Sunday, April 19, 2015

Raptors-Jizzards Game 1, Jays and more!


Welp, that... that wasn't very good.  Despite making a valiant fourth quarter comeback yesterday the Raptors were nothing short of awful against the Jizzards (yes I am going there...) yesterday afternoon.  All the worries everyone had about the Raptors before the playoffs while they were sputtering down the stretch manifested itself in one of the ugliest basketball games I have seen in a while.


Kyle Lowry had a terrible afternoon and fouled out of the game.  T. Ross and DeRozan were pretty bad too, the Raptors could not get any fucking rebounds and as usual settled for 3 balls and contested jump shots, at one point they had more 3 point shot attempts than free throw attempts... that's just unacceptable.  All that being said there is some positives to be taken from the game... really there is.  Lowry was awful, DeRozan was awful, they played like assholes in the 2nd and 3rd quarters, but they still managed to push the game to overtime.  Yeah then they laid a complete egg in overtime but that's beside the point, if Lowry and DeRozan can play like they can then I see them beating Old Man Pierce and the Jizzards.


There has been a lot of garbage clowns on Twitter over the course of the season that have been shitting on Coach Dwane Casey (like you squids can do a better job) some of it justified but mostly it was just hot air, but after yesterday Coach Casey can be justifiably criticized for the way he used his bench.   Where in the fuck was James Johnson?  The team couldn't rebound to save their life yet their best rebounder was nailed to the bench.  It absolutely made no sense.  James Johnson was one of the better stories in the first half of the year (when they were setting the league on fire) and in the second half when they have been struggling James Johnson has been relegated to Greg Steimsma minutes.  Casey insists that James Johnson isn't in the dog house, but the number of minutes he's been playing begs to differ.  Even Zach Lowe from Grantland tweeted out wondering where the fuck James Johnson was.  It seems as though Casey waits until between games rather than making in game adjustments.  To me it is inexcusable when they we they couldn't buy a rebound to have Johnson, Big V and the White Mamba (their best rebounders) stapled to the bench.


I'd be remiss if I didn't say that Masai Ujiri is the best.  Once again he went out to the masses in Jurassic Park yesterday and once again he said a swear saying that they "didn't give a shit about him" in reference to that geezer Paul Pierce.  Masai has turned this team around, and they are only going to get better, I still think they are going to get by Washington but most likely not much farther.  I am interested to see what he is going to do in the off-season, I am sure he has some tricks up his sleeve (and at least a hundra messages on his shitty Blackberry).

The Week Ahead: Game 2 @ Toronto (4/21), Game 3 @ Washington (4/24) What's with these stupid big gaps in between games?  It shouldn't take 2 fucking weeks to play a 7 game series.  Anyways I am fully expecting Lowry, DeRozan and the rest of the team to bounce back in Game 2 on Tuesday night, I predicted Raptors in 6 before the series and I am going to stick to that!


Welp, the Jays didn't have the best of weeks.  It's really feast or famine with this bunch so far, especially offensively.  I am not concerned about the bats, Bautista and Eddie are traditional slow starters, but Donaldson has been incredible and Martin has been showing signs of waking up out of his early season slump, they ran into some good pitching, especially against Tampa so I don't think there is anything to worry about.

The pitching is the one thing that has worried me so far, it seems when there is a decent pitching performance the bats have fallen asleep.  They've used their bullpen far too much, even today Daniel Norris only made it through 2.2 innings.  Hutch hasn't been very good and Sanchez is having some growing pains.  Dickey and Buerhle have been okay, but they need their youngsters to step it up.

Already the Garbage Clowns are calling this season a bust.  You wonder why there is a large segment of Toronto sports fans are panicky idiots.  It's because of asshole media squids like Steve Simmons who just shat out this tweet:


Are you fucking kidding me?? The season is imploding?  Every Jays talk caller and every asshole who says #FYREGABBBOBZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111 on Twitter is a fucking an garbage clown and Steve Simmons is their fearless leader.  What a complete and utter stupid thing to say.  He's the worst.

Anyways, I was at the game on Wednesday and check out these seats...


Ooooooooh fuck yeah bud, by far the best seats I have ever had at a Blue Jays game, and unlike when I sit in the 500's like usual there was a good chance that the players I was heckling actually heard the heckles.  Speaking of heckling, I pride myself on coming up with creative heckles, and so does my buddy Ando who was at the game does too.  But, there was these squids in front of us whose idea of heckling was just saying the players name over and over in a stupid voice... that's not heckling that's just being a retard.  Which brings us too....


The Squid of the Week isn't Steve Simmons, or even Mark Stone for faking that wrist injury in the Sens-Habs playoff series it was this stupid old man that made me miss Kevin Pillar's catch of the year at the game I was at.  To refresh your memory Kevin Pillar did THIS last Wednesday night...


Catch of the year eh... well as I mentioned before sitting in front of us were these ne'er do well early twenty-somethings who actually moved up a couple of rows (possibly to hear more of our hilarious heckles).  I was sitting on seat 1 right on the aisle, that's good for all involved as I drink a lot of beer and hence break the seal and piss a lot, and as far as I know it's uncouth to have a piss jug by your seat at at ball game.  Anyways there was this stupid old man talking to those squids in front of us showing all these "hilarious" novelty dollar bills he got in Miami, he just kept going and going, comepletely blocking my view of the game.  These bills were incredibly unfunny Bill Clinton on the "Sex Dollar Bill", Barack Obama had the $0 Dollar Bill, Monica Lewinsky had a milk mustache on one, he made sure that this guy got the jokes "get it?! A Milk Mustache... you know what that actual means!" this dork actually said that.

I was getting so fucking annoyed with this guy, and then while he was doing this the crowd errupts in applause.  Kevin Pillar just made the catch of the year, quite possibly one of the best catches a Blue Jay outfielder has ever made and I had to watch the replay on the Jumbotron because Old Man River was in my way.  I was about to tell him to fuck off and get out of the way before that, but I am too polite, but after I said "You made me miss the catch of the year you old fart get the fuck out of here!!!"  Anyways he left and when I was on one of my many trips to the bathroom I saw him regaling one of the ushers with the same shitty dollar bills I saw before.  I will forever be pissed off that I didn't see that catch live because of that stupid old fart.


C'Mon Bud is easy this week... C'Mon Bud goes to the fucking Edmonton Oilers for once again winning the Draft Lottery and once again are going to ruin a great young prospect.  C'Mon Bud absolutely NOBODY outside of Edmonton wanted the Oilers to get McDavid.  They're a wasteland of talent, not to mention the city of Edmonton is a wasteland itself.  How does years of management ineptitude get rewarded time after time again?  The Oilers don't deserve this... I'm not saying the Leafs deserved it (well... that would've been nice) but anyone besides fucking Edmonton.

McDavid will be squandered there, just like Eberle, Hall and Yakupov.  People keep saying Edmonton fans deserve it because they always sell out the last 10 years even though they haven't made the playoffs, yet in the same breath the shit on Leafs fans for doing the same thing.  I bet the NHL isn't pleased either having a generational talent stuck in Edmonton.  I think Connor McDavid's best bet is to pull an Eric Lindros and refuse to go to the Oilers, and then he'll get traded to the Leafs.  That's the scenerio that everybody wants.


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