Worst Play Call in NFL History, Worst Month in NHL History

Well that was the ultimate bumblefuck not only in NFL history but perhaps in the history of all of sports.  I know there is a ton of second guessing in sports, especially from arseholes like me, but Jesus H. Christ that was an all time fuck up.  Worst of all that bumblefuck caused the dreaded New England Patriots to win the Super Bowl.  Before that inexplicable play call was what could've been one of the best catches in Super Bowl history by Jermaine Kearse, but no one will remember it because it all got fucked up.  I texted my friend/nemesis Killer that Kearse's catch was the football gods punishing the Patriots for being rotten cheaters, because Seattle had that game won.  Of course karma comes and bites me in the ass because they went ahead and called a pass play on 2nd and Goal from the 1 yard line... when they have one of the best running quarterbacks in the game and they have fucking Beast Mode.

What makes matters worse is Killer and I had a bet, so now I have to have a picture of fucking Tom Brady sitting on a throne as my Facebook picture for a week, if the Seahawks weren't such dipshits he would have had Tom Brady squealing on a waterslide for a week.  The Tom Brady nut lickers don't realize that all their Super Bowl victories have either come by cheating or by complete flukes, a field goal here, a shitty play call there.  Fuck the Patriots.  All that being said the Super Bowl was very entertaining, it wasn't a shitty blow out like last year, and I liked the half time show.  The acid-trip beach sequence was pretty cool and Missy Elliott (remember her?) stole the show, any music that takes me back to my glory days of the early 2000's is good by me.  Katy Perry is gorgeous, she could sing the phone book and I would watch... even if she did look like Bam Bam Bigelow.

The best part of the Super Bowl was the food... sweet hollering fuck the food I had last night was good.  My friend Jeff can put together a feast and just like at the Grey Cup I will be doing a power rankings of the food eaten.

9.  Vegetables and Dip... vegetables are my mortal enemy so they will always be at the bottom, but they are always good to have on hand to nibble on before the main courses.  The dip was pretty good, but fuck it's still shitty vegetables.

8. Sushi Rolls... I fucking love Sushi rolls, there was a crab one with this orange sauce on it, ooooohh boy.  Best part is long after the game, I polished those bad boys off in a drunken haze, at least when you have sushi at home you don't have to pretend to know how to use chopsticks.  I've tried using chopsticks before, and believe me it's a fucking production.

7. Dave Thomas (not founder of Wendy's or Doug McKenzie) brought a roma style pizza before the game and that went quick.  I like the Roma style of pizza because it's good hot or cold.

6. Prosciutto wrapped cantaloupe with a piece of cheese on top, made by the lovely Chloe who puts up with all these meatheads invading her home constantly.  You probably had the same reaction I did when I heard this combination, but by gum it worked.  

5. Homemade Peanut Butter and M&M cookies made by Chris.  Peanut Butter cookies are my favourite and they were kicked up a significant notch with M&M's.

4. Chicken Soulvaki. Depsite the blizzard last night the BBQ was fired up and there were these delicious chicken skewers, I didn't ask what kind of spices were on the chicken, but whatever it was it was fucking good.

3. Ralphy's Tortellini... cheese tortellini with tomato sauce, very nice balance to all the meat.

2. Da'Rell's 10 Alarm Chili... You can't have a Super Bowl Party without chili and this was very good chili because there was a lot of shit in it.  There was the usual 3 pounds of beef, and there was bacon, jalapenos, green peppers.  The game changer was the corn, what a nice touch to have the sweetness of the corn in a spicy chili.

1.  Jeff's Ribs... bud.  These fucking ribs were a masterpiece.  First they were prepped and soaked in Apple Cider overnight.  Then a liberal amount of dry rub was put on it, the dry rub was your classic rub with garlic and onion powder, salt and pepper and a few notches of cayenne for heat.  Jeff had a mini-smoker so he soaked some Applewood chips in beer (the beer was sacrificed for the cause) and smoked the ribs on indirect heat on the BBQ.  After that they were painted with a delicious BBQ sauce, it was a Tony Roma's Honey Carolina mixed with PC Rib and Chicken sauce, throw in some Frank's, and a dash of "FML" Hot maple sauce and you got a sweet, tangy and spicy sauce.  These ribs sent your taste buds on one hell of a roller coaster ride, as they had a nice spicy kick to them but also had the taste of a classic BBQ sauce.   Here is a photo essay of the production:

The Raptors are on fire! Unlike that other Toronto team which we will get to in a minute.  The Raptors were a perfect 4-0 last week extending their winning streak to 6 games.  They blew significant leads against both Brooklyn and Washington, but still managed to hold them off in OT.  At least those close games were entertaining to watch, but something needs to be done about them falling apart, and I am sure that is always a point of emphasis with Dwane Casey and his coaching staff.  There is such a huge difference in my emotions watching the Raptors compared to the Leafs, the Leafs are like listening to especially moribund Morrissey, while the Raptors are like listening to Uptown Funk.  With the Raptors success Dwane Casey has finally gotten a bit of a taste what it's like to play in Toronto as he is being questioned constantly, he got a little pissy in the media saying that they are winning, yet all he is hearing is nitpicking.  Sorry Dwane welcome to fucking Toronto, Cito Gaston only won back to back World Series and his decisions were constantly thrown into question, and don't get me started on the fucking Leafs.  I think Dwane Casey is a great coach, and has done a hell of a job so far, but the one thing I do disagree with him is... why isn't the pharmacy open during crunch time??

The Pharmacy of course refers to Jonas "Big V" Valanciunas.  It seems at the end of the game he prefers having Amir Johnson and Patrick Patterson out there, of course Big V fouled out Saturday so that didn't help, but still Big V should be playing Big Minutes.  I know Big V is only 22 (Jesus Fuck I am an entire decade older than him) and they don't want to rush his development, but the time is now to give him minutes late in the game, let him learn now instead of more important games come playoff time.  The Raptors give up a lot of size putting Amir Johnson and Patrick Patterson up against other big men.  This is going to be Big V's role for years to come, and I think the time is now to start putting him in these situations.

The Week Ahead: vs. Milwaukee (2/2) vs. Brooklyn (2/4), vs. Los Angeles Clippers (2/6), vs. San Antonio (2/8).  The Raptors look to continue their winning ways against two shitty teams and two good teams.  That being said, the Bucks are a much improved team over last year so they shouldn't take them lightly, and as we saw last Friday Brooklyn can still give the Raptors a run for their money.  The game against the Clippers back in December was one of the most entertaining games I have seen all year, and perhaps the Clippers have revenge on their mind, to me that will be the game of the week.  The defending champs come in on Sunday for the first match-up of the season, this will be a good measuring stick for the Raptors as the Spurs are a team that the Raptors (and every other team in the league for that matter) should emulate.

What can you say about the Leafs that hasn't already been said about Afghanistan?  What a fucking disaster the month of January was for them.  The Leafs are just downright unwatchable now, the season has been a complete waste.  Everyone has got the notion that we're going to be bad enough to get Connor McDavid... that's not happening buds.  This horrible play is about as sustainable as their amazing play was back in November...which is not at all, they'll start scoring again eventually.  You know that they'll get hot again in late February/early March and finish just outside of the playoff picture as usual.  Hopefully Martin Gerber doesn't come in and stand on his head again.  I'm sorry but you can not tell professional athletes to "tank" these guys have been competitive all their lives whether it be hockey or a game of fucking ping pong in the locker room, they are not about to go and lose on purpose.  That being said I think it is time to tear disaster of a team down, even my beloved Phil Kessel shouldn't be untouchable.  Dave Nonis is a lame duck GM, so I don't want him making any franchise altering changes,  I doubt he is making any moves on his own and is really just a glorified scout.  Shanahan had this big to do about watching the core after Carlyle was fired and how he was going to hold them accountable... and the whole thing has gone to shit.  I can barely watch these fuckers anymore it just depresses the hell out of me.

The Week Ahead: @ Nashville (2/3), @ New Jersey (2/6), vs. Edmonton (2/7) To quote Alex Rios "Who Gives a Fuck!?"  But really if they don't curb stomp Edmonton, I don't even know anymore.

This is a new segment for the blog, it's an idea my buddy Ando came up for our podcast (which will happen eventually, I swear!!!  He'll also have to work on that Twitter).  Basically it is the blunder of the week, while it would be easy enough to say that the Pete Carroll decision to throw on 2nd and Goal on the 1 should warrant the first C'Mon Bud, this week it will have to go to Leafs goaltender Jonathan Bernier for this did-saster.

Jesus Christ Bernier what in the fuck was that... the thing is he was playing a decent game up until that point and then proceeded to fall apart like a Chinese Motorcycle.  If James Reimer let in that goal he would've been crucified and poor April Reimer would not be able to check her phone or twitter for a month.  I still have faith in Bernier but he is slowly turning into Vesa Toskala 2.0.  Ugh.

Kessel the Best, Raps Back on Track, Deflate-Gate

Due to the god-forsaken All-Star Game the Leafs only played two games last week, and they lost both thus continuing Death Spiral v. 4.0  The All-Star Break couldn't have come at a better time for the boys, hopefully they got some rest and got their heads screwed on straight being away from Toronto and the vultures in the media for a few days.  I barely watched any of the All-Star coverage... I rarely do in any of the sports because it's garbage, the players don't want to be there, the game itself is horse shit, plus all the leagues have taken to creating atrocious uniforms for the occasion.  This years NHL All-Star jerseys looked like some bootleg moto-cross bullshit you'd find on the shelves of your local Bi-Way.  All that being said, a great thing happened at the Fantasy Draft last Friday.  "Team Foligno" picked first (on an aside, I know he plays for Columbus and that's where the game is but I guarantee 95% of sports fans said what the fuck is a Team Foligno, way to go NHL) and he picked Blue Jacket teammate Ryan Johansen... fair enough I guess, get a cheap pop from the home crowd.  Then Team Toews picked next, and he went and picked the one and only Phil Kessel, and then proclaimed that he picked him because he is "very coachable".  I stood up and applauded when I heard that... It got a chuckle out of ol' Philly Blunt, plus he didn't have to endure the humiliation of getting picked last.  Also in my opinion Toews did that as a big 'Fuck You!' to Wrong Wilson, Dave Feschuk and the rest of the fucking squids in the Toronto media.  These guys are all tight and they probably see the shit that Kessel is getting put through in Toronto and feel bad for him.  Speaking of Feschuk, being called an idiot by Kessel is probably the best thing to happen in his shitty little career.  I'm not sure if he has been on TSN SportsCentre for a while, because I boycotted TSN SportsCentre for a couple of years, and I only started watching it again because I loathe the Sportsnet Hockey Panel (except Elliote Friedman) but this squid has popped up on SportsCentre shitting out his horrible opinions, on you guessed it Phil Kessel.  It's the usual bullshit he's been spewing since Kessel has showed up in Toronto... "They need to trade Kessel, he is fat, he can't play defense, who cares if he scores goals I want to be a contrarian arsehole in order to get more exposure and line my own wallet bloo bloo bloo let me call James Reimers sweet old mother at home and harass her derp derp derp."  Remember that piece of shit Feschuk wrote this book:

Only $19.67, how fucking cute.  So he hates the Leafs, he hates Kessel, I am not saying that everyone in the media should be Leafs Homers.  James Mirtle of the Globe and Mail is hard on the Leafs but his arguments make actual sense and he didn't go to the Damien Cox school of Trolling.  The Leafs have missed the playoffs in 9 of the last 10 seasons and the way things are going it looks like they won't make it again, but Phil Kessel is not the fucking problem, it's the players that have been brought in to surround Kessel.  They bring in players not based on their talent but supposed "character" and that they're "winners."  You can't fucking buy character, you can't buy winners but you can buy talent.  The Leafs have fucked up monumentally in that regard, and getting rid of an elite talent like Phil Kessel will only set them back even further.

The Week Ahead: @ New Jersey (1/28), vs. Arizona (1/29), @ Philadelphia (1/31).  On paper this could be an easy week for the Leafs, but as we all know nothing comes easy for the Leafs these days. All three of these teams are below the Leafs in the standings, so hopefully some R&R over the All-Star break did them some good and they can get back to winning, and maybe actually scoring some goals.  Let's face it the Leafs have been pretty downright unwatchable these days, defensive hockey is boring as shit, and that's what Horachek is trying to instill in these boys... just score some fucking goals already.

The Raptors went 3-1 last week and appear to be slowly but surely emerging from their mid-season funk that has dated back to New Years.  Granted they didn't look like world-beaters in beating the Bucks, 76ers and Pistons (all missing good players, or in the 76ers case are a glorified D-League team), they looked a lot better on the defensive end against the Grizzlies, but fuck they shot blanks.  They looked a lot better last night against the Pistons, DeMar is starting to shake off the rust from his injury.  I think all the hoopla surrounding getting Kyle Lowry starting on the All-Star team was a bit of a distraction... in other news thank fuck I never have to hear Matty D say "HASH TAG NBA BALLOT" ever again.  PS Congrats to Kyle on getting the start, but as we all know All-Star Games are bullshit, and I would rather him get the rest.  One thing is curious though, in the last week James Johnson has seen his playtime decrease to Bruno and Bebe levels, and I really don't understand this at all.  James Johnson was with the Raptors once before, and Dwane Casey nailed him to the bench then, citing some attitude problem, and he left the team on poor terms.  He returned to the team this year, and I thought played very well for them in the first part of the season, and his attitude has never come into question, in fact there were plenty of reports on how much it has improved.  Coach Casey insists that he's not getting benched for any disciplinary reason, or based on his play just that they are "trying new things".  Still I don't like it, James Johnson is the poor man's Lebron and I think he should be starting instead of Greivis Vasquez.  Perhaps this is just a temporary thing, Johnson is great on the boards, gets big blocks and unlike a lot of the boys recently isn't afraid to drive the lane for thunderous dunks.  Plus his nickname is Bloodsport... how cool is that?

The Week Ahead: @ Indiana (1/27), vs. Sacramento (1/28), @ Brooklyn (1/30), @ Washington (1/31).  4 game in 5 nights, with 3 on the road... Yikes.  Perhaps it is good after all that James Johnson has been resting up?  The good news is 3 of the 4 teams are sub-500 and are on the outside looking in of the playoffs.  The game of the week will be the Wizards game Saturday night, but the Brooklyn game on Friday should be good too, because I guess they are the Raptors biggest rival these days.  Fuck Brooklyn! 

I'd be remiss if I didn't bring up one of the biggest stories in the sports world, that of the New England Patriots being caught red-handed AGAIN being no good rotten cheaters.  While at the end of the day I must admit that the Patriots could've used under-inflated beach balls and still would've beaten the Colts in the AFC Title game just the optics of the whole thing stinks.  The dual press conferences held by Bill Belicheat and Tom "Uggs" Brady were dreadful.  They were both clearly lying, flames around them should've been digitally added by Channel Six.  I think they'd be better off just coming out and admitting that they purposely deflated the ball.  Belisuck had another press conference the other day where he went all physicist and he was more emphatic that they didn't do anything untoward... all of which was shot down by the smartest man on Earth Bill Nye The Science Guy.  The Patriots have a culture of cheating, there was the tuck rule, Spy-Gate, tricky plays against the Ravens and now this.  Don't tell me that this was the first week they used deflated balls, I guarantee they've done this all season, perhaps longer.  Also Patriots owner Robert Kraft (who wears the same damned suit everyday) is good friends with Roger Goodell, many have gone as far to say that Kraft is the defacto assistant commissioner, so I smell a major conflict of interest there.  Goodell is a fucking joke, he can go and bully Marshawn Lynch and not let him wear gold cleats, but he'll let the Patriots cheat under his watch.  Go ahead and deny it Brady, we have seen all the denials before - Ryan Braun, Lance Armstrong, Bill Clinton, Richard Nixon etc. and how did those turn out?  Honesty is the best policy! Tom Brady went on the radio and said his "feelings were hurt" what a fucking baby, no wonder he is afraid of waterslides.  I still maintain the Seahawks are going to win the Super Bowl, this whole thing must be a distraction for the Patriots, and now they'll be watched closely and all their cheating ways will be exposed.

That's all for this week... I thought about writing something about the whole Paul Beeston situation for the Jays but it's so fucking stupid.  "Lil'" Eddie Rogers aka Bumblefuck Eddie has made a mess of this, and has looked terrible in MLB's old boys network.  What a fucking did-saster.  Follow my man Andrew Stoeten for all the news about that.  Until next week give me a follow on twitter @HDH2112.

Welp, That Sucked.

Last week was a truly awful week in the world of sports for yours truly.  Jesus H. Christ someone wave a skunk in front of these boys because they stunk.  The Leafs and the Raptors went a combined 1-7 last week and in some cases lost in spectacular fashion.  With the history of the teams I cheer for I am plenty used to losing, but that doesn't make it feel any better when it happens.  The Leafs I have come to expect this from, but the Raptors? You were the great hope (and still are) but that 2-6 homestand really exposed some warts on the team.

Let's face it the Raptors have been pretty awful since the calendar flipped to 2015, and their losing ways continued last week when they went 1-3, only beating the woeful 76ers.  The Ryerson Royals from my HBA days when I was 11 could beat the 76ers for christs sake.  The Raptors have gone ice-cold offensively, and have seen some terrible defensive breakdowns.  The Pistons game last Tuesday was a great game to watch but a third quarter collapse allowed the Pistons to pull ahead, and a fourth quarter comeback by the Raps came up just short.   What I don't understand is why DeRozan was held out of that game, they really needed him.  They shit the bed against the Hawks and the final score against the Pelicans covered up how awful they were for most of that game.  The confidence has all but deflated with this group, T. Ross especially has been terrible, and he was stapled to the bench in the second half of the game against the Pelicans.  Do I have a solution? No not really, the Raptors are in an awful slump now, and that's to be expected, they've been a fucking great team since the Rudy Gay trade in December 2013.  They're not the 95-96 Bulls or the Show Time Lakers, they're going to lose a game or 10 along the way.  The great difference between the Leafs and the Raptors is there isn't a legion of retards ready to smash the panic button.  Where is fucking Damien Cox shitting out an click-bait ego-fluffing article saying they should trade Kyle Lowry for spare parts, is Dave Feschuk going to call up Amir Johnson's Mom for a quote? Is some squid going to throw his jersey on the court?  Yeah there was a smattering of boos at half time of the game yesterday, they scored 36 points in the half for christs sakes, what did they want? I have no problem whatsoever with booing when it's warranted.  Do they need some tinkering? Yes. I'd keep T. Ross on the bench and start James Johnson... perhaps a trade would do? Nothing major, I am not saying I know enough about the NBA landscape to know what is out there or what we can get in return, but "In Masai I Trust".  Bottom line is the Raptors play in the worst division in all of professional sports it will require a collapse of Maple Leaf proportions to cause them to miss the playoffs, would some more winning be nice? Of course, but it's a fucking slump and we're going to have to live with it, I have every confidence that they will rebound sooner rather than later.... literally. They need to get more rebounds.

The Week Ahead: @ Milwaukee (1/19), @ Memphis (1/17), @ Philadelphia (1/19), vs. Detroit (1/25).  Not exactly an easy week for the slumping Raptors, the Bucks are missing some players but they have been one of the more surprising stories of the season thus far, and could wind up being a first round playoff opponent for the Raptors.  The Grizzlies are one of the best teams in the league, and even though we beat them at home earlier this season, it will be a very tough game.  The 76ers are a joke, but the game I am looking forward to is the Pistons game next Sunday, this has quickly developed into a nice little rivalry, and a playoff series between these teams would be fun as hell to watch.  It's tough schedule but I have confidence the Raptors will get their shit together and put together a good run of games.  If they still shit the bed there is always the Jack Armstrong Drinking Game to get us through the tough times.

The Leafs... the god damned fucking Leafs.  I haven't seen such a pathetic lack of scoring since my high school days (and current days tbh).  The shitty thing is they have been playing better defensively, they could've easily won the Los Angeles and the San Jose games, a bounce here or there prevented that.  I missed the St. Louis game because I was at Monster Trucks, but from the sounds of it everything was equally bleak.  Not a single forward scored a goal last week, their only goal against the Sharks was from defenseman Roman Polak.  There is just such a terrible odor surrounding this team right now, mostly the one left over from Randy Carlyle, but still.  What can this team do right now?  Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and often times they stink.  In my asshole opinion I think they should just stay the course until the off season, yeah it sucks but what can you do.  Everyone is yelling Trade Kessel! Trade Phaneuf! Fire Everyone! Tank for McDavid! Well all that shit is easier said that done.  What I want to happen is for Clarkson to voluntarily give up the remaining 14 years of his deal or whatever that squid is signed for, and disappear forever but that ain't happening.  Trading in the NHL is way harder these days than it was pre-cap, and Kessel and Phaneuf are still very good players, and I don't want them to get the same return for them as they got with Grabovski, Kulemin and MacArthur (they got absolutely NOTHING for those players).  Save any big trades for the draft and the off-season. This is a lost season, it was a lost season the second they announced Randy Carlyle was coming back, I think Dave Nonis is going to be fired in the off season, so do I want him to make any trades that will affect the team for years to come? Fuck no. This isn't necessarily a bad team, they can still get hot and compete for a playoff spot... the goals will eventually come back, and the way they've been playing defense that will be a winning combination.

The Week Ahead: vs. Carolina (1/19), @ Ottawa (1/21).  Ugh, the All-Star game is this week? I fucking hate All-Star games, such a monumental waste of time.  The Leafs play 2 shitty teams before the break, and winning these two games will at the very least have them feel good about themselves, and I think a week off will help everyone.  I despise the Ottawa Senators, they are an abortion of a franchise who should be contracted for the good of the game.  So a solid 12-0 victory over those squids should be just what the doctor ordered for the Leafs.

I was flipping between the Raptors-Pelicans game and the NFC Championship game yesterday in a hung-over daze, and at first the NFC Championship game was pretty shitty and I was watching more of the basketball game, but that fourth quarter was easily the craziest finish to a game I have seen.  People keep saying it was the greatest comeback ever... how quickly people forget the Bills-Oilers game in 1993.  Yeah it was 22 years ago so I don't expect many to remember it, so here is a video to jog your memory.  But that ending was extremely fun to watch... unlike the Patriots-Colts game which was shit from the jump, did the Patriots really need to cheat again using deflated balls?? What a bunch of Sneaky Petes.  Anyways might as well make my Super Bowl Prediction....

A Seattle win and a Katy Perry wardrobe malfunction will make my night.  My hatred of the Patriots is no secret, but I think the Seahawks are a much better team.  Russell Wilson had the shittiest game of his career and they still managed to beat a very good Packers team.  I'm firmly on the Seahawks bandwagon for the next two weeks and I am fully expecting to see this scene again....

Followed by this...