Big Brother 17 Week 2 Thoughts

I guess my thoughts are going to be a Sunday night thing from now on... I haven't been at home the last couple of Thursday nights, and I won't be again this Thursday, so I apologize to the 5 or 6 of my devoted readers who kept refreshing the home page of this shitty blog waiting for my thoughts.

Anyhoo Da'Vonne is Da'Gonne.  That's unfortunate, because I liked Day I thought she was funny and had a good knowledge of the game.  That said she played too hard too fast and that ridiculous blow up she had with Clay a few weeks ago (I honestly don't remember what it was about) sealed her fate.  She was far too emotional for the game and that screwed her.  Anyways she has a newborn baby for Christs Sakes, I know she said she wanted to win the money for her family, but it's a little bit fucky to leave a newborn at home to play God Damned Big Brother.

Another thing is Day why in the blue fuck did she not remove Clay from voting for her??  I guess she must have known for sure she was gone because there is absolutely no logical reason for her to pick those three rando's and not Clay.  I don't think any of these first few evictees are going to come back in the house in a Twistos Twist Big Brother Take Over, as that clown Jace is already home and is back on Twitter (I will not be adding him).

Well that didn't take long for the twins to be found out.  I thought because people figured it out that they were automatically kicked out, but I guess they have to get voted out normally.  Anyways I think it's terrible that they refer to one of them as the fat one.  They didn't show this on the show but Da'Vonne and Jason called one of them "Thickems."

NEITHER OF THEM ARE FAT

Jesus Christ I'm fat, Ruben Studdard is fat, these girls are both super model skinny.  No wonder so many women have issues with their bodies when someone who's a fucking string bean gets called "Thickems" and they are telling her to eat less.

Liz and Julia seem to be in a good position now because they are working with Austin, Vanessa, Clay and Shelli.  The Sixth Sense is a pretty lame name for an alliance, but I think they are in the best position in the house so far, and have the strongest alliance.

If you have sensitive ears you may want to skip ahead.  But if you actually do have sensitive ears a) Get a life dork, and b) why are you reading this blog?  Well we might as well cut to the chase, Jeff jerked off in the bed (Seen above) and wiped his splooge on an unsuspecting Liz (or Julia?) in the bed.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.  

I'm surprised that wasn't addressed, because that is pretty much assault if you ask me.  He seems like a douchey creep anyway.

Bud, if you're feeling frisky and want to rub one out there is options, there is the shower and remember in Big Brother 7/All Star's they had the Jack Shack.  You don't spank your monkey next to someone who is asleep...ugh that gives me all sorts of douche chills.  If I were Liz (or Julia) I'd feel pretty fucking violated if that happened and it's shocking to me that the producers never addressed it.

Other Random Thoughts:

Johnny Mac is my pick to win it all.  There I said it.  He is actually alright at competitions, and he is playing a good social game.  Plus he is absolutely hilarious, yeah he is a diary room screamer, but that's actually how he talks.  He really needs to stop being a pawn star every week though, so hopefully he wins an HOH soon enough and he can be the one running the show.  My buddy (and future Big Brother Canada 4 winner) Bobbo has made a solid case to me that Vanessa will win, but I got to go with John, plus I have him in my Big Brother Work Pool.

I really don't like Shelli and Clay, they had terrible HOHitis this past week... I couldn't believe it when they asked Johnny Mac not to use the veto on himself so Shelli wouldn't get any blood on her hands.  Give me a fucking break, this is Big Brother you have to get blood on your hands.  That's been the trend the last few seasons in Big Brother contestants being afraid to make moves lest they get blood on their precious little hands.

Not only is Jeff a pervert but he sucks at the game, how did he not know who the HOH's were?  How did this squid get recruited from another show to be on Big Brother, the other Amazing Race person Jackie is completely fucking useless too, is she even on the show??

I am sick of these Big Brother Take-Overs.  First the insufferable Kathy Griffin, and now the caveman squid Rob Gronkowski.  I hate Gronk, the guy is a fucking neanderthal, and I am so sick of him always popping up places being a "party animal".  He plays for the worst cheating football team of all time, and I want that clown away from Big Brother immediately.

Da'Vonne addressed the elephant in the room when she was evicted, that people are worried about putting up Audrey out of fears that they will be labelled a transphobic. I don't think that is necessarily true, but I see why they don't want to be labelled as intolerant or anything like Aaryn the Aryan and VaGinaMarie were in BB15.

As for who is going to go out this week, I think Vanessa (who is sometimes shown with this bizarre blue shit all over her face) is targeting Jeff, maybe because they all know he wiped his man juice over a sleeping houseguest??  Like I said last week these people have to stop assuming they're going to be able to back door their targets, anything can happen in Veto, and why wasted your week?

Phil Kessel We Hardly Knew Ye

It's been a few days, and the Phil Kessel trade news has still yet to sink in, I knew it was coming but it doesn't make it any easier.  The writing was unfortunately on the wall, one of the most talented players to ever grace the blue and white was run out of town and that is fucking contemptible

It's no secret that the 2014-15 Leafs season was amongst the worst in franchise history, and yes Phil Kessel did not play very well down the stretch, but all that being said he is still the 5th best scorer in the NHL since he has joined the Leafs.  This fact is lost amongst the squids in the media and the garbage clowns that call in sports talk radio with their asshole opinions...mainly just regurgitated the diarrhea that comes out of the mouth of Cathal Kelly, Squid Seixero, Dave Fuckface Feschuk and Steve Simmons.

Some weeks I have a difficult time coming up with a Squid of The Week, this week not only is Steve Simmons a slam dunk Squid of the Week, he could very well be the Squid of the Year.

Look at this smug, smarmy piece of shit.  Don't you just want to give him the Stone Cold Stunner right about meow?  Simmons is known for shitting out terrible articles for the tabloid rag known as the Toronto Sun and he could well be the most reviled amongst the truly horrific squid landscape that makes up the Toronto sports media.  But the article he shat out when Kessel got traded has to be the worst one he has ever written.  He led off his story with this bullshit:

The hot dog vendor who parks daily at Front and John Sts. just lost his most reliable customer.

Almost every afternoon at 2:30 p.m., often wearing a toque, Phil Kessel would wander from his neighbourhood condominium to consume his daily snack.
And now he’s gone. Just like that. The Maple Leafs could no longer stomach having Kessel around.

Oh lovely a fat joke.  First of all Phil Kessel is not fat.  I'm fat, Santa Claus is fat, Phil Kessel is not fucking fat.  Even if he ate street meat everyday what's the big fucking deal?  Toronto street meat is incredible, I would crush it on the regular if I lived in Toronto.  Second of all why would you need to add that he was wearing a toque?  It's winter for fucks sakes, why would he want to catch a cold??  Third of all it's not fucking possible that he was there every afternoon because the last time I checked they play 41 road games a year, so he can't be there every afternoon you fucking clown.

Not only all this, but my pals over at Pension Plan Puppets proved that it would have been impossible for Kessel to eat at the street meat vendor at Front and John because he lived nowhere near Front and John he would've had to walk 3 km there and back to eat it.  Could he have jogged to get his "Daily snack" yes he could but that would've defeated Simmons' tired narrative that Kessel is an lazy, overweight slob.  The best part of that PPP article is the revelation that Phik Kessel's number was listed in the phone book.  I didn't even know phone books still existed?

Simmons went on to say that Kessel was an "illness" you can tell he wanted to call him a cancer but given Kessel's medical history, that smug, insipid, loathsome asshole managed to hold himself back slightly by downgrading him to an illness.  PS can we end calling anything a cancer?  Cancer is pretty fucking awful, to compare something as inconsequential locker room cohesion to the deadliest disease in the world is really terrible when you think about it.

Simmons has been universally condemned for his horrific article, it even got attention stateside when ESPN's Keith Olbermann named him the worst person in the sports world.  Not only is he the worst in the sports world, he is the Squid of the Week.

I'll miss Phil Kessel, he is the best Leaf since Mats Sundin (another player who never got any respect from the squid media and garbage clown fans).  He is going to light it up in Pittsburgh playing alongside either Crosby or Malkin, they are going to feed him goals, and I predict he is going to score between 40 and 50 goals next year.  I knew this trade was going to come, but that doesn't change the fact that a generational talent in Phil Kessel had his prime wasted in Toronto playing alongside terrible teammates with even worse management running the team in the ground.  The fact that Phil Kessel is the scapegoat to the mess created by the likes of Dave Nonis and Randy Carlyle makes me sick to my stomach.

Welp, last week I said the Jays could well go 7-0... that... that didn't quite go as planned.  Actually between the Canada Day matinee and a weekend away at a cottage I only saw 2 of the games in their entirety, and maybe that it is a good thing.  The bats fell asleep, only showing signs of life on Canada Day and again yesterday afternoon, and they have to play Chris Sale tonight?? Yikes.

Anyways I am still confident in this team, there is still a ton of time left in this season, there is going to be weeks they go 2-5 and weeks they got 5-2, they just have to have more good weeks.  For the love of fuck though AA GET US SOME PITCHING.  I know that is easier said than done, and I know AA is working the phones non-stop, but still an arm will help sooner rather than later.

I really don't give a flying fuck about the All-Star game, but Josh Donaldson being voted in as a starter over that asshole on the Royals prevented a major injustice.  Jose Bautista and Russell Martin join Donaldson on the team as reserves.  The weird thing is Bautista is on the same All-Star team as Adam Jones and Darren O'Day, his arch-rivals from the Trash Bird Orioles... so if Bautista is in the Home Run Derby wouldn't it be apt if it's O'Day pitching to him?

The Week Ahead: @ Chicago White Sox (7/6 - 7/9) @ Kansas City (7/10 - 7/12) As I mentioned earlier the Jays are facing Chris Sale and the White Sox as we speak, with Papa Buehrle on the mound it could well be a 1-0 game.  The White Sox are trash though, the Jays need to beat these bottom dwelling teams, especially on the road.  Kansas City will be a bit more of a test, KC are the defending AL Champions, and they currently sit atop the AL Central.  Here's hoping the Jays have a good week and go into the All-Star Break on a high note.

While we're on the topic of the Blue Jays, this weeks C'Mon Bud goes to Sportsnet for inexplicably bumping Blue Jays Central to either SN360 or SN1 in favour of the repugnant Tim & Sid.  Tim isn't so bad but Sid is big a squid as they come, hence the name Squid Seixero.  C'Mon Bud, it's bad enough I have to sit through 45 of those horrible commercials during each Blue Jays broadcast, and having to hear Barry Davis awkwardly shill for them, but they are bumping Blue Jays Central???

How is Gregg Zaun supposed to give me Squid of the Week material?  Zaun aside Blue Jays Central is always a good watch before the game, solid analysis by Shi Davidi, pre-game interviews and insight from the players and coaches.  Every team has a pre-game show and it's now getting bumped for what?  Sid screaming at the camera with feigned outrage?  20 minute segments on 80's Pro-Wrestlers?  Sid dancing like Phillip the Hypo-Hyper Kid??  Fuck off, I can't wait for these assholes to get cancelled and be off my TV forever.

I guess I should say something about the Ti-Cats absolutely demolishing the woeful Winnipeg Blue Bombers, but truth be told I didn't see that much of the game.  I was heading up to my friends cottage, where that majestic Ti-Cats flag above flaps in the breeze.  By the time I got up there it was halftime and the game was out of hands with the Ti-Cats putting up an incredible 38 points.  Zach Collaros is unreal, with QB's dropping like flies in the CFL I'm happy knowing the he is one of the best and that he has an experienced line in front of him protecting him.

The Week Ahead:  A bye week!?!?! Already?? What the fuck?  I guess that's one of the quirks of having a 9 team league where each team gets 2 bye weeks.

Big Brother 17 Week 1 Thoughts

Hey Gang, I know there is about 5 or 10 of you who searched their Facebook and Twitter Thursday night or Friday morning just DYING to know what your Boy HDH thought of the first week of BB17 only to come out empty handed.  Well to the 5 to 10 of you I apologize because I went up to a buddys cottage and have spent the last few days in beer and sun fueled ecstasy.  Well I came back to reality today and got all caught up on BB17, better late than never I suppose!

The first victim of BB17 was Jace, and thank fuck for that.  He was annoying and obnoxious right from the jump, he had to be the centre of attention and his whole act just fell flat.  That was completely evidenced when he decided to be all "whacky" and went streaking through the backyard, and that was met with a collective yawn.  He turned people off immediately with his "zany" personality, and everyone just ignored him and were more than happy to see him leave.

Most of the eviction episode was wasted on him campaigning to stay in, according to people who watch the feeds he was even more annoying than they showed on TV.  Unfortunately with them being so hellbent on twists this year this loser could be back sooner rather than later.  Until then, Jace is going to run off into the sunset....

I have to say that Audrey is fucked.  She is a terrible Big Brother player and I don't think she is all there mentally.  This is not because she is transgendered it's because she is fucking spun.

What in god's name is she doing?  While it makes for entertaining episodes, and I've been told the live feeds have been amazing... she is trying to win $500K and you're not going to do that getting everyone to turn on you immediately.  Her "recruiting" person after person into an alliance is completely moronic.  Didn't she see Devin try to do that last season and how long he lasted??  Alliances are supposed to be kept a secret between 2-4 people, not have half the god damned house involved.

She is a pathological liar too, I don't know how many times she's been caught in a web of her own lies, which will lead her to be evicted sooner rather than later. All that said I think she is going to be safe for a while because I guarantee Big Brother producers are going to do what they can for her to stay, and that may end up coming in the form of the latest shitty Big Brother take-over with that nutjob Cathy Griffin.

Shelli and Clay are holding all the power this week... ugh yet another fucking showmance/power couple that is going to pollute this season.  Their target appears to be Da'Vonne probably because she flew off the handle and went all "Inglewood" on Clay... because... because honestly I don't remember why because it was an absolutely absurd fight, and I left a few brain cells behind at the cottage this past weekend.

One thing they're all doing which is completely asinine is relying on the Backdoor every week, don't these squids know that anything can happen between nominations and eviction?  If someone is the target put them up initially for christs sake.  I suppose the Battle of the Block throws in a wrench into everything. 

I can see Da'Vonne leaving this week, I hope it doesn't happen because I think she is a good player and she is very entertaining, but she has pissed off the people in power now, and they can get the votes to flip the rest of the house. 

Other Random Thoughts:

John is my favourite so far, even though he sounds like Bobcat Goldthwait.  His Diary Rooms are classic, but how in the fuck is he a dentist?  I'm not sure if I want that spazz working on my teeth but I'd love to have a few beers with him.

He's got to stop agreeing to go up as a pawn though, I know Da'Vonne is the target and I just said that I think she'll get voted out, but she'll be better at campaigning if it does end up being the two of them going into the eviction, and he could be in trouble.

I still haven't picked who I think is going to win yet... I am flip-flopping between a couple of people and I will reveal the pick on my next blog.

The twin twist is a bit of a yawn, but Liz/Julia are hot as fuck and seeing two of them is fine by me.

How did a train hit Becky?  Couldn't the train see that chin from 1000 miles away?

For fucks sake James, Meg DOES NOT look like Taylor Swift.  Not even fucking close bud.  T. Swift is a saint, and Meg is no T. Swift.

Roberto Oswoona, Typical Ti-Cats, Leafs Draft

The Jays have their closer... for now at least.  Roberto Fucking Oswoona aka The Mexicutioner has been a dream.  The weird thing is, they haven't named him the official closer, and I think they are still going to do a closer by committee, if there is a high leverage situation in the 7th or 8th why wouldn't you want your best pitcher in Osuna to come in and blow 97 mph heaters past batter after batter?  This is one of the many reasons why Gibby is the Best.

AA said in an interview with MLBTV that they are targeting a starting pitchers over relievers, and the garbage clowns were all aghast at that notion.  You can hear the collective stomps of the pissy pant whiners feet and harumphing about needing a PROOVIN KLOSER.  But AA is smart, another starter pushes either Aaron Sanchez or Polo Erik back to the bullpen, not that either of them deserve a demotion to the bullpen, but I think for the sake of the team one of them would do it, and it will likely be Sanchez, plus Marcus Stroman will be back and pitching out of the bullpen come September.  I'll give that an official HDH guaran-damn-tee.

All in all it was a good week for the Jays, they won a series in Tampa for Christs Sakes and Polo Erik almost had a Perfect game!  The bats were a little dead the last couple of games against Texas but you know they are going to have nights like Friday a fuck of a lot more than afternoons like Saturday.

The Week Ahead: vs. Boston (6/29 - 7/2) @ Detroit (7/3 - 7/5).  Ah two teams that I despise.  First the shitty Red Sox, last time we saw these squids we swept the shit out of them in embarrassing fashion, I am hoping for a lot more of that this week, especially on Tuesday when your boy HDH will be in the crowd.

As for The Tigers I want them to sweep those assholes because they're the team of my arch nemesis Killer and is troglodyte, mouth breathing sidekick Brent Cee.  I've gotten into many a Facebook arugment with them because they actually think the Detroit Tigers are a good team, they're fucking brutal bud.  Justin Turdlander is flaming out, Miguel Cabrera should be in jail because of his DUI's, both Victor and JD Martinez are fucking dorks and terrible ball players.  The Jays are likely to go 7-0 in this stretch, but they can't play down to these ungodly squid franchises.

Fucking Ti-Cats, this team is destined to lose heartbreaking games to Calgary.  It was still a hell of an entertaining football game, I am really glad that they are back.  Johnny Sears Jr pick 6 and Speedy Banks Punt Return TD were the highlights of the game, mainly because I can remember the first quarter.... it gets a little blurry after that.  I am getting a Ti-Cats jersey, I am leaning towards Speedy Banks.  Still to lose by a single point against the defending Grey Cup Champions and the favourites to win it again on the road isn't the worst thing that could've happened.  They are going to kill the Squid teams that pollute the CFL East Division.

The Week Ahead: @ Winnipeg (7/2)  This game is going to be all the sweeter because it will be COTTAGE CATS.  I'll be heading up a buddy's cottage, and I should hopefully be there by halftime as it's an 8:30 pm start.  Hopefully they win to kickstart what should prove to be a hilarious weekend.

By all reports the Leafs had a fantastic draft.  Mark Hunter was running the draft and they picked Mitch Marner with the 4th overall pick.  He is a GTA kid, grew up loving the Leafs, and has drawn comparisons to Patrick Kane.  SWOON! Plus Mark Hunter knows all about him from his days running the London Knights, I think Hunter has been watching this kid play since he was 13 or 14. 

Like everyone else I was expecting the shoe to drop on a trade for one of their big players, but Shanahan isn't just going to give these boys away for nothing.  When Mike Babcock was talking about what kind of players he wants for the Leafs he pretty much said the exact opposite of what Phil Kessel is.  That seems like as strong indication as any what the Leafs plan on doing with Phil Kessel.

This week's Squid of the Week is some anonymous TSN hack who let this steaming pile of trolling shit make it to air on Sportscentre.

What the fuck is that all about, a failure?  Jesus Christ buds, I know a lot of people don't like Phil Kessel but this is completely absurd.  He is only 5th best scorer in the entire league in the span he's been on the Leafs.  Is he a failure because the Leafs didn't win a Cup?  Only 3 teams have won the Cup in Kessel's tenure in Toronto, so are the rest of the 27 teams and every player on them miserable failures?  Give me a fucking break, anybody who calls Phil Kessel's time in Toronto a failure needs to have their head examined.  I will be so happy for Phil when he gets out of Toronto and goes somewhere quiet where the media aren't all reprehensible windbags and he'll flourish.  That's another

This whole TSN thing was going to be this week's..

But that was before I saw Greg Zaun's suit he was wearing on Blue Jays Central today.

C'mon Bud, what the fuck do you have got going on there, I know he wears a pink suit every Sunday to honour his mother, but I don't think she would be honoured by that scarf.  What a terrible fucking look bud, I know I am not the height of fashion, but Jesus I wouldn't leave the house looking like some pretentious 80's millionaire sipping champagne on a luxury yacht.  Give that scarf back to your 81 year old aunt.

Big Brother 17 Opening Week Thoughts

It's that time of year again, the highlight of everyone's summer, the time when a group of total strangers come into a house, and most of them will end up being despised by an entire continent, and be the subject of derision by any asshole with a blog.  *cough*

My beloved Julie Chen is back for the 17th edition of Big Brother, it's hard to believe I was in high school and had a full, luscious head of hair when Big Brother first premiered back in 2000.  Don't worry folks, for the third straight summer your boy HDH will be back with my weekly thoughts on the show, I'll try to have them up after the Thursday eviction episode.  Once again by week 2 I will pick who I think is going to win, I was right with Derrick last year, but waaaaaayyy off on that loser Jordan in Big Brother Canada 3.

For veteran readers of this blog (editor's note: why?) you know that I hate twists, and it appears as though Big Brother 17 is hellbent on twists.  Ugh.  First of all who told these assholes that the Battle of the Block was a fan favourite?  It was fucking stupid last year and it will be worse this year.  Julie Chen must've been humilated saying that it was a fan favourite.

The Big Brother Takeover? A god damned twist every week?  Fuck right off.  This is going to be a fucking disaster.  A Twin Twist too?? They tried this once already in Big Brother 5 with those stupid fitness twins and that fell apart like a Chinese motorcycle.  Speaking of Big Brother 5 I had to look up an remember what season that was... that was the season of that weirdo Nakomis and her hillbilly long lost brother Cowboy Mike, why don't they do that shit anymore?

James and Jason are the dual HOH's this week, it's impossible to say who they're going to put up because there is nothing to go on.  So I might as well just get into my first thoughts on each houseguest:

Audrey: The first transgendered person in Big Brother history, I guess they're trying to cash in on the whole Caitlyn Jenner thing?  It seems everyone is accepting of her which is great, it is 2015 after all.  It's pretty fucked up that her parents had her kidnapped from her house from the middle of the night to go to some internment camp to "set her straight".  I like her alliance so far with Da'Vonne and Shelli.

Austin:  What's with that top hat he wears when he turns on his Pro Wrestler persona?  He just looks like a bootleg Slash.  I don't think he'll be necessarily good in competitions just because he looks like fucking Frankenstein.

Becky: Looks like she can crack a walnut with her chin. I have her in my pool, not holding out much hope.

Clay: Boring pretty boy who will never have a shirt on.

Da'Vonne: I really like Da'Vonne so far, her Diary Rooms are hilarious, plus she is hellbent on forming a strong female alliance, something that has been severely lacking in previous seasons.

Jace: Calm the fuck down bud, Jesus Christ get this guy some pills.  He obviously is an attention whore who will likely annoy me to no end this year.  Get a new hat too you squid.

Jackie: Uhhhh, who the fuck are you?  I never watched the Amazing Race so I have zero idea who she is or what she is all about.

James:  The Hillbilly Asian, I like this guy, it is weird hearing an Asian dude talk like such a Jethro but he's been pretty funny so far, and I can see him lasting a while.

Jason: Da'Vonne hit the nail on the head, he's Pee-Wee Herman.

Jeff: See Jackie.

John:  Holy shit is this guy ever pale, he looks like Powder for christs sake.  I also have him in my pool, I think he's my best shot.

Liz: Didn't really say or do much tonight, but rumour has it that she is the twin so expect to see A LOT more of her....or them.

Meg: Shut up, Meg.

Shelli: She's my age and she is saying she is a cougar...or a puma.  What the fuck does that make me?  The only animal I can be compared to is a walrus and/or giant sloth.  She is definitely hot though, I think the best looking this season.

Steve: Fucking nerd, nerds are my mortal enemy.  He is the last guy I have in my pool, he'll be tossed to the wayside and will go back to his Lego collection and chemistry set or whatever the fuck he was doing during that opening segment of his.

Vanessa: Looks like VaGinaMarie from BB15.

Well that's it folks, like I said look for one of these every Thursday....except next Thursday because I'll be at a cottage.  Give me a follow on the Twitter @HDH2112 in the meantime.

I look forward to another season of writing these ridiculous blogs, I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy writing them!

That Bullpen though...

Live look in at the Blue Jays bullpen.

I know I am risking sounding like a petulant man-baby garbage clown that pollutes the landscape of Toronto Blue Jay fandom, but fuck Brett Cecil, fuck Phil Choke and fuck this bullpen.  I am sick of seeing them fritter away leads time after time.  The offense is incredible, the starting pitching has improved considerably (except with Scott fucking Copeland is shitting out a spot start) this shitty bullpen is holding the Jays back from being a true contender.

Image courtesy of the hilarious @matttomic 

Yeah it sucks losing 2 of 3 to the fucking trash birds, but remember before Brett Cecil's bed-shitting they were down 7-0 and still managed to make a game of it.  They could've easily have swept this series, same thing with the Mets series those two games in New York could've went either way.  It would be absolutely absurd to say that the season is over, like the garbage clowns are suggesting.  This team is only 1 game back from a wild card spot for christs sakes and still only 3 games back of 1st in the AL East.  It must be distressing to the Bautistas and the Martins and the Donaldsons of this team to be having All-Star seasons at the dish only to see the likes of Cecil and his squid mohawk and shitty goggles blow it all.

A trade has to be made and soon.  I know it's way easier said than done, especially with the corporate overlords at Rogers tying AA's hands financially, but fuck everyone in baseball is saying that the Jays are an arm or two away from something special and I believe it.  That pig fucker Jonathan Papelbon (Pictured above) has been rumoured to be heading to Toronto, so has K-Rod from the Brewers.  The player I would like is Johnny Cueto from Cincinnati, apparently him and Aroldis Chapman are being shopped by the Reds.   Getting Cueto an amazing starter and a proven closer in Chapman would be boner inducing.  Yes they'll have to give up prospects, and yes they could become All-Stars years from now but Flags Fly Forever and this is the best Blue Jays team I have watched in ages.

I think Alex Anthopoulos has done a wonderful job as GM, and the notion that his job is at stake if the Jays miss the playoffs is completely absurd.  That said his legacy as a GM can be made in the next few weeks, if he can pull off a move that can stabilize this bullpen and rotation with the offense he has put together, the Jays are instant World Series contenders and he is a GM of the year candidate.

Yeah the 3-4 week sucked, but the games have been entertaining.  The one person I did not want to see involved in any game is umpire CB Bucknor who is this weeks...

Umpire CB Bucknor has been voted among the players as the worst umpire in the Bigs on 3 separate occasions, and after Friday's game it's easy to see why.  In the first inning the Trash Bird Orioles hit Jose Bautista AGAIN.  Bautista has been hit 8 times but the Trash Birds, but this time I'd say it was an accident, but regardless Bucknor issues a warning to both benches.  Gibby, being the best, waddles out and wants an explanation, and ol' short fuse Bucknor immediately ejects Gibby who goes on to get his moneys worth.  Fast forward to the 8th inning runners on the corners and Roberto Osuna hits Adam Jones, which loads the bases and brings the tying run to the plate and HE gets tossed along with temporary manager DeMarco Hale. 

That was fucked.

Even though both benches were warned any inside pitch/hit batter does not warrant an automatic ejection, CB Bucknor pulled an ump show, making everything about himself not about the players.  People don't show up to the ballpark to watch CB Bucknor or any of these other asshole umpires ruin the game with their lunacy.

What gets me is the players and coaches need to own up to the media and make statements when they fuck up, but who holds these umpires accountable when they blow it?  They don't get cameras and microphones shoved in their faces, if they do get reprimanded by MLB it's certainly not talked about.  That needs to change, umpires and referees will always be Squids, but CB Bucknor is the Squid of the Week.

The Week Ahead: @ Tampa Bay (6/22 - 6/24) vs. Texas (6/26 - 6/28)  Ugh... a 3 game series against the Rays in Tampa Bay at repugnant Tropicana Field has got me feeling like...

Fuck me, buds I hate Tampa Bay so much, how are these assholes year in year out always winning?  They are a team of fucking nobodies and it pisses me off.  The Jays can NEVER win in Tampa Bay either, the horrific Trop is the Blue Jays house of horrors.  Even back when they were the Tampa Bay Devil Rays and the scum scrapers of Major League Baseball they always gave us a rough go, I don't think they have won a series there since 2007 for christs sakes.  And Chris Archer is pitching too?  Shoot me now.  

That's not to say the Blue Jays can't defy history and win a series in that hell hole, it just doesn't look promising.  Well at least it's only 3 games on the road and they are back in Toronto to beat up on the shitty Walker Texas Rangers.

Well it's summer time and the living's easy there really isn't much happening outside of the baseball world.  The CFL Season starts this week the the Ti-Cats having Grey Cup revenge on their mind Friday at 9 in Calgary.  Truth be told I'll be three sheets to the wind by halftime and will forget most of the game.  The Warriors and Blackhawks won their championships just like I said they would.  The NHL draft is this weekend and that could be interesting for the Leafs, because I can guarantee whoever they end up drafting will be better than that squid Connor McDavid.  Plus trades always seem to happen at the draft, and the Leafs are in trading mode.

Speaking of the NHL, they are the target of this weeks

If there anything more cringe-inducing and embarrassing than the NHL Awards?  What other professional sports league announces their award winners at a gala filled with C-List celebrities who can't pronounce the names of any of the players.  C'Mon Bud, it's the most awkward broadcast ever, these players play hockey first anything else is secondary and that includes public speaking.  These boys can barely string a sentence together at the best of times, but there they are stuffed into a shitty looking tuxedo stammering through a speech like Stuttering Stanley.  But have no fear that nerd Daughtry is performing, that'll bring in the ratings! Anyone who watches this shit should be ashamed of themselves and the NHL just proves themselves to be a clown show operation yet again.

Jays Riding High

Riding High... Snoop Dogg... get it??

  

Welp, this is pretty fucking fantastic.  A 10 game winning streak for the Blue Jays with 11 in a row at stake against the shitting puking fucking shit puke Red Sox this afternoon.  This win streak has been incredible, come from behind wins, walk off wins, extra innings wins.  I am on Cloud Fucking 9 over this team and I hope they can keep it up.

 The 7th inning of the game on Friday was one of the greatest things I have ever seen in sports. 9 straight batters reaching base and all 9 of them coming around to score.  What a spectacle that was, I was jumping up and down like an asshole, war hooting, the whole 9.  The Jays Facebook account posted a video showing clips from that inning and I'm pretty sure I've watched it between 15 and 20 times already.

Being down 5-0 and 8-1 made it even sweeter, and it is just as sweet because it's against Fuck Face John Farrell and his band of squids, the deplorable Red Sox.  Some people thought the game was over which brings us to this weeks....

  

The Squid of the Week is none other than Your Boy HDH.  I went on Facebook when it was 8-1 and posted a harmless post saying "Welp that 8 game win streak was nice".  I wasn't being a garbage clown about it, there is 100 games left in the year, best case Ontario they still are going to lose another 35-40 games.  I was just resigned to the fact that it was one of those losses, I was at my buddy's and we muted the TV, listened to some tunes, drank a beer or two (or more), and was enjoying my Friday night.  Then they started to chip away, and then there was that 7th Inning.  That 7th Inning is going to go down in history buds. 

I should have never counted out this team, nobody should ever count out this team because as we all witnessed the offense can get them back into any situation.  Maybe because my sports psychology is fucked because of my years of cheering for Toronto I am used to losing that I accept it easier, but the Jays are never going to be out of any game because of this offense, and I will never doubt them again.

At the start of action today the Jays are a measly 1 game out of the AL East.  But remember according the garbage clowns and assholes like Cathal Kelly, Squid Seixero and Steve Simmons the season is over, and it's been over for weeks.  Let's never forget that Steve Simmons shat out this disgraceful tweet on APRIL 19th

This streak has been so fun.  The Jays went on an 11 game win streak in June 2013, and last May they had a 9 game win streak and that was it, everything else was mediocre and second-rate.  I think this team is different, there is a different make up on the team than in years past, a few losses isn't going to throw the off-kilter.  I think as it stands now the Jays are the favourites to win the AL East.  All that said I never ever thought I'd say this but we need that Pig Fucker Jonathan Papelbon.

Pull the trigger AA.  Go all in this year, Papelbon is putting up great numbers on a mediocre Phillies team, and he is still owed a ton of money but for fucks sakes pay the man.  Get BumbleFuck Eddie and the rest of those Rogers dickheads to pony up the dough and let's do this.  Papelbon would not only immediately stabilize the bullpen (which has been A LOT better lately).  But it will show the players that ownership and management believes in this team and is serious about potentially going to the World Series. 

Last year much ado was made when Jose Bautista and Casey Jansen complained to the media over the Jays lack of moves at the deadline, and from that point forward the season really fizzled out.  This will show the team and the rest of the MLB that the Jays are serious about winning a World Series title.  Ughhhhh, I will still hate Papelbon until the moment he puts on a Jays hat.  Papelbon was one of the most reprehensible of Red Sox, I just wanted to put him in the Sharpshooter every time I saw him (and every time he got a save against the Jays).  But like Jerry Seinfeld famously said, sports is all about cheering for laundry, and as long as he is playing for the Jays I will have to learn to like that pig fucker.

The Week Ahead: @ Boston (right meow) @ New York Mets (6/15-6/16) vs. New York Mets (6/17-6/18) vs. Baltimore (6/19-6/21).  The Jays are looking like they will be winning 11 in a row!!! HAHAHAHA The Red Sox are playing like bumbling assholes and I am loving every second of it.  Fuck you John Farrell!!  

Ugh, National League games, I have said it before and I will say it again Pitchers batting is barbaric and the National League needs to get with the times and adopt the DH.  The Mets are leading the NL East, but who gives a fuck, lets kick the snot out of those dorks.  Then the dreaded Trash Birds come in next weekend, the Orioles have quickly become one of my most hated of teams.  Buck Showalter has already earned squid of the week honours, and don't be surprised if someone on the Trash Birds takes the title next week.

While we're on the topic of baseball, this week's C'Mon Bud goes to the All-Star game voting process and the fact that 7 Kansas City Royals could be voted in has starters for the All-Star game.  C'Mon Bud the All-Star game is overblown and stupid enough as it is, why would I want to see fucking Omar Infante and Kendrys Morales.  Yeah the KC Royals are defending American League champions but who gives a flying fuck.  It just shows how flawed the All-Star game voting process is, the fact that Mike Fucking Moustakis has more votes than Josh Donaldson is a crime.  Salvador Perez is beating Russell Martin and Eric Hosmer is beating Miguel Cabrera, it's obscene.  The shitty thing too is the All-Star game actually matters in baseball because the winner gets home field in the World Series.  They have to drop fan voting in All-Star games in all sports, Kobe Bryant was voted as an All-Star last year and he only had played a handful of games for christs sake and was injured for the year.  I know they want the fans involved, but let's face it most fans are complete mouth breathing morons. 

It was so great to be back at Tim Horton's Field last Monday.  Fuck I love it there, it was nice to see the gang that sits around us in Section 107. Nice to pay $9 for shitty Molson Canadian, nice to see the former Scott Park High School look like the aftermath of the Oklahoma City bombing while they tear it down.  It was especially nice to see the Ti-Cats win yet another game at Horton's Field... undefeated there buds!   

The Ti-Cats kicked the shit out of the awful Ottawa RedBlacks using their second stringers.  The heckling was in in mid-season form too buds, holy christ did the RedBlacks hear it all night.  It was easy to mock this team, in a pre-season game you can make jokes about them getting cut.  We ripped into the whole team right away and number 32 Jermaine Robinson of the RedBlacks made the mistake of beaking back at us. 

We had our target.

Here are some of the Heckles of the Week:

"Hey Robinson!!! Don't worry when you get cut, I hear the Lingerie League is still holding try-outs" - Me

"The following people are cut: 32, Robinson.  That is all" - Ando

"Hey 55 Super-Fat Milli Vannilli wants their look back" - Jeff

There was plenty more but I had a few drinks and forgot to write them down in my phone.  The theme of the night was definitely getting cut.  Because of the god awful Pan Am Games the Ti-Cats play their first 4 games on the road, with the home opener not being until August 3rd against the shitty Argos.  I can't wait buds.

The NBA and NHL will finally end their marathon seasons this week.  With the Blue Jays playing so well The Finals and Final have been on the back burner.  That being said the NBA Finals has been so very much better than the Stanley Cup.  I am actually extremely bored with the Stanley Cup, it's all defensive garbage until the last few minutes... the NHL has turned into the NBA in the sense that you only need to tune into the last few minutes.  I still think Golden State and Chicago will win.  Cleveland and Lebron are running out of gas, it's Lebron vs. everybody now and the guy has played late into June the last 5 seasons, on top of the Olympics in 2012, he needs a break!  Golden State and Curry haven't even been that impressive, but they're still going to win.  Chicago should wrap it up tomorrow night.  Yawn. 

 

Jays Finally Playing to Potential

Through all the screams and foot stomping of the garbage clowns I was optimistic, I scoffed at the asshole squids in the media like Steve Simmons and Cathal Kelly proclaiming the season was over as early as mid-April.  Bob McCown on Wednesday even claimed that John Gibbons was on the verge of getting fired on Thursdays off day.  While I don't want to jinx it or apply the dreaded curse of HDH upon my beloved boys in blue I think they are finally playing like the team that we all envisioned coming out of Spring Training.

Don't get me wrong it's been frustrating as fuck watching this team through the first two months of this season, they never managed to win more than 3 games in a row, when they got pitching the bats fell asleep, when the bats were on fire the pitching sucked and the bullpen blew saves, injuries made players play out of position and it showed.  It seems to me that the Jays are FINALLY playing at their potential.  The team is getting healthy, the starting pitching has been much, much better and they are still one of the best offensive teams in all of baseball.  Winning the AL East is not out of the question, they are only 4.5 games out, and the rest of the division has been pretty brutal all year too.  There is countless examples of teams that have had sub-par starts to the season heat up when it matters and make the playoffs.

A group nap between games of the doubleheader last Tuesday has proved to be the turning point.  In game 1 of the doubleheader they meekly lost 2-0 blowing a great performance by R.A. Dickey.  During game 2 on the Washington broadcast they reported:

"We heard reports that in between games, the Blue Jays had the lights out in the clubhouse and they were all taking naps. Some guys were in the clubhouse and said they were just kind of passed out sleeping in between games."

I am happy to report that the Jays are 4-0 after that group nap.  I can safely say I haven't had a group nap since Kindergarten, but naps are fucking awesome.  In my beloved days on EI and in my UWO days I would have naps on the regular and it was incredible.  Anyways, the Jays have been playing great baseball, even guys who I have shit on like Kevin Pillar and Chris Collabello have been great.  But the player I am most happy with is Jose Reyes right now, he has got timely hits, lots of stolen bases and has been much better defensively which brings us to this weeks....

This weeks Squid of the Week is an easy call, it's that crotchety old fart Jerry Howarth going on the radio to shit all over Jose Reyes.  According to Jerry, we should all feel sorry for John Gibbons and the rest of the team because of the way Jose Reyes plays shortstop... huh?!?! Yeah he had a bad game on Sunday but fuck right off.   The whole thing reeked of an old man yelling at a cloud.

Jerry went on to say that he has regressed defensively, well no shit bud, what a drag it is getting old.  He also bordered on racism saying that Reyes grew up playing "street ball" and that his style of play belongs on the street.  He also admonished Reyes for smiling too much.  That part really fucking grinds my gears, you can go fuck yourself Jerry, at the end of the day he is playing a kids game for millions of dollars, so fucking what if he smiles.  Marcus Stroman smiles all the time and he is beloved, Blue Jays World Series Hero Joe Carter was known for his beaming smile.  Once again my bud Andrew Stoeten brilliantly broke it all down earlier this week.  

It actually pains me to be so hard on Jerry Howarth, I grew up listening to Tom Cheek and Jerry Howarth on the radio with the TV muted, he has been around the team for many years and should be respected.  But this is not the first time he has gone and ran his mouth off sticking his nose into things.  First it was Jose Bautista, then it was R.A. Dickey being the supposed issues with the team, Reyes, Bautista and Dickey are only 3 of the better players on the team.  With Bautista and Reyes it seems to me like Jerry just doesn't like the Latin American players. 

The worst part in all this is Jerry wants Ryan Goins to be the everyday shortstop...da fuck!?! Goins is great defensively yet he can't hit worth shit.  Plus Howarth like the rest of the old school guys have had a throbbing boner over Derek Jeter who regressed just as bad as Reyes has if not worse. Jerry would talk non-stop about how great Jeter was, even though Jeter refused to leave the shortstop position despite his obvious regressions, and the fucking guy went on a year long retirement tour that just reeked of megalomania.  

Jerry just shut the fuck up and go sit in your rocking chair drink your milk of magnesia give us some "There she gooooooooes" and keep your asshole old man opinions to yourself.

The Week Ahead: vs. Houston (right meow), vs Miami (6/8 - 6/10), @ Boston (6/12 - 6/14).   The Jays are holding on to a 3-2 lead as I proofread this (yes I actually do proofread hahaha) hopefully we sweep these shitheads for revenge for the ass kicking they laid on us a few weeks ago. We did sweep those shitheads in dramatic fashion, what a 9th inning!! Miami is coming in this week, the only interesting thing about that is seeing Giancarlo Stanton up close, hopefully he doesn't mash too badly.  The Jays always seem to play well in Boston and the Red Sox are scuffling bad, hopefully by that point they Jays are above .500 and a lot closer to being in the lead in the AL East.

That's your boy HDH on the left after the first game at Tim Horton's Field, a triumphant victory over those piece of shit Argos on Labour Day.  I am so happy I will be back there tomorrow for the first pre-season game against the dreadful Ottawa RedBlacks.  Too bad the next game at home will not be until the Holiday Monday in August on account of the useless fucking Pan-Am Games.  I totally fell in love with the CFL again being back in Hamilton last year after living in London for over a decade.  I think the Ti-Cats are poised to have another good season, they haven't lost at Hortons Field yet and I don't see that trend ending.

There will be a new segment on this blog called the Heckle of the Week.  I go to every Ti-Cats home game and sit 9 rows back from the opponents bench, and me and my buds heckle the fuck out of the opponents the entire game.  Despite all the swearing I do in this blog and in my day to day life, you have to keep your heckles clean, that's part of the challenge of heckling, being creative and funny without resorting to calling them all assholes.  My buddy Jeff (in the picture) is as good a heckler as they come, and so is my friend Andy.  When Ando's brother Mike shows up it's a 4 headed monster of heckles between us all.  If my phone wasn't such a piece of shit I would record a video and upload them here, but you'll have to live with me typing them out.

I suppose I should say something about the NBA Finals and Stanley Cup Final I guess.  First things first the NBA Finals are done, sorry Cleveland but LeBron can't do it all himself, the injuries are an unfortunate break, but they'll be back.  This is Steph Curry's year, my goodness he is good.  I don't see this series lasting past 4 or 5 games.

Game 1 of the Stanley Cup final was boring as fuck, but last nights game was a lot better.  Except what was up with Ben "Billy" Bishop.  This brings us to this weeks....

So did Ben "Billy" Bishop have the green apple splatters last night?  C'Mon Bud it was before a Stanley Cup Final game, you could have laid off the Taco Bell for one day.  Pop a fucking Immodium or two and get back out there, put on some Depends if need be.   I knew something was wrong with this guy back when he played for the shitty Senators.

It must suck having to take off all that equipment if you have the scoots, it probably got everywhere and he was too embarrassed to come back in.  I heard after all this Ben "Billy" Bishop has requested a trade to the San Jose Sharts, in fact his AHL team was not the Hershey Bears but the Hershey Squirts.  Remember that childhood "Diarrhea" song you sang as a kid, while being the mature soon to be 33 year old that I am I came up with a couple of new verses in honour of Ben "Billy" Bishop.

"If you're playing for the Lightning, and the smell is getting frightening.  Diarrhea! Diarrhea!"

"If you're playing for the Cup, and you got to take a dump. Diarrhea! Diarrhea!"

"When you look like a fool, because of leaky stool.  Diarrhea! Diarrhea!"

Feel free to Tweet or Facebook me some of your own lyrics or put them in the comments below!