice of toppings I panicked and said yes, good thing I'm not picky at all, the only thing I don't like is peas...why do they call them peas when they taste like poo??  Anyways looking at the ingredients online it turns out I ordered refried beans, rice, cheese, lettuce, tomato, green onion, red onion, black beans, green pepper, jalapeno, cilantro, corn, guacamole, burrito sauce and sour cream.  They asked if I wanted it mild, medium or spicy... feeling a little adventurous I got spicy, so there was their XXX hot sauce on it.  Everything was really good but holy fuck was it ever spicy.  I crushed my Dr. Pepper half way through the burrito and I had to get a Vanilla Cone from McDonald's on the way home to put out the fire in my mouth (PS I noticed that McDonald's is selling Onion Rings now! I was too full to try it but that is something I need to check out) The price was reasonable, the price after tax for a burrito and a can of pop was a paltry $9, which is what you can expect from most fast food places, a fucking Cheesy Gordita Crunch and Fries Supreme from Taco Bell will set you back $9 and this was way better.  There is Burrito Boyz all over the GTA, and there is one on Central Ave for all my friends in London. I would recommend it if you're in the mood for some Mexican food that's a step up from Taco Bell.

  Now that I am back in Hamilton and have quite a bit of free time on my hand I am willing to try any other place in town.  Send me some recommendations in the comments or hit me up on Twitter @HDH2112 

Review: Quesada Mexican Grill

Tonight's spot on Greg (GRGILL), Rob (Bobby B) (note: once I have a nickname for you I'll only ever call you that for the rest of your life) and mine culinary adventures is Quesada Mexican Grill located at Wellington and Commissioners. This is the 6th spot we've been to, and like the others that preceded, it was very good. Working in retail, our days off are all over the place and they haven't lined up recently, so tonight it was a spur of the moment decision to go after work, and I'm glad we did. GRGILL was kind enough to wait around an hour for me to finish after his own shift!

This brick is my Big Ass Burrito. In the background was my Jarrito's Mexican Soda, Pineapple flavour...that alone was worth the price of admission. The way it works is you line up, pick either taco, burrito or quesadilla (Napoleon! Make yerself a dang kess-a-dilla). Then you pick your meat, I was flip flopping between Spicy Chipotle Chicken and Ancho Seasoned Pork, I decided to go for the pork. You move down stations where they load it with toppings, mine had Rice and Beans, Salsa Verde, Jalapenos, Corn, Onion, Guacamole, Cheese, Lettuce, Sour Cream and this Chiptole Sauce. I didn't put any cilantro on it, I'm still not sure about cilantro, sometimes I like it sometimes I hate it, I really didn't want to risk it.

Here's a lovely shot of me taken by my pal GRGILL enjoying my Big Ass Burrito. (aside: Holy shit I'm bald, I mean I know I'm bald but I never fully notice until I see a picture of myself) The burrito and my fancy Mexican pop set me back $15. A little steep, but it was a ton of food, I finished it, but was bursting at the seems when it was all done...that Big Ass Burrito will make for a Big Ass Dump later tonight. Next time I go I am going to go with 3 or 4 small tacos with different flavours (GRGILLS fish taco looked amazing) as opposed to 1 Big Ass Burrito.

One last shot, apparently this place is a chain, so check it out if there is one in your neck of the woods. It looks like the next place we're going to is an all you can eat sushi place called 168 Sushi...see I'm classy I can eat Sushi, I'm not all fast food and poop jokes.

That's all for me tonight, two posts in two days! You guys are lucky! In the mean time give me a follow on twitter @didhenley I've got a few loyal followers but I feel most of my measly 118 followers are ad-bots.

Boss Hog's Smokin' Chophouse

Wow. This was the best food I have eaten in a long time. Me and a couple of guys from work have started a Wednesday tradition where we go out and eat somewhere different. Five Guys Burgers and Fries was the first spot, then we went to Mary Brown's, followed by The Early Bird. The next stop on our tour was set to be Boss Hog's, but the busy holiday season derailed that.  We've been talking about it for a couple of weeks now, getting each other hyped up, simply saying "B. Hog's" when we passed each other at work, texting each other about Pulled Pork, the whole 9. Needless to say it lived up to our lofty standards. Don't get me wrong the meals we had at those other spots were really good, but Boss Hog's was a cut above.

This was my buddy Greg aka GRGILL's app, stuffed corn bread. He was nice enough to let me to have a bite and to pretty much lick up the plate. This was amazing, it was cornbread with bacon, corn and smothered in some manner of nacho cheese sauce. Amazing! I'll have to order my own next time I go, and believe you me there will be a next time.

This was my meal. 1/3 of a rack of ribs, a 1/2 pound of pulled pork, a side of Mac & Cheese and a piece of cornbread. Everything about this was amazing. The ribs fell off the bones and the pulled pork was like butter. I decided to kick my Mac & Cheese up a notch.

I mixed in my pulled pork with my Mac & Cheese and gave it a few dashes of Hot Sauce (which by the way was pretty fucking spicy) The is was the highlight of my meal. I could have eaten a whole plate of just that. Me and that troublemaker Bobby B split another half rack of ribs, which I didn't even touch, but I have with me as left-overs. There is no doubt in my mind that I will be back.

We didn't really discuss what our next stop is going to be. I suggested Hot Italian Sandwiches of York St. I've been there before and it is very, very good. Wherever we go next I'll let you, my 4 readers of this blog know how it went.