It's not very often that something from Wendy's catches my eye, this is afterall the place that started the artisan-fication of fast food joints that has befouled the industry and set it back a solid 20 years.
I have always liked Wendy's, there was a walk-up window in London near the bars that was open until 4 am, you fucking better believe I drunkenly crushed a Baconator or two in my day. Their commercials are kind of in a grey area for me. The Wendy's spokeswoman is a bit of a bad girl and I'd split a Frosty with her anyday. At the same time those commercials are on all the fucking time and as such they grind away at your soul. I still know every word to that god damned Bacon Portabella Melt jingle (it's the best cheeseburger that brioche every held) for christs sakes. I REALLY hate the Baconator commercial - feet UP! gaaaaaaaaaaaaammeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee onnnnnnnnnnnnnnn FACE DEEP in a BACONATOR.... I don't know why but that commercial sticks in my craw.
Funnily enough I have only see a commercial for this masterpiece once, the other time I was made aware of it was on my way to work and I saw it advertised on their storefront. I am only a recent convert to spicy food, there was a point in my life where I questioned the mental sanity of people who put Frank's Red Hot on everything, nowadays it is I who puts that shit on everything commercial stereotype be damned. At my poorest I put a heaping dash or two on some Eggo Waffles and called it dinner. When it comes to the fast food game, these assholes think they can just throw a jalapeno or two on something and call it the Flamethrower or Satan's Boner and the thing barely registers heat above a fucking cinnamon heart, but the Jalapeno Fresco Spicy Chicken is different.
As I alluded to earlier this sandwich is a masterpiece, somewhere Dave Thomas is smiling. The sandwich boasts 5 levels of spiciness, and they're not lying I was sweating like Roger Ebert after one bite.
The star of the show, of course is the chicken itself, it is the regular spicy chicken breast that they have had on the menu for years. The original spicy chicken sandwich on it's own is not that spicy, but it still has a kick which is good, and it was the perfect compliment to the rest of the ingredients on the sandwich.
On the sandwich is colby pepper jack Cheese, diced jalapeno, red onion and this ghost pepper sauce. Sweet Jesus, this ghost pepper sauce was actually hot as fuck, I reviewed Popeye's Ghost Pepper Wings back in January and felt a little misled by the title, while the wings were delicious, ghost peppers are one of the spiciest peppers on Earth and the wings weren't THAT spicy. This sauce was different. Holy shit it was spicy, but so fucking delicious. Wendy's could bottle that shit and I'd buy it, I imagine putting that on some nachos would be a home run. Last but not least the bun itself was a layer of spiciness as it was a red jalapeno bun. I have long maintained that a bun makes or breaks a good sandwich, and this bun lived up to the high exectations of the rest of the sandwich. I can't tell if the bun itself was spicy or not because I was mopping up the sweat from my eyebrows due to that ghost pepper sauce.
This sandwich ranks high on my power rankings of best things I have eaten at a fast food restaurant and I would certainly order it again. It's a nut hair shy of $10 which is pricy but I am resigned to the fact that anywhere you go for a combo with fries and pop you're staring at $10 or so. The drink from Wendy's was gigantic too, Jesus Christ I thought I ordered a medium but it was the size of a small swimming pool. I would certainly recommend this for anyone willing to take their taste buds on a magical ride through spicy town...the spicy ride out the poop shoot isn't that much fun though.
Finally McDonald's has given us a new sandwich option... something that isn't a god forsaken salad or a wrap. The CBO (Chicken Bacon Onion) Sandwich was first brought to my attention when the McDonald's Canada Twitter Account (yes I follow them on Twitter, nerd alert) re-tweeted a review from Toronto Food Blogger Hubert Leung. Hubert has a great food blog, he reviews everything from fast food to hot dogs at Blue Jays games to fine dining options in Toronto. But reading his blog on the CBO I found out that there was an exclusive McDonald's "Super Fans" party launch for the CBO. Not only did they all get to try the CBO before everyone else, there was cake, an open bar the whole fucking 9! What the hell?!? Why in the fuck was I not invited to this? I love McDonald's! I defend it vigorously to the nerds that say it is made from pink gloop and cows that have cerebral palsy. I've written 6 blogs on McDonald's including a definitive power ranking of all their sandwiches. My life long dream would be to go to a McDonald's tasting party that had an open bar, me and Grimace would've been the life of the party, but I might have knocked out the Hamburglar if I saw that sneaky little asshole. Anyways, I know you were all waiting with baited breath for my review of the CBO, so I made a trip to the good ol' Dundurn and Main location today to give the CBO a whirl.
I must say the Dundurn and Main McDonald's location here in the Hammer is one of the finest I have been in, it has two floors, a play pen and the menus are all on fancy flat screen TV's. Plus it is the location I frequented growing up where I fell in love with the Golden Arches. It is certainly a hell of a lot better than the Jackson Square location, which is right down there with the Dundas and Richmond location in London as far as the scummiest McDonald's on planet Earth. Anyways the sandwich was pretty fucking awesome, it is one of the best things that McDonald's has brought out in ages. First things first the actual piece of chicken was bigger than what you would get in a McChicken, plus it was crispier. You had the option of getting a grilled chicken on it instead of crispy but who in their right mind would do that?? There was also crispy onions and bacon bits, the bacon bits were actual pieces of bacon not some crumble bullshit. I've always maintained that McDonald's produces some of the finest bacon in the fast food game, it's always perfectly cooked and crispy. The kicker was the black pepper and onion sauce, that was very good, in fact they should add that as an option for their nuggets, perhaps even as a dip for the fries. The commercials all plug this "artisan bun" but really it was a regular bun shaped like a square with a couple of onions slivers baked into the top. I am happy that it was a regular bun as I have found that McDonald's has tried to use a ciabatta bun for their fancier sandwiches and it always tastes dry and stale. The meal itself was a little on the pricey side, after taxes it came to $9.55 which is a bit ridiculous for fast food, but I guess that's pretty much the going rate for combos at any fast food joint these days, even my beloved Popeye's. Would I order it again? Of course I would it was very good, it's hard to beat the mighty Big Mac and that is still what I will order most of the time but I am glad McDonald's has finally gone back to their bread and butter with an unhealthy sandwich option. McDonald's is losing money shoving salads and wraps down our throats don't they realize......
Well that was the ultimate bumblefuck not only in NFL history but perhaps in the history of all of sports. I know there is a ton of second guessing in sports, especially from arseholes like me, but Jesus H. Christ that was an all time fuck up. Worst of all that bumblefuck caused the dreaded New England Patriots to win the Super Bowl. Before that inexplicable play call was what could've been one of the best catches in Super Bowl history by Jermaine Kearse, but no one will remember it because it all got fucked up. I texted my friend/nemesis Killer that Kearse's catch was the football gods punishing the Patriots for being rotten cheaters, because Seattle had that game won. Of course karma comes and bites me in the ass because they went ahead and called a pass play on 2nd and Goal from the 1 yard line... when they have one of the best running quarterbacks in the game and they have fucking Beast Mode.
What makes matters worse is Killer and I had a bet, so now I have to have a picture of fucking Tom Brady sitting on a throne as my Facebook picture for a week, if the Seahawks weren't such dipshits he would have had Tom Brady squealing on a waterslide for a week. The Tom Brady nut lickers don't realize that all their Super Bowl victories have either come by cheating or by complete flukes, a field goal here, a shitty play call there. Fuck the Patriots. All that being said the Super Bowl was very entertaining, it wasn't a shitty blow out like last year, and I liked the half time show. The acid-trip beach sequence was pretty cool and Missy Elliott (remember her?) stole the show, any music that takes me back to my glory days of the early 2000's is good by me. Katy Perry is gorgeous, she could sing the phone book and I would watch... even if she did look like Bam Bam Bigelow.
The best part of the Super Bowl was the food... sweet hollering fuck the food I had last night was good. My friend Jeff can put together a feast and just like at the Grey Cup I will be doing a power rankings of the food eaten.
9. Vegetables and Dip... vegetables are my mortal enemy so they will always be at the bottom, but they are always good to have on hand to nibble on before the main courses. The dip was pretty good, but fuck it's still shitty vegetables.
8. Sushi Rolls... I fucking love Sushi rolls, there was a crab one with this orange sauce on it, ooooohh boy. Best part is long after the game, I polished those bad boys off in a drunken haze, at least when you have sushi at home you don't have to pretend to know how to use chopsticks. I've tried using chopsticks before, and believe me it's a fucking production.
7. Dave Thomas (not founder of Wendy's or Doug McKenzie) brought a roma style pizza before the game and that went quick. I like the Roma style of pizza because it's good hot or cold.
6. Prosciutto wrapped cantaloupe with a piece of cheese on top, made by the lovely Chloe who puts up with all these meatheads invading her home constantly. You probably had the same reaction I did when I heard this combination, but by gum it worked.
5. Homemade Peanut Butter and M&M cookies made by Chris. Peanut Butter cookies are my favourite and they were kicked up a significant notch with M&M's.
4. Chicken Soulvaki. Depsite the blizzard last night the BBQ was fired up and there were these delicious chicken skewers, I didn't ask what kind of spices were on the chicken, but whatever it was it was fucking good.
3. Ralphy's Tortellini... cheese tortellini with tomato sauce, very nice balance to all the meat.
2. Da'Rell's 10 Alarm Chili... You can't have a Super Bowl Party without chili and this was very good chili because there was a lot of shit in it. There was the usual 3 pounds of beef, and there was bacon, jalapenos, green peppers. The game changer was the corn, what a nice touch to have the sweetness of the corn in a spicy chili.
1. Jeff's Ribs... bud. These fucking ribs were a masterpiece. First they were prepped and soaked in Apple Cider overnight. Then a liberal amount of dry rub was put on it, the dry rub was your classic rub with garlic and onion powder, salt and pepper and a few notches of cayenne for heat. Jeff had a mini-smoker so he soaked some Applewood chips in beer (the beer was sacrificed for the cause) and smoked the ribs on indirect heat on the BBQ. After that they were painted with a delicious BBQ sauce, it was a Tony Roma's Honey Carolina mixed with PC Rib and Chicken sauce, throw in some Frank's, and a dash of "FML" Hot maple sauce and you got a sweet, tangy and spicy sauce. These ribs sent your taste buds on one hell of a roller coaster ride, as they had a nice spicy kick to them but also had the taste of a classic BBQ sauce. Here is a photo essay of the production:
The Raptors are on fire! Unlike that other Toronto team which we will get to in a minute. The Raptors were a perfect 4-0 last week extending their winning streak to 6 games. They blew significant leads against both Brooklyn and Washington, but still managed to hold them off in OT. At least those close games were entertaining to watch, but something needs to be done about them falling apart, and I am sure that is always a point of emphasis with Dwane Casey and his coaching staff. There is such a huge difference in my emotions watching the Raptors compared to the Leafs, the Leafs are like listening to especially moribund Morrissey, while the Raptors are like listening to Uptown Funk. With the Raptors success Dwane Casey has finally gotten a bit of a taste what it's like to play in Toronto as he is being questioned constantly, he got a little pissy in the media saying that they are winning, yet all he is hearing is nitpicking. Sorry Dwane welcome to fucking Toronto, Cito Gaston only won back to back World Series and his decisions were constantly thrown into question, and don't get me started on the fucking Leafs. I think Dwane Casey is a great coach, and has done a hell of a job so far, but the one thing I do disagree with him is... why isn't the pharmacy open during crunch time??
The Pharmacy of course refers to Jonas "Big V" Valanciunas. It seems at the end of the game he prefers having Amir Johnson and Patrick Patterson out there, of course Big V fouled out Saturday so that didn't help, but still Big V should be playing Big Minutes. I know Big V is only 22 (Jesus Fuck I am an entire decade older than him) and they don't want to rush his development, but the time is now to give him minutes late in the game, let him learn now instead of more important games come playoff time. The Raptors give up a lot of size putting Amir Johnson and Patrick Patterson up against other big men. This is going to be Big V's role for years to come, and I think the time is now to start putting him in these situations.
The Week Ahead: vs. Milwaukee (2/2) vs. Brooklyn (2/4), vs. Los Angeles Clippers (2/6), vs. San Antonio (2/8). The Raptors look to continue their winning ways against two shitty teams and two good teams. That being said, the Bucks are a much improved team over last year so they shouldn't take them lightly, and as we saw last Friday Brooklyn can still give the Raptors a run for their money. The game against the Clippers back in December was one of the most entertaining games I have seen all year, and perhaps the Clippers have revenge on their mind, to me that will be the game of the week. The defending champs come in on Sunday for the first match-up of the season, this will be a good measuring stick for the Raptors as the Spurs are a team that the Raptors (and every other team in the league for that matter) should emulate.
What can you say about the Leafs that hasn't already been said about Afghanistan? What a fucking disaster the month of January was for them. The Leafs are just downright unwatchable now, the season has been a complete waste. Everyone has got the notion that we're going to be bad enough to get Connor McDavid... that's not happening buds. This horrible play is about as sustainable as their amazing play was back in November...which is not at all, they'll start scoring again eventually. You know that they'll get hot again in late February/early March and finish just outside of the playoff picture as usual. Hopefully Martin Gerber doesn't come in and stand on his head again. I'm sorry but you can not tell professional athletes to "tank" these guys have been competitive all their lives whether it be hockey or a game of fucking ping pong in the locker room, they are not about to go and lose on purpose. That being said I think it is time to tear disaster of a team down, even my beloved Phil Kessel shouldn't be untouchable. Dave Nonis is a lame duck GM, so I don't want him making any franchise altering changes, I doubt he is making any moves on his own and is really just a glorified scout. Shanahan had this big to do about watching the core after Carlyle was fired and how he was going to hold them accountable... and the whole thing has gone to shit. I can barely watch these fuckers anymore it just depresses the hell out of me.
The Week Ahead: @ Nashville (2/3), @ New Jersey (2/6), vs. Edmonton (2/7) To quote Alex Rios "Who Gives a Fuck!?" But really if they don't curb stomp Edmonton, I don't even know anymore.
This is a new segment for the blog, it's an idea my buddy Ando came up for our podcast (which will happen eventually, I swear!!! He'll also have to work on that Twitter). Basically it is the blunder of the week, while it would be easy enough to say that the Pete Carroll decision to throw on 2nd and Goal on the 1 should warrant the first C'Mon Bud, this week it will have to go to Leafs goaltender Jonathan Bernier for this did-saster.
Jesus Christ Bernier what in the fuck was that... the thing is he was playing a decent game up until that point and then proceeded to fall apart like a Chinese Motorcycle. If James Reimer let in that goal he would've been crucified and poor April Reimer would not be able to check her phone or twitter for a month. I still have faith in Bernier but he is slowly turning into Vesa Toskala 2.0. Ugh.
I am not a religious person by any stretch of the imagination, but when my all time favourite restaurant Popeyes decided to make one of my all time favourite foods I thought the heavens opened up and the Gods started singing to me. When Annie, the sweet yet sassy Popeyes Spokeswoman informed us all that she's cooked up some Ghost Peppers Wings I knew it was something I would have to try immediately. I braved the -30 degree with the windchill weather to get the shame train up the mountain to give these wings a go. No kind of weather can hold me back from Popeyes, it could have been a tropical earthquake for fucks sakes and I still would've gone.
I don't exercise or go to the gym, but since the Popeyes guy was named Jim that is pretty much the same thing. Once again when it comes to anything Popeyes I was not disappointed. Like with the Spice Box Chicken everything was made to order, unlike the regular chicken where they cook it batches at a time. Jim informed me that it'd be 7 minutes for my wings, I didn't care... you can't rush perfection, plus at this point I could not feel my extremities due to the ridiculously cold weather, so a chance to warm up was welcome. You got 6 wings to an order, I decided to upgrade to a combo so it came with some fries and a pop, unfortunately due to the 7 minute wait I crushed 90% of my Root Beer before my order came. This was a mistake, I needed the Root Beer because as far as temperature hot goes, these fuckers were a solid 10/10 as they were straight out of the fryer. As far as the spiciness goes, Annie you know I love you but the commercial was a little misleading when it comes to the spiciness. Ghost Peppers are one of the hottest peppers in the world and the wings, while spicy for a fast food joint and slightly spicier than the regular Spicy chicken, these were not ghost pepper spicy where you start to hallucinate. As far as spiciness in the fast food game goes, Pizza Hut Wing Street Hot are the hottest, followed by the Spicy Zinger Double Down from KFC. Hey Popeyes, you should make something like the Double Down.... fuck I am salivating at the thought of that. My only complaint was the size of the Ranch dipping sauce, it was nearly impossible to stick the wing into them, so I just ending up dipping my biscuit into it. I do regret getting the fries, while the fries are good I should've doubled up on the wings, as I could've crushed a dozen of those little fuckers no problem. Will I order these again? Absolutely, and I would recommend them to anyone.
McDonald's you need to learn a thing or two from Annie and the gang at Popeyes, what the fuck have you clowns down for us recently? As I have said a million times before quit trying to be something healthy with god forsaken salads and wraps and give us something delicious like Popeyes does, these guys want our business... do you assholes even care anymore??
I fucking love Popeyes Chicken. As soon as I had my first bite I knew then and there that Colonel Sanders was dead to me, Popeyes is Dark Side of the Moon while KFC is The Final Cut. When I lived in London there was a glut of Popeyes littered across the city, including on my bus route to work. I would frequently get off, pick up a 20 pack and eat like a King for a week (lie detector bleeps)...OK 4 days (bleep!)... 18 hours (ding! ding!). When I moved to Kingston I was shocked and appalled to discover there wasn't a single location in the city, I should've known then that it wouldn't work out for me there. Here in my beloved Hamilton there was once a Popeyes beside my old high school... why in the fuck was that not there when I was at Westdale?? I seriously would've eaten there everyday instead of Pizza Pizza or the shitty cafeteria. I am ashamed of my old high school for letting it go out of business, it was the darkest moment in Westdale history since someone went #2 on the floor of the Peer bathroom. Did I not teach those kids anything? Anyways, it requires a 15 minute walk followed by a 10 minute bus up the Mountain for me to get to the closest Popeyes on Fennel and Upper Wentworth, but it's something I am more than willing to do to get me some delicious Popeyes and I did it today to give their Spice Box Chicken a try.
I rarely stray from my 4 Piece Bonafide Combo, in fact there is a lot of stuff there I want to try, but it's such a hassle to get there, I don't want to waste a visit on fish or shrimp. When I walked into the store today I was overwhelmed by the aroma of deliciousness, and saw two heaping piles of spicy and mild bone-in chicken, being Thursday 3 pieces were on special, I was this close to going for the usual, but alas I was on a mission to review their new Spice Box Chicken for the dozen or so fans of this shitty blog. I am glad that I got the Spice Box Chicken, it was about 8 thin white chicken strips, it was made with their traditional delectable spicy breading, with a sprinkling of magical cajun dust on top. The best part is they make these to order, if I have one minor complaint about Popeyes they make a shit ton of chicken at once and it just sits under a heat lamp for god knows how long, while it would be delicious even after 48 hours under a heat lamp, the fresher the better. The real winner though is that blackened ranch dipping sauce, boy oh boy I could use a tub of that around the ol' homestead. For a paltry $4.99 it comes with a heaping helping of fries and a biscuit. The drink was extra, but I got this future family heirloom with my meal...
It's a collectible cup with Ol' Santy Claus carrying a sackful of chicken! I always knew Santa was a Popeyes fan, in fact I am sure he would prefer some chicken left out for him instead of shitty old cookies and milk. You can even leave out some biscuits for Rudolph and the rest of the reindeer! I am going to keep this cup forever, and use it at my Christmas dinner year after year, which will surely annoy my mother to no end... which makes it completely worth it!
As always I am looking for suggestions for my next place to review, my bud Tyler World Peace has suggested a few places for me to try in Toronto which I will be doing in the near future. In the meantime tweet at me @HDH2112 if you have any suggestions!
Today's review takes us way the fuck out to the middle of nowhere to the Memphis Fire BBQ Company in Winona, Ontario. Although Winona is technically a part of the City of Hamilton it might as well be in Buttfuck, Idaho... that being said it's well worth the trip to the boonies to have some of the best BBQ you will ever taste. This is the 7th place I have been to that has been featured on "You Gotta Eat Here", when they filmed at this location that nerd John Cattuchi sampled a bunch of their bizarre breakfast concoctions (coconut pineapple pancakes with a side of bratwurst sausage and beans, say whaaaaaat?) but since I tend to drag myself out of bed at the crack of noon every day there was no way I was going to make it there for breakfast, what they should have featured was their amazing dinner fare.
First up was our appetizer, a family sized portion of Ranch Fries which feature house made ranch sauce, and mountains of bacon crumble and cheese (plus some shitty green onions). These fries were amazing, and holy shit did you get a big portion, I made the rookie mistake of loading up on these fries before my main course and laboured to finish most of my dinner. I went with two buddies who share the same love of food that I do and we couldn't even finish it all.
This was my dinner, the Pulled Pork platter, the two sides are their famous smoked beans and macaroni and cheese. You had the option of getting a Pulled Pork or Brisket Sandwich with one side, or a platter with two sides. The pulled pork was fantastic, amongst the best that I have ever had, it would've been great on a sandwich with some of that slaw, but I wanted to maximize my sides. The beans were amazing too, these were cooked in their smoker and had pieces of beef brisket mixed into it. The mac and cheese on the other hand may have been the weak link of the meal, but mix some of the pork in with it and that kicks up the flavour exponentially.
The prices are pretty good, a beer, my meal and a 1/3rd of the fries plus taxes and tip only set me back about $30, which is pretty standard and I was stuffed beyond belief, I really needed a nap after eating all that food. I even took some food home with me, I am a little embarrassed by that fact as I usually never have left-overs. I had the meat sweats that night something awful, I have sweat more from meat in the last few years than from exercise that's for damn sure. I will definitely be returning, they have Fried Chicken Night on Monday-Wednesday but I have a hard time believing that anything can be better than Popeye's. I was THIS close to getting the ribs, as ribs are one of my favourite foods and the ribs are served Thursday-Sunday. I think I will be getting the ribs next time I go. It is well worth the drive to Winona!
In the world of fast food, Arby's seems to be the forgotten middle child. The most publicity they ever got was when David Puddy would always take Elaine to dinner there on Seinfeld. Look at their stupid mascot, a sleepy eyed fucking oven mitt! But, there is a damn good reason Puddy always went to Arby's, it is fucking delicious. Last weekend I went to the Richardson cottage and it is their tradition to stop in picturesque (by picturesque there was one road with a shitty strip mall, a big LCBO and a bunch of fast food joints) Lindsay, Ontario to get some delicious Arby's. On this trip I had their Beef Dip and it was fantastic.
There was a whole perfect storm of reasons why this meal was so good, first there was excitement and happiness anticipating a weekend of cottage life, second I was fucking STARVING... aaaaaand there may have been a little bit of an outside performance enhancing influence that kick started my taste buds. I am a big fan of beef dips, I will often order them when I am at a pub, and this beef dip was just as good as any I have had in a normal restaurant. The sandwich was delicious, it was on nice bread, the roast beef was good, you can't go wrong with Swiss Cheese (processed or not, who gives a fuck), but the real kicker was the "Horsey" sauce, which was basically horseradish mayonnaise. My Mom can't eat a roast beef dinner without a bit of horseradish and many others do the same, I find that practice appalling, but the horseradish mayonnaise on this beef dip really kicked up the sandwich a notch, making it even better than what it is. Plus Arby's has seasoned curlies... who doesn't like seasoned curlies?? If you haven't thought of Arby's for a lunch choice, you should think again. I would definitely recommend the beef deep, at about $10 after tax for a combo it's not too bad, way cheaper then what you'd pay at a normal restaurant for essentially the same thing. Pretty much anything on the Arby's menu is worth it!
Up next for my food reviews is Memphis Fire BBQ. I had it last night and it was unbelievably good. Look for that blog in the next couple of days!
It's about god damned time McDonald's brought us a new burger option. Obviously the Big Mac is and always will be king and I will still order it 90% of the time I get McDonald's, but they are too fucking focused on trying to become a yuppie coffee shop with frou frou salads to remember what they're in business for in the first place - delicious greasy and unhealthy burgers. The Crispy Shrimp Asian Wrap does sound intriguing but I will not be lifting my boycott of McDonald's salads and wraps anytime soon for that. I was at Union Station in Toronto the other night after a Jays game and saw the Smokey BBQ Bacon Angus Third Pounder (Jesus what a mouthful that is, say that 5 times fast) and the Buffalo Chicken Poutine being advertised in the McDonald's there. I had just eaten a big meal and it was late at night so I had no desire to try it then, so I sauntered down to shitty Jackson Square today to give both of them a try.
Before I get into the review, the McDonald's at Jackson Square here in Hamilton has started the irritating practice of having to give your first name in order for them to call it out when your meal is ready. That may not matter to 99% of you, but when your name is Didymus it is kind of annoying having to always repeat yourself... even when I just say Did. This inevitably leads to having to spell out your name, then usually some smart alec remark... people with different names know what I am talking about! I am sure there is a fucking Buzzfeed list about it. Don't get me wrong I like my unique name but sometimes it's a pain in the ass - so I usually just say my name is Gary Porter or Doug Swan or Barry Lewis.
First up is the burger. It was alright, not the best I have had. I remember having this burger in London a couple of years ago and it was way better than the one I had today. The Smokey BBQ Bacon Angus Third Pounder comes with cheese, bacon, lettuce, tomato, crispy onions and smokey BBQ sauce. They have phased out the Third Pounders, and I think it is because sometimes the patties come out dryer than a popcorn fart, and today that was the case. If you look closely at the top bun that's almost a third of the burger without any sauce on it, and that was very disappointing. Here's a closer look at the complete lack of sauce:
The sauce was very good, and when I had this burger a couple of years ago, they went to town with the sauce, and I needed a shower after eating it to clean myself off. If they weren't such cheap arseholes about the sauce it would have offset the dryness of the patty and made it 100 times better. The burger was cold too, and no it wasn't because I spent 20 minutes snapping pictures of it, it was pretty cold right off the jump. I would be willing to try it again because a fresh patty and more sauce would have improved the overall quality considerably.
Next up we have the Buffalo Chicken Poutine. I am a huge chicken wing fan, and the buffalo style hot sauce on this was amongst the best that I have had, if you put this sauce on normal chicken wings you'd have yourself a winner there. It was surprisingly spicy, usually "spicy" stuff from fast food joints lacks any punch. They ask you if you want crispy or grilled chicken with it, of course I am going to get crispy, get the fuck out of here with that grilled nonsense. You get a big portion with a decent amount of cheese curds in it. Things get a little weird though because the first layer is buffalo chicken, but then the second layer is regular poutine with normal "gravy" So that was kind of bizarre, the flavours didn't really mix too much, and I don't think the gravy was necessary. When you go to New York Fries for Butter Chicken Poutine or Pulled Pork Poutine they rightly don't put any gravy on it, McDonald's should have avoided putting their "gravy" on this. I would consider ordering this again, but it is a little pricey, the burger, poutine and pop set me back a whopping $12, which was a little steep for McDonald's, plus you really can't beat regular fries at McDonald's why lump a bunch of extra shit on top of it??
BONUS REVIEW!
Holy fuck the Tim Horton's Oreo Donut is a masterpiece. I couldn't believe how good this donut was, it was a chocolate donut with Oreo icing and crumbled Oreos on top. The kicker though was the white cream in the middle....OK get your white cream jokes out of the way you perverts.... but seriously whatever that goop was in the middle that tasted like Oreo frosting was amazing and I want a tub of it to spread it on toast or just eat the fucking thing with a spoon. The sad thing is I had this donut a week ago, but when I went back today they were all out. I was too heartbroken and upset to get another flavour and I walked out with my head hung low. I need to have another one of these ASAP. It's more expensive than a normal donut at $1.49 but it's worth every penny.
The Burger's Priest is something that I have wanted to try for a long time, I have heard nothing but good things from Toronto people, even that dork John Catuchi went there on "You Gotta Eat Here." I went to a matinee Blue Jays game a couple of days ago (which they lost in quite disappointing fashion), and there is a location within walking distance of SkyDome Rogers Centre. So I braved the insanity that is downtown Toronto (seriously with all the construction going on it looks like fucking Dresden circa 1945) to check it out. At first when I heard the name "The Burger's Priest" I thought these guys were big Judas Priest fans, but no, they are owned by Jesus freaks. There is what I think are Bible quotes on the wall, and there is a bunch of hour long Jesus videos on their website, the place is even closed on Sunday. Religion isn't really my cup of tea, but to each their own, as long as you aren't cramming it down peoples throats or are part of the evangelical religious right then you're OK with me!
Speaking of their website, when I was checking it out, they have a "secret menu" that you needed to answer a friggin Bible question to access (the answer is 370 days btw) so I felt kind of important ordering from this secret menu at the store... obviously everyone and their uncle knows about this secret menu and I am not important at all. I did some crowd sourcing on Twitter, and two people I trust very much with fast food decisions told me to try the "Vatican City" (again with the bloody religious shit) off the secret menu. Which was a double cheeseburger but had two grilled cheese sandwiches instead of a bun.
Sorry for the blurriness of the picture, I always feel like a massive d-bag taking a picture of my food so I snapped it pretty quickly. What a mess of delicious Kraft Single processed cheese goodness this was. I love me some cheeseburgers and this was as cheesy as most of my jokes. The beef was fresh, and it was cooked on a flat-top griddle as opposed to BBQ, I like this method better as you get a nice crust on the burger and the juices don't escape into the grille. As for the toppings it was all traditional stuff - lettuce, tomato, onion, ketchup and mustard. I am all for fancy burgers with crazy toppings like you get at The Works or Chuck's (local place here in Hamilton), but simple ingredients done right always goes over well, it's hard to fuck up what has worked for decades in the cheeseburger game. I would compare The Burger's Priest to Five Guys, both are pretty much the same idea with the burgers cooked the same way and similar toppings... Five Guys has no grilled cheese buns though! As for the price... I think Jesus himself would agree that they should lower their prices. I was warned about the price before hand and told to skip getting fries - the Vatican City burger and a can of Dr. Pepper was a whopping $15, without fries I was expecting to pay around $10, but $15 is a little steep. The burger was very filling, so I didn't need the fries, I would have felt sorry for my fellow GO Bus passengers for destroying the bathroom on the way back to Hamilton if I ate anymore Despite the price, I would most definitely return the next time I am in Toronto, or if they ever decide to expand to The Hammer.
As an avid watcher of the Food Network I love looking at Mexican food being made, when that overwhelming douchebag Guy Fieri goes to places that serve Mexican food on Diners Drive-Ins and Dives it all looks so good. Besides the occasional jaunt to Taco Bell, and my review of Quesada Mexican Grill last yearI rarely to never get Mexican food, and it seems in the last year or so burrito and taco joints have been opening up everywhere. I've been aware of Burrito Boyz in Toronto for a couple of years, I've heard nothing but good things from Toronto people I follow on Twitter, it even got Jose Bautista's endorsement. I noticed there is one here in lovely downtown Hamilton so I walked down through the usual crowd of crackheads and reprobates (note: to be fair downtown Hamilton is a lot nicer than it was when I was a kid) to check it out.... it was certainly a lot better than Taco Bell (although I still do love me some Taco Bell). By the way... doesn't that logo look like he's holding a big doobie instead of a burrito??
I went at lunch time so there was a big crowd of people standing around waiting, I wasn't sure of what the ordering procedure was so I kind of stood there like a dumbass for a couple of minutes thinking I was in some sort of line, but no I was just in a crowd of people waiting for their order... turns out you have to go to the cash register. You had a choice of quesadilla or burrito and there was a whack of meat to choose from. You can even choose to mix two, because as former Blue Jay Travis Snider taught us a few years back....
I took Snider's advice and ordered Chicken and Steak. My boy Tyler World Peace recommends the Chicken and Shrimp.... that's something to try for next time. Unlike Quesada where it is kind of an assembly line procedure, they call you up right away and ask if you "want everything" overwhelmed by the choice of toppings I panicked and said yes, good thing I'm not picky at all, the only thing I don't like is peas...why do they call them peas when they taste like poo?? Anyways looking at the ingredients online it turns out I ordered refried beans, rice, cheese, lettuce, tomato, green onion, red onion, black beans, green pepper, jalapeno, cilantro, corn, guacamole, burrito sauce and sour cream. They asked if I wanted it mild, medium or spicy... feeling a little adventurous I got spicy, so there was their XXX hot sauce on it. Everything was really good but holy fuck was it ever spicy. I crushed my Dr. Pepper half way through the burrito and I had to get a Vanilla Cone from McDonald's on the way home to put out the fire in my mouth (PS I noticed that McDonald's is selling Onion Rings now! I was too full to try it but that is something I need to check out) The price was reasonable, the price after tax for a burrito and a can of pop was a paltry $9, which is what you can expect from most fast food places, a fucking Cheesy Gordita Crunch and Fries Supreme from Taco Bell will set you back $9 and this was way better. There is Burrito Boyz all over the GTA, and there is one on Central Ave for all my friends in London. I would recommend it if you're in the mood for some Mexican food that's a step up from Taco Bell.
Now that I am back in Hamilton and have quite a bit of free time on my hand I am willing to try any other place in town. Send me some recommendations in the comments or hit me up on Twitter @HDH2112
I take the shitty bus home from work, the shame train if you will, and tonight I missed my transfer, so instead of standing around for 28 minutes like an asshole waiting for the next one I went to Tim Horton's and tried their new Crispy Chicken Sandwich, and to my surprise it was very good. Tim Horton's kind of went towards the fast food route with this, differing from the usual soups and sandwiches they offer, and I would have to say that this is one of the best things they've come out with in a while.
It's really just a basic chicken sandwich, I think sometimes less is more and simple things end up tasting the best. The chicken itself was very good, it was well seasoned, it had a nice peppery kick to it, and although I don't mind greasy it was not greasy at all. The only shitty thing on it was tomato, I have a love/hate relationship with tomatoes, and peeled them off after one bite. It also has mayo, you can't have a chicken sandwich with out mayo! They don't put much mayo on it, but there was just enough that I got some in my beard and must've looked like I had some 'other' white liquid there... and I didn't notice it was on my face until about 15 minutes later. The real winner though is the bun, with burgers and sandwiches the bun always makes it, if it's a shitty bun chances are it will be a shitty sandwich. At $6.49+tax it comes with a donut and a drink...since coffee makes me jittery and gives me a tummy ache I went for a 7UP, so the price isn't too bad. I think they had a soup combo for around $8.25 or something. By the way that donut was amazing... holy fuck, it had caramel in the middle and little crunchy Skor Bar things on top, it was the best donut I have had from Horton's in ages. All in all I would definitely order it again, I am glad Timmies is stepping up their food game, now if they work on their wait times for food, and their horrendously awful commercials they'd be set.
When I saw the commercials for the Big Boss from KFC, I was pretty excited to try it, if you're a veteran reader of this shitty blog, you know that I love Big Macs The Big Boss is basically the exact same as a Big Mac except with chicken instead of beef. I've often wondered what a Chicken Big Mac would be like, word on the street in McDonald's locations in the Caribbean and other locales sell it. I've considered asking those dorky teenagers at McDonald's to make me one, but I've been too embarrassed to ask. I suppose I could just order a couple of Junior Chickens and make it myself but seems like it would be far too much work. I'm a big fan of KFC.... even though Popeye's is 1000 times better (sidenote: they REALLY need to open a Popeye's in Kingston, I had it when I was back home in London a couple of weeks ago, and holy fuck was it ever good). As to be expected, the Colonel makes some of the best chicken sandwiches in the fast food circuit, the Big Crunch, the Zinger and especially the Double Down are all very good, but I am disappointed to report that the Big Boss failed to live up to my lofty expectations.
First we have the presentation - Good Lord, I know what you get at a fast food joint doesn't look anything like it looks on the commercials, but this is a monstrosity! It was like someone without fingers put this together, it was perhaps the most poorly put together sandwich I have ever had at a fast food restaurant. It was a pretty busy in there tonight, I think everyone in front of me ordered 20 piece buckets - it took them forever to get me my order (13 minutes to be exact - I could tell because I saw my order on their shitty little monitor), I wont fault them for that, but there is no excuse for such a half-ass constructed sandwich. The chicken patties had the traditional KFC breading we've all come to know and love, but the chicken itself was shockingly, and unpleasantly dry, it wasn't a very big piece of chicken either, compounding the dryness of the chicken was the bun, I don't know if it was stale or what but the first couple of bites was like eating chalk. Things did improve when I hit the middle and was met with some pickles, onion and sauce. Speaking of sauce, I had BARELY any sauce on mine, I couldn't tell if it was trying to be like Big Mac Sauce or mayo or what. When you get a Big Mac you usually end up with some sauce on your fingers and face, this sandwich could have used a ton more sauce to save itself from the overall blandness of it. The whole thing was kind of cold too which is never good. It was almost $10 after taxes for a combo - a little pricey, I doubt I will order it again. Overall I would have to give the Colonel an "A" for effort in trying something new, but the execution gets a D+. I'll be returning to KFC once they bring back the Zinger Double Down.
.jpg)
.jpg)
