Official Jack Armstrong Drinking Game!

Just in time for the playoffs!!! It's the official Jack Armstrong Drinking Game... instead of a whole new post I'll just edit this one.  Jack was really fired up about the officiating last year, I don't imagine it'll change this year.

LET'S GO RAPTORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TAKE ONE DRINK IF:

Jack says:

"Hellloooooooooooooooooooo!" - Always said during the replay of a massive drunk... take an extra drink if he says "Hellloooooooooooooooo" while being aroused by the Raptors Dance Pak

"Matty D!" - He always refers to Matt Devlin as "Matty D!"

"MGD!!!!" or "BAH-CA-DI!!"- Gotta get those Sponsorship plugs in.

"GET THAT GAH-BAGE OUTTA HERE!!" Extra drink if he says "no, no, no, no, no, no" before GET THAT GAH-BAGE OUTTA HERE!

Describes the Ball as a "Rock"

Gets mad at a call - Jack is a Raptors homer and I have absolutely no problem with that, being an NBA referee is a very difficult job, but that doesn't mean they don't fuck up... A LOT.  Jack doesn't take refereeing bullshit laying down.

Concedes a good call - As much as Jack gets mad at the refs, he'll begrudgingly acknowledge a good call.

Goes off Topic/Non Basketball or Game related - This happens more often than not, he'll go on a tangent about Swiffer Sweepers, or a TV show.  You must drink 2 drinks if he goes off-topic about booze.

Refers to coaching at Niagara or Western New York in general -  Self Explanatory.

Matty D says a 3 pointer is from another city - Chuck Swirsky did this all the time, Matty D pulls it out on special occasions - you must FINISH your drink if he says the city that you are currently in.  (I've tweeted at him to say from Hamilton a bunch of times).

Overstimulated Jack - This is a judgement call for you and your friends.  He usually raises his voice a few octaves, generally leading into a commercial or after a time-out when the Raptors have gone on a run.  *NEW WRINKLE* Just like how there are flagrant 1 and flagrant 2 fouls, there is now overstimulated 1 and overstimulated 2, again it's a judgment call on what a 1 or a 2 would be... obviously a 2 requires 2 drinks.

When the Raptors are losing he says the are STUCK points

JACKSIMILIES - Jacksimilies are when he makes a random reference "sometimes you're the nail, sometimes you're the hammer" "sometimes you're the peacock, sometimes you're the duster" and so on and so forth

Camera cuts to Chuck Hayes on the bench with a pained expression.

TAKE TWO DRINKS IF:

Jack Sings - Now that the holiday season has come and gone, there is less Jack singing (he always sang "Happy Hooooolidaaaays" when Matty D was describing some Christmas ticket deal) but Jack has been known to break into song on other occasions.

Tom Sterner Intense Interview - When assistant coach Tom Sterner does an interview before the start of the second half it feels like he is staring right through the TV and into my soul.

FINISH YOUR DRINK IF:

Jack says "A little pepperoni! A little saus-seech!" - In years past the Raptors had a promotion where if they scored over 100 points and won everyone in the crowd would get a slice of pizza, the crowd started chanting "PI-ZZA!" instead of "DE-FENSE" when it was close.  When they broke 100 Jack ALWAYS said "A little pepperoni! A little saus-seech!".  Earlier in the season he did say that he went off topic (already a drink) talking about pizza, and yes he said "A little pepperoni! A little sau-seech!" I was thrilled.

One of Greg Stiemsma, Lucas "Bebe" Nogueira or Bruno Caboclo enter the game.

Tyler "The White Mamba" Hansbrough hits a 3 pointer - Last week he hit his first 3 in his 6 year career, it's a special occasion if that happens.

If they ever refer to Rod Black's mustache -  Ol' Rod hasn't had a duster in years but he rocked that look back in the day.

If Jack ever refers to the Big V pharmacy when talking about Jonas Valanciunas.  This will likely never happen so not only do you have to finish your drink but you have to open another drink and chug it.

I will add to this as the season goes, if you have any suggestions feel free to add your thought in the comments or tweet me at @HDH2112

Rex Ryan to Buffalo! The Horachek Era! More!

The Bills have had an absurd amount of head coaches come and go in the years since the great Marv Levy retired back in 1997.  The multiple combinations of head coaches and quarterbacks since Levy and Jim Kelly (who can forget the Mike Mularky/JP Losman era in '05??) is probably the main reason that the Bills haven't made the playoffs since paranoid whackos began emerging from their fall out shelters after the Y2K "scare".  I really like the hiring of noted foot fetishist Rex Ryan and I hope he sticks around for a while.  I hate the Jets, and yeah the Jets have been a joke the last couple of years, but that has more to do with the way the team was put together rather than his coaching... remember this was the guy who took the Jets to AFC Championship games with Mark fucking Sanchez at one point.  The Bills defense is already the amongst the best in the league and Rex will make it better, plus he got rid of awful Offensive Coordinator Nathanial "Can't" Hackett, so that's really an addition by subtraction.  Granted there is still question marks and quarterback and on the O-Line but the Bills defense will cover up a lot of those patches with their sheer awesomeness.  The thing I like the most about Rex Ryan isn't that he grew up in Toronto, is a Leafs fan and skipped school to see the first ever Blue Jays game at snowy Exhibition Stadium in 1977... it's that he is probably the one guy in the world who hates the New England Patriots just as much, if not more than I do.  I'm looking forward to the Rex Ryan era, at least he has a personality unlike these one and done squids they've churned out over the last 15 years.

While on the topic of football, I rebounded slightly with my picks and went a respectable 2-2 taking me to 3-5 on the post-season.  The Dallas Cowboys really got fucked over yesterday, I suppose that is a bit of karma for the Lions getting fucked over against Dallas during Wild Card Weekend.  The games were a lot better last weekend, well the Dallas/Green Bay and New England/Baltimore ones were, I was watching the Raptors during the Seattle/Carolina game and watching broken down old man Peyton Manning last night was just depressing.  Without further ado here are my picks for the Conference Final games:

GREEN BAY @ SEATTLE

WINNER:

Aaron Rodgers really impressed me yesterday, he is clearly not 100% maybe not even at 60% but 60% of Aaron Rodgers is a fuck of a lot better than most of quarterbacks in the league.  That being said, the Packers have had an awful road record this season (they lost in Buffalo for Christs sakes), and Seattle is easily one of the best home teams in the league... and they are also very, very good.  Sorry Cheeseheads, you had a good run, and a healthy Aaron Rodgers could lead you to a Super Bowl as soon as next year, but not this time.

INDIANAPOLIS @ NEW ENGLAND 

WINNER:

Fuck the Patriots.

It's only been two games but the stink of the Carlyle Era is already starting to come off of the Leafs.  Granted in the first game under Peter Horachek they lost to Washington 6-2 (one empty netter and Bernier let in some softies) but in that Washington game, and especially the Columbus game the Leafs looked a fuck of a lot better, they actually had positive puck possession, and they even out-shot their opponents! They held Columbus to 20 shots on Friday night for fucks sakes, there were plenty of games under Randy that they couldn't hold an opponent to 20 shots in a single period let alone an entire game.  The players are all obviously thrilled to have Randy out of their lives, in the picture above Horachek is wearing a Leafs Camo Hoodie which is typically given by the players to another player who had the best game after a win... so who do they give it too after Friday's domination of the Blue Jackets, none other than Horachek.  Horachek has met with all the players individually for their input, and is going to have weekly meetings with the leadership corps, he is big on having more open communication with his players which is something Randy Carlyle couldn't do because he was too busy trying to figure out how to use a toaster.  Plus Horachek is from Hamilton!! (well... Stoney Creek, but we won't hold that against him).  If Horachek works out for the rest of the year, I don't see why they can't remove the interim label, but it looks more and more like they are waiting for Mike Babcock.

I've calmed down slightly since the whole Kessel-Feschuk fiasco of last week, I still think Feschuk is a squid, anyone who aspires to be the next Damien Cox should be imprisoned.  Pension Plan Puppets had a great article on why Kessel called Feschuk an idiot and their history (for example after the Game 7 meltdown Feschuk said they should trade Kessel to free up room to sign Clarkson... thankfully they didn't trade Kessel and we've all seen how Clarkson has worked out).  Last week there was a massive fucking wank fest in the media, congratulating Feschuk for asking "the tough questions" Feschuk tooted his own horn on Off the Record and on Leafs Lunch on TSN1050... but where were these "tough questions" during Brendan Shanahan's press conference??  After pushing Dave Nonis in front of the vultures when Carlyle was first let go, Shanahan had a press conference a couple of days later, saying the same old bullshit and cliches that you would come to expect from any hockey executive not named Brian Burke.  But there wasn't any "tough questions" for Shanny... like why did you waste a half a season with a lame duck coach? Or what were you fucking thinking not firing Randy immediately following the end of last season. No it was all polite and cordial, it's great that these media vultures can pick on Phil Kessel, who clearly has some kind of social anxiety issues, but when it comes to Brendan Shanahan the questions were all soft balls.  Also why don't these media squids ever get in David Clarkson's face?  The guy is the second highest paid forward on the team and he is completely useless. I am not saying they should do that, but the media likes to pick on Kessel and as a result fans without a brain in their heads listen to these idiots and regurgitate their "hot takes" calling up the Fan 590 and in the comment sections on Facebook.  Only in Toronto where the people making big bucks and not producing get a pass while players like Kessel get shit on.

The Week Ahead: @ Los Angeles (1/12), @ Anaheim (1/14), @ San Jose (1/15), @ St. Louis (1/17).  It's the California Love road trip when I win the lottery I am definitely going to follow the team on this road trip, but since I am broke as a joke I'll have to settle for the amazing 10:30 pm start times... I fucking love West Coast games for that reason.  It'll be the first real test of the Horachek era, as all 4 teams they're facing are in the playoffs, and Anaheim has one of the top records in the league.  As long as they continue to get positive possession totals and keep the shot totals down for their opponents they will be fine.  I also think it's good for them to get out of the zoo in Toronto, sure they'll still have some of the media squids follow the team, but I imagine it'll be a breath of fresh air to get the fuck out of dodge.

The Raptors only played twice last week and we saw two starkly different versions of the team.  Let's face it the Raptors played like complete horse shit against the Hornets, the only highlight of that game was when Tyler "The White Mamba" Hansbrough hit the first 3 pointer of his career (he had been 0/15 from beyond the arc is his 6 year career thus far).  They played a fuck of a lot better against the weak Celtics to end their season long 4 game losing streak.  Last week I said DeMar DeRozan was going to return against Charlotte, but they pushed that back, and there is no word yet on when he will return... they certainly need him.  The best news for the Raptors this week is that games are finally going to be on TSN again! Which means for the first time in fucking weeks our beloved Jack Armstrong is back, so it's time to brush off the rules for the Jack Armstrong Drinking Game.  Jack has been waiting for weeks to let out a few "Helllooooooooooooooooos" and "BAH-CAH-DIS!" and "Get that Gah-Bage Outta Here!!" so if you're going to be playing along tonight make sure you have extra drinks.  I have no problem with Leo Rautins, he is a decent enough colour guy. but fuck bud you don't need to be so boring.  Plus him and Matty D get really pissy and passive aggressive with each other sometimes and it's just awkward.  Leo stick to the studio with Rod Black and let Jack take over from here.

The Week Ahead: vs. Detroit (1/12), vs. Philadelphia (1/14), vs. Atlanta (1/16), vs. New Orleans (1/18).  Should be an interesting week for the Raps, they got some decent opponents coming through the ACC.  The Pistons have pulled a '13-'14 Raptors in that they have gone red hot since trading one of their best players in Josh Smith, I read an article in a Detroit paper today on how they are looking for revenge after the Raptors beat them on their home court in front of more Raptors than Pistons fans, plus there was the whole James Johnson-Andre Drummond fiasco... let's watch that dunk again..

The 76ers are one of the worst teams in recent memory in the NBA so that should be a cake walk.  The game of the week will be the Hawks game on Friday night.  The Hawks are really good and have usurped the Raptors atop the Eastern Conference.  It should be a great game, with the Raptors hopefully showing them who's boss.  They play the Pelicans on Sunday afternoon which is right in the middle of the conference final football games... what genius decided that?  I guess that's why they invented remotes! Either way Anthony Davis, despite having the worst unibrow this side of Bert from Sesame Street is awesome and the Pelicans, despite having one of the stupidest team names in sports are a good young team on the rise in the way tougher Western Conference.  The Raps need to pick up their game defensively, and I think the return of DeMar will really help that.

You can now suscribe to this stupid blog! Just enter your e-mail to the right here and I guess you'll get a notification when a new one is published... a word of warning for those who read this for sports, I do food reviews and weekly Big Brother reviews too.  As usual give me a follow on twitter @HDH2112.

A Rare Trifecta, Jack Armstrong Drinking Game and more!!

A rare thing occurred yesterday.  A trifecta of victories amongst my teams - the Bills, Leafs and Raptors all were victorious, I don't think that has ever happened.  Because of the overlap in seasons it isn't very often 3 of my teams play on the same day, a Bills/Leafs/Raptors trifecta is especially rare as the Leafs rarely play on Sundays when the Bills always play (also it's not often the 3 teams would win in recent years).  So needless to say yesterday I was on cloud fuckin' 9.

#BUDSALLDAY

Sweet hollering fuck were the Leafs ever glorious last week.  In this blog post last week I foresaw a tough week for my beloved Maple Leafs, and said that they will need "Nelson" Bernier to be in top form to get through that.  What tough week?? They went 4-0 against those shit-heads and they got excellent goaltending from both Nelson, and James "Optimus Reim" Reimer.  I'm a fan of both Bernier and Reimer, someone accused me of being a Reimer "Nut Hugger" on Facebook last week, and yeah I am a bit of a nut-hugger I like Optimus, and I think he can flourish in a #1 role on another team, and I don't like the way that Randy Carlyle has treated him.  In the meantime I like the idea of Bernier and Reimer being a 1a and 1b... you can never have enough goaltending.  Optimus was especially lights out against the Chicken Wings last Wednesday, he was the main reason we picked up two points against those assholes.

Someone buy this shirt for me for Christmas at http://teespring.com/budsalldaybud

The other thing that I have loved about the Leafs so far this season is they FINALLY have a great puck-possessing 3rd and 4th line.  Last season that piece of shit Randy Carlyle insisted on icing 2 face-punchers a night in Colton Orr and Fraser McClaren, don't get me wrong I am not one of those anti-fighting weasels like Damien Cox, I love a good scrap, but in todays NHL you don't dress 2 goons, it is a waste of a roster spot.  Instead of those cavemen, players like Richard Panik "On the team of Carlyle", Daniel Winnik, Mike Santorelli and Leo Komarov (when healthy) have stepped up, and provided the team with great production, they need this secondary scoring especially when they have streaky players like my beloved Phil Kessel playing on the first line.  Santorelli and Panik especially have had break out years, I give Dave Nonis a lot of (deserved) shit but those were shrewd pick ups.  Buds All Day.  Buds All Fucking Day.

The Week Ahead: vs. Anaheim (12/16), @ Carolina (12/18), vs. Philadelphia (12/20), @ Chicago (12/21).  This is the last gasp of the Leafs big homestand before they're kicked out of the ACC for the World Junior Tournament.  Corey Perry has the fucking mumps so the Ducks are missing their best player, Carolina is shit and so are the Flyers, but the Blackhawks should be a tough test.  The nerds are all saying the Leafs play isn't sustainable and they'll come crashing down to earth but fuck you nerds, what have you ever done for us (besides every scientific and technological advance in history).  The Leafs play again on Sunday, what is with these Sunday games? Sunday is for football, quit trying to make Hometown Hockey a thing Rogers, nobody cares that some Jethro from Moose Jaw grew up playing hockey on an outdoor rink.  I hate that shit.

The Raptors had a good week, their only blemish being the loss to the fucking Cleveland LeBrons, they also nearly lost to the Nuggets last Monday.  The Raptors against Denver and Cleveland were being out-rebounded and out-played late in the game (what happened to We the Fourth??)  and unfortunately that cost them against the LeBrons.  They kicked the shit out of Indiana like they were supposed to, but last night in New York they still won but they looked very sluggish.  The Knicks brought their A game against the Raptors, shitty teams are always going to do that now against the Raptors, and it is up to the Raps not to play down to their level.  I think they were out partying in NYC on the Saturday night, and no I don't think that is a big fucking deal.  These kids have millions of dollars at their disposal, they're in their 20's, of course they are going to go out partying in Manhattan, I would be very disappointed in them if they didn't.  Thankfully it didn't cost them a loss like it did in LA a few weeks ago.

The Jack Armstrong Drinking Game 

I fucking love Jack Armstrong, when the Raptors were shitty and unwatchable, he was the only reason to tune into a game.  My buddy and I have come up with a Jack Armstrong drinking game, when you do this, you'll end up as drunk as he is during the broadcasts.  You must take a drink everytime Jack:

Says Helloooooooooooooo. Usually done when showing a replay of a big dunk.

Says either MGD!! or BACARDI!!!! Gotta get those sponsorship plugs in.

Says Matty D  He always refers to Matt Devlin as Matty D.

Says GET THAT GAHH-BAGE OUTTA HERE!! Always screamed during a replay of a massive block/rejection.

Complains about the Referees:  He was really losing his mind during the playoffs last year, and he was getting really pissed off over LeBron getting calls.  Our Jack does not take refereeing bullshit laying down.

Concedes a good call was made by the refs:  Usually I am up screaming at the refs when a call against the Raptors is made, but often on the replay Jack will calm me down and begrudgingly admit the refs made the correct call, maybe take two drinks when this happens because NBA refs fuck up more often than not.

Jack Sings:  This is especially prevalent during the Holiday Season, he'll sing "Silver Bells" or that bizarre "Happy Holidaaaaaaays" song when Matty D is announcing some Christmas Ticket promotion.  Thankfully he doesn't sing Bon Jovi anymore.

Goes off Topic:  Usually done when Matty D says somthing about one of the sponsors, Jack spent a good two minutes talking Swifter Sweepers a couple of weeks ago.

Mentions coaching at Niagara or being from Brooklyn.  Pretty self explanatory.

Gets Excited:  This is a judgement call for you and your friends, I've generally said this happens when he raises his voice a few octaves, he usually does this going into a commercial, but he will do it throughout the broadcast.

Says "A little pepperoni, a little sauseech" You MUST finish your drink if this happens, as this doesn't happen anymore.  In years past the Raptors would have a promotion where if they scored over 100 points and won everyone in the crowd would get a slice of pizza.  So when the Raptors would break 100 points, Jack would ALWAYS say "A little pepperoni!! A little sauseech!!" He's only said this once this season, he went off topic (so that is already a drink) talking about pizza to Matty D, and yes he did say, "a little pepperoni, a little sauseech!" This drinking game didn't exist then, but if it did I would've shot gun a beer.

The Week Ahead: vs. Orlando (12/15), vs. Brooklyn (12/17), @ Detroit (12/19), vs. New York (12/21).  Another week and another 4 match-ups against Eastern Conference shit bags.  I know this is recurring theme but the Raptors must take advantage of this light schedule, especially with DeMar DeRozan on the mend.  Game of the week for me should be the pay back against Brooklyn on Wednesday, Brooklyn no longer has Paul Pierce, but they still have Kevin Garnett who is one of the most loathsome players in the NBA.  Fuck Brooklyn!.

Perhaps I should write-off my teams more often??  In completely shocking news the Buffalo Bills upset Super Bowl favourite Green Bay.  The funny thing is the Bills offense did all they could to let the Packers back into the game, but that defense... holy fuck that defense is amazing.  For the second week in a row they have made an elite quarterback look rather pedestrian, but unfortunately for the Bills they only have a pedestrian quarterback in Kyle Orton and even shittier offensive play calling.  If it wasn't for the Special Teams (Former Ti-Cat Marcus Thigpen with the punt return TD!!) and the magical boot of Dan Carpenter, they could have well blown that defensive masterpiece.  For the first time in over a decade, heading into Week 16 the Bills are still "in the hunt" for a playoff spot.  The game that will stick out for me if they miss the playoffs was the Week 10 loss against Kansas City, we should've won that game based on the defense, but the atrocious offensive play calling led to a 17-13 defeat.  That game could be the one we'll need to get into the playoffs.

The Week Ahead: @ Oakland (12/21).  When I looked at their December schedule I assumed this was the one game that they'd win, and it is definitely a must-win if they want to still be considered in the hunt for a playoff spot.  Oakland is hot garbage, but they did beat Kansas City and San Francisco, and as the Bills proved yesterday anything is possible.  The Bills have Pittsburgh and Baltimore ahead of them in the standings, and they are tied with Kansas City and San Diego. I am not smart enough to determine what scenarios are best for the Bills, but they are going to need to win out, and it starts against Oakland on Sunday.

Well that's all for this week.  I just realized next Sunday we could see another Trifecta of victories for my team, which would be awesome because it is 12/21... reverse that and you've got 21/12.  As in @HDH2112 and 2112, my lucky number and the one the best albums of all time - Rush 2112.  I am going to try my hardest to have a post up Monday, but I might be in transit to London for the Christmas Holidays (hahaha holidays, I've been on vacation since April!), so if I don't post next week I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas!