Official Jack Armstrong Drinking Game!

Just in time for the playoffs!!! It's the official Jack Armstrong Drinking Game... instead of a whole new post I'll just edit this one.  Jack was really fired up about the officiating last year, I don't imagine it'll change this year.

LET'S GO RAPTORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TAKE ONE DRINK IF:

Jack says:

"Hellloooooooooooooooooooo!" - Always said during the replay of a massive drunk... take an extra drink if he says "Hellloooooooooooooooo" while being aroused by the Raptors Dance Pak

"Matty D!" - He always refers to Matt Devlin as "Matty D!"

"MGD!!!!" or "BAH-CA-DI!!"- Gotta get those Sponsorship plugs in.

"GET THAT GAH-BAGE OUTTA HERE!!" Extra drink if he says "no, no, no, no, no, no" before GET THAT GAH-BAGE OUTTA HERE!

Describes the Ball as a "Rock"

Gets mad at a call - Jack is a Raptors homer and I have absolutely no problem with that, being an NBA referee is a very difficult job, but that doesn't mean they don't fuck up... A LOT.  Jack doesn't take refereeing bullshit laying down.

Concedes a good call - As much as Jack gets mad at the refs, he'll begrudgingly acknowledge a good call.

Goes off Topic/Non Basketball or Game related - This happens more often than not, he'll go on a tangent about Swiffer Sweepers, or a TV show.  You must drink 2 drinks if he goes off-topic about booze.

Refers to coaching at Niagara or Western New York in general -  Self Explanatory.

Matty D says a 3 pointer is from another city - Chuck Swirsky did this all the time, Matty D pulls it out on special occasions - you must FINISH your drink if he says the city that you are currently in.  (I've tweeted at him to say from Hamilton a bunch of times).

Overstimulated Jack - This is a judgement call for you and your friends.  He usually raises his voice a few octaves, generally leading into a commercial or after a time-out when the Raptors have gone on a run.  *NEW WRINKLE* Just like how there are flagrant 1 and flagrant 2 fouls, there is now overstimulated 1 and overstimulated 2, again it's a judgment call on what a 1 or a 2 would be... obviously a 2 requires 2 drinks.

When the Raptors are losing he says the are STUCK points

JACKSIMILIES - Jacksimilies are when he makes a random reference "sometimes you're the nail, sometimes you're the hammer" "sometimes you're the peacock, sometimes you're the duster" and so on and so forth

Camera cuts to Chuck Hayes on the bench with a pained expression.

TAKE TWO DRINKS IF:

Jack Sings - Now that the holiday season has come and gone, there is less Jack singing (he always sang "Happy Hooooolidaaaays" when Matty D was describing some Christmas ticket deal) but Jack has been known to break into song on other occasions.

Tom Sterner Intense Interview - When assistant coach Tom Sterner does an interview before the start of the second half it feels like he is staring right through the TV and into my soul.

FINISH YOUR DRINK IF:

Jack says "A little pepperoni! A little saus-seech!" - In years past the Raptors had a promotion where if they scored over 100 points and won everyone in the crowd would get a slice of pizza, the crowd started chanting "PI-ZZA!" instead of "DE-FENSE" when it was close.  When they broke 100 Jack ALWAYS said "A little pepperoni! A little saus-seech!".  Earlier in the season he did say that he went off topic (already a drink) talking about pizza, and yes he said "A little pepperoni! A little sau-seech!" I was thrilled.

One of Greg Stiemsma, Lucas "Bebe" Nogueira or Bruno Caboclo enter the game.

Tyler "The White Mamba" Hansbrough hits a 3 pointer - Last week he hit his first 3 in his 6 year career, it's a special occasion if that happens.

If they ever refer to Rod Black's mustache -  Ol' Rod hasn't had a duster in years but he rocked that look back in the day.

If Jack ever refers to the Big V pharmacy when talking about Jonas Valanciunas.  This will likely never happen so not only do you have to finish your drink but you have to open another drink and chug it.

I will add to this as the season goes, if you have any suggestions feel free to add your thought in the comments or tweet me at @HDH2112

Review: King of the Pigs

Long Live the King!  After a couple of weeks of hype, we finally made our latest stop on our culinary tour of London at the King of the Pigs.  For the first time there was girls on our trip! All that meant was that I had to watch my table manners, and keep the poop and blue waffle jokes to a minimum.  There really wasn't much conversation during dinner because we were all completely focused on the deliciousness in front of us.  When we were creeping the menu online they had different Meals for 4 or 2 that had whole chickens, ribs, fries salad, and we planned on ordering that, but when we got there that wasn't an option on the menu so we all got individual meals.  When I went to the King of the Pigs years ago it was this little hole in the wall in East London with a bunch of old Portuguese guys (or as my Uncle Pat says Portu-goose) hanging out watching soccer, I think they were a little pissed off that us Newfies were invading their hang out.  Since then it's undergone some renovations and looks a lot nicer, but these greasy old Portuguese guys remain. Thankfully the food was just as good as I remember.

The meal started off with fresh bread and black olives.  The bread was awesome, it could because I was starving and that was the first thing I ate all day, but you could tell it was fresh.  As for the olives, I wasn't sure if I liked them or not and hesitated at first, but hey it turns out I like black olives, how about that.  I ordered the chicken and back ribs, as seen above.  The best part about this meal is there was not one vegetable to be seen.  The fries were crispy and hot, lots of places half ass their fries, but not KOTP, plus they had malt vinegar on the table which was a welcome bonus.  Despite being called the King of the Pigs the chicken was the star of this meal.  Don't get me wrong the ribs were good, but I have definitely had better.  I'm a bit of a rib snob because my Mom makes the best ribs in the world, so any other ribs are mere mortals.  There is your standard BBQ sauce on the ribs but the sauce on the chicken was incredible, I would bathe in this sauce if need be.  I'm at a loss at describing it, it must've been covered it olive oil and some magical dry rub was put on it.  Next time I go I am just going to get the chicken and fries.  The prices are extremely reasonable too, Bobby ordered a Chipotle chicken sandwich and fries, and it was $8 (tax included)!  A Big Mac combo sets you back $8.12 at McDonald's (yes I know the exact price with taxes for a Big Mac combo) 

BONUS REVIEW!:  After dinner we went to Boston Pizza for a few drinks and dessert and to watch the Leafs (literally) kick the snot out of the woe-begotten Sens.  For a chain Boston Pizza has really good food, I've never had a bad meal there.  Despite my size and love for food believe it or not I am not a huge dessert guy, I would choose to  have 2 dinners as opposed to a dinner and dessert.  Unfortunately for me, too much dairy makes me bloated and farty, but I do love ice cream.  This panookie from Boston Pizza was great, it was a giant warm chocolate chip cookie (tasted like a Pillsbury one) with a scoop of vanilla ice cream with some chocolate and caramel drizzled on it.  It was very good, however taking a big swig of beer right after eating ice cream is the grossest thing ever.  The Leafs-Sens game was pretty entertaining, watching that wuss on the Sens getting knocked the fuck out by Frazer McLaren in a room full of people was pretty awesome.  You don't see knock outs like that in the UFC most of the time. 

Well that's it for another review, we have a few ideas for our next stop, we're going to all you can eat pancakes at the Golden Griddle, I've never been to Tony Roma's apparently the ribs there are really good.  The Works and Relish are on the list too.  Stay tuned later tonight (or tomorrow) for my first weekly Big Brother Canada review. 

Celebrity Encounters - George Carlin & Jim Lahey

For 5 years I worked at the lovely Delta London Armouries Hotel in a variety of roles.  First off I was a dishwasher, working side by side with my main man Mohammed Kanu, then I was a breakfast porter, where I set up the breakfast buffet and would cook a mean omelet for guests.  After that I worked in room service, then I was a waiter in the Armouries Grille.  If anyone semi-famous stayed in London (next to nobody) they stayed at the Delta, for the most part when big acts came to the John Labatt Centre....errr Budweiser Gardens they would PTFO or would stay in their tour bus, which was 1000 times better than any hotel rooms in this city.  Anyhoo, I did get the opportunity to rub shoulders with some celebrities when I worked there, there was a strict policy to treat them like you would any other guest.  This was really cracked down on when K-Dawg tried his damndest to get Motley Crue's autograph.  These are the two stories that really stick out at me, I didn't include serving my all-time favourite hockey player Dougie Gilmour, because there really isn't a good story besides me walking by his table every 3 seconds with the biggest shit-eating grin on earth.  I also delivered room service to Scott Thompson, Jean Chretien, Don Cherry, Bif Naked, Sass Jordan, Sam Roberts and a bunch of other random former and current hockey players but nothing exciting came from that.  The two stories I have involve George Carlin and John Dunsworth aka Mr. Lahey.

 

George Carlin

I was pretty pumped to find out George Carlin was staying at the hotel, I love and appreciate all his stand-up comedy, on top of that Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure is one of my favourite movies of all time.  Anyways he ordered room service the night he stayed and I was so very stoked to meet him.  He gave his order directly to the Front Desk, which was unusual (aside: I still get nightmares about the Front Desk, with their asinine Rates and Favours and constantly harassing me on the walkie-talkie "Control to Room Service!! Control to Room Service!!).  He asked for a sandwich and 3 cans of Diet Coke, he was very specific about having cans, no fountain bullshit.  I don't blame him for that, pop tastes the best coming from a can.  Unfortunately, we didn't have cold Diet Coke cans ready, so I took $1.50 out of my own pocket and got him those cans from our staff vending machine.  Anyways, we were supposed to write the guests name and room number on the bill for them to sign, so I decided to pay homage to Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure and wrote "Rufus" on the bill.  So I go up to deliver his food and 3 cans of Diet Coke, and I am very nervous, without a few beers in me I tend to be a little shy.  I went into his room and dropped his food off and gave him his bill to sign, and he goes "Ahhhh I'm glad somebody recognizes Rufus", at this point I am pretty sure I muttered something about Bill and Ted's being my favourite movie.  He then signs his bill and gives me an American $10 bill and says "here go buy some fucking weed with this".  I said "Thank you Mr. Carlin, I will!" and I did...best dime bag ever.  I wish I had kept that bill with his autograph, or at least got it photocopied.  This is easily a story I will tell for the rest of my life.  RIP George Carlin.

 

John Dunsworth aka Mr. Lahey

Trailer Park Boys is easily one of my all time favourite shows.  I have quotes from that show etched in my brain and will throw them out whenever need be. One night when I was working room service I got word that Mr. Lahey and Randy were staying there.  The front desk clerk told me they came in REEEEKING of dope, pretty much like Otto's Jacket or my place at 1148 Richmond St. in University.  I was waiting all night for them to order room service, but no dice.  As usual, after our shift a few of us went to the Crabby Joe's across the street to blow all our tip money. We were just sitting there having our usual asinine conversation when all the sudden we look over and Lahey and Randy and their posse come sauntering in.  I was so pumped to see them!  We left them alone at first, then we cracked and went up and talked to them, we got a picture taken with Randy, he said "guts out boys" and we all had to lift up our shirts for the pic. I never did end up seeing that picture. Originally my plan was to only go "for one" as I had to work early the next morning, but "just one" turned into "multiple" along with a joint or 3 we went outside to smoke.  Anyways, Randy and Lahey actually tried to stay in character at first, but then I went outside to "smoke" with Lahey, and talked to him one-on-one for a good half hour to 45 minutes out of character about the show.  I wish I remember the details, but as I said booze and trees.  I do remember him being a really nice guy and I enjoyed the conversation, although I probably just sounded like a Trailer Park Boys fanboy.  Anyways, I did surprisingly make it to work the next morning, hung over as fuck, and at about 10:30 Lahey and Randy show up for breakfast,  I was portering the buffet at the time, so I went and said hello.  Mr. Lahey said he was shocked to see me there as I was absolutely shit-faced the night before.  Frankly, I was surprised that I was there myself.  Almost a year later I went visit my old room-mate and good friend Mike "Okotoks" Gaudet in Calgary, we were walking down 7th Ave. which is the big party area in Calgary.  We saw Mr. Lahey and Randy drinking on a patio, we stopped and said hello, that is when Mr. Lahey said "you're Didymus, you work at the Delta in London"  I was shocked he remembered me! We chatted for a minute or two, the picture above is one from that encounter (PS I was there during Calgary Stampede, that's why I am wearing that ridiculous cowboy hat).  About a year after that, shortly after my beloved Uncle Johnny passed (which was 5 years ago to this day - February 8th) I was sitting in the Cantata Lounge at the hotel having a beer after my shift, I had no idea that they were there that night, my old non-UWO room-mate Dave was working the bar, and he saw them and must've told him what happened and Mr. Lahey came up to me and offered his condolences. We then bro-hugged.  I haven't seen him since, I worry about him because I have heard he is actually a legit alcoholic and does have a gambling problem.  Hopefully he is over that.

Well that is my brushes with celebs, hopefully you guys enjoy reading these blogs as much as I like writing them!! I love tracking the stats on this, I'm flabbergasted that people in Germany, Saudi Arabia, and Egypt read my dumb musings.  As usual follow me on twitter @didhenley