Lousy Smarch Doldrums

Fuck bud.  I thought the February doldrums were bad, it turns out the Smarch ones are worst.  This truly is the shittiest time of the year, winter is still sticking around like a horrible case of diarrhea, and sports are a solid month away from being good.  The two best months of the year for SPROTS is October and April, and until April the boys are just going through the motions... speaking of just going through the motions here are my Sunday Sprots Ramblings!! 

I'm a little worried about the Raptors you guys.  They've been a mediocre 14-16 since the calendar flipped to 2015, beating only the true scum scrapers of the NBA.  They weren't impressive at all last week, barely beating Philadelphia, seeing a spirited comeback fall short against the Cleveland LeBrons and then not even showing up against Charlotte on Friday.  What's the fucking deal with the Raptors and Charlotte, they've lost 8 games in a row in North Cackalacky to the Bobcats/Hornets.  It's bizarre how that works in sports sometimes, the Leafs NEVER beat the Sabres in Buffalo no matter how good/bad either team is, the Jays seem to always have a rough time in Anaheim, it's fucking annoying.  If the Raptors end up playing Charlotte in the playoffs (highly unlikely, yes) I may end up shitting my pants like the man in the picture above did at the 2010 Santa Claus Parade, because after all the hype, and all the great things the Raptors have done this season I don't think I could deal with a quick first round exit.  Fuck boys get your shit together.  Open the pharmacy and get my boy Big V more involved.  Seriously though, I don't get why minutes go by between Big V getting touches, Leo Rautins noted that on the broadcast recently, and even Chuck Swirsky tweeted that out the other night.  Big V is a double-double machine, and he is just going to keep getting better, take the training wheels off him already for fucks sakes.

The Week Ahead: @ Oklahoma City (3/8), @ San Antonio (3/10), vs. Miami (3/13)  Not exactly the easiest schedule for a team struggling with their confidence (and struggling in almost every other facet of the game).  The good news is we've already beaten the Thunder and the Spurs this season and Miami is just a shell of their former self.  I said I was worried about the Raps but I am still confident that they'll get their shit together, the sooner the better because the playoffs are on the horizon.

I never thought I would talk about the fucking Hamilton Bulldogs in this shitty blog.  I have a fundamental hatred for them even though they're my hometown team because they're the Junior Habs for fucks sakes, why would I cheer for a team that is grooming the squids of tomorrow??  I've only been to one Bulldogs game this year and that was because they were playing the Toronto Marlies.  Anyhoo, word emerged that the Bulldogs are going to leave Hamilton and move to St. John's for a couple of season while Laval, Quebec builds a John Labatt Centre sized arena, that would eventually be home to Montreal's AHL team (What will they call them, the Laval Frogs? The Tabernacs? The Shitty Frenchmen?)  Yeah on surface it's shitty that Hamilton would lose a team but it wouldn't be for long, rumour has it the Erie Otters of the OHL are for sale and they would move to Hamilton and will continue to be known as the Hamilton Bulldogs.  You guys that would be so much better, OHL hockey is awesome, I was a big Knights fan when I lived in London and going to games was a blast.  I don't know why Junior Hockey isn't more popular in Canada where we claim to be such a hockey crazed nation.  NCAA football and basketball is massive in the States, and there is no reason why Junior Hockey can't be here.  Sure the World Juniors get massive ratings but that's only two weeks of the year.  If the Bulldogs become an OHL team I would definitely go to a ton more games and I would follow the team closely.  I can't get behind this version of the Bulldogs because the stink of the Habs are all over them, I really hope this OHL thing happens.

Sweet thunderin' Jesus the Bills got LeSean McCoy.  The Rex Ryan era is already off to a ringing start!  Word had it that McCoy was shocked and not too pleased to be heading to Buffalo, but news came today that he signed a 5 year contract extension with the Bills.  The Bills sent Kiko Alonso the other way, which kind of sucks, but he missed the whole season last year and the Bills D hardly missed a beat without him.  I can't wait to see Shady McCoy run wild all over the shitty Patriots, no amount of cheating by that sneaky asshole Beli-shit will stop the Bills from winning the AFC East and finally making the god damned playoffs.  Yeah the QB situation is a little dicey still, but fuck it the D and McCoy will make up for it, maybe Matt Cassell can pull a miracle season out of his ass?  He did it before and it's certainly a better option than fucking Kyle Orton.

Be-still my beating heart there is baseball on my TV.  Oh my god this makes me happy, there is still snow on the ground but it's a beautiful day for baseball in sunny Dunedin Florida.  Aaron Sanchez is on the bump and the Jays line-up (with the exception of Dinner Navarro in for Russell Martin) is about what you'd expect to see on Opening Day.  It's great to hear Buck's voice again... a lot of people give Buck and Tabby a hard time but I have no problem with them at all.  Based on the success of the Jack Armstrong Drinking Game (over 500 views!) there will be the Buck and Tabby drinking game.  Some ideas are when Buck pronounces "error" as "air" or SWING AND A DRIIIIIIVE, whenever he says "fisted" any other Buck Blunders, when Tabby describes someone as "big and stroooong" or whenever they describe their playing careers in a self-depracating manner.  I just love having baseball on my TV again, even though it is still shitty Grapefruit League and half these boys will be in Buffalo and New Hampshire this season and there is still a month left of these meaningless games but as Alex Rios would say....

End this toxic Leafs season already, put us out of our misery.  I can't even watch these squids anymore, they are just so bad.  Last nights game against the Blues was one of the most pitiful games I have seen in my entire life, I was watching the end of the TFC game for christs sakes instead of the start of the Leafs game, and I couldn't even bring myself to watch the 3rd period.  The only good thing about that game was Dion Phaneuf's thunderous hit on TJ Oshie... which he got a minor penalty for after he got jumped.  That was just bizarre. Speaking of Dion Phaneuf I stood up and applauded when Phil Kessel went on his rant to the media... it is embarrassing how Dion and the rest of the Leafs are treated by Dave Feschuk, Steve Simmons and the rest of the squids that cover this team.  I know the Leafs have been nothing short of awful the last few months and they don't need smoke blown up their ass but enough is enough, the fact is Kessel and Phaneuf aren't judged so much on their play on the ice but their supposed character flaws off the ice.  Kessel hates talking to the media and is snippy when he's surrounded by 30 media dicks, so that means he's a bad guy.  Phaneuf is robotic when he talks to them, that means he's a poor leader.  Both these guys need a change of scenery and that's just too bad.  We can't have nice things, I guarantee wherever Kessel ends up next year he will be back being a top-10 scorer.  It's tough defending Phil now because he has dropped to 34th in the league in scoring, and he has been pretty awful, but  he has checked out and I don't blame him.  Phil's rant to the media on Monday brings us to.....

This weeks Squid of the Week is fucking Darren Dreger.  I hate Darren Dreger, that squid blocked me on Twitter a couple of years ago, he takes himself way too seriously and is an asshole.  He blocked me on Twitter because when the Atlanta Thrashers were moving to Winnipeg, Stephen Brunt of Sportsnet reported the news that it was a done deal.  For the next week or so Dreger went on TSN Sportscentre and on Twitter bending over backwards to try and dispute the report being all butt-hurt that he wasn't the one to break the story.  Anyways when the news was official I called him out on Twitter about it and he fucking blocked me.  Anyways when the Kessel thing happened last Tuesday he went on the radio and started bloo blooing everything and had this doozy:

Are you fist-fucking me? Who is Kessel to tell the media to their jobs?  Who the fuck are you to tell Kessel how to do his job?  You make your god damned living telling people how to do their job!  The Squid Toronto Media always carries on about accountability but who holds these squids accountable?  Plus there is the fact that Dreger's cousin is none other than Dave Nonis, I wonder who's idea it was to go on the radio and trash Kessel.  This whole hockey insider business is nonsense anyways, these squids take themselves far too seriously... hey assholes you report on hockey, a kids game played by millionaires, you're not at the fucking Kremlin reporting on world affairs.  Dreger in particular is the biggest asshole of them all, maybe even worse than Damien Cox, as with Cox I think he is just trolling us all and is trying to get a reaction, Dreger is just a dickhead.

This weeks C'Mon Bud goes once again to Rogers Hockey Night in Canada(TM).  They're trying to be cool and different with all these wacky camera angles, there was the stupid ref camera, and the one that follows the play from a higher angle, but the one that doesn't make sense is the Upskirt Camera.  C'Mon Bud do I really need to look at Nazem Kadri's junk?  It's fucking creepy and unnecessary, it looks like something you'd see on a shady porn site (not that I know anything about shady porn sites). The players must hate that camera too because they always cover it up, I don't blame them, why would you want a camera pointing up your nose?  We're really going to notice how shitty Rogers coverage is going to be come playoff time when they're the only ones covering the games, I hope for their own sake they get their shit together by then.