Sunday, May 24, 2015

Mike Babcock: Our Lord and Saviour


After years of misery being a Leafs fan I can see a glimmer of light, and that light Mike Babcock eventually leading my beloved Toronto Maple Leafs to Stanley Cup glory.  It's gonna happen buds, maybe not next year, maybe not the year after that, but it's gonna happen at least 3 times during the length of Babcock's 8 year deal.


Babcock is committed to the process, and so is Shanahan, they are not going to half-ass and rush this rebuild like so many former Maple Leaf regimes have done.  Mark Hunter and Kyle Dubas are going to build a warchest of young prospects, and Mike Babcock is going to mold them into winners.  It may not be pretty in the next couple of seasons but I'd way rather watch young guys with massive amounts of potential hone their craft over the steaming pile of horseshit they iced last season.

Already Leafs fans have had to deal with the waterheads who are all "duhhhhhhh the Leafs promiss Babclock Aprel and May off for gulf" or other dunderhead jokes about "Planning the Parade".  I'll tell you what the parade IS planned and when it happens it will be the best fucking parade the world has ever seen, and I'll be there front row centre with my shirt off chugging beers.

While the Leafs were making franchise altering announcements, the shitty pathetic Ottawa Senators made an announcement of their own which brings us too this week's.......


I knew the Ottawa Senators are a joke (we all know that) but they just cemented their ineptitude when they signed the shitty Hamburglar to a three year contract.  C'Mon Bud, that guy was a flukey piece of shit who somehow had a horse shoe crammed up his ass for 25 games and they lock him up for 3 years?  The squid got benched in the playoffs too! Are the Sens aware it's a cap league??  I guess Eugene Melnyk is too busy weaseling his way to the front of the Organ donors list (sorry bed-ridden 12 year old that needs a liver transplant and has been waiting for months, this man is rich so he gets a new liver before you) to give a shit about the tire fire of an organization he owns.


The Jays... Jesus Murphs, the Jays.  I know the losing and inconsistencies suck, but for fucks sakes look at the line up they're fielding.  There is no way you should expect to win with fucking Kevin Pillar playing everyday.  I had no idea who Ezequiel Carrera or Chris Collabello were before the last two weeks.  Collabello can hit the ball but holy fuck he is fucking terrible in the field, him lumbering around right field like an asshole has cost the Blue Jays the last two games.  To be fair he isn't an outfielder, he's still listed as an infielder on the Jays' depth chart for christs sake.

It's just so fucking Blue Jays that they are finally getting good starting pitching and the bats fall asleep.  Like I said, it doesn't help that they only have 4 regulars in the line up.  This season has been frustrating as fuck, but it is still so far from over.  Reyes is coming back this week, Dinner Navarro should be back soon, fuck even Maicer Izturus could help at this point.  If you ever wonder where these mouth breathing idiots who call Jays Talk, who tweet out doom and gloom about the Jays (last weeks Squids of the Week) get their material from it is from squids in the Toronto media, which brings us to this week's



The Squid of the Week is Cathal Kelly of the Globe and Mail.  Kelly has quickly joined the ranks of the Feschuks, Simmons' and Cox's of the squid media landscape.  Remember Kelly is amongst the "TRAYDE KESSELLL" morons who call him fat, or in Kelly's case a "Coca-Cola Swilling Holy Fool".  I still don't know what that means.  Anyways Kelly shat out an article the other day saying that legacy Blue Jay Munenori Kawasaki being called up means the season is over.  Give me a fucking break.  First of all Mune is the best.  Second of all Mune is only with the team because of the absurd amount of injuries, that kind of happens when you're missing your whole middle infield and you are having infielders play in the outfield.  Squids like Cathal Kelly, Steven Simmons and Squid Sexiero just dumb down the narrative in the Toronto sports scene and are fully responsible for a generation of morons that pollute the Toronto sports landscape.

The Week Ahead: vs. Seattle (this afternoon) vs. Chicago White Sox (5/25 - 5/27), @ Minnesota (5/29 - 5/31).  Just string some fucking wins together already.  The good thing is for as mediocre as the Jays have been so far they are only 5.5 games out of first in the AL East.  The bad news is Jose Bautista is out for a couple of games after getting a cortisone shot, the good news is Jose Reyes is back tomorrow.  The Jays always seem to do well against AL Central teams, so I hope for my own sanity they can get hot and stay hot.


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