What in the flying fuck is going on... Why is being a Toronto sports fan such a cruel and soul-crushing endeavor, seriously what did we do to piss off the sports gods? I know there was a lot of misery porn articles written about the Toronto sports scene over the last week but christ, come the fuck on, it's getting a tad bit ridiculous and bordering on the absurd. I hate cursive and I hate all of you, I'm never coming back to school again, EVER!
So where do we even fucking begin with the Leafs. They are the biggest hot mess since Britney Spears shaved her head and took swings at the papparazzo with a umbrella. The news with the Leafs wasn't that they lost 3 of 4 only beating the even more woeful Buffalo Sabres, it's the fact that the stupid fucking Leafs are going to end up running one of their best players out of town. It's a fucking Toronto tradition folks, it's embarrassing and pathetic. My boy Nasty Naz Kadri aka The Skillmatic was suspended by the powers that be for 3 games for insubordination or some shit. He was late for a team meeting, and Peter "Hans Eckart" Horochek sent him home in disgrace and revealed he was getting benched for the next game, then fucking Shanahan comes out and he is suspended for an additional two games for unknown disciplinary issues. What in the flying fuck was that, throwing your best player in this miserable season under the bus and letting the fucking Toronto media vultures swarm. Who actually knows what he did to deserve the 3 game suspension, too much partying? Drunkenly hit on Shanahans daughter? Pushed Carlton the Bear down a flight of stairs? Anyways Toronto chews up it's best young players and spits them out, count Kadri among the list of players who are going to flourish elsewhere after being run out of town. I don't get this whole hockey mentality of not letting their 20-something millionaire players have a good time. The Boston Bruins ran Tyler Seguin out of town for partying and he's only one of the leading scorers in the league now. The Philadelphia Flyers tried to get Jeff Carter and Mike Richards to sign up for "Sober Island" and when they didn't they were shipped out of town and they won 2 fucking Stanley Cups with the Kings. Why Shanahan would embarrass Kadri in front of everyone is beyond me, it's one thing if this was in Tampa Bay or Dallas, but not in Toronto not in front of the dreadful Rosie DiManno, Steve Simmons and fucking Dave Feschuk.
The Week Ahead: I don't even care... end this fucking season ASAP.
This is so incredibly upsetting. The day after this adorable picture was taken we got the news that Marcus Stroman is out for the season. The news hit me like a fucking punch to the stomach. Marcus Stroman was very quickly becoming my favourite Blue Jay, look at the smile, the Raptors gear, his social media presence, goofing around with "Papa Buerhle". All gone, because he was fielding a fucking bunt in a Spring Training drill. Life's not fair. Worst of all we won't have any Earl Stroman interviews... that man is truly terrifying. Not only does Stroman have an award winning personality, but he has the talent to back it up, I know he'll be back stronger than ever in 2016 but fuck bud. If this injury happened to Buerhle or Drew Hutchinson, or any other player on the team besides maybe Jose Bautista and Edwin Encarnacion, yeah it would suck but the fact that it happened to Marcus Stroman really really hurt. Stroman represented so much hope for the 2015 season, he seems like such a great dude, plus he embraces Toronto, between the Raptors gear and changing his number to 6 for christs sakes (by the way is it cool for bald 30 something dorks from Hamilton to call Toronto "The 6" or is that going to ruin it for everyone). He seems different from all the other hyped up young Toronto pitchers (RR Cool Jay I am looking in your direction). It just seems like we can't have nice things in Toronto, Michael Saunders has a freak injury, this Stroman injury is as freakish as they come, which brings us to this weeks....
The misery continues for the Blue Jays when they already stretched thin outfield situation suffered another blow with....
The Raptors beating the woeful Miami Heat on Friday kind of ruined the misery porn theme to this weeks ramblings, but the Raps have been nothing short of awful as of late. The first half of the San Antonio game was one of the worst halves in recent memory, apparently my boy Kyle Lowry lit into the team towards the end of that half and that must've worked because they responded in the second half drawing within 6 of the defending champs, before running out of gas and losing by 10. They put up a decent fight against OKC but a terrible third quarter sunk them. I didn't see the game on Friday because I was getting drunk inside a church (true story) but I read they played a fuck of a lot better which is a bit of a relief. The Raptors problem is they tend to take quarters and halves off, you need to play a full 48 minutes, especially come playoff time which is just a month away. The toughest part of their schedule is over and done with, now's the time to gather some momentum for the playoffs.
The Week Ahead: vs. Portland (3/15), @ Indiana (3/16), vs. Minnesota (3/18), @ Chicago (3/20). Tough match up tonight against Portland, the game they played against the Blazers back around Christmas was one of the better games this season despite the loss. Indiana is shit, and despite Andrew Wiggins on the T-Wolves they're pretty awful. The maple boners will all be popped for that game on Thursday being Wiggins first pro game in Toronto, people are already pining for him to join the Raptors when his rookie contract with Minnesota runs out, and I am sure some squid like Steve Simmons or Cathal Kelly will ask him about that when he's in town on Thursday. "You're currently under contract with another team and will be for the next few seasons, don't you want to play for the Raptors?" Even if Wiggins truly does want to what the fuck is he going to say?
In actual good news the OHL is coming to the Hammer! The Belleville Bulls are going to become the Hamilton Bulldogs, and the stench of the Montreal Canadiens is out of our fair city once and for all. I have a feeling the OHL Bulldogs will be a lot more successful than the AHL Bulldogs, everyone I've talked to have said they'd attend more games next year, I won't get season seats but I want to go to at least 1 or 2 games a month. Hamilton is never, ever ever ever getting an NHL team but in my opinion having an OHL team here is the next best thing. The Bulldogs need new colours and uniforms currently they wear the Habs "bleu blanche et rouge" and have a horribly designed Reebok jersey with all the stripes and piping that makes it look like an apron. I say have the team wear black and gold Ti-Cats colours, that will look good.
In other news, this is the 100th article I have written for this shitty blog. Hard to believe eh! I enjoy writing these and I hope the 4 or 5 regular readers stick around for the next 100! Big Brother Canada starts next week and I will be posting weekly thoughts on that, there is a shit ton of restaurants in town I want to try and review, plus these weekly SPROTS ramblings aren't going anywhere. Seriously though, thank you for reading! I need a hobby besides drinking beer and fussing over my cats and this blog is perfect for it.
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